THE ROOM was surprisingly quiet and blessedly cool. The window was slightly ajar, and I stood looking out over the busy streets. At first I wondered why he’d leave the window open, until I looked outside. No one would climb this high to enter the window of a sleazy lodging.
“The veil has to stay on, but everything else can come off.” I began my memorized spiel, just in case he didn’t know the rules. “Unless he gave you the remote for the chastity ring, I prefer not to penetrate you, and I am unable to climax. I’m current on my health certs; if you aren’t, then I ask that you use appropriate protection. I can provide you with your choice of shields.”
I slowly lifted the headscarf off, closed my eyes, and relished the sensation of cool air on my scalp and neck. I turned, checking for the effect of the slow striptease.
He stood by the door, his body taut with expectation.
“Just get that stuff off. I don’t like seeing you in it.”
Fine. I struggled out of the gauzy robes, leaving only a pair of high-waisted pants that were held up by a sash; the legs tapered and were tied at the ankles. Under it all, I wore decorative fabric slippers. My cock was beginning to wake up again, and I willed it down. With the chastity ring, erections were uncomfortable, to say the least.
“Where’d that scar come from?”
I glanced down at the white mark on my ribs. Truly, I don’t think I’d ever noticed it before. I frowned and shrugged. “I guess it’s always been there.”
He looked a bit disappointed. He probably got off on comparing battle scars. Or perhaps he thought it odd that I had no memory of such a vicious wound.
Standing awkwardly, I waited for him to move, to command me, but the man stood gazing, a fierce frown on his face.
“Do you know me?”
“No, sir. Er… master.” I guessed he might be the sort who’d like that kind of thing. I was wrong. The word brought an even darker expression to his face.
He circled me like a giant panther as I stood obediently in the middle of the floor. Oddly, he didn’t frighten me in spite of the angry face and rough hands. Even the cache of weapons piled on the table didn’t intimidate me that badly. I spotted a golden kilij; my hands itched to grasp the hilt of the curved scimitar, to dance the blade under the harsh lights of the room.
Then I had to wonder: How in hell did I know that thing was called a kilij? That isn’t in the vocabulary of the common whore.
Guess I must be an uncommon whore.
He completed his inspection of my body and ended up in front of me, just feet away. My urge was to drop to my knees and wrap my fists around that lovely cock of his. Yet something in his bearing held me back. Something that stirred in the back of my brain told me to hush… to be still.
He looked deeply into my eyes, and the expression on his face caused something to loosen inside my gut. I wanted to cry, to hide my face in shame. Instead I stood still and quiet, awaiting his instructions.
“Get rid of the veil.” His voice was faint and strained.
“Ahh… local statutes….”
“Take off that fucking veil!” His tone was a low, angry growl.
Fine. If he wanted it that much, I’d take the veil off. I had nothing to hide. I fumbled with the tie at the back of my head, but he didn’t want to wait. A big hand reached out and jerked, taking a few strands of hair with it. I suppressed a curse.
He stood as though fixated, and I suppose there was cause. While slaves don’t own mirrors, the temptation to sneak a peek now and again was always present. At one time I’d believed that learning my face would trigger my memories. It hadn’t, but I knew my face was handsome enough. High cheekbones crested slightly hollow cheeks. The nose was straight. The lips were wide and bowed, neither too full nor too thin. My eyes were large and gray, surrounded by deep brown lashes and brows, which were at odds with the coppery hair that was braided away from my face. A strong chin was graced with a slight cleft.
I could be objective enough to know that I was as beautiful as a man can be without looking effeminate. That knowledge meant nothing.
He stared, and defensively, I held my head a little higher. I tilted my chin up and tried to find the tattered remnants of my lost pride. His eye went wide; his face went pale.
When the pirate abruptly dropped to his knees, I was more than surprised—I was stunned. When he clasped my limp hand, pressing it to his forehead, I became alarmed.
But when he cried, taking great, sobbing breaths, I could do one thing and one thing only.
I dropped to my knees and took the huge warrior into my arms, doing my best to offer him comfort. And I hadn’t a clue what was wrong.
“I failed you.”
His voice was forlorn and despondent. Ashamed. His hands hung at his sides as I wrapped my arms around his body. Tears slid from his intact eye, trickling down his cheek to settle on my bare shoulder. He outweighed me by many pounds, and I held on tighter to keep from going over.
Okay, so I groped him.
Not to disrespect the man or anything, but he was a complete stranger, if you discount the fact that I’d just given him a blowjob. But still, I didn’t even know his name, yet here he was, leaning into my body and crying on my shoulder.
It seemed like the perfect opportunity.
He sobbed; I stroked his back, dropping my hand to his muscular ass. He let out a grief-stricken moan, and I wiggled in a bit closer.
“I am so sorry.”
I really didn’t know what to say to that. If this man was responsible for my current life status… well, not good. Not good at all. But still… this man was a rock-hard badass, and he was so overwhelmed by emotion, by guilt, that he was falling apart in my arms.
And he knew me. Not Pasha the whore, but me.
“What was your primary responsibility… to me?” That just sounded weird.
“To keep you alive.”
A bodyguard, perhaps? That led to some interesting possibilities.
“Look at me.”
He resisted, and I leaned back, pulling away from him. Slowly he raised his head and looked at my face. Not into my eyes, though. My current status bothered him immensely.
“I am alive.”
He began to gather his composure and recover his dignity. However, he didn’t move from my arms. He seemed unconvinced by my simple argument.
“Do you hear me? I am alive and relatively well. I’m not certain who you are, but whatever happened, my life has been spared.”
We were still on our knees facing each other, and my cock was painfully happy with the contact. His cock was quite happy too, which rather impressed me. Emotional angst usually doesn’t serve well as an aphrodisiac. That’s the lovely thing about men; there’s no guesswork involved when it comes to arousal.
Once again he bowed his head, slowly lowering it to my shoulder. His arms came up and wrapped me in a loose embrace. It was a touch that brought so many sensations. It was intimate and arousing, but ultimately, that embrace made me feel safe. Hopeful.
And strange as the entire situation might seem, that embrace was familiar. It was like returning home from a long, long journey. Succumbing to temptation, I slowly lowered my head to his shoulder, letting the smallest part of my burden rest on him.
Just a little, because the burden was mine. His burden was mine as well. In fact, it was my calling to bear the burdens of many. It was my birthright. Odd that I should know that, but that knowledge brought a sense of calm to my heart.
That was why living in the relative ease of U’shma’s ownership chafed so badly. There were occasional humiliations, but really, no man should be without those moments of reality, those experiences that tell him he is only a mortal and not a god. I sighed and let him pull me closer.
“What is your name?”
A harsh breath escaped his body. His grief literally encompassed me. I felt bad that I even needed to ask the question.
“Griffin. Captain Griffin Hawke of the Royal Guard of Astrum.”
He was still and quiet, allowing me to process that information. Allowing me to formulate the next question.
“And who am I?”
Was I friend to this man? Lover? Peer? He straightened a bit, gathering his dignity once again. He was removing himself from me both physically and emotionally. I braced, waiting for the answer.
“You are Helios Dayspring.”
“Helios.”
Sun. Hope. I whispered the name, but it fell from my lips like something foreign and strange. Looking up at him, I saw hopeful expectation fade from his expression.
“You are… were… a prince of our people. You were one of our spiritual leaders.” He must have seen the disbelief on my face, because he laughed abruptly.
“That look on your face…. That hasn’t changed.” He smiled then, a sad smile that settled oddly on his scarred visage. “Indeed, Sire. You were—and are—the hope of our people.”
There was so much to ask, and yet I didn’t know enough to formulate a single intelligent question. My brain was still engaged with my new name. Helios Dayspring. I didn’t want to face the idea that I was part of a greater whole. That I was no longer alone upset the odd balance of my life. It was overwhelming enough to have an identity, though it consisted only of a name.
How absolutely precious those two words were.
My knees were beginning to ache on the hard floor, but I didn’t move. Countless hours of training had gone into my ability to remain on my knees; I could stay there as long as it took. Eventually he reached out and rested his hands on my shoulders, then slid them down my arms to settle on the slave bands around my wrists. His big hands were surprisingly gentle.
“He gave me a remote…. Will it remove these?” The bands seemed to offend him greatly. More than the veil, even.
“No.” I swallowed hard, and for the first time in my memory, shame settled briefly on my shoulders. I pushed it down and rose stiffly to my feet. My muscles ached from holding the position. “That remote is to the slave ring I wear on my penis.” His eyes flicked down to the front of my pants. “And I would greatly appreciate it if you would remove the damned thing!”
That brought a reluctant laugh.
I reached to untie the sash at my waist, but his hands moved mine away, and Griffin gently loosened my trousers, then lowered them to the floor. He fished the small device from a pocket and tripped the tiny switch. Abruptly the device loosened and dropped from my flesh.
I braced myself for the inevitable rush of pain that accompanied the blood flow to my manly bits. It hit and I gasped, my knees growing weak.
“Fuck.” He glared down at my wilted shaft, lips white with fury.
“That’s pretty much what it’s supposed to prevent.”
Unable to stop myself, I reached down and rubbed the sore skin at the base of my cock and balls. The ring wasn’t a toy, but rather a control mechanism. It was legally required equipment for all male whores. Goodness knows they didn’t want us out running wild and having uncompensated sex.
Stiffly I retrieved my trousers and began to refasten the wide sash. Unable to look at me, Griffin crossed to the weapons cache and began polishing the blade of a saber.
There had been many moments of humiliation in my life, but this was undoubtedly the worst. Losing the cock ring was blissfully sweet, but there was still shame in being as helpless as a child. I took a deep breath and tried to remember what it felt like to have some dignity.
“I don’t want to hear everything right now, just the basics. Please.” My fingers were stiff and clumsy on the fabric. I had to focus on breathing in and out; the enormity of the moment threatened to shatter the last threads of my self-control. I wanted to cry even as laughter bubbled up my throat.
He turned and propped his ass on the edge of the table, muscular arms crossed over his chest. Gone was the formality he’d shown earlier. Clearly I wasn’t deserving of such respect. My throat went tight as the shame surged over me once again.
“God, Lio, I don’t know where to start.”
Oh, not contempt. He’d relaxed into familiarity. He knew me well, it seemed. Something tight inside my heart went soft. Instinctively I knew this man would not lie to me. Tears burned my eyes, and I blinked them away. I felt positively giddy with emotion.
“You were third in line to the throne of our kingdom, Astrum. We live… lived on a planet known as Arash. Your Uncle Johan was king, and your cousin Batte was the heir presumptive. His brother Bahar was the spare. After time in the army, you were recruited by the Sun Priests to serve.”
“A priest? I was a priest?”
He grinned then, seeing my chagrin. “It is not a puritanical sect. You were quite happy being a warrior-priest. Your wife….”
I let my eyes drop closed. A wife. Someone was waiting for me. I swallowed hard, feeling nausea rise.
“I’m sorry this is painful, Helios.” His voice was surprisingly gentle.
I nodded, waiting for him to continue.
“Your wife, Cloris, died some time before the invasion. Your son is well and safe.”
Oh God. I was a father. My hands trembled, and his next words were almost lost to the rush of blood in my ears.
“We were invaded without warning. The battle for our kingdom and planet did not last long. Our fighters were unsurpassed in the field, but we were unprepared for invasion from space. They outnumbered us greatly, and a neighboring kingdom joined with them. My final duty was to remove your family to safety. We were overwhelmed, and I was badly injured. After a brief fight, you commandeered my forces. You broke away and led the soldiers away from your family. And from me.”
I had no memory of these events. None at all. And yet their telling tapped into an endless well of grief and need and mind-crippling fear. My hands ached to touch the face of a child I did not know and could not remember. My heart ached for a lost wife.
“How long ago?”
“Five years.”
The strength drained from my legs. I barely made it to the bed before collapsing, and there I sat, doing my best to process the information. An hour ago I was a whore with no worries, no ambitions or goals beyond a vague need to escape. Now I was a prince, a cleric, and a father.
“Our refugees have taken shelter on a small planet. It’s a harsh place, but we’ve begun to build a city, a civilization.”
“The king? The princes?”
“All gone now. Executed. You are our king.”
“No.” I shook my head in denial. Denial of my personal pain, of course, but more at the fall of an entire people. The loss of heritage and culture and the thousands of lives that must have been snuffed out.
He stayed quiet then, running a rag over the already gleaming blade in his hand. My mind raced like a hysterical child in a hedge maze, turning one corner after another, only to come to a wall.
And as always happened when I thought too hard, my muscles grew heavy with fatigue. Weariness settled over me like an old blanket.
“You’ve been searching for me?”
“Many of us have. We are watched, so we practice great caution. Most of our military is in space now. I travel under the guise of a mercenary.”
“Well, you certainly look the part.”
He grinned briefly and then shook his head. “I’ve actually made a good deal of money in this persona. It’s helped feed our people.” He set the blade gently down on the table and faced me. “Do you need food? Drink?”
I shook my head.
“Well, I’m damned hungry.”
“Go straight to the kitchen for food. For a little extra scratch, the cooks will make sure it’s hot and clean.” The waitstaff at this place left a lot to be desired, but the cooks were competent.
Wearily I crawled to the head of the bed. “Griffin.” He turned; his face was hard and without expression. “What you have told me frightens me. I won’t deny that. But you’ve given me the first hope that I can remember. Ever.”
He paused at the door, stared for a moment, and then nodded. “When I come back, we’ll talk about getting you out of here.” His eyes fell to the cuffs. “And out of those.”
“Thank you.”
I threw my arm over my eyes; my body and mind were nearly tapped out. I covered my eyes partly to block the harsh afternoon sun, but also to hide the tears gathering there. I’d seen the look of pity on Griffin’s hard face and didn’t want to see it again. My tears must be shed in private. My pain would belong to me and only me.
The door quietly opened and shut, and I was left alone with my memories of nothing.
LIO.
By the Sun above, it was Lio.
I stood outside the door, my legs weak, my breath short. I leaned against the cool earthen wall and shuddered, unable to support my own weight.
Alive. A slave. A whore. But it was Helios and he was alive and I—oh Sun. He didn’t know me.
He didn’t know himself.
I slid to the floor, squatting on my haunches, my face buried against my knees. Leather rubbed against leather, and I pressed the heel of my hand to the patch, imagining the burn of tears there. Helios had never seen me this way. Not the patch, and not the scars underneath. He’d never seen me cry. He hadn’t been there when—
Another thought I shoved aside.
I wiped my face and sat quietly, struggling to make sense of the situation. We’d come to this planet not as part of the search for Helios Dayspring, but for supplies. For Markus. He’d suggested we take a break, restock. He’d been overly casual with his suggestion, and my suspicions had flared.
Obviously, my copilot knew something and hadn’t opted to share. I’d given him the rope. Now I had the proof of his treachery. And he would pay.
My fury collapsed and my shame rose. Helios. My best friend and first love. My prince, and now my king. He didn’t know me. And I barely knew him. The Lio I’d known for so long would never have gone down on his knees for another man. He’d never before shown the sly, scheming genius that had obviously allowed him to survive whatever atrocities he’d experienced. He’d never acted sexually submissive.
Never.
So it was Helios, but a man who’d been changed on a deep, perhaps permanent basis. He had no memories. But surely his essential personality was still intact? If not, we should be looking elsewhere for our king. But we couldn’t.
Markus might be a traitor. Diedre was too broken and Alexander too young. There was only Helios.
I looked at the door to my left.
He was in there alone, possibly wrestling with all this new information while I was supposedly out fetching food. As though I could eat. I dragged in a deep breath and rose to my feet. But I couldn’t move. I couldn’t walk to the kitchen, though I should. I couldn’t return to the room, though I must. I stood in the hall, letting the wall hold me up, letting guilt, fear, and gratitude hold me paralyzed.
My face. The scars. My eye. I touched the eye patch again. Traced a finger down the scar that snaked under the leather. I didn’t need to touch down there to feel what else they’d done. The physical pain had faded. But the pain of torture never left one’s psyche.
I should go find Markus. But I couldn’t leave Helios’s side. Not for a minute. But I had to know what Markus was doing. He’d led me to Helios. Had he known? What had he planned to do to the missing king?
Awareness of the danger Markus posed triggered me into action. I dragged in a breath and straightened, automatically checking my weapons. I could stand guard here.
Or I could go inside. I could go and answer questions, fill in the blanks and do what I could to help Helios along. We had to get him off this goddamned planet.
I opened the door and froze, looking in. He was asleep, sprawled out on the bed as he’d always done. His face was softened by sleep. Even in the dim light, the tattoos around his eyes were visible. He was tangled in those stupid robes and the long rope-like braid of his hair snaked around his body, crossing over his chest.
“Helios,” I whispered. He didn’t stir.
His sleep wasn’t natural, and I remembered: this was a planet where slavery was the norm. The mines were harsh work and large, powerful men were the majority here. The sylph-like slave masters controlled their property with barbaric methods, most notably, mind-washing.
Helios had a chip embedded in his brain.
I groaned. Between the cuffs on his wrists and a chip in his skull, this escape was looking less and less likely to happen.
I shoved my hand into my vest pocket, assuring myself that the tiny bag of gems was still in place. When all else fails, there’s always bribery.
I sat on the edge of the bed and pried off my boots before lying down. I closed my eyes, knowing that I couldn’t sleep. I shouldn’t sleep. I looked at the man on the bed next to me.
Helios.
If it meant looking away, even for a moment, I’d rather stay awake the rest of my life, just so I could look my fill.
I probably fell asleep with my eye still open.