Tate
“All of my sisters will be there,” I told to Jane as we walked up the pathway to my parents’ front door.
She looked nervous, and I squeezed her hand. She smiled at me and I smiled back. I tried to act as normal as possible, but I’d woken up with an aching head. The night before had been amazing. Most probably one of the best sexual experiences of my life, but I hadn’t known that Jane was a virgin. I didn’t fuck with virgins. Virgins got attached. And I didn’t need that. Especially not with Jane. I liked Jane. She was beautiful without trying. She was smart; she was witty; she got me and my sense of humor and she was open to new things. She was one of the good ones.
The problem was that I wasn’t one of the good ones. I was a douche. She’d been right about that. I’d broken a lot of hearts, and I hadn’t cared. “Get in and get out,” that had always been my motto. I didn’t know how that would be possible with Jane. She was already in my bloodstream. I don’t know how she’d done it, but I could already feel her inside of me.
When I’d woken up, the first thing I’d done was look over to see her face. She’d still been sleeping, so peaceful, so happy, and I’d pulled her into my arms again and held her tightly against me. My beautiful princess.
“I’m excited to meet them all. To meet the people in your life,” she said, and then she stopped. “It’s okay, Tate. I’m going to be okay.”
“Are you sure?” I was probably more nervous than she was.
“I’m sure.” This time she squeezed my hand. “I think you’re the one that’s worried. I’m going to be okay. I’m a big girl. There’s nothing they can say or do to me to make me feel bad.” She shook her head. “Trust me. I’ll be okay.”
“Okay,” I said, but I didn’t feel as confident as she did.
She didn’t know them like I did. For a few seconds I imagined just leaving. Going back to the hotel, making love, getting dinner and then flying back to San Francisco. I’d apologize to Rose, tell her that work stuff came up. She’d understand. But even as the thought flashed through my mind, I knew I couldn’t do it. I was a man now, not a boy. I couldn’t run away from situations that made me angry. I had to face with them.
“Come on, then. Let’s meet the Howards.” I pulled her hand so that she was closer to me, and we headed to the door. I rang the doorbell and moments later, Rose pulled open the door and threw herself into my arms.
“Oh Tate, you’re home!” She grinned at me, her long blond hair flying around her face. She hugged me tight and then stood back. “Looking good, brother.”
“Looking good too, Rosebud.”
“Tate!” She rolled her eyes at me. “I missed you.”
“I missed you, too.”
“Hi, I’m Rose.” Rose offered her hand to Jane and smiled before looking back at me with an arched questioning brow.
“Hi, I’m Jane.” Jane smiled at her. “Nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you as well,” Rose replied and then looked at me. “Do Mom and Dad know?” I knew immediately what her question was, and I frowned at her. Why would she bring it up in front of Jane? She was supposed to be on my side.
“Where are Maybelle and Willow?” I asked, my voice gruff.
“They’re in the study.” She smirked. “They’re trying to ignore Mom and Dad, so they’re pretending to do some research on something or other.”
“Maybelle and Willow are my younger sisters.” I turned to Jane, who was listening quietly.
“I remember.”
“Come inside, you two.” Rose grabbed both of our hands. “Are you thirsty? I made lemonade. Spiked, of course.” She gave a little laugh. “You’ll love it.”
“Where’s Sam?” I asked.
“Oh, he’s gone to protest somewhere.” She shrugged. “A different weekend, a different cause.”
“Hmm, okay.”
“Tate Howard, is that you I hear?” My mother sailed through the entryway, her blond hair perfectly coiffed and her makeup immaculate as always. “Darling, you’re home.” She stopped in front of me and offered her cheeks.
“Hello, Mother.” I kissed her cheeks dutifully.
“Taft, Tate is home!” she called over her shoulder.
“Coming, dear.” My dad strode out of his office and headed toward us. He stood tall at six foot four with silver hair and striking blue eyes. “Tate.” He stopped next to my mother and held his hand out. “Good to see you, son.”
“You too, Dad.”
“So where’s your lady friend?” Mom looked around. Her eyes swept past Jane and back to me. My father stared at Jane for a few seconds before turning his gaze back to me.
“She’s here, Mom,” I said in a warning tone. “This is Jane. Jane, this is my mother and my father.”
“Nice to meet you both.” Jane stretched out her hand and smiled brightly. They stared at her with aghast expressions. Jane’s hand slowly fell back to her side.
My mother forced a smile. “Where are you from, dear?”
“California,” Jane said. “Los Angeles.”
“I mean, where are your people from?” Mom asked. The tension started to build in my shoulders.
“My parents are from Mexico, but I was born in the States.”
I had to give it to Jane; there was no defensiveness in her voice at all.
“Oh, how nice.” My mother looked like she thought it was anything but nice. “Did they have to walk for a long time?”
“Excuse me?” Jane blinked.
“When they crossed the border? I suppose they didn’t have to climb the wall? It’s not up yet, is it? Is it up yet, Taft?”
“No, dear.”
“Mother, that’s enough.” My voice was cold.
“What’s enough?” She looked at me innocently. “I was just asking your friend some questions, trying to get to know her better. Is that a crime?” She laughed and then looked back at Jane. “You don’t mind a few questions, do you, dear?”
“No,” Jane said.
“See, she doesn’t mind Tate. You always were so sensitive.”
“I’m not being sensitive, Mom. You’re being rude to my guest.”
“Well, when you bring the help home, what do you expect?” she replied.
Anger rose in my chest. “What the hell did you say?”
“Don’t you dare raise your voice to your mother.” My dad put his hands around Mom’s shoulders. “Come on, darling, let’s get you a drink. I know it’s early, but I think we’re going to need it.” He led her away, leaving Jane, Rose, and me standing there.
“Well, that was awkward.” Jane turned toward me and Rose with a bright smile.
We stared at her in amazement, shocked at her calm reaction. “I told you it takes a lot to get me upset.” She put a hand on my shoulder. “I’ve been around racists my whole life, I’m okay.”
“My parents aren’t racist,” I said the words that had slid out of my mouth so many times but I knew they weren’t true. I wasn’t sure why I still felt the need to defend them.
“Yes, they are.” Rose took Jane’s hand. “I like you. You’re strong. You’re good for my brother. Let’s go and get you a drink.”
“What about me?” I pouted.
“You can get your own drink,” she said with a laugh.
“Well, that’s Southern hospitality for you,” I grumbled playfully as I followed them into the kitchen.
There were a lot of feelings stirring inside of me, but the strongest was admiration for Jane. She’d handled my mother’s rudeness so well. The problem was, I’d known something like that would happen. I’d known it, and I’d still brought Jane. What sort of guy was I?
I followed behind them into the kitchen where I could hear my other sisters giggling. At least they were a bright spot. I loved my sisters.
“Tate! Oh Tate, you’re home!” Willow ran into my arms.
“You dork, you’re finally home!” added Maybelle, right behind her.
“I’m home.” I nodded. “How are my darling sisters?”
“Fine,” Willow replied. “I heard Mom was her usual self.”
“Yes.” I sighed. “I’m sorry, Jane.”
“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.” She came over and tucked her hand around my arm. “Are you okay, though? You’re so tense.”
She was concerned for me. She was worried about me. After my mom had been such a bitch, she was worried about me. I knew then that I loved her, truly and deeply. She was a beautiful soul, a caring human being, and I didn’t deserve her. I’d loved once before and I’d crumbled. I’d broken her heart and mine. I wasn’t strong enough to love, and I wasn’t good enough to have someone as precious as Jane love and care for me.
“Tate? Are you okay?” Jane asked again, sounding more worried.
I leaned down to kiss her. “I am, thank you.” I squared my shoulders and then grabbed her hand. “Come on, let’s get some spiked lemonade. It’s going to be a long day.”
“So what is it you do, Jane?” My mom asked her after lunch. “Did I hear you worked in fast food?”
“No,” Jane said. “I don’t, but I did when I was in high school. It was a good way to earn some money to buy clothes. Nothing wrong with earning an honest wage, right?”
“Right …” My mother tittered and then looked away. “Willow, Willow, where are you? Have you chosen your gown for the ball yet?”
“The ball?” Jane mouthed at me.
“Debutante ball,” I whispered back, and she looked perplexed.
“So, Tate, will you be here on Monday?” Dad asked. “The governor is coming over for dinner, and we thought it would be a good time to start running some polls to see how you’d fare running for senator in the next election. The incumbent is stepping down, so this is the perfect time.”
“Jane and I have to get back to work. Jane works in my office.”
“Well, Jane can leave and you can stay, right?” He didn’t smile, and I knew he was telling me, not asking me.
“No, we will both be leaving.” I kept my voice polite but firm. “We have to get back to work.”
“You’re not still on that foolishness with that startup?” He scoffed. “Come now, boy, we have things to do. We need you back home. Your duty is here.”
“Dad …” My voice rose. “I’m not coming back home, and I don’t want to be in politics.”
“I suppose he’s going back to California so he can be with her.” My mom shot a dirty look at Jane.
“We thought you had enough of that as a teen.” Dad snarled. “Enough is enough, Tate.”
“That’s the pot calling the kettle black, Dad.” I stood up. “Maybe you’d be happier if you lived your life for yourself and not your social standing.”
“Tate, I’m warning you,” he growled, and my mother’s face went white.
Shame washed over me. I didn’t want to hurt my mom. I knew she was the way she was because she was hurting—not that that made her behavior acceptable.
I looked down at Jane.
“Let’s go talk, okay?” I reached my hand down and pulled her up. “We’re going upstairs.” I pulled Jane out of the room. “I’m sorry about that,” I said in a low voice.
“There seems to be a lot of tension in the house.” She bit down on her lower lip. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I sighed. “I want to explain.”
“You don’t have to.”
“No, I want to.” My stomach clenched. I didn’t want to tell her, but I needed to. “Let’s go upstairs to my old room.”
She walked alongside me in silence. As we entered my bedroom, memories hit me. These four walls had been my life for so long and yet they felt so foreign. I was a different person from the one I’d been when I’d lived here. I’d been a boy then, but now I was a man, a man who wasn’t afraid to speak up for what was right, a man who wasn’t scared anymore. I was ashamed of who I’d been. I was still ashamed, but I knew that telling Jane about my history was just the first step in forgiving myself.
“Have a seat.” I led her over to my old bed and then closed the bedroom door. “I want to tell you a story.”
“You don’t have to explain anything to me,” Jane said.
“No, I do.” I held my hand up. “I do.”
I knew that if anything was going to progress with Jane, she had to know who I had been, who I was, and who I was trying to be. I also knew that I wanted to talk about it. I’d never told anyone before. There were only three of us who knew the full story. One of them was dead, and one didn’t talk to me.
“Remember, I told you that story about how I used to go to my granddaddy’s farm?”
“Yeah, when you were a teenager.”
“Yeah, most of the time I would go with Rose. Willow and Maybelle were never really interested. They were more girly girls. But Rose loved it.” I leaned back into the door and memories came crashing down as I thought back to those days. “I loved it. It was over one hundred acres, there were creeks and woods, and I felt like an explorer in my own little world. Sometimes, I would take friends from school, and the summer I was fifteen, I took a girl. My first girlfriend, her name was Vivian.” My heart lurched painfully at the memory. “She was beautiful, innocent, trusting, she loved the outdoors, just like me.” Jane gazed at me, her expression rapt. “Her mother was my father’s secretary. My parents knew we were friends, but they had no idea we were dating. That summer, well, I took her down to the creek, and we went skinny-dipping. We embraced on a blanket laid down on the grass. All we did was kiss. We were both too timid to go past that. But my granddaddy, he happened to come by and he found us there.” I froze as I remembered that moment so vividly in my mind. “He started shouting. We scrambled to put our clothes on. I didn’t understand why he was so mad. But then he started saying mean things, nasty things, he told me that our type and their type don’t belong together.”
My voice was pained as I ran my hand through my hair. “You see Vivian was black, and my granddaddy didn’t like that. He said some horrible things, things I can’t repeat.” I shook my head. “And I just stood there. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t stand up to him. I just let him hurl his abuse at her. And she was crying. She was crying so hard. He told me that she had to go home. That she needed to go back to where she came from, told her to go pick some cotton fields.” My voice cracked as I remembered what he’d said. “He told her that her mama wasn’t good enough for my daddy, and that she wasn’t good enough for me.
“And that’s when she broke down. The next day we both left, but she never spoke to me again.” I looked up at Jane and I could feel tears welling in my eyes. “Her mama quit the next day and they left town. I heard they went to Chicago.”
“Oh, Tate.” She stood up and walked toward me. “I’m so sorry.”
I couldn’t look Jane in the eyes as I continued with my story. “My mama came to me at the end of the summer, and she thanked me for getting rid of Vivian’s mom. You see, my dad and Vivian’s mom had had a love affair when they were teenagers, but my dad married my mom instead, thanks to granddaddy. But he hired her as his secretary and he was still sleeping with her. All through my parents’ marriage. My momma knew, but there was nothing she could do about it.”
“Oh, wow.”
“So that’s why I still love my mom. I don’t like her, but I understand, kinda.” I sighed. “It’s all a mess, isn’t it?”
“It doesn’t have to be a mess, Tate.” She pulled me into her arms and kissed my cheek and cupped my face in my hand. “You’re not a bad man. You were young when that happened. It sounds really painful and I’m so sorry it happened, but you were only fifteen. You left the next day, right?”
I nodded. “But I never spoke up for Vivian. I can still see her face, Jane. I can still see her tears. My granddaddy tore her down, and I did nothing.”
“Do you think she blamed you?”
“Would you have blamed me?” I asked her softly.
She studied me for a moment, then sighed. “I would have hated you,” she admitted. “But as I got older, I would have understood the circumstances. We can’t help where we’re from, Tate. We can’t choose our families, you know that. But we can be better people, we can be bigger people, we can be more open, not make so many choices based on hate and distrust.”
“I try my best.”
“I know you do. You’re a good man, Tate. You’re not defined by one or two incidents in your past. You don’t have to hate yourself forever. We all do and say things we regret, but we have to learn from our mistakes and forgive ourselves. We have to forgive ourselves and move on. That’s the only way we can evolve.”
“How did you get to be so smart?”
“I think I was born this way.” She grinned, and I leaned forward and kissed her.
“I think I’m falling in love with you, Jane Garcia,” I murmured against her lips. I felt her stiffen slightly in my arms. “Sorry, was that too soon?” I stroked her face. “Maybe this wasn’t the best moment, but I had to say what I was feeling.”
“I think I’m falling in love with you as well, Tate Howard.”
And just like that, I felt my heart softening, like my body was ready to start letting go of its pain. I’d been so wary of bringing her here, but it had been the best move I’d ever made.
“Do you want to do something naughty with me?” I asked her, suddenly feeling frisky.
“How naughty?” She grinned. “Are you about to bang me in your childhood bedroom, Tate?”
“No, I’m about to bang you in my parents’ bedroom.”
“Oh, Tate, we can’t.” She shook her head, her eyes wide. “What if they caught us?”
“What if they did?” I winked at her.
“You’re evil.”
“I’d be evil if I said you should wear a maid’s outfit at the same time.”
“Tate!” She slapped me on the shoulder. “That’s awful.”
“I think it would be absolutely hilarious.” I grinned. “Imagine if they came in as I was banging the help.”
“Tate.” She rolled her eyes. “You think that’s so funny.”
“Don’t you?”
“No.” A little smile played on her lips. “Okay, a little bit, but not because it’s funny, because it’s not. Just funny in an ironic way.”
“So you up for it?” I squeezed her hand and leaned in and kissed her. “A quickie?”
“Go on, then.” She laughed, and I beamed at her in unexpected delight. “You better take me there now, before I change my mind.”
“We’re on our way, my love. We’re on our way.”