Chapter Twenty-One

Nemona

It’s back.

I heal. It doesn’t hurt to sit or walk, and now each time I think of him, I feel it again. The desire compound is affecting me despite the antidote.

Except it’s different. It’s not a desire to just randomly fuck.

It’s a desire for him.

His body, his strength. His touch, his care.

Just him.

Oh, and his huge cock.

I wonder if it’s the same for him. The burning lust didn’t force him to do nice things for me or satisfy me amidst his own lust.

I found a record in the files, hidden in my grandmother’s private journal entries, files only I have access to. The findings are extraordinary.

A century ago during the war between us and the Ssedez, my grandmother had an affair with a male Ssedez. The irony is thrilling. Perhaps it’s in my DNA to find the Ssedez irresistible.

She left a record of her secrets where only I, her granddaughter, would be able to read them someday.

She reveals the one way a Ssedez can be killed in combat. There are other ways, mass-killing ways: fire, explosives, exposure to the vacuum of space. That’s how the Ten Systems killed most of them. Those methods are well documented. But none of those are an option against just one. My crew would never burn someone alive, even a Ssedez.

But there is one other method for killing a Ssedez one-on-one.

One only a lover would know. One my grandmother could’ve only found out from intimate experience.

I never thought about it. The one place Oten’s armor peels back. The only place there’s a seam in his natural armor, and his soft flesh beneath is exposed: the tip of his cock while aroused.

I encrypt the information, hiding it even deeper, where none of the Origin researchers will find it.

I learn other secrets—vital ones that will help me—and him. I send up thanks and gratitude to Dr. Klearuh and her fearless rebelliousness that led her to have an affair with the enemy. It makes me feel a little less crazy.

It makes me more desperate to be with him.

Outside the temporary shelter, it’s dark and quiet.

Everyone has gone to bed. I sneak around the backs of the metal shelters toward Oten’s prison. No one knows I’m out of the hospital bed, and I want it that way.

Now that my crew has found their newfound democratic system, I can’t disrupt that or go against the decision they made to execute Oten, unless I want to cause a mutiny. But even though as their general I can’t order them not to kill him, as the woman who spent days fucking and knowing all the pleasure that he and his glorious body are capable of, I can’t let him die.

I’ll find a way to convince my crew that we need to reach out to the Ssedez and make peace with them—even attempt to form an alliance against the Ten Systems. But that will take time, and I can’t risk them killing Oten between now and then.

From the shadows, an arm shoots out and comes around me. My instinct to defend, to break the arm and punch the face, is quelled by the feel of him—his armored skin.

The caress of the diamond pattern along his forearm is a comfort. I run my hands over his arms, the feel of them so strong, so durable yet smooth and sensitive at the same time.

“It’s me,” he whispers in my ear, and I turn to him, unable to stop touching his chest, his shoulders.

“They took your weapons.” I notice right away when my hands don’t touch holsters and the knives that usually crisscross his chest.

“I will find others.” He inches his hands around my waist and leans his face down to my neck. He inhales against my skin, his hands roaming my back over my uniform.

In spite of every boundary I should have against expressing it, I murmur, “I missed you.”

He moans a sound of pleasure and strokes my cheek. “And I you.” He kisses me and holds me. My arms wrap around his neck, my body pressed as close to his as I can. It’s not even about desire. It’s about wanting to be near him. About the familiarity of his touch, the surety of his presence, and the knowledge that I know above anything else—I trust him.

I thought maybe it was something that was induced by the lust. That I trusted him with my body, for him to give me pleasure. But it’s more than that.

“Do you have a plan?” I whisper.

“Step one complete.” He sighs in my ear and caresses the back of my head.

“They want to kill you.”

“Will you let them?” He thinks I have ultimate control over their actions.

I don’t. “We have to talk.”

I lead him away from the shelters to the edges of the jungle, out of the reach of the camp lights.

“Is your authority in question?” he assesses in a low voice. There’s no judgment in it, so I confess.

“While we were in the woods, they adopted a democratic system that I could never in good conscience undo. It is their right.”

His brows scrunch in confusion. “I did not think the Ten Systems knew the concept of democracy.”

“They don’t. It’s long dead. Something from ancient times. But my crew wants to try it. And so do I.”

“Even though it means they will try to kill me.”

“Yes.”

He’s silent a moment. I can’t see his face in the shadows, and I expect derision, but instead he caresses my cheek. “You are a good leader.”

“I should’ve known this is what they needed sooner, but I learn from my mistakes.”

He’s quiet a moment then says gently, “What kind of military operation are you? I never asked and should have.”

A hope sparks in me. Perhaps he might believe me, now that there’s more trust between us. “One that isn’t. We’re not military anymore.” Saying it out loud calms me. We truly escaped the Ten Systems. They still haven’t found us. We’re not at war anymore. That’s the mistake I made. “We’re explorers. Our mission is discovery.”

“You didn’t tell me.” His tone is accusatory.

“You didn’t care. You were blind to all but your rightful hatred of us. My grandmother, Dr. Klearuh, was a researcher. She headed an expedition over a century ago to study all the intelligent life in the universe.”

He snorts. “Not possible.”

“No, but a worthy crusade.”

“You expect me to believe humans did this? The same humans who sought genocide against the Ssedez? What were they looking for? More people to conquer?” His indignation pisses me off.

I grab his shoulder. “Those humans who murdered your people are gone. All of them are dead. Humans don’t live that long. Revenge against those who wronged you, at this point, is null.”

“The Ten Systems is still alive! They would do it again!” He seethes through his teeth.

“And there are those of us who would stop it. We’re in rebellion for that reason. We do not prescribe to their credo of conquering the universe.”

He pauses, his breath relaxing. “You are explorers, out to discover other forms of intelligent life?”

“Yes.”

“Peacefully?”

“Yes.” I tap his chest for emphasis.

“If this is true, then I am truly sorry.”

I stiffen. “Why?”

“I have committed murder.”