Chapter

35

He stood next to Margaret, clapping along with the rest of the crowd, just another member of the community coming to the concert as a kickoff to the Christmas season.

“Mitch,” I whispered, but the sound was lost in the uproar. He was there, alive. Beautifully, vibrantly alive and right in front of me. All the noise in the room, the mayhem of students rushing off the stage to greet their families and be congratulated for the performance, just disappeared. There was only Mitch and me.

But wait—wasn’t there supposed to be someone else, too? Sam.

I glanced back at him. He was watching me, just as unaware of the chaos surrounding us as I was, and his heart was in his eyes, for all to see if they had known to look.

“I love you,” he said. I couldn’t hear his voice from where I was but the words were clear just the same.

“Wait, Sam!” I called out, and I started toward him.

Samantha was in my way, and she seemed to move in the same direction as I did every time I tried to step around her. Finally I pushed past her, but Sam had headed toward the stairs. “Wait!” I called again.

He turned back to me and shook his head, then pointed back to Mitch, who was helping Margaret with her coat. They were leaving. I was grounded to the spot.

This was the moment. The decision that I had thought had come and gone already. It was time to make my choice. Sam was leaving, moving away to be with his dad, and I would have to let him go if I chose Mitch. He would walk out of the auditorium and out of the school, and I would never see him again.

Mitch was here, at least for now. He was also leaving. Who knew if our future was assured? Was it worth giving up Sam to have another chance with Mitch, however brief it might be?

It was then that I saw Mitch catch sight of Sam. He raised a hand and waved at him. Sam nodded and waved back, and an amazing thought popped into my head. Sam had met Mitch at the church. Had he invited him here tonight?

Miranda appeared at Sam’s side and grabbed his hand, tugging at it to try to get his attention. He continued to stare at me. I knew then, to the depth of my bones, just how much I was giving up.

“Good-bye. I love you. Thank you,” I said quietly. Just as I had heard his words earlier, I could see that he heard mine, however softly they might have been spoken. He blinked once, then he turned and walked off the stage.

I watched him for a moment, and then reality hit me. I twisted around to look back at the place where Mitch had been. He was gone. I searched the room frantically, heading toward the stairs on the other side of the stage. There he was. He and Margaret were already halfway out of the room, mostly lost in the crowd.

“Mitch!” I called out, but it wasn’t loud enough for him to hear me. I rushed down the stairs and up the aisle, trying to push past the people blocking my way.

“Slow down, Annie!” my mom called from behind me.

I had forgotten she was even there. I ignored her and kept pushing through the people. I caught sight of Margaret’s plaid coat as she and Mitch left the auditorium and made it into the foyer that led to the doors outside. I was breathing heavily with effort and emotion. It felt like I was moving through thick sand up to my hips. “Please, wait,” I panted, and the tears wouldn’t be held back anymore. I was going to miss him again. I just needed to talk to him, just for a moment. It would be enough to carry me through for now, but even that was being denied me.

An irritable man, the father of one of the band kids, glared at me as I tried to squeeze between him and his son. “Watch out,” he grumbled.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled. I pushed through anyway, but I had lost sight of Mitch and Margaret. Had they already left?

A couple of kids were horsing around and laughing, and they bumped into the same man. He turned to glare at them, and his foot came down on my dress just as I stepped forward. He stumbled, my movement pulling him off balance, and he backed up to catch himself, knocking me over. I fell, and the hem of my dress ripped.

I landed on my hands and knees, and the defeat was bitter in my mouth. Once again I had missed my chance, only this time I had hurt Sam in the process and torn out half of my heart as well. I wanted to stay right there on that floor. Just stay there, hidden by the crowds of people, the noise drowning out any thought. Maybe I could just melt into the ugly high school carpet and disappear forever.

“Are you okay?” The voice was quiet, but every other noise in the crowded foyer disappeared from my hearing. I looked up slowly. Could it possibly be, after all this time?

There he was, leaning over me, his broad shoulders creating a sheltered space in the crowd and his blue eyes filled with concern. “Are you hurt? Can I help you up?” He reached out a hand to steady me, and I took it. A thrill shot up my arm at the contact with him, and I drew a long breath. Sweet, cool air filled my lungs with strength and calm that spread through my whole body. This was my home.

“Thank you,” I managed to squeak, and my eyes locked onto his.

“Sure. It’s quite the crowd. I’ve never been to this concert before. I’m surprised at how many people are here. Not that it wasn’t great. It was. Great, that is.” His face grew red, and he smiled. “Sorry, that sounded stupid. Anyway. You were really great.”

“Thank you,” I said again. I couldn’t think of anything more to say.

“Mitch, there you are,” Margaret said as she hurried to his side. “I lost you somehow.” She glanced at me. “Hello, dear. What a beautiful concert. Your piano piece was lovely.” Her eyebrows furrowed. “Have we met before?” she asked, then recognition bloomed on her face. “Oh yes—you stopped by the house a while back to talk to Mitch.”

Mitch looked at me in surprise.

“Really? Was that you? Anne Kelly? I tried to call you back a couple of times, but the number wasn’t working. What did you need?”

“I . . . um . . . ,” I stumbled over the words, trying to find a viable excuse. “It’s Annie, actually. Annie May. I’m sorry for the confusion of my note, but I was just trying to, um, talk to you about your service trip. I heard about it from Bishop Michaels, and it sounded really amazing.”

He smiled.

“Oh, were you there last Sunday?”

“No, I missed it. I heard it was great, though. Really inspiring.”

“It was a lot of fun. I met some really cool people in your ward. One of them invited us to come to the concert. He was—oh, you know him. The cellist. Sam.”

“I thought it sounded nice, so I talked Mitch into bringing me,” Margaret cut in. She was eyeing me with a question in her eyes. I knew I was hanging on every word, no matter how mundane or insignificant, and at the mention of Sam’s name I swayed just a bit. The reality of the whole situation was sinking in, and I started to feel a little faint. Mitch must have seen it in my face.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You didn’t get hurt, did you?”

“Why, what happened?” Margaret asked in concern.

“A couple of kids were goofing around and she got knocked over, practically trampled.” I smiled a little at the exaggeration.

“I’m fine. Just tired, I guess. It’s been a long day.”

“Well, I can imagine. A big show like this must take a lot of preparation, and you are all very talented,” Margaret said. “Are you planning on studying music in college?” I knew she was just making small talk, but it seemed very important suddenly that I clarify.

“Maybe, but whatever I study, I’m staying here to do it. I’m not going away to school or anything.”

“Um, okay. That sounds great,” Mitch said, obviously confused about my sudden vehemence.

“Well, if you’re sure you’re okay, then it’s time for me to go. For us to go,” he corrected. The words hit me with heartbreaking clarity.

I stood in the middle of the high school foyer, surrounded by people, some friends, some strangers, a few family members somewhere, and I looked into the eyes of my husband and best friend, the father of my children. He was my past and my future. I will be with you. We will be together. I promise you. Maybe he would see something of what I was thinking. Maybe not. But I vowed that my promise would come true.

I cleared my throat and spoke out loud. “Thank you. I’ll see you around.” They were tiny words, but they were a start. The rest would follow down the road. I knew that Margaret was saying good-bye, but I couldn’t look away.

“Good-bye,” Mitch said, smiling.

Here it was. “Good-bye.” Then I watched him walk out the door, his mother’s arm tucked into his, caring for her as he cared for everyone, including me, throughout his life.

“Who was that?” Corrie asked.

I hadn’t noticed her approach. “That’s the man I’m going to marry,” I told her.

She rolled her eyes. “Ha, ha, funny. Come on. I told your mom I would find you.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me back toward the auditorium. She was bubbling over with chatter about the performance and who had said what about whom.

“Then Sam left with Miranda. She’s such a witch. Did you know that she actually had her mother lower the neckline of her choir dress? It’s repulsive.”

“He left with her?” I asked.

“Yeah, sorry. I thought you two were working things out. It seems like you’ve been joined at the hip lately. So what’s up with that?”

“Uh, we decided it wasn’t going to work out,” I said, numbly. I swayed then, again, barely catching my balance.

“Are you okay? Annie, you are white as a ghost,” she said.

“I’m just a little lightheaded. I think I need to sit down,” I murmured. I sank into the nearest seat at the back of the auditorium, and Corrie hurried forward to where my mom and sisters were waiting for me. She spoke to Mom, and they walked quickly back.

“What’s going on, honey?” Mom asked.

“I’m dizzy.”

“It’s probably all the excitement and the crowds. Let’s just get you home and to bed. You’ll be fine in the morning.”

I nodded.

“See you tomorrow, Corrie,” I said over my shoulder as we left.

“Bye,” she called, then hurried off to find her dad.