Chapter Twenty-Five

Wade’s phone vibrated in his pocket, blessedly interrupting his talk with his mother after over an hour of back-and-forth debate. After that long, going over what he’d done as specifically as he could recall, the boy had reached his limit. Her stance was unchanged, so far as Wade could tell. He was merely the victim in all this, even when he attacked Dr. Emmett, according to her.

“He was a child-molesting pervert son of a bitch, Wade,” his mother said, hitting her same notes over and over. “You should’ve gone ahead and killed him. And you should’ve done it months ago.”

His eyes widened toward her, unsure whether to find her scary ranting an endearing display of supportive motherhood. He didn’t understand her take on this, for it wasn’t how everything with the dentist during the past two months had happened. And he knew how the two months had gone. Because, unlike her, he’d been there when the relationship happened. Often without pants on. In Wade’s mind, there was no escaping death by lethal injection.

The phone vibrated again.

He looked down at the number, then turned back toward his mom.

“It’s the store,” he lied to her. “I must’ve missed my shift.”

“Wade, just ignore—” Mary started.

He put the phone to his ear and bolted from the table toward the basement, shutting the door behind him. His tell-all moment with his mother was over, and it would not start up again tonight.

“Trevor?” he asked into the receiver.

“Hi there,” the cheery guy replied.

“Dude, you just saved my life.”

“Huh?”

“You just saved me from the world’s longest bad conversation.” Wade walked down the steps and flopped down on the mattress.

“I was wondering if you wanted to grab that coffee early,” Trevor asked him. “It’s been the most hellish day.”

Wade smiled at this and said, “You’re telling me.”

Δ

Forty-five minutes later, Wade sat in downtown Waverly at Happy Donuts, watching out the window for Trevor to arrive. For two days, the guy managed to show up unexpectedly in inconvenient places. Now, with a planned meeting, Wade found it sort of amusing that Trevor was running late. Wade found Trevor to be an interesting, quirky question mark, and he didn’t seem to pose much of a threat to Wade—because Trevor didn’t know what Trevor didn’t know. Maybe this could be a positive. A friendship or a rare decent relationship, instead of a shitshow. Wade sat at his favorite coffee place and dared to hope.

Wade reconsidered himself, sitting there in a welcome moment of chill. Am I gay? he wondered. Does this mean I’m gay?

He considered the parts of the question. The literal parts involved in the question.

Wade thought about the back of Jessa’s neck when they would lie together in bed, the strawberry scent in her hair, the shape of her body.

He thought of Dr. Emmett, the feel of his mouth, the intensity of passion.

Wade took a breath. Some questions didn’t need an answer. His body chose both, so he guessed his feelings did too.

This was not the moment for a first date, yet a first date had presented itself. Wade longed for the escape. It spared him from having to think about Lydie and custody or his mother and her rantings or the dentist in his hospital bed, his head wrapped in bandages, his mind in some haze. Wade tried not to think on how much of a threat the man would pose to him once he was out of the hospital.

Dr. Emmett was going to cost Wade everything. The fear was familiar, echoing since December, but it carried more layers now.

Wade pictured Dr. Emmett getting wheeled out of the hospital by his mother, of all people, and taking an Uber straight to the police station. Wade imagined himself being tried as an adult for assault, getting his GED in prison, seeing Lydie only on sporadic weekends until she turned 20. Wade imagined the names that Rev. Lancaster would tell Lydie to call him once the truth came out, the sort of words you wouldn’t expect a minister to say. Yet Wade imagined them coming all too easily from Rev. Lancaster about the boy who “ruined his daughter.”

Wade imagined Dr. Emmett finding some new young man in his chair, how Celeste would roll her eyes at the seduction all over again but wouldn’t stop it. She’d just keep cashing paychecks and minding her business, Wade figured. The new boy would be better than Wade, less needy and better at keeping a secret. The new boy would drive some electric car, even quieter than a Prius, and Dr. Emmett would take advantage of that at every opportunity. Dr. Emmett would seduce the new one, then belittle him, then ignore him, then bring him back. Dr. Emmett would take. He would give nothing. He would manipulate someone new, and he’d be better at it while Wade rotted away in some cell.

Δ

When a cleaned-up and shiny Trevor walked into the donut shop five minutes late, muttering apologies, Wade heaved uncomfortable, unexpected sobs.

“What is it? What’s up?” Trevor asked Wade, genuinely concerned. “I’m so sorry I was late. I couldn’t pick the right shirt.”

Wade wiped his eyes with a napkin but could not easily speak. “I just—”

“Did something happen?”

“My life, I’m sorry, my life is such a mess,” Wade said.

“Did something happen with your dad?”

“What?” Wade asked, confused. “My dad?”

“Do you need to go back to the hospital?”

“No,” Wade said emphatically. “Hell no.”

Trevor looked at Wade, trying to read the situation, but Wade could see that he’d bewildered his date.

“Wade, do you want to talk about what happened just now?” Trevor asked. “You said you’d had a bad day.”

“No,” Wade replied. “Tell me about your day.”

Wade didn’t want to think about himself. He didn’t want to tell this new person about his girlfriend. Or their baby. He especially didn’t want to tell him anything about his “dad.”

“So, like, it’s almost every morning that they bug me one way or another,” Trevor explained, ripping apart an Oreo doughnut in his hand. “I can handle myself, but some days you just don’t feel like fighting, you know? I’m gonna quit eventually. But it pays better than working at some restaurant, right?”

“Sure,” Wade said, intently watching this guy’s manner. His hands would flit. He’d toss his hair. His eyes would sparkle as he talked. And he talked fast, excited for the next words to come out, even if they were about how his co-workers knocked him around. Trevor moved with grace, his voice carried a note of confidence, and no part of him seemed to be hiding. Wade envied that.

“I’ve been fighting all my life, it feels like. From the time I was a kid, my dad would try and make me into somebody I’m just not. Like, he would take me to the pool during each weekend he had custody.”

“Your parents are divorced?”

“Not now,” Trevor said. “Now, they’re married to other people. But they’re divorced from each other, if that’s what you mean. My brother and I used to shuttle between Mom’s house and Dad’s house every other weekend. Dad lived in this apartment complex up around Sandy Springs. You ever get up there?”

“Not really.”

“I swear, every divorced dad in the metro area moves to Sandy Springs, it’s kind of ridiculous,” Trevor said. “Anyway, so Dad was always trying to get me to be more athletic and stuff. But I would only do sports that he wouldn’t be remotely interested in. I took dance classes, which is why my ass looks like this now.”

“What?” Wade asked.

“Oh,” Trevor smiled. “I was just checking to see if you were paying attention. Am I talking too much? I know I can just go on.”

Wade looked at Trevor, attempted a reassuring nod like the kind he’d seen in the movies. He’d never been through something that felt like this before. Most of his dates with Dr. Emmett, the two of them never left the Prius.

“You can talk as much as you like, Trevor,” Wade said. “This is the most fun I’ve had all day.”

“Then you must not masturbate as much as I do,” Trevor replied. At that, Wade turned a bit red.

“Gotcha,” Trevor said with a smile. “So, tell me what your days are like?”

“Um,” Wade muttered, “we don’t need to talk about me.”

“Go on, dude. You’re safe with me. What, do you still live with your parents? How old are you again?”

“17.”

“So, you’re what, a senior?”

“No, a junior. I just turned 17, like, last week.”

“I remember.”

“Am I too young for you?”

“For this conversation, you mean?” Trevor asked. “I don’t card people.”

“No, I mean—”

“Wade, you don’t have to be in a hurry,” Trevor said. “We’re just getting to know each other. And I think you’re fine.”

“Just fine?”

“Actually, I think you’re really cute,” Trevor smirked. “But that’s all you’ll get out of me. Keep talking.”

“My living arrangement right now is a little bit wonky,” Wade admitted. “I’ve lived in my mom’s basement since December.”

“Why the basement? Is it a Flowers in the Attic thing?”

“Huh?” Wade asked Trevor.

“Old book reference. Sorry.”

“Oh.”

“So, anyway, why do you live in your mom’s basement? Are your parents divorced too?”

“Just since the baby,” Wade said. “No, they aren’t divorced.”

“Your mom had a baby?”

“Nope, I did,” Wade said.

“Ri-i-ight.”

“I did,” Wade explained, pulling out his phone and unlocking the front screen.

“Say what now?” Trevor asked.

Wade showed Trevor the photo on his background wallpaper, a shot of Lydie mesmerized by a mobile of giraffes and lions. “Her name is Lydie. She was born a couple days before Christmas. And Mom lets us stay in the basement.”

“You and Lydie?”

“And Jessa, who is Lydie’s mom.”

Trevor looked baffled. “Wait, what?”

“This isn’t going well, is it?”

“You have a live-in girlfriend and a baby, and you’re only 17, living in your mom’s basement?” Trevor asked.

“That’s right,” Wade said. “Is that a deal breaker?”

“It’s different,” Trevor said.

“Bad different?”

“It remains to be seen,” Trevor said.

“I’d like to be seen,” Wade said. “But I get that it’s complicated.”

He smiled and tried to pretend like he wasn’t seriously crushing on Trevor, like he didn’t care. Wade tried to make eye contact with Trevor.

And then Trevor asked something completely random, “Why do you keep calling it your mom’s basement if they aren’t divorced?”

“What do you mean?” Wade asked, taken aback. Trevor smirked.

“Your father’s just in the hospital,” Trevor said. “It’s not like he’s dead.”

Wade smiled at the weird guy. Trevor’s eyes widened at the smile but didn’t return it. After that came the missed glances between each other, the random checking of the phone. Wade watched it all pass. He felt like he could’ve waved at it as it went by. The whole date ended after an hour with Wade suggesting that Trevor call him sometime.

“Sure,” Trevor replied.