22. A Breakfast of Ashes

Hours after George (who weighed in at a bouncing nine pounds) was born, Diana delivered another little boy into the world. Unlike George, Diana’s son was pale, underweight and listless after his long, protracted birth. As soon as her ordeal was over, Diana slipped into a deep, exhausted sleep, which lasted until dawn, when she woke up to the sound of a wailing baby. Turning instinctively towards the sound, she opened her eyes to find Ada by her bedside bearing a little bundle in her arms.

‘This little boy would like to meet his mother,’ Ada said gently.

Tears slid down Diana’s face as she stared into her baby’s face. ‘His mouth is like Harry’s,’ she murmured. ‘And he has his hair too,’ she said incredulously, running her fingers through her son’s sparse blond hair.

‘I’ve brought a bottle so you can feed him,’ Ada explained. ‘He’s only had a bit of sterilized water so far.’

Diana gazed intently into her baby’s blinking eyes. ‘I want to feed him myself.’

Ada gave her a hard look. ‘Are you sure?’

Opening her nightie, Diana answered simply, ‘Quite sure.’

‘Here, let me help you,’ Ada said, as she positioned the baby in the crook of Diana’s right arm. ‘Let him nuzzle your breast – he’ll find his own way from there.’

The little boy snuffled, then, when he found the nipple, he latched on and started to suck.

Surprised at his strength, Diana let out a little cry. ‘Ow! He’s pulling.’

‘He’s hungry, poor chap,’ Ada said, smiling. ‘He slept on and off through the night; he must be starving by now.’

As Diana gazed at the child in her arms, she remembered what Harry had said when they had discussed their baby before he left.

‘Have you thought of a name?’ Diana had asked one night as they were sitting comfortably on the sofa.

Harry’s handsome face had grown serious as he considered the options. ‘What about Margot if it’s a girl and Teddy if it’s a boy?’

At the time Diana had smiled indulgently, but, thanks to that conversation, she knew for sure the name of their son.

‘Hello, Teddy,’ she whispered, as she stroked his soft, warm cheek. ‘Welcome to the world.’

From the day they were born George and Teddy slept side by side in identical snowy white canvas cots lined up in the nursery, where all of the other Mary Vale babies slept. Marie bottle-fed her little boy, while Diana continued to breast-feed. Well aware of Diana’s fragile state, Ada sat with her as Teddy, now nearly a week old and already visibly bigger, suckled on her breast.

‘Are you sure this is wise, dear?’ Ada tentatively asked.

Diana turned her cornflower-blue eyes on Ada. ‘I know what you’re really asking me,’ she smiled. ‘Is it a good idea to feed the baby you’re about to have adopted?’

Ada nodded. ‘I’m thinking of both of you, to be fair,’ she pointed out.

‘I completely understand that,’ Diana acknowledged. ‘To be perfectly honest, Ada, I can’t think straight. I’ve lost the love of my life and found the love of my life,’ she confessed. ‘I weep in my sleep for Harry, yet I smile when I wake up and hold this little treasure. I never thought I would feel like this. Before I gave birth, everything was cut and dried: with Harry gone the only sensible thing to do was to return to my war work, which, by the way,’ she added with a modest smile, ‘I was rather good at.’

‘I’m sure you were,’ Ada agreed. ‘You’re a clever woman, Diana.’

‘That’s sweet of you to say so,’ Diana said, grinning. ‘Before I met Harry I was very focused and professional, but he, dear man, turned me into a bag of emotions and desires. I loved him very, very much, Ada. It’s so unfair that we had so little time together.’

Her son wriggling fretfully at her breast momentarily claimed Diana’s attention. When he had settled back down to feeding, Diana continued.

‘I am not giving Teddy up, Ada. He’s all I have of Harry.’

Because their babies had been born on the same day, Diana and Marie instinctively sought each other out. They couldn’t have been more different: tall, elegant, clever Diana and chubby, chatterbox Marie, who loved to eat, gossip and smoke, preferably all at the same time. Diana was grateful to Marie for not asking too many personal questions; Marie on the other hand had no hesitation in telling Diana of her passionate romance with Canadian Air Force Corporal Cody Buchan.

‘His unit was posted over here at the start of the war,’ she said, as the two of them sat in the nursery feeding their babies. ‘I met him at the Palais de Danse in Bolton. Gorgeous fella,’ Marie sighed dreamily. ‘He was the tallest man in the room, broad-shouldered, handsome in his blue uniform. He was by far the best-looking.’

George, who had drained his bottle in no time, wailed as he wriggled uncomfortably on his mother’s knee.

‘All right, all right,’ Marie soothed. ‘You wouldn’t have wind if you weren’t so greedy.’

She confidently lifted him on to her shoulder and patted his back until he gave a loud burp.

‘George is the spit of Cody,’ Marie continued, lowering her son into the crook of her arm, where she rocked him to sleep. ‘The same big brown eyes and smooth dark skin. Cody was a great singer,’ she recalled with a laugh. ‘He’d sing anywhere – walking down the street, in the pub, up on’t moors – he never stopped.’

Diana, who was thinking she would be rather embarrassed by Cody’s extrovert nature, asked, ‘How long did you know him?’

‘Best part of a year, all the time he was stationed in the North,’ Marie replied with a nostalgic sigh. ‘As soon as Cody found out I was pregnant, he said he’d marry me, but mi dad put a stop to all that. He said he was having no daughter of his marrying a foreigner.’ Marie gave a derisive snort. ‘When I told him that Canada is part of the British Empire and the Canadian Air Force are over here fighting on our side, he just laughed in my face. Cody even came to our house to ask for my hand in marriage, but mi dad kicked him out, said he was having nothing to do with a mixed-race marriage.’ Marie gently lowered sleeping George into his little white canvas cot. ‘By the time I arrived here at Mary Vale, Cody’s unit had been posted overseas. Not long after I got a letter from a friend in Cody’s unit who told me that Cody had died on active service.’

Tears welled in Diana’s pale-blue eyes. ‘Seems like we both lost the man we loved,’ she murmured.

‘Bloody rotten war,’ Marie seethed. ‘Snatches your life away and leaves you with nothing but a breakfast of ashes.’ Gently rocking George’s cot, she continued bitterly, ‘I’d like to keep George, but mi dad wouldn’t even contemplate having him in the house. Only white fellas who work in the local mill and drink in the local pub are acceptable in his book, ignorant bloody fool that he is.’

Feeling very sorry for Marie, who clearly loved her son, Diana asked a question she almost immediately regretted. ‘Could you manage to live on your own and keep your child?’

‘I wish!’ Marie exclaimed. ‘I’m not clever and educated like you, Diana. I left school the day I turned fourteen and I’ve been working in the spinning room at Johnson’s Mill ever since. I’ve no money, no savings, and nowhere to go but back to Bolton and the mill. God help me!’

Wiping tears from her eyes, Marie gazed lovingly at her sleeping baby.

‘Anyway, what kind of a life would George have even if I could take him back home? I’d be out at work, and he would be brought up by my rotten family, who would resent him, just because of the colour of his skin. I want a much better life for my sweet, innocent little baby than that!’

A few days later Marie arrived in the nursery sobbing her heart out.

‘What is it?’ Diana exclaimed. ‘What’s happened?’

‘I’ve agreed to George being adopted!’ she wailed. ‘Oh, God, how will I leave him here, all on his own?’

Diana caught Marie by the arm. ‘Listen to me,’ she said firmly. ‘As long as I’m here, I promise I’ll look after George, I’ll write you weekly reports on how he’s progressing.’

Marie smiled wanly. ‘That’s nice of you, Diana, but then what happens when you leave?’

‘To be honest I don’t think I’ll be leaving very soon,’ Diana replied frankly. ‘The man I love is dead, and right now Teddy and I both need looking after; I’ve already talked to Ada about staying on a bit longer.’

‘Lucky you,’ Marie sighed. Seeing Diana’s hopelessly sad expression, she quickly apologized. ‘Sorry, stupid me and my big mouth,’ she exclaimed. ‘I know you’re anything but lucky, losing your fiancé the way you have, but at least you’re not going to be given your marching orders when your baby’s six weeks old.’

In an attempt to cheer her sad friend up, Diana said, ‘You know, Marie, times are changing. With all the men called up, things can’t go on the way they always have done. The government will soon be turning to us women to help them run the country. We could be quite a force in the nation.’

The idea of change and empowerment brought a bright smile to Marie’s tear-stained face. ‘Aye, you’re right,’ she agreed. ‘Somebody’s got to drive the buses, build the bombs and work the land. I fancy us women have a big part to play in our country’s future!’

In early December Ada, Matron and Diana had a consultation about Diana’s plans for the future.

‘I know I said I was champing at the bit to get back to the Ops Block,’ Diana started. ‘But I’m not any more,’ she said flatly. ‘I feel weak, depressed, aimless, heartbroken – and I desperately don’t want to be apart from Teddy. My emotions are all over the place. I don’t even know how I’ll feel tomorrow, never mind next month,’ she tearfully confessed.

Seeing poor Diana struggling with her emotions, Ada gently said, ‘That’s perfectly natural in your puerperal condition, dear: many new mothers feel exactly the same.’

‘And now you have your son to think about too,’ Matron softly added.

Ada gave a slow nod.

‘How I ever imagined I could give him away, I’ll never know,’ Diana blurted out. ‘Teddy is my lifeline: apart from my memories, he’s all I’ve got of Harry.’

Matron nodded. ‘Zelda says the same thing: that the baby she carries gives her hope for the future.’

Diana took a deep breath before she asked the question that had been on her mind for some time.

‘I was booked into the Home until after Christmas, but, as a result of Teddy being born earlier than expected, will I now have to leave before then?’

Ada reached out to squeeze Diana’s hand. ‘Dearest, you must leave when you and Teddy are ready – nobody’s pushing you out,’ she assured her anxious patient. ‘We want you fully recuperated before you return to normal life.’

‘That’s a huge relief,’ Diana confessed. ‘It gives me some time to think about what I’ll do next and where we’ll go.’

‘I’m delighted to hear it, Diana,’ Ada said, beaming. ‘None of us wants you to leave Mary Vale until you’re strong enough to do so.’

Poor Marie was in pieces when her turn to leave the Home came around. Ada and Diana saw the weeping girl to the station. Almost hysterical with grief, she clung to Diana.

‘I thought I had longer with George,’ she wailed. ‘Mi bloody dad’s forcing me to go back home earlier so I can start back at the mill. Look after George for me,’ she implored. ‘Kiss him every night before he goes to sleep and tell him how much his mam loved him.’

Her anguished words reduced Diana to tears too, and, worried that the two women might both become hysterical, Ada was relieved to see the big cloud of black smoke issuing from the approaching steam train’s tall chimney. Slowly pulling the weeping girls apart, Ada led Marie along the platform, then helped her on to the train. Stumbling up the steps that she could barely see for the tears streaming down her face, Marie waved sadly out of the open window.

‘Keep an eye on my boy,’ she implored.

‘I will, I promise,’ Diana replied. ‘And I’ll write,’ she cried, as she waved goodbye and the train shunted slowly away from the platform. ‘I won’t forget you, Marie. I’ll look after George!’

Waving until the train was swallowed up in a dark cloud of sea-mist and smoke, Ada and Diana retraced their steps along the platform. The sound of the rumbling train receded, to be replaced by the murmur of the outgoing tide and the raucous cry of sea-birds wheeling overhead.