Chapter Twenty

Oten

My lungs are working again. My breathing has returned to normal.

But the burn still rages through me.

I can no longer touch myself. My cock hurts to where if I use it again, I will injure it. There is no relief from the desire flames in my blood.

The only relief is in my mind. I remember her. I lie on the floor of my cage, an iron one that I could break if I had the will. But I cannot move. Let alone escape. Shackles chain my ankles and wrists. I grip the bars of the cage to keep my hands from accidentally reaching for my cock.

And I dream. Of her.

Except, unlike how it has been for the last few days, it’s more than just physical.

I dream of fucking her—raw and soul-wrenching in my desperation for her. Her need for me matching mine.

But there’s more.

And it’s so much worse.

I dream of being with her while not consumed with this forsaken desire. Of having hours of uninterrupted conversation with her where she tells me about her life, everything there is to know about her. And that she wants to know about me and asks me about the life of the Ssedez.

I try to resist, try to shove away those dreams and the longing it fills me with to experience them. I try to drown my thoughts in the sexual ones. But no matter how I force them away, I cannot stop thinking about knowing her—not just physically—but knowing her heart and mind as well.

I imagine her life and what it must have been, up to now. The things she must have learned as a human.

I need to deny this longing in me, to keep myself from feeling this way, to not Attach to her in heart the way I have in body. She is not Ssedez.

But I lose the battle.

I imagine what stories I would tell her of the Ssedez that she does not know, and that she is as fascinated by my stories as she was of the ones she learned from humans.

I imagine her voice, beside me.

“Oten,” she whispers in the dark. I open my eyes, hoping to see her face, but there is no light.

She strokes my cheek, and I murmur, “Are you real?”

“Yes.” She nudges between my lips with her thumb. “Open your mouth for me. I have something for you.”

I do. I will do anything she says.

She puts something on my tongue that releases a cool liquid in my mouth. The taste is vile, and I nearly cough, but she eases my mouth closed. “It will make the burning stop.”

If that’s true, it’s the sweetest thing I have ever tasted.

I feel her hand on my thigh, and I’m afraid she’ll touch my cock, which would be the most painful thing she could do to me.

I lift my manacled hands and try to push hers away.

“It’s all right,” she says. “I have something that will help.”

Then I feel something soft and smooth and cool touch my cock. I can’t help groaning a loud, low sound. The relief is instant. Whatever it is soothes my overused flesh.

Then, for the first time in far too long, my cock softens, and my erection recedes. My fangs retract into my gums with ease, and the burn subsides, a coolness weaving its way into my veins.

It relaxes me.

She brushes her lips over mine in a featherlight kiss. “I’ll come back with more as soon as I can.”

I whisper, “Thank you,” and fall asleep.

When I wake, there’s sunlight streaming through the bars of my cage. By instinct, I retreat from it, expecting the burn to curse me. But nothing comes. Nothing happens.

My body is mine again. With only my feelings.

I glance at my cock, soft and resting against my abdomen. I sigh and laugh a little.

My general brought me relief in the night.

I wonder how long it will last, whatever it is she gave me.

I wonder when she’ll come back. If she will come back.

She has to. She came for me once. She will come again. Though now she is among her humans and has her antidote, the only thing to pull her back is if she misses me. If she feels something for me.

Which my instinct says is unlikely.

But why else would she help me?

My goal should be to contact my warriors, to let them know I am alive and where I am. Then I can get back to them and lead them to the vulnerable location of the humans so we can finish them.

But that’s all secondary now. I have to know she is safe. I have to be with her.

It rips me in two to realize that being with her is more important than returning to my fellow Ssedez. I cringe against it and search myself.

There has to be a way around this. I have to get back to my mission.

But the Attachment has cemented itself within me. To leave her behind in order to set out on a mission to kill her and destroy everything she’s worked for…it is impossible.

I would have to flay myself wide open and cut out my heart to do it. And no matter how badly I want to avenge the family and loved ones who were killed all those decades ago by the Ten Systems—I want General Nem more.

It is the shock of my life. A betrayal of everything that has ever mattered to me. But that is insignificant next to how much I want her.

I cannot dwell on it. It will drive me insane.

I can only act.

I stand and go to the bars of my cage. I see the view for the first time and can hardly believe it’s real.

The jungle, the greenery I’ve become accustomed to on Fyrian is all around, but what’s front and center in my view is horrifically sublime.

The starship Origin lies at the bottom of a valley. There is carnage—the soil overturned in her wake, thousands of trees uprooted—but she is all in one piece by some miracle. Much will be salvageable in that wreckage, and obviously has been.

Behind my cage, there is a village of emergency shelters set up by Nem’s crew.

“You are a large one, aren’t you?”

I whip around, expecting to see someone outside my cage but see no one. “Who’s there?”

It comes again, low and ethereal. “You’re a prisoner, that’s obvious. But just how dangerous are you?” The voice moves as it speaks, travels down the side of my cage to the front. It’s so near, I can’t tell if it’s inside my cage.

The voice isn’t threatening, but it’s still unnerving to have no idea who is speaking.

“Reveal yourself. Who are you?”

“I won’t give up my advantage so easily.” The quip to the words is playful, the tone rasps in a way a human’s wouldn’t. I’m guessing it’s not a member of the Origin’s crew. “You first.”

I could use an ally, so I’ll play nice. “I am Oten, of the Ssedez.”

“Ot-TEhn. Ssssssedez.” The voice exaggerates my accent as though trying out the words and playing with them. “And you are a leader. I am thinking you must be. But where are your people? These humans share no love with you.” The voice floats along the front of my cage as though pacing.

“My people are elsewhere.”

“Elsewhere… Is this a place? Me thinks not.” It gets closer as though sneaking through the bars of the cage. “Answer the question. Where are you from? What planet?”

“I do not know where my people are now. I will not tell you what planet the Ssedez call home. I would die before I tell you that.” We have no desire for the Ten Systems to discover us. No other species but Ssedez can know the planet we call home.

“Why?” The voice jiggles with something that resembles humor. “Dying is a serious thing to do for such a trivial fact.”

“The safety of my people is not trivial.”

“Who are you in danger of?”

“If you do not know, then I am sorry for you.” Whoever this is, I cannot decide if they are cunning or stupid. Stupid, if they do not know the danger of the Ten Systems’ fleet.

“We are on the same side then,” the voice says with resignation. “I am Koviye of the Fellamana.” A face appears, slowly, as though layers of air peel away and reveal, well, I am not certain what I see.

There is a face, eyes, a nose, and mouth, an outline of a neck and a body. The jawlines and arching brow appear masculine. But he’s translucent. I can see the trees on the other side through him. I imitate his greeting and accent. “Koviye. Fellamana. Where are your people?”

His mouth curves upward at the corners. “Around. Why are you a captive of the human rebels?”

“Rebels?”

“They are not of the Ten Systems’ fleet, that is certain.”

“Their ship is Ten Systems. Their uniforms are Ten Systems.”

“You do not listen, Ssedez.” He lets out a frustrated sound and leans against the bars of my cage. “Their biggest worry is similar to ours. They do not want to be found. They are rebels. Don’t you think if they were truly of the fleet, there’d already be a rescue here?”

True. I do not know why I did not think of this. But if Nem was part of a rebellion, she would have told me. I think.

He continues, “I like you. You seem—what’s the word?—honoran, norable, blohoran? I learned their language in a week.”

“Honorable?” I have spent my life learning their language. You cannot study your enemy if you do not understand how they speak.

“Yes, that one! I will share with you.” Koviye becomes corporeal, or as solid as a person can look whose skin has translucent qualities. It’s like I can see into him, as though his life’s blood is visible, an iridescent blue and purple. A flowing garment covers him, one that has a similar iridescent quality of his skin. The only reason I know it’s a garment is because he runs the edges through his fingers.

There’s movement nearby and some human voices, but they move away.

“They talk of research,” he speaks softly. “Do you know about this? What kind of information would human rebels be after?”

It makes me think of Nem’s fascination with my Ssedez stories. “Could they be explorers?” If it is possible, if any of it is true, the mistake I made in attacking their ship—it is catastrophic. It would mean my actions were an act of war against a peaceful mission. No different from the ones the humans took against the Ssedez a century and a half ago.

Koviye’s eyes light up, and when I say light up, literal yellow shines from his irises, subtle, not blinding in the daylight. Though at night they would light up a forest. “This would make sense. They have many images of maps, and they are often talking of going somewhere. Though I don’t know how.” He nods toward the ship wreckage at the bottom of the valley. “Their primary worry is how to get off Fellamana.”

“Is that the name of your world?”

“What is your name for our world? Do tell.” He moves closer to me like this is delicious information.

“The Ssedez call this place Fyrian. The fire world.”

“Ah, yes. The burning. Have you had the human’s version of the topuy? You do not seem in the throes of the desidre.”

“No, I am in my own mind again. After days wandering the jungle suffering from the—desidre, you call it?”

“Days? Oh, that must have been wonderful. Did you enjoy it? Oh, wait.” He grimaces. “Were you alone? I’m sorry.”

“I was not alone. But it was not wonderful.”

“You lie.” A mischief that is clearer than the form of his body tilts the corners of his eyes. “Were you with a human? I bet it was ecstatic. I’ve been watching them. They’re so uptight.” He gives a shiver as though them being uptight is a seductive quality.

It makes me remember her, us, together and…it happens, as I thought it might never again. A warmth floods my groin. Not an erection, that would still be too painful, but thinking of her, of Nem, of what is was like to be buried in her and fucking her within an inch of her life and with all of mine—it makes me want to do it again.

Unbelievably.

It makes me miss her.

With a longing in my heart that awakens like a fierce dragon—roaring and clawing to get to her—I grab and shake the bars of my cage. “I have to get out of this thing.”

“Who?” Koviye stands in front of me, his face next to mine. “Tell me. Which human.”

“Their leader,” I say, before I should. It’s not his business who was my lover in the desidre. But I do not want to hide it. She is mine, and I want everyone to know it.

His eyes widen, and an unpleasant twist to his mouth replaces all his jovial remarks with a twinge of bitterness. “The leader? How is it that you have had the very one I’ve been watching?”

A growl rumbles through my chest. “Stop watching her. Now.” She is mine, I want to roar. But I do not. That is…not true. Though my heart and body screams that it should be.

He searches my face with eyes that see more than they should. “You’re a possessive kind, aren’t you, Ssedez? Sorry to tell you, but monogamy and the desidre do not go together. Those who are possessive on ‘Fyrian,’” he mocks the name, “they die. Don’t be one of those, Oten.”

“Die? Why would being possessive cause death?”

“The topuy you’ve taken? It feels good now, but it won’t relieve all of the desidre. Over time, you will develop an immunity to the antidote, and you will have to learn to deal with it.” A bit of evil enters his eyes. “Those who try to claim one lover on this planet will lose themselves to jealousy. Having merely one lover while living with the desidre is impossible. It will kill you.”

Spoken by someone who has never experienced the Ssedez Attachment. “And why would I die? What would kill me?”

“Not what. Who.” The look he gives me is brutal possession. Like he’s territorial over something. Like he plans to—

I slam against the bars of the cage. “She’s mine. Do not touch her!”

He laughs and leaps out of my reach. “Goodbye, Oten.” With the flash of a vindictive smile, he disappears.

“Koviye!” I shout. “I’ll kill you, motherfucker.”

“Oh, motherfucker,” he imitates the human swear, his voice sliding invisible by my ear.

I swat at him, but touch nothing.

He laughs again, farther away, outside my cage. “Don’t kill yourself.”

“Koviye!” No answer comes. I shout his name again, but he is gone.

I swear more in my own language. Clouds of anger shroud my thoughts. I have to get to Nem. I cannot let this Fellamana take her from me.

But maybe it is insanity. She is not mine. She would never agree to that. And should not. But the rationale does not change the consuming drive eating me from the inside.

The animal in me, the instinct that has Attached to her, wants to do battle, to fight and prove to Koviye and everyone that I will protect her better than anyone. I will kill anyone who gets in my way.

I could bend the bars of the cage now, break the manacles at my wrists and ankles.

No.

I close my eyes and force myself to breathe. I have heard other Ssedez talk about the irrational behavior the Attachment causes. I have seen it in action. I recognize it.

It still takes every ounce of my strength to control it. I am not an animal. I am a civilized intelligent being.

I will wait until dark then I will find her. There will be fewer humans around. Fewer chances of someone getting hurt. If what Koviye said is true, that these humans are in rebellion, they are my allies, not my enemies.

But Koviye could be lying. I hardly know if he’s real. He could be a hallucination.

I have to find Nem. Not just because Koviye is after her. But because I need her.

Because I cannot be away from her.

Because, if I really have committed a horrible crime against her people, I have to make it right.