DIAGNOSIS CANCER

As a word. As just a word, CANCER does sound quite sinister. Say it out loud now.

C A N C E R

It’s a very breathy word.

There’s almost too much air inside it.

C A N C E R

Try different ways of delivering it.

C

A

N

C

E

R

See how it sounds and how those sounds make you feel.

C

A

N

C

E

R

Sing it to the tune of ‘Amazing Grace’:

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Can-cer, ca-a-ancer, can-cer, can-cer, can-cer ca-a-ancer, ca-an-CER

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Can-cer, can-cer, can-cer, can-cer, can-cer ca-a-ancer can-cerrrrrrrrr

Creepy and glorious.

WARNING

If you are sitting on a bus reading this and obligingly following these instructions, be warned:

ߦ If you are whispering it, you may sound like the ‘cancer mouth bomber’. The Cancer Mouth Bomber is a strange evil loner with squinty eyes, wearing an eighties parka, who is often to be found on the top deck of the number 73 bus. The Cancer Mouth Bomber is endeavouring to infect the population by means of Cancer Whisper.

ߦ If you are giving full vent to your lungs and shouting the word CANCER out loud and long, you will seem just plain scary and, before long, you will no doubt be arrested and removed by the cancer police.

ߦ If you are singing it full pelt, like a hymn, you will just sound plain bonkers.

Regardless, it’s one of those fantastic words that is so evocative and emotive that it is hard to know whether the actual form of the word or the letters within the word add to its power.

Let’s say CANCER was called something different. Something softer with smoother vowels.

Shoop, maybe, or shoom.

Shoom. Yes. SHOOM.

Would that make a difference?

What’s wrong with me, Doctor?’

Well, I am sorry to say you have stage 4 Shoom.

Would that make things feel less deathly? Or soften the blow? Probably not. But it might help fewer people visibly wince when they hear the word.

For a while anyway. But it wouldn’t last for long. The disease is such that any word would eventually take on the same iconic ugliness that pervades the word cancer. You can change the word but you can’t change the illness. The only thing you have control of is how you respond to the diagnosis.

Diagnosis Shoom.