Mousserende
Ifound Stefan slumped on my office couch when I arrived at Canaan & Cassidy the following morning. He looked up at me in a frank and friendly way, and that was comforting. I fell into my chair and swiveled to gaze out at my limited view.
“It has been brought to my attention that I am a complete asshole,” Stefan said. I continued to survey the traffic snarling north toward my office on Third Avenue. Stefan continued, “I suppose this is not exactly a news flash. Anyway, on reflection, I am afraid I have to agree with the diagnosis.”
I swung toward Stefan and faced him.
“Will, I really do apologize for my behavior,” he said.
“Are you in love with Ava?” I asked.
“Yes, I am.”
“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”
“It is a good thing. A very good thing. She tolerates me, civilizes me. Without her, I would simply be one more awe-inspiring stud prowling the streets of New York.”
“Are you stuck?”
Stefan hesitated briefly. “I am taken, but I am not stuck. Or, if I am trapped, I suppose I am joyfully trapped.”
I always liked Stefan. He had a well-deserved reputation for being occasionally brutal with others, but he always had a fondness for me, one that I’m not sure I ever quite understood. I had never befriended him in any meaningful sense, although I had always suspected that this was entirely a function of my own reticence and not his choosing.
It occurred to me that I lacked friends.
“I’m drawn to Erica,” I said. “It feels . . . irreversible. And I am not at all sure that this is a good thing. I’m trapped, Stefan, and I’m quite sure that I am not joyfully trapped.”
“Will, perhaps you should do what I so obviously cannot do, and that is to be understanding and respectful of Erica’s . . .”
“It’s all nonsense, Stefan. You know it. I know it. And it’s more than just nonsense. It is profound nonsense. Do you know what she is getting into?”
Stefan stood up, closed my office door, and sat back down again.
“She is coming to believe that people can be healed remotely. From far-flung distances. Over the phone,” I said.
“Will, I admit this is beyond me, but I also know that some things are within the realm of possibility . . .”
“She is coming to believe that she, herself, will be able to heal people remotely. Maybe she is just breaking me in. Ordinarily, the notion of healing someone in person would strike me as preposterous. But if you introduce the notion of remote healing, then scale back to in-person healing, suddenly healing someone in front of you seems ordinary.”
Stefan leaned forward, and I thought for a moment that he might reach out and hold my hand. “Let us agree, Will, that Erica is involved with peculiar ways of thinking. Why does this have to be an obstacle? She is lively. She is smart. And she is quite drawn to you as well. What someone believes, that is actually only one piece of a much larger puzzle.”
“You wouldn’t tolerate her or someone like her,” I replied. “You would be forceful, direct; you would challenge her mercilessly, and the whole thing would fall apart quickly. You would stand your ground. You would be a fucking man about the whole process.”
“Perhaps you don’t know me as well as you think. I admit that, from external appearances, I am quite an imposing figure. But I am terrified of Ava. I do what I am told. You know that joke, I may be the boss, but she is the decision maker.”
“I don’t buy that. You do what you’re told because you figured out long ago that Ava would never tell you to do anything, or believe anything, that you weren’t already willing to do or to believe. You figured out long ago that you and Ava had a natural fit.”
“Well, perhaps there is something there. But please don’t pattern your relationship after ours.” Stefan pushed his hair back with both hands and breathed out. “May I offer one observation, Will? And I am going to take a risk here, and perhaps anger you, and perhaps you will never talk to me again because you will mistake my next words for condescension, and you will find this overly familiar and unforgiveable.”
I waited. I wanted to hear this.
“You are an enviable guy, Will. You are pretty good looking. Not like me, but few can have the whole package. But I always had this sense that you were coasting. Are you ready to dump me now?”
“No, I won’t dump you, Stefan. You’re my new best friend.”
“Will, you are . . . well, what is the word I am looking for . . . in Danish, it would be mousserende; I guess the closest English word would be . . . sparkling, yes that’s it, sparkling, in a weird way, of course, all mashed up with your angst, but it is, well, it is attractive . . . in a very uncomfortable way . . .” He stopped abruptly and glanced slyly at me. “This is really troubling, by the way, my growing attachment to you.”
“I think we’ll be fine, Stefan.” I forced myself not to smile.