part0008

WE PULLED INTO THE PARKING lot at the Heart of Texas Caverns and spilled out of the vehicle into the humid heat of a Texas July.

My mom and dad were beyond ready for this vacation to be over, but they had finally relented to one more stop on the road home after I, in what had passed for subtlety in my twelve-year-old brain, had read aloud every cave tour billboard I had seen for the last two hundred miles.

The gravel crunched beneath my feet and the drone of cicadas in the trees and fields around us filled my ears. The heat and humidity turned the air to hot soup and in under a minute, my hair was already sticking to my forehead. A light breeze would have been a blessing.

We arrived just in time for the next tour. Dad purchased our passes and pushed us toward a small group of maybe thirteen people near the cog train that would take us down into the cave.

Our tour guide had shaggy brown hair, blue eyes and a mouth full of perfectly straight, white teeth. He had on tight khaki shorts and an equally tight green polo embroidered with the Heart of Texas Caverns emblem.

At twelve years old and raised in deep East Texas, I didn’t yet have the courage nor the vocabulary to say that I was gay. I didn’t even fully know what that meant, but I knew that I was absolutely fascinated by the dark brown hair on his toned legs and the patch of skin visible near his unbuttoned shirt collar. I was more than a little embarrassed when I realized he caught me looking. Thankfully, my parents didn’t notice.

“Hey, everyone!” he called, pulling everyone else’s attention to him. He obviously had mine already. “My name is Danny. I’m nineteen years old, a Freshman at Stephen F. Austin State University, and I’ll be taking you Deep in the Heart of Texas Caverns today!”

He sang the “Deep in the Heart of Texas” line and was rewarded with a few chuckles from his captive audience.

“I’m going to ask all of you to stick close to the group while we’re down there. There are parts of these caverns that have never been explored and I don’t get paid to play Magellan!”

“Next I’m going to ask you to remember not to touch anything while we’re down there. A cavern system is a living, breathing ecosystem. We’re visitors in their house and the oils on our hands can kill pieces of formations that have stood for centuries.”

He looked at the kids in the group and grinned.

“If you think your mom gets mad when you put your hands all over her clean windows, she’s got nothing on my boss. So do a fella a favor and try to remember, okay? Alright, onto the train everyone! Aaaalll aboard!”

We loaded onto the train and Danny made his way to the front where he picked up a handheld mic that would amplify his voice while we descended.

The train made a distinct sound when it rumbled to life. It reminded me of the mini roller coaster at our local county fair back home. My excitement grew as we left the surface world behind and headed into the cave’s dark depths.

“When we get to the end of the line, we’ll be about one hundred and forty feet below the surface,” Danny said. “Honestly, spaces like this used to give me the creeps. I didn’t want to take this job, but I finally caved!”

Danny was again rewarded with a few chuckles from his audience, but I just smiled and looked at my feet. It’s not that I didn’t think Danny’s jokes were funny. It’s just that every time he told one, he would flash that grin again.

That grin put rabbit-sized butterflies in my stomach and I could not afford to let my parents see me squirm.

“If you look to your left, you’ll be able to see your first stalagmites and stalactites. Does anyone know the difference?”

He waited a few seconds and when no one volunteered to answer, he just shook his head.

“Oh boy. Everyone has to go back to earth science class,” he joked. “Stalagmites and stalactites are mineral formations. Stalagmites grow up from the cave floor and stalactites grow down from the ceiling. They’ve got a lot in common with ants in the pants, actually. When the mites go up, the tights come down!”

His audience groaned, but I leaned around my dad to see what Danny was talking about.

I had always pictured stalagmites and stalactites as dry, gray rock, but these weren’t like that at all. They were brown, gold, and beige. Every shade in between and their damp surfaces shimmered in the lights set up along the tracks.

As we descended deeper, the train’s movements echoed unpleasantly. Danny continued to talk, but even with the mic’s amplification, parts of the tour were garbled. I wondered if we’d missed any of his endearingly corny jokes in the noise.

Finally, the train eased to a halt and I was relieved the sound, which had nearly become unbearable, died away. Danny motioned us off the train.

My dad huddled us together into a group and we were soon walking along the stone floor of the remarkably well-lit cave. I was immediately struck by how cool the temperature was here.

Danny pointed out natural formations that bore striking resemblances to horses, birds, people, and even bacon strips, which made me smile. Next, he led us through a tunnel with colorful, crystal-lined walls. I stopped to look at them, completely missing the fact the tour had moved on without me.

Earlier in the year, I had read The Crystal Cave by Mary Stewart. In the book, Merlin discovered a cave whose walls were lined with smooth crystals. I had spent hours trying to imagine what it might have looked like. I thought I had a pretty good idea, but this was so much better. It was like standing in a fairy tale.

I stood there, turning in circles, watching the way the crystals winked at me in yellows, reds, and blues until I heard a strange noise. It sounded like something was sliding roughly across the stone floor of the cave interrupted by a single, rhythmic slapping sound.

I looked back. The tunnel was so brightly lit, a contrast to the entrance, that it was hard to see anything beyond its threshold. I jumped when a hand suddenly fell on my shoulder.

“Hey, guy, no falling behind,” Danny said, smiling at me.

“I thought I heard something.”

“Yeah, there’s all kinds of weird noises down here, but you gotta keep up. Come on,” he said, turning me around and walking me back to rejoin the group. His hand was warm on my shoulder and the butterflies immediately returned to my stomach with a fury.

I did not want him to move his hand. I also didn’t want him to know that I didn’t want him to move his hand, and I could feel my face burning as we caught sight of the tour group standing together trying not to look bored.

My dad was shooting daggers, but he didn’t say anything. I knew I’d be in for it when the tour ended.

Danny, however, never missed a beat. He led us to a pool where catfish swam. He explained the fish had lived in the cave system for so many generations that they no longer had eyes.

“Use it or lose it,” Danny joked and winked at me when I was the only one who laughed. “But seriously, nature is resourceful. It loses what it doesn’t need and develops what it does.”

“What do they eat?” someone in the group asked.

“Smaller fish. Bugs. I’ve heard they’ll even eat bats if they get too close to the water, but don’t quote me on it.”

A shiver went down my spine at Danny’s explanation and I immediately stepped back from the edge of the water. My dad loved to fish and he loved to make me go with him. I knew that larger fish would eat smaller fish and worms, but it had never occurred to me that they might eat animals outside of the water.

I had felt the gritty, sharp inside of a catfish’s mouth before and my mind immediately went to work imagining one of them closing around my arm trying to devour me.

“No thanks,” I whispered and took another step back.

After a while, Danny brought us to a halt inside a large round chamber and I looked up into its craggy ceiling. Something didn’t feel right here. There were multiple openings aside from the one we had entered but they had no lighting in them and I couldn’t shake the feeling that someone or something could be watching us from the dark. I stepped closer to my mom as the hair stood up on the back of my neck and goosebumps broke out along my arms.

“People talk about being afraid of the dark, but most people don’t know what real darkness is,” Danny began. “Even on a moonless night, there is still starlight. Even when all the lights are turned off in our houses, the VCR clock still shines.”

I had never really considered it before, but he was right. There were always streetlights, car headlights and any number of illumination sources no matter what time of night it was.

“Total darkness is unsettling,” Danny continued. “It’s uncomfortable.”

My stomach churned as he dug into his shirt pocket and removed a tiny birthday candle.

“In total darkness, the flame on this candle would be an astonishing amount of light,” he said. “Now, I need a volunteer to help me with a little experiment.”

He made a big show of walking around the chamber, smiling at everyone individually, but ultimately he stopped in front of me.

“How about you?” he asked.

My mouth was dry and I found it difficult to answer, but I felt a push from behind as my dad volunteered me. Danny put his hand on my shoulder again and walked me to the other side of the chamber where an almost cartoonishly large switch was attached to the wall.

“What’s your name?”

“Michael,” I whispered, then cleared my throat. “My name is Michael.”

“Okay, Michael. Don’t worry. This is going to be easy.”

He winked at me before he turned back to the rest of our tour group. The attention made me blush, and blushing made me blush more.

“Okay everyone, for your safety, I’m going to ask you to back up close to the walls. In just about a minute here, my new buddy, Michael, is going to pull this switch. When he does, you’re going to experience total darkness for the very first time! Please, no matter what your first instincts are, stay close to the wall. You don’t know how many people I’ve had try to run and end up falling. Everyone understand?”

They all looked so excited, and they whispered to each other as they arranged themselves in front of the wall opposite Danny and me. One man picked up his daughter, who looked like she might have been only six or seven, and whispered to her. She giggled and clapped her hands.

“Lights out!” she shouted and clapped some more .

My mom had a firm grip on my dad, who was grinning at me.

My father wasn’t a cruel man, but he definitely thought I was too soft. I spent too much time reading and not enough time hunting, fishing, and exploring the outdoors “being a boy,” as he put it, so anything that pushed me outside my comfort zone was just fine by him.

“All right, Michael,” Danny said. “I’m going to count down from three and when I get to one, I want you to pull that switch, okay? I’m going to be right here and when I tell you, just push it back up to turn the lights back on. Got it?”

“Yeah. I mean, yes, sir.”

“Don’t call me ‘sir,’ buddy,” he said, grinning. “I’m not nearly old enough for that. Yet. Okay, is everyone ready?”

Everyone on the opposite wall answered in the affirmative and Danny stepped to my side, putting his hand on my shoulder again.

“All right! Lights out in three, two, one . . . ”

Nervously, I pulled down on the switch. As the lights fell away, I was almost certain I saw something step into the chamber.

Everything was quiet for maybe three or four seconds aside from the “ohs” and “ahs” from the rest of the tour group.

“I can’t see my hand in front of my own face!” someone yelled.

“This is so cool,” someone else said, laughing nervously.

Danny’s hand was still firmly on my shoulder and I leaned into his grip just a bit in an attempt to reassure myself that I wasn’t alone. I had never been afraid of the dark, but I had never liked it either.

This? This was something completely different.

No matter how well Danny had explained it, there was simply no way of anticipating how disorienting total darkness would be. My stomach flipped with anxiety as I realized I no longer had a way of navigating this environment. I could have been upside down standing on the ceiling and it wouldn’t surprise me for a second.

Thank God for Danny’s hand. It felt like an anchor holding me steady.

That’s when I heard that strange sound again. It sounded like someone sliding their feet across the stone floor of the cave but always with the slap that followed the slide.

“Stay against the wall,” Danny called, but the shuffling steps continued.

I said a silent prayer but my thoughts derailed when the total darkness was shattered by a strange tearing sound and an ear-splitting scream that lasted maybe two or three seconds before cutting off abruptly as something fell to the floor.

From the time I was just a little kid, if I became completely overwhelmed or scared, I would shut down. My muscles would tense; my joints would lock. I became completely useless until I felt whatever danger I perceived had passed.

The sudden silence was far more terrifying than the scream itself, and I fell into that familiar trancelike state, my hand locking onto the switch as my body went rigid with fear.

“Okay, Michael, time to turn the light back on.”

Danny’s voice sounded like it was miles away. I wanted to turn the lights back on, but I couldn’t.

“Michael, turn on the light!”

This time it was my mom’s voice and it managed to cut through the haze that had fallen around me, but not enough to make me move.

“What the fuck is that?”

I didn’t recognize the voice.

“Let go of my leg or I’ll shoot!”

Seconds later, I heard a man scream and the deafening sound of a handgun being fired as the muzzle flared and a bullet ricocheted. I heard Danny grunt and fall.

My anchor was gone and reality locked back into place. I needed the light and I needed it urgently.

A blaze of light filled the room as I slammed the switch back up again.

I immediately shielded my eyes and turned my head away from the glow of the artificial lights. My eyelids reflexively fluttered as the cave around me went from stark shades of black and white to color that was almost too vibrant.

As my vision cleared, I faced forward again where I could just make out the shape of the thing that had infiltrated our group.

It wasn’t particularly tall, and its green-gray skin was shiny and sleek and wet. The creature was really no more than a torso and head with long arms that extended out in front of its distended belly. Its short, squat legs and long feet explained the strange sliding footsteps I’d heard earlier.

Two nasty horns grew from the place where the thing’s eyes should have been. There were small slits in the skin I assumed served as its ears and nose. Most of the creature’s face was occupied by a lipless and whiskered mouth, which currently chewed on a tourist’s arm.

My thoughts flashed back to the pool and Danny’s explanation of the strange catfish that lived in its dark and terrifying depths and how they would eat anything that got close enough to their pool.

No one moved or made a sound as we all took in the horror in front of us.

The creature sucked and spit as its creaking jaws chewed through muscle and bone. Loud gulps issued from its throat as it swallowed before it sucked the last of the arm into its mouth. I could hear the bones crack and break before the sucking and gulping sounds started again. Red-tinged saliva and bits of flesh, including a single finger with a simple gold band, dropped from the thing’s mouth.

My stomach flipped and I knew I was moments away from vomiting if I didn’t look away.

My eyes dropped to the creature’s feet and I saw a woman lying there. If she wasn’t dead already, she was well on her way. Her arm had been ripped off, blood steadily pooling around her. Her own finger now sat in the blood pointing to where her arm had been. The color looked almost pretty in the light.

The creature audibly swallowed what was left of the woman’s arm, then opened its mouth and emitted a strange croaking sound. Seconds later, I heard shuffling in the shadows, and I realized it had announced the buffet was open.

Chaos broke out in the room as everyone ran in different directions. My dad was pushing my mom ahead of him. They headed toward one of the three exits and completely forgot about me.

To my left, I heard Danny cry out and I turned to see one of the creatures leaning over him, its hungry mouth open and dripping brackish saliva onto his face. I quickly realized he had been hit in the shoulder by the ricocheting bullet. The smell of the blood had no doubt drawn the creature directly to him.

“Run!” Danny shouted, looking me right in the eye. “Go back the way we came!”

His words turned to a scream as the creature ripped off a handful of his hair. It cooed with delight as it licked at the hair and reached out to grab Danny’s one unwounded arm.

I don’t know what came over me. Maybe it was because he was nice to me. Maybe it was because he was cute. All I knew was I couldn’t let this thing have him.

“Get back!” I shouted and leapt forward. I grabbed the heavy flashlight that hung from Danny’s belt and wrestled it free.

The creature barely registered my presence until I brought the flashlight down on its head. The resulting squish turned my stomach. Its angry roar in response sent me stumbling backward, and I landed on Danny.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I said, scrambling back to my feet. The creature held its head where green-black blood trickled from the fresh wound I’d created. It swiped at me wildly with its other clawed hand.

“Michael, just get out of here!” Danny shouted as he tried to scramble out from under the creature.

“I’m not leaving without you,” I yelled back, then ran at the creature with arms raised, screaming at the top of my lungs. I felt the tips of its fingers swipe at my shirt as I brought the flashlight down again on its bulbous head. There was another disgusting squish that ended in a loud crack.

It was the creature’s turn to stumble this time. Its short legs and elongated feet tangled together, sending it falling onto its back. Danny had finally managed to pull himself to his feet and I closed the distance between us, trying to catch my breath.

At the sound of that strange grunting, Danny and I turned to find the creature back on its feet. Danny grabbed me, pushing me behind him while simultaneously taking the flashlight from my hand. His roars matched those of the creature in front of him as he slammed the heavy metal light into the side of the thing’s head.

It stumbled to the left and Danny hit it again. This time, when it fell, he leapt on top and brought the light down over and over again until its head was completely dented. Finally, the mysterious cave creature was dead.

Danny’s face was streaked with the creature’s blood when he stood and turned back to the room, his face a mixture of fear and rage.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the tunnel beyond the chamber’s opening.

The path ahead was a blur as Danny pulled me along behind him, but he never let go. He held my hand until we were back in the sunlight and both of us stumbled to our knees gasping for air.

I leaned against him, not caring who saw or what it looked like. Danny put his arm around me protectively.

People were shouting. It looked like at least a few members of our tour group had made it out ahead of us. The man who had picked up his daughter before the lights went out clutched her tightly in his arms as he yelled at what I assumed was Danny’s boss.

There were others who must have been waiting for the next tour. They quickly backed away when they saw us. More than one ran for the parking lot and I heard tires screech as they sped away.

“Michael!” My mother called my name as she, too, went to her knees next to me, pulling me into her arms and kissing my face. “Are you okay? Did it hurt you?”

“I—I think I’m all right, mama,” I whispered.

She scrambled by me and grabbed Danny, pulling him into her arms as well, thanking him for saving my life.

He winced as his wounded shoulder was jostled, but he managed to smile at her and look over at me.

“He saved mine first.”

People from the ticket booth and the gift shop ran over to see what was happening, and I heard someone tell someone else to call the police. They pulled us inside and a skinny older man in a “Heart of Texas Caverns” shirt gave me one just like it so I could change.

By the time the police and ambulances had arrived, we were almost all cleaned up except Danny. One of his co-workers had removed his shirt and held a towel tightly to the gunshot wound in Danny’s shoulder. The bald spot where the creature had ripped the hair from his head would have been comical if there weren’t quite so much dried blood.

I joined my Mom and Dad, who were sitting nearby and my mom put her arm around me.

No one spoke. We just sat there as a family waiting for our turn to talk to the police.

I tried not to look at the cave, but I couldn’t help it. Over and over again, my eyes were drawn to the entrance and the dark beyond it, and sometimes, I could swear I saw something moving.

No matter what my mind gave me as an explanation, nothing fit. They were monsters. Monsters were real.

Before, that entrance had seemed like a doorway to an adventure. Now, I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was an open mouth waiting to be fed.