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“I’m surprised you’re here,” I said, watching Jason carefully as he approached.
“Me too,” he answered, and his response felt like a stab to my heart.
“I’m guessing the others told you to find me and play nice?” I asked. There was only one response that he could give me that wouldn’t hurt, and at this point, I didn’t expect it.
He tried to smirk, but it fell flat. “They’d like to think so. I guess maybe part of it is because of them. But mainly? I’ve been a douchebag. I know it. So does the universe. I want to make it right.”
I stared at him. What was the trick here? There had to be one.
Jason saw my skepticism and chuckled. “I promise, no trick.” He motioned to the bench I had sat at for a long time until I decided to risk the rusty swing set. “Can we talk? Maybe it’ll do both of us some good.”
“Okay.”
Berry stayed where he was as I moved locations. Jason waited until I sat down before taking a seat. The inches between us felt a mile long. This was the first time I’d felt so distant from Jason, and that included the separation of realms. At least while I was in Faerie, it was easy to believe that he still loved and cared for me. But now, seeing his blank expression, it felt like he’d prefer I’d never come back.
The silence between us choked me. The blaring horns around us became louder the longer neither of us spoke. I didn’t know what he wanted by coming here, so I didn’t know how to respond.
The abrupt sound of Jason clearing his throat made me jump. “When you disappeared, it broke us.” His voice was so low that I could only hear him because my hearing was better than a human’s. “Waylon disappeared, throwing himself into his career. Foster pushed harder through the ranks of the military, not caring about the missions he took on. Me...” He snorted. “I’m not proud of how I reacted.”
“Jason”—I tried to bring humor into it—“did you become a man whore?”
His silence was enough of an answer. “Like I said, choices I wasn’t proud of. It took a while to unbury myself, and only Waylon and Foster helped. They needed me, and so I had to step up. By focusing on them, I was able to breathe again. We were moving forward, finding a place in a world without you.”
I grimaced.
“Then Foster was able to find you and the foundation we had fought to build is now crumbling. All I keep thinking about is what you’re going to leave behind when you go back to that fucking place and we’re stuck here without you once again.”
“I wish I had an answer for you.”
He grunted. “I wish you did. You used to have all the answers for us.”
I chuckled, the sound bitter to even my ears. “I never had any answers, I only knew what I wanted.”
“And at one point in your life, that was us.”
“Yes. And if this is the moment we lay it all out there, then I need to admit, that even now, that’s all I want. You guys.”
“Then stay.”
“I can’t.”
“You have always been one to find a way. Find it. Stay here.”
I rested my chin against my chest as I leaned back against the bench. “It’s not that easy. It isn’t about me anymore, it’s about Faerie.”
“What, she says jump and you do so?” He snorted. “You have never been one to listen to authority.”
“Faerie is the fae’s version of God. Think about all the people who worship God. Think about the kind of influence, the kind of strength he has. Imagine what he can do if he took corporeal form. Now, picture God without benevolence and you get Faerie. She is not kind, she puts herself first, and she lashes out and destroys lives simply because she knows she’s powerful enough to do so. Free will isn’t in her dictionary. So yeah, I jump when she tells me to.”
“I don’t understand. You had nothing to do with them. How did you get dragged into their world?”
I pressed my lips together, refusing to talk about it. I had been one of those girls who searched for magic, for more to our existence than what we had. Addie had helped me find it, and I wished every day since that I hadn’t.
“Josie, please open up to me. To all of us. We know shit happened. Why won’t you tell us?”
“And why would I burden you with something like that?” I asked.
“Because we promised. Your burden is our burden. Our burden is yours. We will face them together, through blood and tears. Together. Remember?”
That was a punch to my gut as my lungs froze. I remembered that day. It was the same day I kept a secret from them and they were angry about it once it came out. Secrets had never stayed secret for long.
I sat curled into myself on the couch, the tears unable to stop as I sobbed. My body shook with each breath I took. The last few weeks, I had been distant with them, and they were fed up. I had hoped they wouldn’t have found out, but by their dark expressions, they knew.
Oh, God, they found out. How?
“Why didn’t you tell us they found a mass?” Foster had asked.
“Because the doctors are still testing it. They don’t know what it is.”
“Yes, but why did we have to hear from your sister instead of you?” Jason came to his knees in front of me, his hand resting on my ankle. “Why did we have to find out when your sister warned us to be careful with you because you were still recovering? Why didn’t you tell us?”
“I was afraid,” I whispered.
“Afraid of what?” Jason asked in a kind voice.
“Of the results. Of how you’d react. No one signed up to date a cancer patient. It isn’t easy.”
“The tests haven’t come in yet, right?” Waylon asked.
I shook my head.
“Then you don’t know.”
“I was going to wait until I did know.”
“And then what?” Jason asked. “If the results were positive, what were you planning to do?”
I didn’t respond.
“Fuck. She planned to leave us,” Foster said.
I whipped my head up to gape at him because he was right. I wouldn’t dare burden them with a disease. No one should have to deal with me like that.
“Bullshit,” Foster said, grabbing my attention. “That’s bullshit thinking. We’ve been in for a while, Josie. For life. You may not have walked down the aisle yet and made your vows, but it doesn’t mean they still aren’t in effect now. Your burden is our burden. Our burden is yours. We will face them together, through blood and tears. Together. That means if you’re sick and you have to fight to stay alive, we will be there with you, every step of the way.”
“You don’t get to get rid of us so easily,” Foster said, going to his knees too.
“Agreed. We are in this together.” Waylon also got to his knees. It was so much like the day they promised to marry me. All of them on their knees unblinkingly making promises that made my heart feel like it was bursting with happiness.
I cried harder, but this time, laughter came out of me too as I realized I wasn’t alone. I could always trust them.
“Why won’t you talk to us?” Jason asked, bringing me back from one of the moments in our history that had never left me.
“What difference will it make?” I asked, truly wanting to understand his viewpoint. “It can’t change anything. You’re right. Once this is all over, I have to leave. I can’t stay here, not if I want to live. If I stay, Faerie’s magic will age me and in a span of days or even hours, I’ll live all those years I did in Faerie and die. Why won’t you get that?”
A muscle in Jason’s jaw ticked as he clenched his teeth. Finally, he said, “Because I refuse to believe that’s the only choice. You aren’t in Faerie. She can’t touch you here. The rules are different.”
“That’s not the case, Jason. It isn’t that easy.”
“I never said it’d be easier, I’m just saying there are choices.”
“Like what?”
He looked down at my chain. “Like using magic to fight magic. There has to be some kind of spell that can keep you alive here, with us. We’ll go back to that professor and ask him. He can help us.”
I snorted. “Ask him for help? You can’t be serious. The moment we ask him for anything, we’ll owe him, and trust me, you never want to owe any fae anything.”
“Does that include you?”
I glanced away from him as I told him the bitter truth. “Yes, that includes me.”
“We only want you to open up to us,” he muttered.
“And I don’t see a point to do so.”
“We used to be able to face anything together. Remember the pregnancy scare.”
“That wasn’t a pregnancy scare.” I laughed. “It was the three of you who had the pregnancy scare, not me. I knew I wasn’t pregnant. It was your fault for not listening when I said it wasn’t my test you found.”
“Maybe so, but at least that taught us that we were willing to do anything for you and for the imaginary baby we created. We were ready for the baby even though we weren’t really.”
“I’m glad I made you donate all that shit you guys bought.”
He chuckled. “I’m just trying to prove to you that we’re willing to do everything for you. We always have. We did when you were bullied at six and we stepped up for you against that boy, and again when that boy you were ‘dating’ tried to force you, and again when we all decided you were it for us.” He took in a breath. “And knowing you need us, we will keep fighting for you.”
I crossed my arms. “I don’t need you.”
I expected that to piss him off or hurt him. Instead, he reached over and rested his hand on my leg. It was an innocent touch, but it was still something I was desperate to feel. His hot touch seeped into my skin and spread awareness through my body. I knew his touch, how it was always firm but gentle. A guide for me.
“You’re not playing fair,” I whispered, glaring at the hand.
He didn’t take it back, instead squeezing me. “If it means you paying attention and listening to what I’m saying, then I’ll be as unfair as I can be.”
“You’re running hot and cold,” I said. “How do I know you won’t lash out at me in a few minutes? Call me a freak again?”
Regret filled him, his shoulders lowering as he dipped his head down in shame. “I’m sorry, Josie. Foster was quick to remind me that I was being a complete bastard.”
“Did he punch you?” I smiled.
He didn’t answer. I reached out and skimmed the light bruising along his jaw. By tomorrow, it was going to be darker. “You should have put ice on it.” Then because I had a bit of a mean streak in me, I pressed against it until he winced.
He covered my hand with his, squeezing my fingers to keep me from doing it. “It’s fine. I deserved it.”
“Yeah. You did.”
Jason grimaced. “Fair. Come on, let’s get a hotel for the night. The others will meet up with us once they’re done finding us food. If anything, they’ll probably end up in Fenway. I think there might be a baseball game going on.”
“Ha. Of course they’d be there then.”
Jason glanced away, sending off warning bells. “Yeah.” Not wanting to make things worse, especially since things were going well right then, I ignored the bells. It scared me to do so, but it was the guys. The years away meant they were bound to have secrets that didn’t involve me. Plus, I trusted they wouldn’t do something that involved me without actually involving me.
We settled on a hotel in Kenmore Square. We got connecting rooms with four beds so everyone had their own.
“I’m taking a shower,” I said, wanting to hide. It was weird to be in a hotel room with the guys, at least a hotel room this intimate. There wasn’t much space to hide like my suite at the Plaza.
I came out, feeling refreshed, enjoying the softness of the hotel’s robe since our clothes were with the guys. Jason was stretched out on one of the beds, his shoes off, arm behind his head as he flipped through the channels. The glossy look in his eyes said he was too lost in his head to pay attention to the screen. He was only going through the motions.
Seeing him there, semi-relaxed, called to me. My skin tingled as old memories washed over me of the times we’d hung out. Jason had always been rough around the edges, but there was one constant with him and that had been me.
Giving in to my urges, I sat at the edge of the mattress. The bed dipped with my weight, but whatever he was thinking about was enough to keep him from noticing.
I’m going to the other room, Berry said, sounding a bit like a petulant child. That was as much space as he was going to give me.
I reached out and grazed Jason’s side, feeling the hardness underneath his t-shirt. That got his attention as his gaze cleared and snapped to me. His focus dipped down to where the robe gave a peek of my breasts, before snapping back up to my face.
I couldn’t hide the smirk when he met my eyes.
“Josie,” he said in a gruff voice. “Be very careful with what you do.”
“Remember when I needed help learning human biology and you let me write all over you?” I asked innocently.
Jason chuckled. “And you were mad at me for something at the time, so you used a permanent marker. I had to walk around with cranium written across my forehead. My mom was pissed.”
I giggled. I couldn’t remember what he had done to piss me off at the time. He probably flirted with someone again. Jason had always been a flirt. Most of it never went anywhere, but when it did, it always felt like he was squeezing my heart.
“And then you let me do it again when I was trying to learn French in college.”
Shaking his head, he said, “I never learned my lesson that first time. I still can’t believe I let you write on my dick.”
That sent us both into fits of laughter and before I knew it, I was leaning against him as I laughed.
“I missed you,” I mumbled.
Jason wrapped his arm around me and squeezed me into his side. “I missed you too. Foster mentioned you didn’t have human touch for a hundred years.”
I didn’t know it was possible anymore, but my cheeks heated as I blushed. “None.”
“Do you still miss it?” he asked carefully. I tilted my head back so I could look at him. He had closed his emotions away, but there was something vulnerable there. He was waiting for my response, and if I said the wrong thing, all the work to get to this moment of peacefulness would crumble away.
I leaned down and bit his chest through his shirt.
“Damn, Josie.” Jason jerked away from me.
“I’ve missed your touch since the day I went in. I’m right beside you and I still miss it.”
Jason swore before pulling me onto him until all of me was pressed against all of him. He buried his face into my hair and took in a deep breath.
“Same. I mean, it hasn’t been a hundred years, but it fucking felt like it.”
Needing more of him, I tilted my head up until I could kiss his jaw. He loosened his grip on me so that I could move. Our lips met and nothing mattered anymore. It was just him and me, and it was everything I needed.
“You can touch me all you want,” he whispered against my lips, his eyes dark with lust.
“Fuck yeah,” I said and ran my hands down his side. He remained still as I moved so I could explore his body. I sat back on his thighs and lifted his shirt, revealing hard abs. I traced each ridge, noting how his muscles contracted as he held himself still.
I smirked, watching him fight with himself. Jason’s hands stayed on my waist, resting and doing nothing else. He was giving me permission and all the power to do what I wanted to him.
Curls started below his belly button and disappeared in the jeans he was wearing. I ran my hands over it, feeling the soft hairs. A muscle in Jason’s jaw ticked as he kept himself restrained. I worked my way up his chest, pushing his shirt further up.
I stopped at his nipples and ran my thumbs over them. Jason’s eyes turned into slits as he stared down at me. Still, he didn’t say anything or try to stop me. The shirt came off, and I ran my hands over his muscular shoulders and to the back of his neck. When I touched the little hairs there, he shuddered.
“You better stop me,” I warned.
“I won’t.”
“Okay then,” I sang out before working my way down his chest, but this time with my mouth. When I got to his left nipple, I drew the hard bud into my mouth and bit down gently. Jason’s breathing picked up, and still he didn’t do anything else. I sucked and did it again before moving over to his other nipple and giving it the same attention. Jason had always loved having his nipples played with and that hadn’t changed in ten years.
Great to know.
After I pushed Jason’s resolve far enough, I kissed my way down his stomach, his muscles quivering underneath my lips. I made quick work of his jean button and zipper. Then he was free, his hardness beckoning me to bring him over.
“Josie,” Jason tried to warn.
I ignored him and wrapped my hand around him. He was a steel rod wrapped in velvet in my hand.
“Fuck.” Jason’s head tilted back as his body shook with pleasure. His lips parted, eyes half-closed.
I pumped him slowly, feeling the way he reacted to me. The head of him glistened and before he could stop me, I shifted and took him into my mouth, swirling my tongue around the tip. His hips buckled, and I swore if Jason didn’t have the experience that he had, he’d have come right then.
But Jason was always one with control in the bedroom, and he exerted that now, holding himself to prolong the pleasure.
That was fine with me. I’d bring him over whether he wanted it or not. I bobbed my head, pulling as much of him as I could into my mouth. He touched the back of my throat before I pulled away.
“Fuck, your mouth feels so damn good.”
I released him with a pop and grinned up at him. “Better than the others you had?” It was probably bitchy of me to ask, but I needed to know. The fae side of me demanded that I be better than anyone else.
“You have always been the best,” he said through gritted teeth.
I rewarded him, taking him deep into my mouth, my hand cupping his balls, feeling the weight as I carefully played with them.
That was Jason’s weakness. I relentlessly worked him over, loving the saltiness of his precum. He groaned, his body rigid as his pleasure built to a peak he’d no longer have any choice but to fall from.
Swearing, he grunted, his body bucking as he came, my mouth filling with his seed. It was warm and salty, my tongue tingling from the taste as I swallowed. Licking, I grinned, taking in Jason lost in the aftereffects of his orgasm.
“Damn, Josie,” he whispered. “Damn. Damn. Damn.”
I giggled, loving how much he didn’t know how to respond to what we’d just done.
“If the guys weren’t going to come back at any moment, I would take you right now and fuck you until all you can do is scream my name.”
Anticipation thrummed through me, and I bit back a moan. That would have been perfect. But he was right, the guys would be back soon. I crawled up his lean body and laid a kiss to his jaw before taking his lips. He responded, opening to me, deepening the kiss until I was nearly worked up into a frenzy. It took all of me to pull away from him and crawl off the bed.
“It is a shame,” I whispered, making a show of fixing my robe to hide my body. We shared looks of deep passion that had been ten years in the waiting.
“Soon,” he promised.
I hoped so. Wanting some space, I went into the bathroom, needing my body to calm, my thoughts to slow down.
While I was in the bathroom, I heard Jason talking and then the familiar rumble of the guys. Everyone was back. If we had been how we were meant to be, it wouldn’t have been an issue, but we were in a precarious position, and no one knew where anyone stood or what to do.
I sighed and splashed water on my face.
“Focus,” I whispered. “I need to focus.”
