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Bones was wrong. Dakota lasted twenty-two minutes before losing his raw water, along with the remnants of a breakfast burrito, just outside the entrance to the cave complex. This unexpected obstacle was not popular with the other race participants, who ignored his assurances that his body was merely cleansing itself. When his body decided to start cleansing itself from the other end, he determined he’d had enough. A staff member drove him back to the ranch house.
“He didn’t quite make it down the post-apocalyptic highway,” Bones said to Maddock as they clambered across a pile of car tires. “Too bad. He’d have made a good warlord’s jester in the world to come.”
“Come on. That’s my brother you’re talking about,” Spenser huffed. The young woman had kept pace with them through the obstacles so far without a word of complaint, although she did have the annoying habit of occasionally talking to her “subscribers” via the GoPro. “He’s a dummy, but he’s my dummy.”
“I’d trade him in for something you can take off-road. He’s not on your level.” Bones offered the girl a hand as she clambered down a pile of old tires. She declined.
“I’m okay,” she said. “I appreciate it, but I want to see how far I can make it on my own.”
“Respect,” Bones said. He eyed the girl anew. Behind the stereotypical Southern California looks lurked a resilience he hadn’t expected from the young woman.
“She’s not your type,” Maddock said as they watched Spenser vanish in a cloud of smoke that poured from a burning truck.
“What makes you think I’d be into her?”
“Fair point. She’s female and has a pulse.”
Bones frowned. “That’s not fair. I also require that a woman have an even number of legs. But she’s cool, though. Better than her brother. I think there’s some raw material there to work with.”
“Better raw material than raw water.”
Bones quirked an eyebrow. “That almost made me grin. But you keep trying. You’ll make a funny joke someday.” He gave his friend a condescending pat on the shoulder and Maddock shoved him away.
“Let’s get moving,” Maddock said. “Lilith’s not going to make it over that wall on her own.”
“Like she’d really accept the help.”
True to form, Lilith refused assistance despite being physically unable to scale the wall in front of them.
“I’ll get it,” she said after making it two thirds of the way to the top before sliding back down the rope.
“Maybe if she had some raw water,” Jashawn mumbled.
Spenser flashed him an affronted look, then turned to Bones. “I think you should do something.”
Bones cocked his head to the side. “Why me? I’m probably the last person in this group she’d accept help from.” Lilith was prickly around everyone, but him more so than the others.
“Exactly,” Spenser said. “Sucks for you, funny for the rest of us.”
“Put it to a vote,” Jashawn said. He quickly raised his hand, followed immediately by Maddock and Spenser. “You’re it, Bones.”
“I vote no,” Bones said.
“That makes it unanimous.” Maddock smiled and inclined his head in the direction of Lilith, who was sizing up the wall for another go.
“You guys suck.”
Bones took a moment to steel himself, then sidled up to Lilith. He stood, head high, arms folded, gazing ahead, eyes slightly unfocused. Mimicking the wise Indian from a western flick was one of two ways a Native American was guaranteed to get a white person’s full attention. Sleeping with a white man’s wife was the other way, but that wasn’t an option here.
Lilith was staring at the wall with the air of a fighter who knows she’s beaten but can’t find it in herself to admit defeat.
“Here’s the deal,” he said quietly, not meeting her eye. “There’s a lot of things I know nothing about. Something I do know, from professional experience, is that obstacle courses sometimes require teamwork, and there’s nothing wrong with it.”
“I want to do it myself.”
“Look, I could make a speech but that’s not my style. All the determination in the world won’t give you the upper body strength to climb over that wall. That’s reality. You signed up for a team event, and your selfishness is holding everyone else back. So, either you let us help you or I pick your ass up and throw you over.”
Lilith rounded on him, fists clenched. Hot anger flashed in her eyes. “Selfishness?”
“And stubbornness.”
She stood like a statue for five shocked seconds, then all the tension fled from her and she let out a laugh.
“Okay, I get it. I need to be a good teammate. But for the record, if you ever pick me up without my consent, I’ll murder you in your sleep.”
Bones nodded in approval. “I’m liking you better every minute.”
The wall traversed, they next climbed a steep hill. Their feet ground the dry earth into fine powder, their footsteps stirred it up into a cloud of dust that coated their tongues and filled their nostrils. The hill was followed by another and then another. By the time they reached the next obstacle, crossing a makeshift pond on a big, rolling log, he was ready to tank the challenged just to get a dip in the water.
Fortunately, the staff had coolers on hand. The tepid water was like the nectar of the gods. Between the strenuous activity and the desert climate, it seemed impossible to keep hydrated.
Bones barely made it across the log without falling in. It was a bittersweet victory. No one else on his team managed the feat. Spenser made it almost all the way across before falling on top of Maddock, who was taking his time wading out of the pool. She managed to talk him into giving her a piggyback ride, and Bones was happy to see a genuine smile on his friend’s face. The dude had been a complete sad sack of late.
Next up was the camouflage challenge, in which contestants coated every inch of their exposed flesh in mud, which nearly proved to be Spenser’s undoing. She had put a lot of work into her look and didn’t want it ruined when they were only partway through the course.
“It’s not that I mind getting dirty, but I accepted sponsorship money from cosmetics companies and I’m not sure it’s ethical to cover it up.”
“It’s the rules,” Lilith said. “While you’re coating yourself in mud, be sure to mention that your sponsors also sell mud masks.”
Spenser apparently knew good advice when she heard it, because she dived right in, both into the mud and her narrative. As she covered her arms, legs, and face in the brown goo, she described the benefits of mud for the skin, and plugged a few of her sponsors’ products by name.
“I can’t decide if this is hot or not,” Jashawn said to Maddock and Bones.
“The mud doesn’t do it for me,” Maddock said, “but I like a girl who can think on her feet.”
“This is turning out to be the weirdest obstacle course I’ve ever run,” Bones said.
“I don’t think it’s the course,” Maddock said as they trotted toward the next challenge.
“No, what is it then?”
“Have you ever run a course with civilians in tow?” Maddock asked.
“Fair point,” Bones conceded. “At least we’ve got Jashawn. He seems to be a cut above.”
“You know, I thought so, too.” Maddock slowed to a walk.
“Did something change your mind?” Bones asked.
“Look at that.” Maddock pointed to the next obstacle, a cargo net. The young man had gotten tangled in the net and now hung upside down. Spenser and Lilith were trying to help but seemed to instead be interfering with his efforts to right himself.
“I guess we should help him out,” Maddock said.
Bones closed his eyes and let out a groan. “Civilians.”