I WOKE alone, naked and warm. The blankets that I’d burrowed into were light and soft. For a moment I lay wondering where I was… and who I was.
For all my life I’d been called Pasha… slave. I had no real name of my own. Now I was Helios. I blinked and sat up, immediately surrounded by the spicy scent of man… Griffin’s scent. Vaguely I remembered a fight. I remembered anger and fear and insurmountable pain.
My hair cascaded around my body; I never slept with it loose. My arms ached and my hands were stiff and rigid with raw, blistered skin. A white substance coated the wounds. What had happened?
The room was bare and spartan. Weapons lined the wall: blades and energy weapons along with a savage-looking whip and an ancient leather shield.
Carry back your shield, or let it carry you.
It was a familiar old proverb that I couldn’t remember hearing. It was better to fall in battle than to be dishonored by the loss of the shield.
Pretty stupid, if you ask me. I figure you could always get another shield.
Moving stiffly, I rose and crossed the room to where an assortment of personal items lay neatly arranged. Images flickered through a holoframe, face after face that I didn’t recognize. Babies and children. A sweet-faced woman smiling happily. Griffin kissing that same woman. It was a wedding. Griffin’s wedding.
I started to turn away from this poignant reminder of his losses when an image caught my eye. I touched the frame to freeze the image.
It was Griffin, his arm thrown casually over the shoulder of a tall, bearded youth. Griffin’s face was whole and much, much younger. The other man’s hair was cut short to his skull. His stylized beard and mustache were darker than his copper-red hair. He grinned broadly. His posture was arrogant and sure. His left hand had come up to clasp Griffin’s fingers. It was a gesture of casual intimacy. The man was hard; his open shirt displayed roped muscles over his chest and abdomen.
I reached up and ran my fingers through the silky length of my hair, over the smooth planes of my face.
Me? That warrior was me? I looked closer and then blinked as the image shifted. The same copper-haired warrior knelt before an elderly man, his formal robes spilling out to pool on the floor around his body. I studied the face of the elderly man in the image. He was ageless and ancient, his face creased into happy lines. I touched, my fingers sinking through the holographic image.
Another image, and then another. Youth passed quickly into adulthood. There I stood next to a tall woman with dark, flame-colored hair; she held an infant, and her belly was swollen in pregnancy. She looked like me.
There was a candid shot of me sitting at a table, Griffin at my side, and other men and women looking grim. Maps were scattered across the table. An older man dominated the image. It was a war room. As I studied the image, my head began to ache. Cold sweat prickled my skin.
“That was your uncle.” Griffin reached past me and turned off the display. The holograph withdrew into the frame, leaving only a two-dimensional image of a pair of pretty little girls. They were toddlers. The image must have been taken before the war.
“I didn’t mean for you to see that. Not yet.”
“My uncle.” I wanted to look some more, but I was panting; my heart raced. Uncertainly I stepped away. It wasn’t until he glanced at my body that I realized I was nude. I waited for his instructions. I began to calm. My reaction to the images melted away.
“Helios. Your clothing… I brought clean clothes for you. They belonged to Markus but should fit.”
There was an odd tenor to his voice, but I thought only of dressing. Carefully, item by item, I clothed myself in the garb of a man who would have killed me. Griffin hovered awkwardly, looking at the floor rather than at my body as I dressed. I didn’t understand his discomfort. We’d had sex. Twice.
“Lio, I’m sorry for what I did to you.”
He did appear stricken by guilt, but I didn’t understand. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I pulled on a pair of knee-high leather boots. They buckled up the side, and I focused on the fastenings. There were six on each leg, enabling me to adjust the boot to my calf.
“Helios. Look at me, please.”
Obediently I looked up. To my surprise, there was a tear at the inner edge of his eye. It seemed odd to see such a tough man brought to tears. I folded my hands in my lap and waited with humble patience.
Obedient? I shook my head, trying to catch the thought. Even with…. I blinked, unable to remember the name. Who had I been with before? A feeling rushed through my chest… that feeling you get when you are just about to remember that something really bad has happened, but it’s still so new, you have to recall what it was.
“What did you do to me?” My voice came out cracked and harsh. Even with the other… before Griffin, I’d never been a particularly obedient slave. I glanced around the room, looking for something to remind me, and I saw a small, ragged book. He had liked my cooking….
“U’shma. That was his name.” I frowned, the creature’s image slowly forming in my mind. I let it build, trying to reconstruct my memories.
“Helios, do you remember…. You have a slave chip implanted in your brain. I didn’t realize that taking you from U’shma would send you into a separation crisis. You were having a meltdown. I was afraid.” He pulled a heavy chair away from the wall and sat facing me. “I had to break the imprint.”
“By dominating me.”
He nodded, his gaze on the floor.
“And now you’ve forced me to imprint on you.”
“It’s just temporary. Until we can deactivate the chip. I promise.”
He sounded so worried, but I felt warm. Serene. Willing to do anything for this big man. My master.
Master?
I was going to be so pissed when this thing was out of my brain!
“I never felt this… compliant with U’shma.”
“He probably never had the force of personality to establish his mastery over you. And considering how badly you reacted to the separation, I’d say that was a good thing.”
I remembered that a slave would receive a memory wash every time he or she switched owners. That’s why my world had revolved around my owner. But this time, Griffin had forced his imprint on me without taking my memories.
“You had better be very careful how you handle me in the next few weeks. You don’t want me pissed at you, Griffin.”
His laugh washed over me, rich and full. He sounded immensely relieved. I couldn’t help laughing in response. “So for now I’m your slave boy, but once we meet up with your friend….”
He quickly grew serious. “I don’t know how much damage was done to you, Lio. But once the chip is deactivated, there should be some recovery. And your own personality will be back in command. This imprint will dissolve.” He looked worried, and I wondered how much of what he said was hopeful conjecture, rather than fact.
“Oh God. Good. No offense, Griffin. It feels good, but I don’t like it. Not really.” I started to rub my hand over my face and then stopped as the rough skin throbbed with pain. “What in hell happened last night?”
“It wasn’t last night; it was three days ago.”
“Three days?” That explained why my hands were scabbed.
“I found you in the gym. You’d been repeating the same kilij form for hours. The sleeves of your shirt were soaked with blood. Initially I thought you’d be all right once I stopped you, but then you began to melt down. Your eyes were bleeding… your ear as well. I was afraid you’d have a heart attack. You’d gone white as a sheet, and you were icy cold. You kept saying his name over and over.”
“I remember talking to you… and then….”
“I assaulted you. I’m sorry.”
“You son of a she-wolf.” My curse lacked conviction. He’d saved my sanity, if not my life. “I can’t believe I was out for three days.”
Oddly, I didn’t feel that I’d been unconscious for that long. Aside from some stiffness and the distinct need to pee, I felt good.
“You weren’t really out. I had you up a bit. For food… water….”
“I don’t remember.”
“I imagine the chip was rebooting.” He stood, and I followed suit, trailing him as he left the room and crossed over onto the bridge. “If ever I meet the person who invented that thing, I’ll take pleasure in killing them slowly.”
The deadly intent in his voice gave me the chills.
Once he took the pilot’s seat, I settled into the vacant chair, surprised at how comfortable it was. I gazed out the viewfinder, stunned at the vastness before us. I didn’t recall ever having been in space. I felt unmoored and confused. How did I know if we were upside-down or rightside-up?
“We’ve got another two hours in ID space, and then we’ll drop out just outside of the orbit of Barris 9. I’ll deliver the cargo, resupply, and we’ll be on our way fairly quickly.”
“ID space?”
“Interdimensional. It’s a fairly new technology. A small reactor throws us into an alternate dimension of sorts. The distance varies depending on which ID level you choose. We can also use wormholes and energy jumps.”
Wormholes made sense. “Energy jumps?”
“Think of it as a giant slingshot. The ship is placed in a gate within the orbit of a major planet or a small sun. Energy builds, and when the ship is released from the gate, it’s acquired enough energy to propel through the system. It’s crude but good for short jumps.”
The remainder of the day was like that; my questions grew and multiplied, and Griffin patiently answered. He showed me how to activate my navigational screen, and I began learning the equations to calculate ID jumps. Thankfully it seemed that I’d actually paid attention to my studies as a youth. The equations were complex, but with the assistance of the computer, I was able to calculate a course with accuracy. The whole concept of moving through an alternate dimension made me a bit uneasy, but in reality, the travel was not only faster, but completely uneventful. Unlike wormholes, which were few and far apart, ID space was always accessible.
“It’s odd, Helios. After all that’s happened, you’re still you.”
“Hmm?” I looked up from the display that extended from the arm of my chair. It was only then that I realized how weary he looked. Griffin’s face was lined with fatigue; his posture was very loose. Had he been at the helm since we’d left?
“I said, you’re still you. You may have lost your memories and even some of your habits, but at the core, you’re the same person.”
Oddly, that gave me comfort. I ended the program and pushed the display back into place. I looked at him curiously.
“You’ve always had this ability to shut out everything and focus completely on your task. Of course, in the past you never allowed me to take you by surprise.”
My cheeks flushed in embarrassment. I’d been kicking myself for being so careless in the gym.
“You’ll pick it up again, Lio. You’re just out of practice.”
I stared down at my hands, noticing that they were still stiff and sore. I’d blocked the pain as well as other outside distractions.
“What’s the frown for?”
“Oh… it’s just….” I started to say something about my hands, but to my horror, the truth came out instead.
“I don’t remember being so… gratified when U’shma praised me.”
He swung his chair around in my direction, a slightly grim smile on his face. “It’s the reward and punishment system. You probably received extensive training when you were first enslaved.” The smile faded at the mention of my captivity. It was still a mystery to me. I had no idea how I’d ended up in enemy hands.
“Anyhow, you were conditioned to seek praise and reward for good behavior.”
“And I was punished for bad behavior.” I swallowed; long-forgotten beatings itched along my nerve endings.
“I imagine you received a great deal more punishment than reward. You must have been a terrible slave.” He smiled again, turning back to the piloting console. His comment was rich with meaning, and for whatever reason, blood rushed to my groin. What had he been up to during those three days that I could not remember?
“Griffin, may I return to my quarters for a few moments?”
“Why are you asking… oh. Yes. I figure you can take Markus’s room. It’s directly across from mine.” He kept his head averted, his blind side to me. I felt acutely disappointed that I was being moved into another room. Didn’t he want me close? I fought not to look over my shoulder as I exited the bridge.
Markus’s cabin was mostly empty. I visited the latrine, found a comb, and carefully tied my hair back into a long braided tail. There was a mirror inside the door of a recessed wardrobe. The rest of Markus’s clothing was similar to what I was wearing—functional and sturdy. I studied myself, taking in the tall, lean silhouette. Out of the robes, I could see that my legs were long, my hips narrow. The tight shirt showcased the width of my shoulders, the flat planes of my belly.
My face… it was the same man in the photos I’d seen but less animated. There were so many things lying in hiding behind the smooth mask. I could look at that face for hours and never unlock the mysteries that were just under the surface.
Even to myself, I was a mystery.