After our little talk, I left Odysseus on King Aeolus’s island and went back home to the Underworld.
Cerberus had always had a sense of when I was coming home, and he’d wait on the bank of the River Styx to greet me. He’d hop into my chariot, and we’d drive back to the palace together. But this time when I arrived home, that dog was nowhere to be seen, so I had to drive home solo.
“Cerbie!” I called as I walked into my palace. “Cerbie, I’m home!”
But no three-headed Guard Dog of the Underworld came running.
“Cerberus? Where are you, boy, boy, boy?” I called.
As I headed for my den, my first lieutenant, Hypnos, the god of sleep, came rushing down the hallway toward me.
“Oh, Lord Hades, am I ever glad to see you!” he cried.
I frowned. “You look terrible, Hypnos,” I said. “What’s wrong?”
“I haven’t slept a wink for three weeks!” Hypnos said. “Not since you left to drive Queen Persephone up to earth.”
“But why?” I asked.
“It’s Cerberus,” said Hypnos. “That dog won’t stop howling!”
“Well, you can’t blame a dog for missing his master,” I said as Hypnos began walking along at my side. “Did you give him the Liver Yum-Dingers I got for him?”
“He spit them out,” Hypnos said. “All three of them.”
Those dog treats had cost me a fortune. “What about the Squeaky Squirrel chewy toys?” I asked.
“He wouldn’t even look at them,” said Hypnos.
I sighed. “Cerbie, come!” I called. Not for the first time, I wished I’d taken him to obedience school when he was a little triple-headed pup.
Hypnos and I looked high and low around the palace for that dog. Finally I found him curled up under my throne.
I got down on my godly hands and knees. “Cerbie! Daddy’s home!” I said.
Each head opened one eye and closed it again.
So much for my greeting.
That dog didn’t come near me for three whole days. Finally, one night, as I opened a box of piping hot pepperoni pizza, Cerbie trotted into the den. I gave all his heads a pat, and his tummy, too, and after a triple helping of pizza, he seemed to forgive me for going off and leaving him.
But why the sudden change in Cerbie’s behavior? Was something seriously wrong with my pooch? I couldn’t figure it out.
Cerbie wasn’t my only worry. I couldn’t get my mind off Odysseus. He didn’t seem at all bothered by the fact that he’d angered the god of the seas. I figured I’d better check on him, and I went to get dressed. When Cerbie saw me in my road robe, that dog threw his heads back and gave an ichor-chilling triple howl.
“I’ll be back, Cerbie,” I yelled over the noise. “I have to go make sure Odysseus is okay,” I added, as if he could understand me. And maybe he could. Who knew?
I drove my chariot to the water taxi, and the whole way there, I could hear Cerberus yowling.
* * *
Once I was out of my kingdom, I ZIPPED to a hilltop on King Aeolus’s island. From there I caught sight of Odysseus’s men loading the twelve Greek ships.
A couple of King Aeolus’s servants were stowing what looked like a giant balloon under the bow of Odysseus’s ship. Had to be the bag that held all the winds.
Before long, the black ships sailed out of the harbor, heading for Ithaca. A steady West Wind filled their sails, just as Odysseus had said it would. At the rate they were going, I figured it would take them about ten days to get home.
I planned to check on them every day, and hang out for a while just above the ships in Hover Mode.
When we gods are astro-traveling, Hover Mode is like hitting pause. It allows us to suspend ourselves midair and observe what’s going on down below.
But I couldn’t hover 24/7, so I surprised Persephone by showing up at her little apartment in Athens. The two of us went out to dinner every night, and then sometimes I caught a match at Wrestle Dome. But every day, when Persephone went off to do her blooming work, I ZZZZZZIPPED around to see how things were going with the Greek ships.
And every day, I saw Odysseus standing at the helm of the lead ship, steering. It seemed as if he didn’t trust anyone but himself to get his fleet back home.
The West Wind kept blowing steadily, and each day the black ships sailed closer to Ithaca. I began to think that my bro Po had forgotten all about wreaking havoc on Odysseus.
On the tenth day, a crewman called, “Land ho! Ithaca!”
I wanted to be there for Odysseus’s homecoming, so I ZIPPED invisibly onto the lead ship. To my surprise, I found Odysseus stretched out in the stern, sound asleep. The poor mortal had been steering for ten days and nights. He had to be exhausted. But still, he was so close to home. Why would he take a nap now?
Just then, one of the other Greek ships pulled close to Odysseus’s craft.
A crewman from that ship glanced at the sleeping captain. Then, keeping his voice low, he said, “We’ve heard whispers of treasure hidden in that ox-hide bag.”
“Whispers that Odysseus plans to keep the treasure for himself alone,” a second crewman added.
“Odysseus has never told us what’s inside the bag,” one of Odysseus’s crewmen said. Now he, too, eyed his captain suspiciously.
Whispers? Treasures? What was going on? The hairs on the back of my godly neck began to prickle, which often happens when I sense disaster looming.
I couldn’t wake Odysseus myself, as I’d sworn not to help him directly.
Instead, I elbowed one of the crew members so that he lost his balance and tripped over the sleeping hero.
But it didn’t work. Odysseus slept on.
I watched helplessly as other black vessels pulled even with Odysseus’s ship. Men hopped aboard. They yanked the bag of winds out from under the bow and cut the ropes that held it shut.
The bag opened, and a terrible roar filled the air! Storm winds howled! Huge waves rocked the Greek ships!
Odysseus woke with a start. His ships were tilting and spinning as storm winds raged. The wild East Wind was blowing them away from Ithaca and back toward Aeolia at a terrific speed.
There was no way for me to help Odysseus now. And given that I can get seasick in a wading pool, there was no way I was sticking with him on a bucking ship.
ZZZZZZZZZZZIP!
I landed invisibly on a hill above King Aeolus’s harbor, for I feared that the winds would blow them back to where they’d started. As I waited to catch sight of the Greek ships, I wondered — had Po ordered some of his sea nymphs to whisper of secret treasure to the Greek crewman? Had Po somehow put a sleeping spell on Odysseus?
Before long, I caught sight of the black ships, all twelve of them, helpless in the force of the terrible winds. Once the ships had been blown into the harbor, the winds died down. It was eerie, the way they stopped blowing so suddenly.
An Aeolean guard called out news of the ships. King Aeolus and his people ran down to the harbor.
“Hiya, King,” called Odysseus from the lead ship. “Listen, we had a little accident. Any way you could bag up those crazy winds again?”
“I will not!” cried the King of the Winds. “You must be cursed by some god to have lost my precious host gift and be blown back here!”
King Aeolus had that right. Po was really letting the poor mortal have it!
“It would be a crime for me to help one cursed by a god,” King Aeolus shouted. “Be gone! Now! Before I send winds to rip your sails to shreds!”
“Okay, okay,” said Odysseus. “I get the message. How about sending a little puff of wind to get us out of the harbor?”
“You’ll get nothing more from me!” shouted King Aeolus.
Then he and his people turned away from the harbor and walked back to their city, leaving Odysseus and the twelve Greek ships becalmed in the harbor.
“Get out the oars, guys,” said Odysseus. “It’s gonna be a long trip home.”
At the time, Odysseus didn’t have a clue just how long.
* * *
I wanted to get home to Cerberus. The longer I stayed away, the snarkier that dog was going to be when I finally got home.
But I couldn’t leave Odysseus. Not yet. So I stuck around Athens with Persephone for a while longer to keep tabs on the mortal hero.
Sadly for Odysseus, King Aeolus had meant what he said. He never sent even a small gust of wind to help the Greeks get home. Odysseus and his crew rowed with all their might, but they didn’t make much progress. I thought I’d be back home in a week or two, but I ended up staying on earth for months.
When I wasn’t checking on Odysseus, I was sitting at a table in the Athens Public Library reading scrolls on dog behavior and trying to figure out what was wrong with Cerberus. Check out my reading list:
But nothing in those scrolls explained Cerbie’s howling when I left home or his hiding and sulking when I came back. To be honest, I was starting to think Cerbie might need a doggie shrink.
The next time I checked on Odysseus, I found the Greek ships anchored in a harbor surrounded by high, steep cliffs. I counted eleven Greek ships. I counted again.
Eleven?
Then I spotted Odysseus’s ship. It was tied to a jagged rock at the mouth of the harbor. As I watched, Odysseus and three of his men left the ship. I figured they were going to explore the island, so I tagged invisibly behind.
As the men walked, one of the crewmen said, “Why did we not sail into the harbor with the other ships, Odysseus?”
“I’m still ticked off at those guys for opening the wind bag,” Odysseus growled. “If it weren’t for those bozos, we’d all be home now.”
“Look,” said a second crewman. “Here comes a girl.”
“A giant girl,” said a third.
He wasn’t kidding. This girl was almost as tall as a god. She had big brown eyes and straw-colored hair that sprouted from her head like a fountain. I remembered Persephone telling me that this style was called the “pony tail.”
“Hello there, strangers!” boomed the giant girl. “Welcome to Laestrygonia!” She smiled, showing a large mouth filled with sharp, pointy teeth. “Come meet my father, King Antiphates. He’s about to have his supper.”
“We could use some supper ourselves,” said Odysseus.
“My father the king loves to have strangers for supper,” the giant girl said, licking her lips in a wolfish way. ”Follow me.”
The hairs on the back of my godly neck started prickling again. You’d think that after Odysseus’s experience with the giant Cyclops, he’d be wary of giants. Even two-eyed giants. You’d think that maybe when a giant girl said, “Follow me,” he’d say, “Uh, no thanks,” and get out of there.
But we’re talking about Odysseus here. Of course, he was only too happy to follow the giant girl and meet her father. He probably wanted to see what sort of a king the man was.
I followed invisibly along as the giant girl led Odysseus and his men up a steep hill. At the top, a huge gray-stone palace sat on the edge of a cliff above the harbor. The giant girl cupped her hands to her mouth. “Father, come out!” she called. “We’ve got company for supper!”
A moment later, King Antiphates strode out of the palace. He was far taller than his giant daughter, but he had the same brown eyes and straw-colored hair. At the sight of him, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up and prickled like a hundred beestings. Something terrible was about to happen!
The giant king walked straight to Odysseus and his three men. Without a word, he grabbed up one of the crewmen, held him upside down over his giant mouth, and . . .
Did you pick D or E? Congratulations! One of them must be right, but I can’t tell you which one because I couldn’t watch what happened. Poor Odysseus! He and his men had stumbled onto a cannibal island.
“RUN!” Odysseus shouted to the two men still with him. “Warn the others!”
The three turned and raced pell-mell down the hill to their ship.
The king began to howl. As he howled, Laestrygonians came running to the palace carrying wicked-looking spears attached to coils of rope.
“Ships in the harbor!” the king cried. “Go fish!”
I ZZZZIPPED to the top of the highest cliff. From there, I could see the eleven black ships. Clearly they’d heard the ruckus. Crewmen were frantically hoisting their sails.
But the giant Laestrygonians picked up huge boulders and hurled them into the harbor. Hundreds of boulders rained down on the ships, smashing them to bits and sinking them. The poor crewmen jumped overboard to save themselves, but it was no use. The cannibals speared them like so many unlucky fish.
I turned away from the horrors of the harbor just in time to see Odysseus and the two remaining crewmen jump into their ship. Another crewman quickly untied it from the rock.
“ROW!” Odysseus bellowed to his crew. “ROW FOR YOUR LIVES!”
Odysseus’s ship sped away from Laestrygonia and out to the open sea, leaving behind the eleven other Greek ships that had sunk to the bottom of the sea, and their poor comrades who’d been harpooned by the cannibals.
Now I understood what the giant girl had meant when she’d said that the king loved having strangers for supper!
Po’d had a hand in steering Odysseus to this cannibal island, I was sure of it.
Odysseus had sailed from Troy with twelve black ships and hundreds of men. Now he had one ship and maybe two dozen men. And all because that mortal couldn’t resist shouting out his name to claim credit for blinding Po’s son, Polyphemus, the Cyclops.