“Are you mad at me?” her delicate voice trembles. I sit with my elbows on my knees and stare out of the window. 

“Why would I be mad at you?” I say, choosing not to look at her. Rain pours down, hitting the tin of the cabin, making my emotions heightened. Olivia was pregnant with my child. She was prepared to have my child. She left me knowing she was pregnant with my child. 

“Because I left instead of fighting.” 

I turn to her and see the pain in her eyes. Any built up anger I was creating dissipates. 

“You weren’t happy,” I reply. “I would never be mad at you for choosing your own happiness over me.” 

Her eyebrows come together, and she raises her voice. “But I lost our baby.” 

I watch her facial features falter. It breaks my heart to see her so distraught. She thinks this is her fault. I stand up and walk to her. I kneel down and take her hand while putting my other hand under her chin to make her look at me. 

“That’s not your fault,” I say sternly. It would be my luck, but it’s not her fault. Miscarriages happen. Normally, there’s nothing that anyone can do to prevent them. God is in control. We are not. It’s an unfortunate fate, but it is what it is. 

Her tears hit my hand. I take my thumb and wipe them away. 

“You are incredibly strong. You left because you didn’t want to be here. I am upset that you didn’t tell me, but you could not have prevented this. It is not your fault, Liv.” 

She nods, but her eyes look away from me. She blinks multiple times to keep the tears at bay. 

“I loved you, Matty,” she says, ghostly. “But I was only holding on to you for my brother.” 

A part of me knew that was coming. I could’ve bet money on it. I was thinking about spending forever with her only to have her thinking that she was stuck with me. 

“I think we both were.” 

I’m only partially lying. I loved Liv. I still love Liv, but I’ve known since the beginning that we were only here because of James. If James was still alive, we would’ve gone our own ways long before we got to this phase. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t come back when your dad died,” she says, turning her head into my hand. 

“You don’t have to be sorry,” I say as my heart grows even heavier. That day was such a blur. It still is. The sad thing is that it had nothing to do with the loss of my dad. 

I lean forward and place a kiss on her temple. I’ve never thought about being a father. I never dreamed of having kids of my own, but now since that has been taken away from me, a pang of guilt hits me. 

“I’m still sorry,” she says. I release her hand and pull her into me. She wraps her arms tight around my chest, and her head lands in the crook of my neck. 

“Sorry is a form of regret. I would never regret being with you, Olivia.” Even if we weren’t together forever, I would never regret experiencing what I believed was love with her.  She has helped me overcome my inner demons. Kameron helped me conquer them. I have learned a lot about myself since I’ve come home and I wouldn’t change a single thing. I’m continuously learning to be a better man, and if this is a stepping stone in helping me get to that place, I will accept it with open arms. 

“Can I stay the night?” she asks, pulling her head back. I see it in her stare. She’s scared. I know she’s scared. I’m scared. Somewhere in this, we have to be able to grieve and I’ve learned grieving alone is not beneficial to either soul. Maybe if we grieve together, the absence of our loss will sting just a little less. 

“You can stay as long as you want.”