Dr. Owen Phillips
“Owen, man. You look like shit,” Liam says with concern. “Maybe you should have another cup of coffee.”
“She’s not answering her phone,” I say as I frantically spam Carmen’s number with one phone call after another. “She’s not responding to my texts. How could I have pissed her off this much?”
“Did you guys have a fight?” Helen asks as she brings over the frying pan and slides a freshly made omelet onto my plate.
“I might have said or done something embarrassing or offensive last night when I was drunk out of my mind. That’s the only explanation,” I reason as I try to call her again.
Liam shakes his head with a small smile. “Owen, everything you say and do is embarrassing and offensive. I highly doubt that’s the reason Carmen’s upset.”
“But they’re jokes! I never really mean anything harmful. I thought Carmen knew that. What the hell did I do this time?” I ask with a groan, putting my face in my hands. “And what am I supposed to do now? She took her car! Liam, can I borrow yours to go after her?”
“And leave us stranded in the woods?” Liam asks with a raised eyebrow. “I don’t think so, buddy. But I can drive you to the nearest town so you could get a car rental, or catch a bus ride back to New York.”
“That could work,” I tell him, nodding eagerly. “When can you do it? Can you do it today?”
“I could...”
“Just relax, Owen. Maybe you should slow down a little,” Helen says, giving me a gentle kick under the table, “And eat your damn omelet.”
“Can you try texting her, Helen?” I beg, ignoring the omelet and her kicking. “Please. Maybe she’ll respond to her sister.”
“No way. I’m not getting involved in this,” Helen says with a sigh. “If my sister needs her space, I’m going to respect that.”
I glare at Helen. “And what if she decides to do something stupid while she’s being over-emotional and ‘getting space?’ Don’t forget that she came out here to escape that psycho-freak Brad. What if she goes running back to him because she’s pissed at me, and puts herself in actual danger?”
Liam and Helen are quiet for a moment as they look down at their breakfast plates and push small bites of food around thoughtfully. They really are becoming one of those couples who adopt each other’s habits.
“I will send her a text,” Helen says finally, “but I trust my sister to make the right choices. If she left here in a rush, I’m sure there was a really good reason.”
“You think I did something really horrible to her?” I ask, my voice wavering slightly. This is my worst fear.
“No way, Owen,” Helen says softly, reaching out to pat my hand. “She probably just really needed space to clear her head. Carmen’s been through a lot lately, and sometimes it can be difficult to be around others when you’re fighting demons inside your own mind. Maybe she needed to get away—or maybe she had somewhere she needed to go, or something she needed to do.”
“But I spoke to her,” I argue. “She yelled at me and said that I should go back to Caroline.”
Helen and Liam look at each other again, and it annoys me that they are communicating without me so obviously.
“Your girlfriend just proposed to you, man,” Liam says quietly. “Maybe Carmen’s right to bail. Don’t you need some time to figure your shit out? This is the woman you’ve been living with for years. A woman you would have given anything to marry only a few short weeks ago. This is a woman who left her family and her country so that she could stay here with you. And you’re not even going to consider it? Not even going to take some time to figure out whether you can salvage the relationship?”
“No,” I respond firmly. “Caroline didn’t propose to me out of love. She did it out of jealousy. That’s not a good reason for anyone to get married.”
“Maybe it wasn’t out of jealousy,” Liam says with a frown. “I think she genuinely didn’t understand that you weren’t happy all this time, and she is genuinely trying to make an effort to compromise and fix your relationship. It sucks that you were already trying to move on, but maybe this is a sign that you shouldn’t cut the cord just yet. You can’t just stop loving someone overnight, Owen.”
“I know,” I tell him miserably, pressing my thumbs into my temples. “Trust me, I know.”
Liam reaches out to clap his hand against my shoulder. “Maybe you shouldn’t let go. Maybe Carmen disappeared in order to give you some space to figure out what you really want. Maybe she needed to figure out what she really wants. Her husband just died, Owen. She is not really in any condition to be moving on just yet.”
“She was with her husband for less time than I was with Caroline,” I say argumentatively. “And Caroline and I actually got along well for the most part; she didn’t go around raping me or people that I care about. No offense, Helen.”
“None taken?” Helen says with her nose twisted into a scowl. “What’s your point?”
“My point is that just because Carmen was married, doesn’t mean that her relationship was any more important or valid than mine. It makes perfect sense that she should be able to move on much more quickly and easily than I did. Also, it’s pretty clear that her husband gave up, totally and completely. He didn’t just take the last train out of the station; he took the last lifeboat out to a deserted island with no cell service or mailing address! He didn’t just sign out; he uninstalled the messenger program and smashed the computer.”
Liam looks at me for a moment. “It sounds like you understand where Caroline was coming from,” he points out. “With the whole not-wanting-to-get-married thing.”
“Crap,” I say softly. “I guess you’re right. I guess it didn’t really define us, the fact that we weren’t married. Maybe I focused on it a little too much and let it get to me.”
“It could be a cultural thing too,” Helen suggests. “Getting married and having a perfect family is sort of the American dream, but Caroline isn’t from around here. Maybe she simply grew up with different values, and was really trying her best to love you the way she thought you wanted.”
“Maybe,” I mumble softly, “but her parents were always encouraging her to get married. It seemed like it was an expectation for her.”
“It’s possible that she grew up around a lot of married couples who were really unhappy,” Liam suggests. “Maybe she wanted to avoid that expectation or societal standard, but still manage to have a healthy and solid relationship.”
“Why are you both taking Caroline’s side?” I ask in annoyance. “You’re supposed to be my friends. You’re supposed to be team Carmen! So that the four of us can live happily ever after, and hang out and go on vacations for dozens of years to come. We’re supposed to have an epic double wedding, with two sisters and two best bros. I have it all planned out and it’s going to be great! So why are you sticking up for Caroline?”
Helen sighs and leans back in her chair. “It would be great if you ended up with my sister, Owen... but our lives aren’t always puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly like that. You’ve already spent years writing the story of your life. You can’t simply discard the book to write a new one before you’ve concluded the story. You can’t just unwrite everything you’ve written.”
“But I never intended to unwrite anything,” I say softly. “I just got really stuck on the first book. I had writer’s block for years, and I couldn’t seem to make any progress. I tried everything to get the plot moving, but the characters just felt really dry, and I couldn’t connect with them. So I’ve got this wonderful half-written book, but I need to put it up on the shelf, because I’ll never be able to complete it. It’s a bit sad to let go of this project I’ve been working on for so many years—and it will always have a huge place in my heart—but what else could I do? It just so happened that I was inspired to write a new story with a remarkable heroine named Carmen. It doesn’t mean that I’m completely tossing Caroline’s story out. I will go back and read it from time to time, but I can’t add anything new to it. I need to save my energy for something that has a real chance at a happy ending.”
“Owen,” Liam says quietly. “Caroline probably thinks you’re tossing her out, man. You spoke to her really harshly yesterday. Don’t you want to at least try to remain friends? You’re being really immature.”
Chewing on my lips slowly, I lower my head and acknowledge the truth of these words. It just seemed so impossible to break up with Caroline and still maintain any measure of communication without falling back into old habits. If I wasn’t a total dick, to the point where I was too embarrassed to ever show my face around her again, I wouldn’t have been able to make a clean break.
“Maybe you should talk to her,” Helen suggests. “At least for some kind of real closure. I think you owe her that, at least. In the meantime, I’ll try to get in touch with Carmen and figure out what’s going on with her, and why she disappeared.”
“Thanks,” I tell her softly. “Either way, I’m going to need a ride to town so that I can deal with this Carmen and Caroline situation. These women are driving me crazy. I have such a splitting headache that I literally feel like my head is going to split open.”
“That’s called a hangover, bro,” Liam says sympathetically. “I’ll give you a ride to the bus station, but I really think you need some time to cool down. Take at least twenty-four hours to really sit and think about what you’re going to do before you rush in headfirst.”
“Twenty-four hours?” I ask him incredulously. “That’s an eternity when you’re dealing with love, man. Every minute you’re separated from a beautiful woman is a minute that she’s considering being with every other semi-decent dude who would gladly take your place. Every minute apart is a minute when she feels like you don’t care, and numbs her heart to you a little, destroying the bond you’ve built. Don’t you know this? When it comes to love, every minute counts.”