Jane
“I brought you guys something.”
I held up a brown paper bag as I entered the office kitchen. I’d gotten to work five minutes late today because I’d stopped to pick up some breakfast for my friends at work. Magnolia, Millie, Birdy, and Olivia were all my coworkers at 800 Club, and every morning we met up in the kitchen to gossip before we started our day at the office. And this morning was no different; they were all sitting there drinking coffee, varying degrees of awe in their expressions. Millie, Birdy, and Olivia were staring at Magnolia’s engagement ring and oohing and aahing. I walked over to them and placed my bag on the table.
“Ooh, what did you bring?” Magnolia’s brown eyes looked excited as she smiled at me.
“Jane, please tell me you didn’t bring doughnuts.” Millie rubbed her stomach. “I’m supposed to be on a diet.”
“I didn’t bring doughnuts.”
“No!” Millie moaned. “I could literally kill for a doughnut right now.”
“But you just said …” My voice trailed off as Olivia giggled and rolled her eyes.
“Millie started the keto diet. Her body misses carbs,” Olivia explained to me. “Ignore her, she’s having a battle with food.”
“Aw, I understand.” I patted Millie’s shoulder as I brushed past her. “How long has it been?”
“Since this morning.” She grinned. “And it seems as if my body already knows it’s being punished. I want pizza, and doughnuts, and pasta, and cake, and fries, and oh, man, hash browns.” She counted the fingers on her hands.
“All for breakfast?” Birdy’s big blue eyes were wide.
“That’s why I’m on a diet.” Millie laughed, her red curls bouncing across her shoulders. “So what did you bring?” She stared at the brown paper bag.
“Something delicious.”
“I’m curious.” Magnolia also looked eagerly at the bag. “What is it?”
“I brought pupusas.” I grinned as they all stared at me with confused expressions. “Don’t tell me you guys have never had pupusas?”
“Tell me you’re not saying puppies in Mexican?” Birdy asked, and I laughed.
“I’m speaking Spanish, Birdy. There is no Mexican language.”
She slapped her hand to her face in a “duh” moment. The other girls all shook their heads and laughed at her. “And no, a puppy is a perrito or perrita. I brought pupusas.”
“Well, thank God for that. Is it a Mexican dish?”
“No.” I shook my head. “Pupusas are a traditional Salvadoran dish …” I paused. “From El Salvador, but we always used to get them back home in Los Angeles. I picked some up for everyone to try.” I opened the bag and then walked over to the cupboard and grabbed a plate. I placed it on the table and pulled out two of the pupusas and placed them down. “So, pupusas are handmade corn tortillas, as you can see. This one on the left is filled with queso, or cheese.” I looked at Birdy.
“I know what queso is.” She grinned. “I love me some queso dip with chips.”
“Oh my God, I would die for some queso dip right now. Nachos, I want nachos.” Millie groaned and rubbed her stomach again. I looked over at Magnolia who was trying not to laugh and continued.
“This one on the right is filled with cheese and cooked pork.” I licked my lips, suddenly feeling famished. “Let’s dig in. You guys can tell me what you think.”
“I think that these look delicious.” Olivia grabbed the pupusa on the right and ripped a piece off before placing it in her mouth and chewing slowly. “Girl, this is amazing.” She quickly reached for another piece. “Thank you for bringing this.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Maybe tomorrow, I’ll bring some shrimp and grits.”
“Oh, where do you get that?”
“I’ll make it.” She smiled proudly. “It’s my grandma’s recipe. She’s from Louisiana. She knows how to make the best Cajun food.”
“That sounds yummy.” Magnolia reached over to grab a piece of the pupusa, her curly hair swaying back and forth. “Oh wow, this is interesting.” She chewed and looked thoughtful. “It doesn’t taste as I imagined.”
“Oh?” I stared at her and tried to contain my grin. I could tell that she didn’t like it.
“Maybe it’s got more of a corn taste than I would have liked.” She wrinkled her nose. “I’m sorry, I’m such a philistine.”
“No, it’s okay. I’m glad you tried it.”
“Magnolia’s not used to the soul in her cooking like we are.” Olivia giggled as she took another piece. I watched as she chewed, and I grinned as she licked her lips. “Thanks for this, Jane. So yummy.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Oh God, did I tell you what this guy said to me last night?” Olivia’s eyes widened, and she leaned forward, changing the subject. “He came up to me and he was like, has anyone ever told you that you look like Kerry Washington, and I was like no, and he was like, she played a character in a TV show called Scandal and her name was Olivia Pope, and I was like, are you trying to say that all black women look alike?” She leaned back and giggled. “He got all flustered and was like no, no, I just thought you looked like her and what a coincidence and all that.” She started laughing and shook her head.
“What did you say next?” Magnolia asked as I watched her downing her coffee, probably trying to get rid of the corn taste in her mouth.
“Nothing, I just leaned forward and kissed him.” Olivia winked. “I said if I was Olivia Pope, he could be my President Grant, and then he grinned and kissed me back.” She nodded. “It was a very satisfying night.”
“I was there.” Millie laughed. “And let’s just say it was only satisfying for you and that dude. I got stuck with his friend, and he seemed to think because Olivia was swapping spit with his friend that I would do the same with him.”
“Oh, no.” Birdy pulled off a bit of cheese pupusa. “What did you say?”
“I told him it would be a cold day in hell before I kissed him. And then this douchebag looked down at his pants and said, and I quote, ‘Well I don’t particularly care about kissing you, but if you want to suck on my lollipop, I wouldn’t say no.’”
“No way!” I exclaimed as I walked to the counter to make my own cup of coffee. “He called his cock a lollipop?”
“Yup.” Millie giggled. “So then I said, sorry, I only like sweet, not sour, and walked away.”
“You did not say that!” I grabbed the milk and poured a little bit in my cup. “What did he say next?”
“No idea.” Millie shook her curls. “By the time he figured out what to say in response, I was dancing with another guy.”
“And when Millie says dancing, she means bumping and grinding.” Olivia grinned. “And then five minutes later, we left and went to another bar.”
“With the guys?” Magnolia asked as she finally put her coffee cup down.
“Hell no.” Olivia shook her head. “We went by ourselves and looked for some new guys to flirt with.”
“I have to come with you guys. My love life is nonexistent.”
“Yes! Let’s make it a girls’ night.” Millie looked excited. “Tonight?”
“I can’t.” Magnolia shook her head. “I’m going to a pottery class with Jagger.” Magnolia and Jagger had recently gotten engaged and seemed to be spending every spare second together. I was disappointed that she seemed to only have time for him now but was hopeful that once the honeymoon phase was over, she’d be back and hanging out with us girls again.
“Boring.” Olivia turned to me. “Jane?”
“Well, I don’t know.”
“Come on,” Millie said. “It will be fun.”
“If you go, I’ll go,” Birdy said with a shy smile. “I wouldn’t mind meeting a new guy as well.”
“Okay.” I grinned and then looked at Magnolia. “If you come tonight as well, I’ll let you in on a big secret. Well, I’ll let everyone in on it.”
“A big secret?” Magnolia stared at me. “What’s the secret?”
“You’ll only know if you come.” I paused, and then grinned wickedly. “I’ll also tell everyone what happened on my first day of work.”
“Oh, whoa.” Magnolia sat back in her chair. “You mean between you and Tate?”
“My lips are sealed until later.”
“Ugh, okay, okay, you got me.” Magnolia grabbed her phone. “Let me text Jagger and see if he minds changing plans.”
“Smart girl.” I winked at her. “My news is juicy.”
“How juicy?”
“Let’s just say that you’re not the only one that knows how to write a note or two.”
“No!” Magnolia’s jaw dropped. I shrugged casually in response as I stood up and walked back over to the coffee pot to refill my cup. “You wrote a note to Tate?”
Millie let out a low whistle. “Oh my God, if I wasn’t coming tonight then I definitely am now.”
“Well, you organized it, so I sure hope so.” Olivia laughed, though I could tell from her expression that she was also curious about what I’d done. “Let’s all get really dressed up and have an upscale night on the town.”
“Upscale?” Birdy looked nervous. “I don’t have any ball gowns.”
“I swear, Birdy, you’re a real blonde.” Millie rolled her eyes. “You’re not going to a debutante ball. We’re going to dinner and then to Booty to get some booty.”
“Booty?” Birdy asked, looking confused.
“The dance club,” Magnolia chimed in. “It’s famous in SF, you’ve never heard of it?”
“No.” Birdy shook her head. “Though I know a lot about clubs. My friends and I would go to Orlando all the time and sometimes Miami to get our groove on.”
“So then you can teach us a step or two.” Millie looked pleased with herself. “This is going to be a lot of fun.”
“What’s going to be a lot of fun?” said a deep voice. I felt the hairs on the back on my neck going up. Tate had made it to work.
“Nothing,” I said quickly as I turned around to look at him, his blue eyes twinkling with that amused expression that always made me think he was laughing at me.
“Nothing?” His lips twisted up as his words sounded doubtful. “Didn’t sound like nothing to me.”
I glared at him, wishing I knew a way to take the smirk off of his cocky face. It was unfair that he was so handsome with his golden-blond hair and summer-tanned skin. At six foot two, he stood tall and he had the lean muscular build of someone who swam a lot. He was normally clean-shaven, but today there was a faint shadow of a beard on his face, and it somehow made him look more masculine and sexy.
“Oh, well,” I said at the same time as Birdy spilled the beans.
“We’re going out dancing tonight.” She giggled innocently. “To a classy joint.”
I looked over at Birdy and tried not to roll my eyes. I was often confused when I had a conversation with her. She seemed so ditzy and slow at times that it was hard to believe that she was in sales—and that she was killer at her job. I still wasn’t sure if this was an act she put on or if this was her normal personality.
“Dancing?” He raised an eyebrow. “Wow, four hot women on the prowl, huh?”
“Four?” Magnolia shook her head. “You mean five.”
“Five.” He looked at her thoughtfully. “I thought you were taking a pottery class tonight with Jagger.”
“Just canceled.” She grinned. “Can’t miss a hang out with my girls.”
“Hmm.” He looked back at me. “You’re going as well, Jane?”
“Yes.”
“I guess you do like dancing.” He smirked, and I looked away without answering him, my cheeks getting warm. I knew that he was never going to let me forget the hot mess that had been my first day. I thought about it often enough, even without his subtle references. “Maybe I’ll come as well.”
“You can’t come!” I snapped. Then, remembering that he was my boss, I tried for a polite smile. “It’s a girls’ night.”
“So Jagger’s not going?” He raised an eyebrow and looked over at Magnolia. I bit down on my lower lip hoping that Magnolia didn’t invite Jagger. I was happy that Magnolia had found love, but it did kinda suck that her fiancé was friends with our boss.
“Well, he hasn’t responded …” Magnolia sounded uncertain. I could feel her eyes on me, but I didn’t want to give her a signal in case Tate saw me shaking my head or something. “But I think if he does join, it won’t be until the club. We’re going to go to dinner first, just us girls.”
“I suppose Jagger and I can go to dinner ourselves as well.” He grinned. “In fact, that sounds like a great idea. Let me go and give him a call now.” Without further ado, he left the room.
“Sorry.” Magnolia shrugged helplessly. “I wasn’t sure what to say to him.”
“No worries.” I shook my head. “It could have been worse.”
“So you’re going to tell us your story at dinner, then?” Millie’s blue eyes were bright and eager. “I need to hear this story.”
“Fine. I’ll tell you guys at dinner,” I said with a laugh. “But we should get to work before Tate comes back and has our heads.” I grabbed my coffee cup, gave the other girls a wave, and headed to my desk.
As I passed Tate’s office, I looked inside and I saw him sitting at his desk playing with his watch. I nodded a greeting at him and he winked in response. I turned sharply and hurried to my desk.
The other girls followed behind me and we all sat down at our desks. I pulled up my email, but I couldn’t concentrate. Had Tate seen my note in his gym bag? If he had read it, did he have any clue it was from me? I looked back toward his office. His gym bag was sitting in its normal spot outside of his door. I could easily go over there and check to see if the note was gone. But then there was a chance he would catch me going through his bag, and that would be even worse. Then he would either know it was me or he would think I was a thief, and neither of those were acceptable outcomes.
I sat back in my chair and tapped my fingers on my desk. I knew I was going to find it very hard to work if I kept wondering about the note. I had to think of a way to find out if he’d seen it. I looked around the office and stood up casually. Magnolia glanced up at me. I just smiled at her.
“Going to get something in the kitchen,” I said, avoiding her eyes. “I’m going to see if there are any bagels or doughnuts or something.”
“That sounds yummy. Let me join you.”
Magnolia stood up, and I stifled a groan. I loved Magnolia, but I didn’t want her around while I was going through Tate’s bag. We didn’t know each other that well.
“So, how have things been going with you and Jagger?” I asked her as we walked past Tate’s office and back to the kitchen.
“Pretty good.” She smiled down at her ring. I couldn’t help but feel a little bit jealous of her relationship. She and Jagger were made for each other, and it didn’t hurt that he was rich and handsome. “We moved in together, and it’s a lot harder than I thought it would be.”
“Oh, how so?” I asked her, genuinely curious. I’d never lived with a boyfriend, and I had no idea what it would be like. The only men I’d lived with were my dad and brother, and they had both been annoying in their own ways.
“Well, it’s a bit embarrassing.” She bit her lip as we walked into the kitchen. I could tell that she was debating whether or not to tell me something.
“Oh?” I looked around the kitchen. There was no food out, so I decided to open the cupboards. I found a lone granola bar and a rather battered-looking banana. “Which one do you want?” I held both items up.
“Not the banana, it looks like it has seen better days.”
“Didn’t you know that black bananas are the yummiest?” I giggled. “Haven’t you heard that saying once you go black, you never go back?”
“I don’t think that’s referring to moldy bananas.”
“Maybe not,” I agreed as I threw the banana into the trashcan. “Shall we split the granola bar?”
“Sure.” She nodded as I opened the peanut butter and chocolate chip bar. “Do you tweeze?” she asked suddenly.
I glanced up at her in surprise. “Yeah, sure.” I nodded. “Doesn’t every woman?”
“Yeah, maybe their eyebrows.” She wrinkled her nose. “Thanks for this,” she said and took a bite. I took a bite as well and was pleased by the sweet and salty taste of the bar. It tasted a whole lot better than I’d thought it would. “I’m talking about your upper lip.”
“Oh, my mustache?” I then touched my upper lip self-consciously. “Why? Am I getting fuzzy?”
“No, no.” She smiled reassuringly. “I’m just saying that I tweeze random hairs on my upper lip and chin every week and there’s nothing more annoying when you’re trying to take care of small hairs than your boyfriend walking into the bathroom.”
“Oh, no.”
“It’s like, no, Jagger, I don’t want you to watch me making myself beautiful for you.”
“Yeah, that makes sense.” I shuddered. “I’d hate for my boyfriend to see me taking care of my unwanted facial hair, or even worse, watching me get a Brazilian.”
“Oh, yeah, that would be awful.” Magnolia grinned. “Talking of waxing, I need one badly. I shaved a couple of nights ago, and now I have razor bumps everywhere.”
“Ugh.” I shook my head. “Never shave the pubes, girl, it’s not worth it. I’d rather have a jungle than razor bumps.”
“I’d forgotten how sensitive my skin is.” Magnolia grimaced. “I was trying to be sexy for Jagger … I just got these new crotchless panties. Let’s just say, not worth it.”
“Oh my.”
“The panties were on for like ten seconds.” She blushed. “Sorry for TMI.”
“No such thing as TMI among friends.” I threw the wrapper into the trash. “Okay, I need your help with something. I wasn’t going to say anything, but it’s killing me. So I’d rather embarrass myself and tell you than die a painful death.”
“Oh shit, what’s going on?” Magnolia looked concerned. “Are you dying?”
“No.” I patted her arm. “Sorry, I’m being overdramatic. I think it’s because I’m from LA.” I grinned. “I got some of the acting juice in my blood.”
“So what’s the deal? Why are you going to die?”
“Well, I left a note in Tate’s gym bag yesterday, and I’m curious to see if he took it.”
“What sort of note?” Magnolia smiled a wicked sort of smile that made her whole face light up, and I couldn’t stop myself from grinning back at her.
“Let’s just say you inspired me.”
“How did I inspire you?”
“Magnolia Allen, do you want to know what the note said or not?”
“Of course, I want to know.” She leaned in conspiratorially. “Did it start, ‘To the rude boss in my office’?”
“No.” I laughed. “I didn’t want him to know it was me. I started the letter with, ‘To Tate Howard.’”
“Well, that’s straight to the point.”
“Yes, it was. And I basically said that he’s full of himself and thinks he’s God’s gift to women, but he’s not really all that. Oh, and he’s only successful because his dad is rich, and maybe I mentioned something about him sucking in bed.”
“Oh, so a real love letter, huh?” I could tell that she was trying not to laugh out loud.
“Yeah, so maybe I was a bit over the top.”
“Obviously, you have a reason to feel that way?”
“I do. I’ll tell you later, but I do.” I shivered as I thought back to my first day at the office. “Maybe at lunch?”
“Sounds good.” Magnolia nodded. “So, how do I help with this note?”
“I need you to distract him as I check his bag.” I chewed on my lower lip. “He always leaves his bag in the corridor. I just need to check the pocket I left it in. If it’s empty, I’ll know he saw it.”
“Don’t you think he’ll know it’s one of us?” Magnolia arched an eyebrow. “How many people have access to his bag?”
“I thought about that, but I’m pretty sure anyone at his gym could put it inside. He mentioned to me that he doesn’t put it in his locker when he goes.” I shrugged. “Something to do with how he likes to carry around Gatorade and water while he’s working out, and well, anyone at the gym could slip something in as well.”
“I guess so.” Magnolia didn’t look convinced. “So you want me to talk to him while you check his bag?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Does that sound totally shady?”
“Yes, but I’ll still do it.”
“Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
“Thank me later.” She shook her head. “Hopefully, he won’t jump up as I’m talking to him and run into the corridor and catch you.”
“He won’t.” I took a deep breath and held my hands up in the air. “At least I hope he won’t. That would be awful.”
“Come on, let’s do this,” Magnolia said with a smile as we left the kitchen. “Gosh, I feel like a detective or a spy.” She held her fingers up as if they were a gun. “Just call me Bond. Magnolia Bond.”
“Okay, Bond.” I shook my head at her, wondering if I’d made a mistake by engaging her services. Magnolia was lovely, but she could be even more dramatic than I was, and she had no chill about it whatsoever. I was about to tell her I’d changed my mind when she stepped quickly past me and hurried into Tate’s office.
“Tate!” she said loudly. “I’m not sure if Jagger mentioned it to you, but I would really love for you to make it over to our apartment on Sunday. I’m cooking a roast and I’d be so happy if you could join us. You can even decide the meat. Would you prefer roast chicken, pork, or beef?”
As Tate started to answer, I walked by his door quickly and then ducked down to open his bag. I unzipped the pocket quickly, my nerves racing as I stuck my hand into the deep opening. My fingers connected with what felt like a 5x7 notecard, and I frowned as I pulled it out. I knew it wasn’t the note that I’d left there yesterday because I’d written it on a yellow legal pad and folded the paper into quarters. I pulled the card out and looked at the top of it. My heart went into overdrive as I read the salutation at the top: “To My Secret Not Admirer.”
“Ay, Dios Mio,” I whispered under my breath as I stared at the neat black handwriting. I was about to take the card and put it into my pocket when it suddenly struck me that if I took it, he would know that the letter writer was someone in the office. “Oh, mierda,” I muttered. “Shit, shit, shit!”
I thought hard about what to do and then it came to me. I said a quick prayer and then ran to my desk, hoping that Magnolia would keep talking for another couple of minutes. I grabbed my phone, took a photo of the notecard, and then took a second one, just in case the first one was blurry and ran back to the bag. I pushed the card back into the pocket and zipped it up. As I straightened back up, I heard Magnolia talking about some new protocol with Experian, and I took a deep breath. I headed back to my desk, this time walking slowly and deliberately, as if I were representing Miss California at the Miss America pageant—though who was I kidding? I wasn’t suave enough to represent any state. I was more like Sandra Bullock’s character in Miss Congeniality.
Seconds after I sat down at my desk, Magnolia was standing next to me, a wide smile on her face. “Magnolia Bond reporting in for duty.” She saluted me and then made a face. “I don’t think that makes sense, does it?” She laughed. “So, any luck?”
“Yes,” I whispered, hoping she’d get the message and keep her voice down. “I took a photo. I’ll text it to you.”
“Sounds good,” she said loudly. She winked and headed back to her desk.
I stared at the computer monitor in front of me, trying to convince myself to go through my emails. I had work to do, after all. Maybe I would read and respond to three emails and then reward myself for my work by reading Tate’s response. I grabbed my mouse and clicked on the first email in my inbox, but my eyes glazed over every time I tried to get through it. I sat back in resignation. I needed to read Tate’s note, and I needed to read it now. There was no waiting and rewarding myself. That was like when people bought a slice of cake and told themselves they would only eat it if they worked out for an hour. We all know that any fat ass who’s planning to reward themselves with cake after a workout probably isn’t going to work out in the first place. I knew that because my fat ass had often found itself sitting on my couch eating tres leches instead of going to hot yoga with my roommates. I grabbed my phone and scrolled to the photos and quickly enlarged it as much as I could to read it.
To My Secret Not Admirer,
You sure are brave in your note. Are you this brave in person? Are you daring? If so, how daring are you? I’ve a feeling that you’re not very daring at all. Have you ever had anal while a guy eats you out? If you need to ask how that’s possible, you just answered my question. I don’t think I’m God’s gift to women—I know I am. Have you never read the Book of Tate? It's right after Matthew, but before Mark.
Is that blasphemy to say that there’s a book in the bible named after me? Do you want to punish me? I’m very open to women, big and small, if that’s why you don’t want to expose yourself to me. I’m not into plastic titties though, so if you’re who I think you might be, please keep moving.
I do want to know more about you and what was the point of your note—other than to cream your panties writing my name.
The one, the only, the super-hung Tate Howard
P.S. My father being rich has nothing to do with the fact that I can make you come four times before you can even say Big Daddy.
I was so busy trying to pick up my jaw from the table that I almost forgot to forward the photo onto Magnolia. Was this guy for real? Did he really think he was all that? Obviously, he did. He was clearly very confident about his skills in the bedroom. I blushed as I read his words again. Tate Howard was a wolf and not the sexy, possessive kind, either. He was the sort of guy who would eat me up, spit me out, and not think twice about it. He was the sort of guy that I should run away from. But of course, I was never very good at running. He was definitely not the guy who should take my virginity. Tate Howard was not the guy that should be any woman’s first. Not at all.
That’s what my brain said, anyway. A completely different part of me was hinting that perhaps he would and could be the best first ever. Somehow, I’d gotten to the age of twenty-four and was still a virgin. Part of it had to do with the fact that my parents were overprotective and my brother had scared off every guy I’d dated in high school. Then I’d gone to college, but because UCLA was in Los Angeles, I’d saved money by living at home. Between school and working in my parents’ restaurant on the weekends, I’d just never really had a super-serious relationship. And certainly not one with anyone I’d been willing to give my virginity to. But I was now dying to get laid. I figured that was why I’d had that lapse of judgment on my first day. I could feel my face growing red as I thought back to that day. I was such an idiot.
My phone beeped loudly, interrupting my thoughts. I picked it up and held in the laughter that tried to break through as I read Magnolia’s message.
Magnolia: WHAT THE WHAT IS THIS?
Jane: Crazy, right?
Magnolia: Have you ever had anal while a guy eats you out? Who asks that?
Jane: Tate, obviously.
Magnolia: I will never be able to look him in the face again …
Jane: I’m going to ask if he’s ever had anal while a girl blows him. :P
Magnolia: HAHA, I love it. Who knew he was so kinky? I thought he was just an asshole with a stick up his butt.
Jane: So you do think he’s had anal, then?
Magnolia: Haha. He’s definitely pounded someone’s ass. Do I think he’s had his ass pounded? Nah.
Jane: Yeah, I’d be surprised as well. He seems all talk.
Magnolia: You really got him riled up.
Jane: He’s so full of himself.
Magnolia: I thought Jagger’s notes were over the top, but Tate definitely takes the cake.
Jane: He thinks he’s some sort of king. Reality check, Tate, there is no monarchy in the States.
Magnolia: Yeah, he can take his blue-blooded self back to the South.
Jane: I bet his ancestors were plantation owners.
Magnolia: Hmm?
Jane: His family is from South Carolina, right?
Magnolia: Oh, I had no idea. You sure know a lot about him …
Jane: Google.
Magnolia: Ohh, okay.
Jane: Yeah, I did a lot of Googling.
Magnolia: Just because?
Jane: Well …
Magnolia: Well??
Jane: I wanted to know more about him, and he’s hot and well …
Magnolia: Are you going to tell me what happened on the first day?
Jane: How do you know something happened?
Magnolia: Because when I started the next day you could cut the tension with a knife … sexual tension.
Jane: No way!
Magnolia: Way.
Jane: He thought I was a stripper.
Magnolia: HE WHAT?
Jane: Yes!
Magnolia: OMG! I need the details.
Jane: Girl, was that you squealing at your desk just now?
Magnolia: Maybe.
Jane: Shh! I do not want Tate to come out.
Magnolia: Sorry. Man, I can’t believe we wasted our kitchen break on a granola bar.
Jane: Why?
Magnolia: Because I wanna hear how y’all got down and dirty.
Jane: We didn’t get down and dirty.
Magnolia: I’m taking it that there’s more to the story than you arrived, he thought you were a stripper, you said no, and he apologized, though, right?
Jane: Let’s just say that Tate Howard was very happy to see me. Like harder than a piece of concrete excited.
Magnolia: OMG!
Jane: You need to be quiet. You sounded like a hyena just now.
Magnolia: Meet me in the restrooms in ten minutes.
Jane: That sounds like something you should be saying to Jagger.
Magnolia: Very funny. I need full details. And now.
Jane: Fine. Ten minutes. And no screaming the walls down.
Magnolia: Promise.
Jane: You better.