Nathaniel could see nothing, but he could feel that he was not alone.
“Is someone there?”
An older lady’s voice answered, “Non Anglais.”
“Parlez-vous français?”
“Oui. I have some food for you. Shall I help you eat? Your man is resting.”
Nathaniel agreed. He did not know if he would ever become used to being fed. There had to be a way he could feed himself without appearing as if he had served himself at the pig trough. She held a spoon to his mouth. He had learned not to flinch every time someone touched him. It was still difficult.
“Very good,” he praised. “You are a talented cook.”
“Flatterer. It was the same with my Joseph.”
He smiled. He could just imagine her blushing and waving his comment away with her hand. He could not remember a female of his acquaintance who did not like to be appreciated.
“How long have I been here, madame?”
“Two weeks, I believe. I lose count. You sleep much.”
“Are the soldiers still here?
“Oui. They are still tending to the bodies. Such a terrible loss.”
Nathaniel paused.
“Keep eating. You need good food to be strong. Do you have a family to return to?”
“Oui.”
“The beautiful lady; she is your wife?”
He nodded and winced from the pain. “We have a small daughter. She is beautiful as well.”
“We must feed you more. You will be better faster. Now eat.”
Mutton stew was not his favourite, but a soldier knew not to be fastidious. He was grateful to have been brought to a place where he was cared for. He doubted he would receive as much attention at the army infirmary.
“Is Joseph your husband or your son?”
“He was my husband. He passed away five years ago. My son, he was lost in battle.”
“My sympathies.”
She was silent. He cursed his stupidity. He should not have brought the subject up. Another gift you took for granted when you could see was the ability to read people. If he could have seen, he would have known they were alone. He would ensure that Ajax gave her money, or send his batman to the market to buy food. He imagined a widowed, elderly lady did not have much. He would not be a financial burden as well as a physical one.
“Do you have help with the farm?”
“Oui. I have men who come help for the day. The farm is not so big any more. I sold most of it when I lost Joseph.”
He finished the mutton stew, as well as a delicious berry pie with fresh cream. He could certainly become accustomed to having a full belly. That was a rarity in army life at times.
“Thank you, madame.”
“You are welcome. It was a simple stew.”
“No, I do not thank you only for the food, I thank you for your excellent care of me.”
She was quiet for a moment. “It is nice to have someone in the house again.” He heard the door close softly behind her.
Now for more endless days of sleeping and darkness, he thought.
The Duke and Duchess of Loring had an uneventful trip across the Channel. Lord Vernon and Beatrice had joined them and planned to continue on south from the port. The Duchess was on her best behaviour thus far, presumably grateful for her maid and for travel by coach. The Duke rode alongside, preferring sitting a horse to the cramped quarters of a carriage. The Duke had seen to his duchess’s every comfort, hoping to keep her in good humour when he had the easy option to do so. It was not likely to remain the case. She had not complained, which made him more pleased with her than he would admit. They travelled quickly to Paris, anxious to discover as much as possible from Wellington and his staff. He would travel on to Brussels if necessary.
They arrived at the new British Embassy, on the Rue Du Farbourg Saint-Honoré, before even stopping at their hotel.
The Duke handed his horse to a groom, and went to open the carriage that held the Duchess.
Would you prefer to go on to the hotel? I have pushed you far this day, and I would understand if you choose to do so. We may not find out any information here, but I thought it a logical place to start.
The Duchess looked weary, but she shook her head. “No, Robert, I shall come with you. I need to know as well as you.”
He helped her alight from the carriage and walk into the beautiful new embassy. The marbled entrance held a grand staircase off to one side and elegantly tall, gilded doors leading to various salons. They were not kept waiting long, and were ushered into a parlour.
Wellington and his staff were thankfully still in Paris, facilitating the peace negotiations. The army continued to occupy the north and camped in Cambroi. So far, the Duke’s information appeared to be current.
The Duke came into the room, followed by their nephew, Andrew Abbott, who greeted his aunt and uncle warmly.
Wellington greeted his old friend. “Loring!”
“Wellesley! May I offer....felicitations? And condolences?” Hands were shaken, and they were seated.
“Yes, my heart is broken by the terrible loss I have sustained amongst my old friends and companions, and my poor soldiers. Believe me, nothing except a battle lost can be half so melancholy as a battle won.”
“Word is, we lost over twenty thousand.”
“It has been a damned serious business... Blücher and I have lost thirty thousand men. It has been a damned nice thing—the nearest run thing you ever saw in your life… By God! I don’t think it would have been done if I had not been there.”
“Thank God that you were.”
“What brings you to Paris? I am unbelievably sorry about Fairmont.”
“Pardon?”
Wellington and Andrew exchanged glances.
“Do you mean to tell me that my son was killed? We came because we had no news.”
The Duchess’s swoon was real, and for once, her husband could not blame her. Were he of a delicate constitution, he would like nothing more than to do the same. Instead, he was forced to hide his emotion.
He called for her maid to attend her, and went over and held her in his arms.
Once she was brought to, he addressed Wellington, “I suppose you should start from the beginning.”
Wellington deferred to Andrew, “Abbott, here, knows more than I. I regret I can say no more than he was the bravest, fiercest warrior to the end. I feel his loss deeply, as do his men. I will leave you to speak as a family, but if you need me I will be in the next room.”
Loring nodded and, once Wellington was gone, he looked to Andrew.
Andrew was struggling to find words. He looked toward his aunt, “Shall I wait until she is comfortable? I would like her to hear as well.”
“Very well. She has been anxious to know.”
Once the Duchess was comfortable again, the Duke held her hand, bracing himself for the details. Andrew pulled a chair to be near them and began his account of events.
“I cannot believe you have not heard. His batman, Ajax, was to have escorted his body back to England. They should have been there weeks ago.”
The Duke shook his head. “No word of Nathaniel’s body, or of his batman, has reached England. I have had investigators in Brussels and Waterloo searching, but had found nothing when we left England.”
“I do not understand.”
“Where did you see him last?”
“At a small farmhouse about half a mile from the battlefield. He had been carried there for his wounds to be tended. His batman was with him when I left.”
“The French took him for help? Why?”
“I cannot answer for certain, but he was respected. He treated them with dignity, even though they were the enemy.”
“Why were you unable to remain with him?” the Duke asked.
Andrew hesitated.
“What could have persuaded you to leave Nathaniel? That is very unlike you.”
“Aunt, Uncle, I had hoped you would already know of this, but I can see I will be telling you the whole. Nathaniel sent a new Will to his solicitor, though I suppose if word of his death had not reached England, there would be no reason for the solicitor to have contacted you.”
“I do not understand,” the Duchess said.
Andrew nodded. “Some events unfolded before the battle began. Lady Lydia Markham arrived in Brussels… with a five-year-old child.”
The Duchess drew in a scandalized breath but said nothing. The Duke waited, knowing this must have something to do with Nathaniel.
“She came here looking for Nathaniel. The child is his.”
“Dear God!”
The Duchess fainted again, and her head hit the back of the sofa before the Duke could catch her. Her maid rushed to attend her, and the Duke pulled Andrew across the room to hear the remainder of the story.
“I do not believe she can stand any more shocks at this moment.”
Andrew nodded, “I am sorry to be the bearer of such news. It is much to take in at one time.”
“Is there any doubt this child is Nathaniel’s? Did he acknowledge it?”
“There can be no doubt. I have seen her. And yes, he did. In fact, he married Lady Lydia one week before the battle.”
They Duke glanced hurriedly over at the Duchess. She had not heard the latest blow. He himself had to sit down in order to digest the information.
Andrew continued to enlighten him, which only made the situation worse.
“He made certain she will be known as Lady Fairmont. He had Wellington attend as a witness, and then announced their marriage at the Duchess of Richmond’s ball the night we were called to arms.”
The Duke dropped his head into his hands. His son knew what he was doing. He had made it so they could not deny Lady Lydia or her bastard child.
“Where has Lady Lydia gone with my supposed grandchild? I would have expected her on my doorstep the moment she arrived back in London.”
“With all due respect, sir, I do think you do Lady Lydia an injustice. If you recall, Nathaniel had courted her before he was sent to the army. I think many of her subsequent actions are explained when you consider she was left with child by his departure.”
“But no one took any of his amours seriously then; he was wilder than a hound on the hunt! And she said not a word to me! Not one word! Instead, she threw herself at every eligible male in town! I do not understand why she would keep this from me and not use it to her advantage somehow.”
“Does that not do her credit? The part about not asking you for help? I do not know why she chose to play the role of wanton. Perhaps what she did was out of love for the child.”
“It is not in keeping with what I know of her.”
“I think you may find that either she is changed, or that we did not truly know her before. I spent much time with her after the battle, and confess I had misjudged her.”
The Duke raised his eyebrows sceptically, but chose not to argue with his nephew. He would have to find Lydia and determine her motives.
“Where is she? Where are they?”
“Still here in France. She wanted to make a new life for them. I escorted them to Blois and saw them placed in a small cottage there with Lady Lydia’s old nurse. Unfortunately, I had to return to duty.”
“Can you give me their direction?”
Andrew nodded. “Shall I escort you there?”
“I do not think that will be necessary, but I want to sleep before I make any hasty decisions. I would also like directions to where you last saw Nathaniel. I will send word to my investigators. I cannot imagine Ajax and Nathaniel disappearing into thin air, but much can happen between here and England.” He struggled to control himself and looked away. “I need to know I have exhausted all possibilities. I would like to see my son buried properly.”
“Of course, I too would want nothing less for my cousin and one of England’s greatest heroes.”
The Duke gave a stiff nod and rose to go back to his duchess.
“I will send word after we reach our hotel. I think we both need a good night’s rest, and you may bring your directions to me in the morning.”
Andrew embraced his aunt and uncle with much-needed affection, and they departed.
Wellington waved his hat. Nathaniel raised his sabre to charge the enemy. He prayed for darkness soon; he had never fought any battle such as this. He was losing stamina, and his men were done for—those that were left. They could not continue like this. The entire day of charge after charge in the suffocating heat and smoke made it difficult to take a deep breath in, and when he did, it burned. The entire Union Brigade had been wiped out, and his own had suffered heavily.
He rode deeper into the smoke and suddenly felt his left hand explode. When he looked down it was gone. It was impossible to see for the thick clouds of smoke surrounding him. Searching for something to tie off the blood flow at his wrist, he yanked off his cravat and bound his left arm, growing weak as the blood seeped from his body. He saw a bright flash and felt the earth explode beneath him. He felt Salty fall from below. He began to stand, searching on the ground for his pistol and sabre. His vision was blurred and his head was pounding. Hoof beats approached from behind, but he turned too late as the French sword thrust into him. When he looked, he saw Satan smiling down at him, holding Lydia on one arm and Amelia on the other. The devil laughed demoniacally and rode away with his two loves.
“Noooooo!” Nathaniel bolted straight out of bed, drenched in his own sweat. He searched for something to bring him back to the present, but he was lost in a sea of darkness. He fought for direction, but he was having the same nightmare over and over, and he could not change the outcome. Bits and pieces of his last fight were beginning to come back to him.
He had had enough of the torture. He had lost all sense of time and had no idea how long he had been at the farmhouse. It had to have been weeks. He was trapped inside another circle of hell. His head was still bandaged so tightly he had no idea if he would be able to see or not. The doctor was most insistent that the bandage not be removed too early or it would jeopardize his chances.
He would order Ajax to help him leave as soon as the bandages came off. If he could not see by then, he would wait no more. He did not know how he would handle the eternal darkness, for now he refused to believe it was forever. Only one of his eyes had been damaged irreparably, so he would will the other one to work.
Nathaniel was finally strong enough to get up out of the bed and sit outside for a little while each day. He was desperate to leave and find his wife and daughter. They could be anywhere by now. His nightmares would not cease until he found them, he was certain. His only reservation was how Lydia would react to him being a cripple. He knew she had seen him, but not without the bandages. It was one thing to react when you first saw an injury, but it was another thing entirely to have to adjust to daily life with someone who could never be normal again. He felt selfish, but he did not care. He wanted to be with Lydia, and he hoped she would be able to overcome any disgust with his disfigured body. He had to be with Amelia; he had to be part of her life and watch her grow.
He knew as a future duke that people would tolerate him. He also knew from watching others that most people’s reaction had to do with how the injured acted with regard to their disabilities. He refused to be shunned for doing his duty and keeping those people safe. He refused to go back to England and not do something for the other wounded veterans who were not future dukes. But first, he needed to find his wife and daughter.
“Ajax!”
“Yes, my lord?”
“When is the doctor to return?”
“This afternoon, my lord.”
“Very good. Please pack our belongings. We will leave as soon as he removes my bandages.”
Ajax hesitated. He was no stranger to injury himself, and he was not one to defy orders, from his master or doctor. Nathaniel knew he was placing Ajax in an untenable position, but he also knew he was strong enough to leave. He would not be deterred.
“Ajax?”
“Yes, my lord?”
“Did you understand me? Do you disagree with my choice to leave?”
“Not exactly, sir. I consider, on the one hand, it is a good sign that you are ready to leave and are becoming...mettlesome.”
“But on the other hand?”
“I…I…I am not certain how it will be if you cannot see, my lord.”
“I am not certain either. But I know my wife and daughter believe me to be dead, and I cannot allow them to continue with that belief. You still have had no word from my father, then?”
“Nothing at all, my lord. Lord Wellington, his staff, and those who were able to continue on, have moved to France. I have no one else to send another message with.”
“Is there anyone who knows I am alive?”
“I am not certain, my lord.”
“How many times must I ask you to stop my lording me?”
“Beg pardon, sir.”
Nathaniel let out an exasperated sigh of frustration. He hated being dependent on others, helpless. “Very well then, Ajax. See to packing our belongings, then ride into Waterloo or Brussels and find transportation. As much as I would like to think I could easily sit a horse, I will not add that burden to your worries. Blind or not, we will leave today. Find out everything you can about Wellington’s whereabouts. I assume he is reigning in Paris by now, but verify that. We shall start with him. I hope Major Abbott is with Lady Lydia, but he may have rejoined Wellington by now. He had better know where she is, however.”
“Yes, my lord.”
“Ajax!”
“Sorry, sir.”
Ajax left the room and, a little while later, Nathaniel heard the door shut and a horse ridden away. Thank God Ajax had followed his orders. He could not remain here another day. Now, if that deuced doctor would just call on him, he would demand that he remove the bandages. If the doctor refused, he would do it himself and leave anyway. It was not that he wasn’t grateful for his help, or the old lady’s, but he did not need coddling and he was as strong as he would be for some time. There was nothing that staying here any longer would achieve.
The doctor arrived later than Nathaniel wanted. He was sitting with his trunks packed, waiting.
“Good sir, I must protest. I can certainly remove the bandages, but that does not mean you will be able to see. I cannot say if the swelling of your brain has reduced enough for this.”
“I cannot wait any longer. We must proceed.”
“Very well. I cannot like it, but there is little I can do to deter you, I can see.”
The doctor slowly began unwrapping the bandages that had bound Nathaniel’s head for several weeks. The sensation of air hitting his face and his wound was painful. He heard the old lady begin to weep quietly, and he knew he must look horrific. The sensation of light in his right eye told him that he was not completely blind, but as the last bandage was removed and he opened his left eye, he could not focus. He blinked away the darkness and looked slowly from blurry face to blurry face, familiarizing himself with his surroundings.
“You can see!”
“Yes, but my eyes cannot seem to adjust.”
“That will improve. Your eye muscles have grown weak from disuse. We must fashion a cover for your other side. The wound is healing well, but it will be more comfortable if it remains covered.”
“Or people who must look at me will be more comfortable.” Nathaniel said what no one else would.
The old lady went off to see to creating a cover for the left side of Nathaniel’s face, and the doctor proceeded to warn him about over-exerting himself.
Nathaniel thanked him kindly, but dismissed him and paid for his services. The old lady could not stop weeping and hugging him and Ajax. She had grown attached to them and had enjoyed having her home filled once again, she told them. Nathaniel paid her for her troubles, despite her protests. He sat down for her to fit the patch she had sewn for him.
“Still so handsome. She traced her fingers over the scar that trailed down his face. Your wife will not mind.”
Nathaniel smiled at her kindness. He took hold of her hands and brought them up for a kiss fit for royalty. “Merci, Madame, au revoir. I am ever grateful for your kindness.”