Chapter Thirty

Wade’s shift ended just after 2 p.m., and he didn’t know what to do with himself. There was no baby at home, no girlfriend watching “Riverdale” in his basement, no after-school project that he was allowed to attend, no dentist waiting to talk to him in a parking lot. His day was free. And so, free from obligation, he considered working a double shift.

But he was too tired for that. The week had exhausted him. He took out his phone and texted Trevor, “You free?”

Almost immediately, Wade saw that the text was read at 2:07 p.m., then he saw the three dots indicating that a reply was coming. And then, without payoff, the three dots just disappeared. So, Wade just got into his Prius and sat there. He considered tracking down where Lydie was, seeing her and cuddling with her. But seeing Lydie meant maybe seeing Jessa or her dad. And he didn’t want to do that.

The hole in the window was too startling. Suddenly, Wade had a problem to fix, and life was so much clearer when he had something or someone to distract him. So, he started the car up and drove until he found a body shop.

The clerk there told him that it could all be fixed by Monday, if he wanted to leave it there over the weekend.

The Prius reminded him of Dr. Emmett. He didn’t want that kind of reminder. Wade left the keys on the counter and walked outside.

Maybe it was OK to have moments where you are by yourself, Wade thought. It seemed novel. He took a breath.

Then he checked his phone to see if Trevor had written anything back yet. And Trevor had not.

Instead, Wade summoned a Lyft. For a moment, he thought about getting a coffee by himself. And then he considered going back to the hospital, sitting with Dr. Emmett for a bit and having another one of their talks. The sedation had made Max a really great listener.

But Wade set his destination for home. He put in his earbuds and listened to more of that audiobook. Even when the car arrived, Wade didn’t speak to the driver. He just listened more to that audiobook about being a positive and effective person out in the world.

The author made it sound like hard work with little reward and no clear, certain way to make life any easier.

Wade hoped to find the solution for himself. Age 17 had been absolutely terrible so far.

Δ

He walked in the front door to his house, hoping to watch TV in the living room and maybe get his mom to cook something for him. Jessa’s box was already off the porch, so Wade had dodged that bullet.

“Did Jessa bring Lydie when she got her stuff?” he asked his mom.

Mary was sitting at the kitchen table, looking intently at him under the soft lights. She pulled out a chair for him, then motioned for him to come sit down. Everything at that table lately had been so dreadful and emotional, and Wade couldn’t take another talk there.

“Can you just tell me what happened now?” he asked his mom. “Do I have to sit there again for another heart-to-heart?”

Mary’s eyes flashed with anger at her son, and Wade realized immediately he’d been too glib.

“Sorry,” he said to her.

“The dentist is dead,” she said to him curtly,

Wade looked at her, the words passing over him like Teflon.

“Did you hear me?” she asked. “The dentist died this morning.”

“Wait, what?”

“Honey, Dr. Emmett passed away.”

“But he was awake yesterday,” Wade told his mother, his voice getting smaller with every word. “You told me that he was going to make it.”

“These things sometimes take a turn for the worse,” Mary said. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop it,” Wade said, panicking. “This isn’t funny, Mom.”

“I know it isn’t.”

Wade rushed to check his phone.

“You said it happened this morning? You didn’t call me!”

“I wanted to tell you in person,” she said, her voice detached. “There wasn’t anything you could’ve done for him. Dr. Emmett just started convulsing and then faded away.”

Wade glared at her. “Are you enjoying this?”

“I haven’t enjoyed any of this,” she said to him. “But I don’t think it’s that much of a tragedy. I can’t lie about that.”

Wade trembled, caught somewhere between sadness and fear.

“What are you feeling, Wade?” his mother asked him. Both her eyes and his eyes looked to the cabinet above the refrigerator.

“I murdered him,” Wade whispered to her. “Oh my God, I murdered him.”

With that, she rose from the table and went to embrace her son.

“You’re no murderer, Wade,” she said to him. “That man was a child molester and a monster.”

“I hit him over the head, Mom. I killed him.” She hugged him. He let her.

“You didn’t.”

“How in the hell am I not a murderer, Mom? I should just turn myself in.”

“You’re not a murderer, Wade.”

“That nurse Celeste, she’s going to tell them what I did. She knows what I did. She knows about everything. Maybe if I just—Mom, how could I have done this to him?”

Mary paused, considered what to answer first.

“You’re not a murderer, Wade,” she repeated more firmly.

“I thought I loved him, Mom,” Wade said. “How could I do this to him?”

“Wade, I know you don’t believe this, but that man tricked you and manipulated you. He did what he did to you over and over to lots of boys like you.”

Wade let his mother hold him a moment. Then, he squirmed out of her grasp. He went to the kitchen counter and hoisted himself up. Mary tried to stop him.

“I’m going to take these, and I’m going to the police,” he said. “I can’t live with this.” Wade climbed up and opened the secret cabinet. The teeth were no longer there.

“Where are they?” he asked his mother.

“I took care of it,” Mary said to Wade.

“What are you talking about?” he asked her, aghast.

“You’re not a murderer, Wade,” she repeated to him, staring up at him on the counter. “I took care of it.”

His face turned white. He knew where the teeth were without having to ask her.

“That girl always wants a life like a soap opera,” Mary said to him, colder than she had ever sounded before. “If Jessa tries to take Lydie away from me, I can make her life very, very dramatic.”

Wade climbed down off the counter, his eyes glaring deep into his mother’s steely gaze.

“You can’t involve Jessa in this,” Wade said. “She doesn’t know anything about the dentist. She doesn’t know anything about what I’ve been up to. She’s never met the man before.” Mary smirked at her son.

“And that’s what she can tell the police if anyone ever starts asking questions about her boyfriend’s boyfriend,” she said. “But, for right now, everybody just thinks the man fell down.”

Wade looked at his mother, terrified of how far she was willing to go.

“Let’s just act like he fell down,” Mary said to her son, not daring to tell him anything more about her morning, not telling him how far she really went. “It would save everyone a lot of grief.”

Wade sat at the table, put his head in his hands and started crying—for Max, for himself and for the mess that he wanted so badly to be over.

“Don’t cry, Wade,” his mother said. “That man isn’t worth the trouble.”

Suddenly, Wade got up and bolted from the house. He didn’t want to be in the same room as his mother. He had to get away. He had to go anywhere. But once he reached the porch, he remembered that his Prius wasn’t in the driveway.

His phone was still inside. He was low on funds, anyway. Wade had nowhere to go, except back inside the house.

Mary’s eyes went from a glare to something warmer. He took a breath at the familiar sight. He needed his mother. He didn’t want to be without her, even if she was just as messed up as every other person he knew.

“I’m sorry about everything, Wade,” she whispered to him, pulling him into another hug.

“I’m sorry, too,” he said to her. “This was all my fault.”

She loosened her grip on him a moment.

“It’s not all on you, Wade,” she said, patting his shoulder gently. She had a weird look on her face, Wade thought. And then she continued her thought.

“Frankly, I blame the dentist for most of the trouble,” his mother said.