She felt like a voyeur. She sat in one of the wing chairs, tucked into the most remote corner of the living room, and watched the party unfold in front of her. She had moved among the guests for a few hours, long enough so that she could withdraw from them now with no pangs of guilt.
She took another swallow of the frothy pink daiquiri Maris had made for her. Her second. Or was it her third? On top of the eggnog and wine. Oh God. Well, it was only once a year.
All these people. They’d have to have the rugs cleaned next week. What a mess. She closed her eyes halfway, letting all the colors fuse together. White, red, silver, and gold. Her own dress was black, cut low in the back and clingy.
She opened her eyes again and spotted Janni in red, moving from group to group, patting arms and overseeing the work of the caterers. Maris looked slinky in silver. She hadn’t stopped dancing for the past hour, except to mix drinks. Or maybe it hadn’t been Maris who’d made her daiquiri. Kit couldn’t remember.
Maris’s dance partner tossed her across his back. Maris might finally have met her match on the dance floor, Kit thought. This guy was good. His name was Sean and he looked like a surfer—long blond hair and a tan that had lasted well into the winter. He couldn’t be more than twenty-five, but what did it matter? It was wonderful to see Maris having fun.
She hadn’t seen Jay in an hour. Maybe more. Who knew what time it was? But there was Cole. He’d been milling all night, not spending too much time with any one person. News of the breakup had spread quickly and the women from the hospital were out in force. There had to be twenty of them here tonight with designs on him. She could tell by the way they eyed him from across the room and squeezed his arm when they got close enough. On the surface he looked good. Gray suit, dark hair, eyes that were liquefying the women around him. But she knew his smile was frozen in place. It hurt to watch him. She remembered too well how it felt to start over.
It had been a month since that night in his bedroom. They never talked about it. She put it out of her mind as best she could. She imagined that he had forgotten about it, that it took no effort on his part to keep it at bay. He had only one thing on his mind these days and that was Estelle. The breakup had left him dazed, brittle to the touch.
He’d finally spoken to her that morning while she was setting candles on the mantle in the living room. It had been days. She’d felt him pull away from her, from all of them. His eyes had told them to leave him alone as clearly as if he’d spoken the words out loud.
He’d come up behind her as she arranged the candles. “The house looks great,” he’d said. “Can I help?”
Nearly everything had been done. An enormous tree decorated with white lights and lace stood in front of the oceanside windows of the living room. There were candles everywhere, holly and pine boughs on the mantel, and far too much mistletoe dangling in the doorways.
“The luminaria still need to be set up around the driveway,” she’d said. The paper bags and candles were waiting by the front door.
Cole had looked at them uncertainly.
“Are you sure you want to be here for the party?” she’d asked.
“Where else would I go? Everyone I know will be here.” He’d paused. “With one exception.”
Now he walked toward her with a smile. “Can I take refuge with you for a few minutes?” He leaned on the arm of her chair.
“Party’s getting to you?”
He sighed. “I’m not going to be any good at being single. I don’t like all the superficial chatter. ‘And what’s your sign?’” He batted his eyelashes at her.
She laughed. “Come on. I bet no one’s asked you what your sign is. Women are far more direct these days.”
“You’re right. I’ve had all types of invitations tonight. The last woman I spoke with asked to see the view from my room.”
“What did you tell her?”
“That my room is a mess. She said I could leave the lights off so she wouldn’t notice.”
“Clever woman.”
“I don’t know how to respond to that sort of thing. I used to be able to come back with an innuendo of my own, knowing that I’d never be taken seriously with Estelle in the next room. Now I have to tread carefully.”
“You really have no interest?”
“None. The thought of trying to get to know someone new is practically repulsive to me. And sex.” He rolled his eyes. “I don’t think I’ll ever do it again. I understand now how you felt about sex when I first met you.”
“I can barely remember that feeling. Right now there’s little else on my mind.” That was the only thing she missed about a relationship with a man these days—the physical side.
“Well,” he said, “I spotted Sandy a little while ago.”
“Sandy’s here?”
“Someplace. I’m sure he’d be willing to oblige.”
She shook her head. “That sounds like a bad idea. Besides, I’ve got my period.”
“Really? That’s two months in a row, isn’t it? Rare for you.”
She nodded. She was amazed herself. “This one’s nearly over, I think. They’re still not normal. Short and light. I guess they’ve started again because I haven’t been running as much.”
He was grinning at her. “How much have you had to drink tonight?”
“Why?”
“You’re slurring.”
“Ugh. Disgusting. Am I really?” Her words sounded perfectly crisp to her own ears.
He looked around the room. “We might have to put a few of these people up for the night if we don’t get some coffee brewing. I think you should have the first cup.”
“Whatever you say.” She handed him the rest of her daiquiri. “If I hold it, I’ll keep sipping.”
He smiled at her. “Are we back to being friends again?”
“I hope so,” she said. “I’ve missed you.”
He leaned down for a hug and they moved apart. “Back to the maddening crowd,” he said as he walked toward the heart of the living room, her daiquiri balanced between his fingers.
She should get up and help with the coffee, but the chair was holding her down. And besides, there was Sandy. He was leaning against the wall at the other end of the room, watching her, those big dark marble eyes locked into her own. She let herself stare back at him.
In a minute he was standing at the side of her chair. “You don’t seem to be in a partying mood tonight,” he said.
“I think I’m partied out.”
“How about one more dance?”
“Okay.” She stood up and nearly toppled over. “Whoa . . .” She grabbed his arm.
“Tsk, tsk, Kit.” He put his arm around her. “Sloppy drunk. You never saw me sloppy stoned, did you?”
She set her cheek against his shoulder and let her head fill with his familiar scent. “I don’t know how this happened, Sandy. I was sober one minute and looped the next.”
“Let me take you upstairs and put you to bed.”
She looked at him for a few seconds. “Okay,” she said. “Wait here a minute.”
She found Cole and pulled him away from a circle of women. “I’m going upstairs with Sandy.” She didn’t like the dark look in his eyes. She hooked her fingers in his jacket pocket. “Do you think that’s a bad thing to do?”
He put his arm around her. “Take some coffee up with you, okay?” he said. “Just sober up a little before you make any decisions.”
“I’m glad we had a chance to do this,” Sandy said, after they’d made love. They were lying in her bed. “It’ll be the last time. I’m moving.”
Sandy leaving the Jersey shore? “Where to?”
“California. Santa Barbara.”
“Really? I can’t picture you there.”
He laughed. “If you can’t picture that, try picturing this: I’m getting married.”
She sat up. “What?”
“I’m getting married.”
“To who?”
“A lady friend.”
“You were seeing her while you were seeing me?”
He frowned. “You knew I was seeing other people.”
“But how could you have sex with me tonight when you’re engaged to someone else?”
“She’d understand.”
“Well, I don’t.” She was suddenly depressingly sober. She envisioned this young woman, innocently planning her wedding in Santa Barbara while her fiancé made love to someone else on the other side of the country.
Although she hadn’t thought for a second about Estelle the night she . . .
“I shouldn’t have told you,” he said.
“Well, now that you have I really would like you to leave.”
He gave her a look of disbelief before he got out of bed and pulled on his clothes.
“I didn’t think you’d react this way,” he said, his hand on the doorknob. “I thought you’d be happy for me.”
He closed the door quietly behind him, leaving her feeling sober and a little ashamed.