Combat.
Kill.
Survive.
Scream.
Pray.
My walls are closing in. I can’t breathe. People are yelling, children are screaming, gunshots are going off. Looking around, all I see is blood. My stomach knots, and I dry heave as we push through the tunnels. Someone's entire arm falls mere inches in front of my face, plastering blood all over my shirt. I swallow vomit. We hear the chopper before we can see it. My crew runs in the direction of safety. We just have to make it a few more feet.
“Matty!” James yells, alerting me of danger to my right. I turn my head just in time to see them coming towards us with guns blazing. We exit the tunnel only to realize James isn’t with us. Gunshots sound again—someone screams. It’s James. I hear him begging. I hear his cries. I turn to go back, but someone pulls on my shoulder.
“That’s a death wish, soldier.”
Dead silence sounds in the air as a single shot is fired. Tears line my waterline as I know the person who was just murdered in cold blood. How can I explain this to his sister? The person I call my person?
I look into the hazy sky. The blades of the chopper go around and around. The swift motion can be compared to the cycle of life. Someone has been born. Someone has died. Someone is creating anew. Someone is ending a problem. I jump onto the railing only to have my foot slip on the surface. I free fall with no chance of survival. My world turns black as I catapult into oblivion. If this is my end, I have chosen poorly.
“Matty!” someone shouts at me. “Matty, wake up!” Hands are on me, and I’m scared. I jerk and push the bodies off of me. I have to run. I’ll only be safe if I run.
My feet hit the floor and I fight through the debris. I push my way through the combat that surrounds me. The sounds grow faint. My feet burn. I look down to see I’m barefoot. My body crumbles at the sight. I sway, trying to stay upright, but I look at the woods that surround me. They are familiar. They are home.
“Matty,” a female voice sounds from behind me. Falling to my knees, I look up at the sky. The same stars that shined the night of James’s death haunt me tonight.
“Matty, it’s just a dream,” she says as she gets closer to me. I keep blinking, trying to clear my head, trying to make sense of why this keeps happening. The dreams are becoming more frequent and more vile. Probably because James’s birthday is tomorrow. It’s been two years now, but the days aren’t easier. I love Liv, but when the dreams come, her voice, her image, her same-colored eyes and tinted freckles, they make me crazy. They take me back to the night before his murder. He had showed me a ring he bought to propose to his girlfriend. She was pregnant when he left for our deployment, and she had their son while he was gone. We were going home just a week after. He wanted her to know that he loved her, forever, and that he was one proud father. He wanted me to make the same commitment to Olivia so that we would both have something to celebrate. The world has a cruel way of playing jokes on the people with the biggest hearts.
“Mads,” I hear someone say. I pick my head up and turn towards the woods. Mya? I haven’t heard my childhood nickname in over a decade.
“What’s wrong?” Liv asks, placing her hand on my shoulder. I stand to my feet and begin walking towards the sound.
“Matty!” I hear Mya scream this time. I’m running before I know it.
“Matthew, it is the middle of the night!” Liv shouts from behind me. “You’re not wearing shoes, love! It’s just a dream.”
My mind starts breaking down her words. She’s right. Mya’s not out here. It is just a dream. Why am I hearing her calling my name though? I stop again and try to breathe. My mind has never been right, but then again, my mom suffered from a brain tumor that ate away at her intelligence.
I don’t think I can stand these hallucinations anymore. They aren’t getting any better. James’s death was real. Mya calling out my name was not.
I’m making a doctor’s appointment first thing in the morning. I have to make sure I’m not missing something.