“May I join you?” Lady Duncaster asked as she approached Sarah that afternoon.
Wishing to be alone, Sarah had taken refuge in a more secluded part of the garden where Greek statues standing in various corners offered some distraction from her turbulent thoughts. “I’d be honored,” she said, gesturing to the vacant spot beside her on the bench.
Taking her seat, Lady Duncaster spent a moment arranging her skirts. Companionable silence followed until Lady Duncaster eventually said, “You haven’t been yourself since the ball last night. Whatever it is that’s troubling you, I’d be happy to help.”
Inhaling deeply, Sarah expelled a heavy sigh. “I just wish I would have been wiser. Instead, I’ve hurt people I never meant to hurt, yet I find that I still want to be happy even though I have no right to be.”
“You’re being very harsh on yourself.”
“I’m not being harsh enough,” Sarah said, staring straight ahead. “Mr. Denison and I were supposed to become affianced last night, but I turned him down because of foolish pride and because I dared hope that another option might present itself. It did, but it’s far from what I dreamed of. Frankly, I don’t know what I was thinking to suppose Lord Spencer might . . .” Her breath quivered upon her lips, and her chest contracted. She closed her eyes. “I shall go to my uncle in Cape Town instead, where I shall become a governess to his three children.”
“When do you depart?”
“Papa hasn’t told me yet, but I suppose it will be as soon as I return home. Juliet will have her debut next Season, so my parents will want me gone long before then.”
Lady Duncaster harrumphed. “Men can be such fools.”
“Lord Spencer is right to forget about me now that I’ve told him what I’ve done. I’m completely unsuitable for him and have known so all along.” She dropped her head in her hands. “Stupidly, I allowed myself to dream even though I knew how pointless it would be, and in so doing, I swept him along with me, deceiving him in the most selfish way.”
“I don’t believe all this self-deprecation will help,” Lady Duncaster told her firmly. “You did what you did and that’s that. Clearly you regret your actions, but I am also not entirely convinced that you are the only one to blame for the way things turned out. Now, I still don’t know the specifics regarding your ruination, but I’m not so old that I cannot piece it all together either. If you did what I think you did, then your parents are to blame as well for not offering better protection at a time when you clearly needed it. You must also consider Lord Spencer’s own fault in all of this.”
“He has no fault.”
“Ha!” Turning her head, Lady Duncaster regarded Sarah with great sympathy. “He knew quite well that you were supposed to marry Mr. Denison, yet he pursued you anyway. I’m not saying he was wrong to do so, because I truly believe the two of you are very well suited, but at some point along the way he must have wondered at your insistence to marry a man as unappealing as Mr. Denison is.”
“I doubt he imagined the reason to be as awful as it turned out to be.”
“Perhaps you’re right,” Lady Duncaster said. She paused a moment. “It is possible he might still come to his senses.”
“Who? Lord Spencer?”
“Who else?”
Sarah pondered that. She loved him with all her heart, which only made everything so much more difficult. Soon she would be half a world away from him. “What if I give him a choice?”
“I like the idea,” Lady Duncaster said. “Do go on.”
“I’ve no desire to go to Cape Town. Better, then, to seek refuge in a French convent, knowing the choice to do so is my own.”
“You plan to run away?”
“It’s the only thing that makes any sense to me at this point, and perhaps the only one that might win me Lord Spencer if such a possibility still remains.” Sarah doubted it. The sense of loss that gripped her, weighing down her heart, attested to it. Still, she had to try. “If I fail, then at least I will have decided my future on my own.”
Lady Duncaster scrunched her nose. “I can’t envision you in a convent, Lady Sarah.”
“I think it might grant me the peace of mind I seek.”
“Have you considered how to get there? I trust you have enough funds to allow for a comfortable journey?”
Sarah bit her lip. “I was actually hoping you might be willing to lend me a horse to take me to Portsmouth. Once there I can pawn my jewelry and—”
“Stop right there,” Lady Duncaster said. “This idea of yours is sounding more and more desperate by the second, not to mention potentially dangerous. I would be completely remiss in my duty toward you if I allowed you to do such a thing.”
“But—”
“Allow me to make you a better offer.” Steepling her fingers, Lady Duncaster pressed the tips to her mouth. “I think you had the right of it when you suggested that running away might spur Lord Spencer into action. He will either do nothing, or he will realize he cannot live without you and take up the chase. Hopefully it will be the latter, but to head off to France with barely a penny . . .” Lady Duncaster shook her head with obvious distaste. “It simply won’t do, but since it does make a viable tale, we’ll make it work. Rather than Portsmouth, you’ll journey to Plymouth.”
“Plymouth?”
“It’s farther away, allowing Lord Spencer more time in which to catch up to you before your ship sails.”
“So I will be sailing to France after all?” Sarah was getting confused.
“No. You’ll be sailing to Portsmouth.”
Sarah frowned, her confusion complete. “Forgive me, but I don’t quite follow your reasoning.”
“Well, obviously you must sail somewhere. Portsmouth is the closest port to Thorncliff, which makes it a most convenient destination. It will allow you to return here with relative ease, for if Lord Spencer still refuses to come to his senses, I will offer you a position as my companion.”
Sarah stared at Lady Duncaster in amazement. “Are you certain?”
Lady Duncaster arched a brow. “I like you a great deal and have no issue with whatever mischief you got up to in the past. It’s my impression that the two of us will get along quite nicely, if you agree, that is.”
“Thank you, my lady, that is a most generous offer,” Sarah said.
“And one that is made in vain, since you will be marrying Lord Spencer.”
“I fear you may be wrong about that.”
Lady Duncaster rose, so Sarah did the same. “We’ll know soon enough,” Lady Duncaster said as they started back toward the house. “We’ll make the necessary preparations immediately—no need to linger—so that by tomorrow you may be off. Hopefully with Lord Spencer in hot pursuit.”
Sarah grinned. “You make it sound so romantic.”
“I hope it will be,” Lady Duncaster said as they wound their way along a graveled path. “My own marriage had a very romantic beginning to it—I dearly wish the same for you.”