When the trail widened again, Ben reined his horse to a halt and crossed his hands on the horn of the saddle, signaling, to me at least, that he was open to a few questions from an inquiring mind. I touched my heels to Blondie’s flank and urged her forward until I reached his side. “Ben, what can you tell me about the Native American Medicine Wheel?”
His lips twitched. “Now what brought that on?”
Encouraged by what appeared to be amusement in his eyes, I said, “I’m seeing a psychologist . . . the same one who cares for Joshua. Actually, that’s where Joshua and I met. In the waiting room of all things. Anyway, the doctor’s name is Tony Mendez, and when I asked him about the framed illustration of the Medicine Wheel on his office wall, he told me very little.”
Ben chuckled. “Tony’s a friend of mine. He follows the four directions teachings and integrates them into his practice of transpersonal psychology. He probably figured you weren’t ready.”
“So, are you going to hold out on me, too?”
I kept my tone light not wanting to reveal how eager I was for knowledge outside of the belief system that currently defined my spirituality. It felt like part of my mind was cracking open, maybe even my world.
“The indigenous people on the west coast didn’t follow Medicine Wheel teachings,” Ben said. “The sacred teachings of the Medicine Wheel originated with the plains native people.”
“But the Plains and Esselen tribes must’ve shared some common spiritual principles and themes,” I said in a voice that sounded like a plea. I longed for the type of spiritual healing and reaching of one’s potential Dr. Mendez had hinted at in his office.
Ben’s nod was barely perceptible. “Earth Medicine may not be the right path for you.”
My mount sidestepped, tossed her head, and snorted. “Calm down, girl,” I said, stroking the mare’s neck, though I was referring to myself.
“I don’t have the permission or training to be a spiritual leader,” Ben said, “plus you won’t know how to interpret the wheel teachings or apply them to your daily life.”
“Maybe the parts I could interpret and apply to my life would help me broaden my world view.”
Something flickered in Ben’s eyes, which gave me the courage to press on. “Please. I’d really like to know.”
He repositioned himself in the saddle and patted his horse. “I’ll share with you the little that has been passed on to me. Stop me if I lose or bore you.”
I nodded. No chance of that.
Ben’s chest expanded and released, a sight I found comforting. Such a big man, so at ease with the world. “The Medicine Wheel symbolizes the great circle of life, with no beginning or end, always moving, always continuing, always teaching us new lessons and truths. Its teachings are about walking the earth peacefully, in harmony with nature, and seeking a healthy mind.”
Ben glanced at me, apparently to see if I was following.
I was. In fact, I was hanging onto his every word, with an eagerness that would have been embarrassing if I hadn’t been so focused on drawing out every bit of information he was willing to share before cutting me off.
“Different cultures interpret this tool in different ways,” he said, “so the Medicine Wheel includes sacred symbols that cross many First Nation belief systems and are adapted to modern times. Because of this, the Medicine Wheel contains medicine more powerful than drugs.”
Silence followed—a complete silence—no wind, no birds, nothing. Ben looked off into the distance, as if he’d forgotten my presence.
“Don’t stop, please,” I said.
He smiled, and I sensed his gentleness and felt a deep appreciation for what he was doing. Thank you, Gentle Bear.
“For the wheel’s medicine to work,” he said, “you need the faith, openness, and curiosity of a child. You have to believe that everything and anything is possible.”
“I think I understand,” I said. “So many things have happened to me lately that I can no longer dismiss as coincidence.”
“Things will happen on your path to self-discovery that may seem coincidental but in fact happen for a reason.”
“I’m not an atheist, Ben, I believe in God.”
Ben shook his head. “We’re not talking about religion here. The Medicine Wheel and its teachings contain no dogma, only harmony and connection.”
“A philosophy then?”
“Or a unique life science,” he said.
“So, Earth Medicine doesn’t necessarily conflict with my current beliefs?”
“That depends on what you mean by beliefs. The Great One created all.”
The horses paused to graze on the wild grasses, moving forward every now and then for better pickings, which only added to the serenity of the ride. My gaze swept over the invigorating and aromatic terrain of white sage, chaparral, and oaks. “I’m only part Native American.”
“This isn’t about genetics but choices.”
The talk of truth and faith combined with the sun seeping through my jacket caused my defenses to melt away, and I found myself saying, “I’ve been hearing voices, Ben, coming out of nowhere . . .”
“Then your time has arrived,” he said.
“So, you believe that I’m hearing something—someone?”
“Possibly one or more Spirit Keepers are revealing themselves to you. They often appear in visions or dreams.”
I thought of my vision of Joshua and the fire and wondered if I’d been led here for a reason. All seemed so unreal.
“Today men and women alike want scientific proof of the spiritual,” Ben said. Which about summed up my attitude until lately. “The key to the spiritual is faith, common to all religions and philosophies”
“Will you help me?” I asked.
“Of course, but, more importantly, you need to help yourself.”
“How?”
“I can introduce you to the Medicine Wheel, but it’ll be up to you to discover something of value in its teachings, a clue, a direction, a path.”
“When can we start?”
Ben’s brows furrowed in a way that signaled for me to slow down as effectively as would a yellow light at an intersection. “This isn’t a quick fix, Marjorie. No two people walk the same path to spiritual truth.”
I tapped my internal brakes like the rule-following citizen I’d been trained to be, though my gut impulse was to do just the opposite—run the light while there was still time. I’d been holding back and proceeding with caution for so many years that it felt like I was now only beginning to live. “Do you think I’m ready?”
“Maybe your power has been transferred into the hands of others for too long. You might need to head out on your own for a while, and find your own power.”
“Then we’re right back where we started,” I said.
“Not quite. You’re making room for the spiritual.”
“What if I don’t discover what I need to know before I leave?” I asked, thinking, time’s a wasting; I need to get on with it.
“You have the rest of your life.”
🗲🗲🗲
His body stiffened, and it took him a while to answer. “At times, she’s bad medicine, but I sense good in her.”
“Then you don’t dislike her?”
Whatever he read on my face made his eyes narrow. “Watch out, Marjorie. She can be cruel. Her only soft spot seems to be for animals and children.”
“She must know by now that we’re sisters. That should help.”
“Or make her mad as hell,” Ben said.
I hoped not. Veronica was possibly my only living blood relative.
“You said you’re part Native American,” Ben said. “How do you know?”
“My parents were told when they adopted me, though I wasn’t let in on the news until after I’d run into Veronica and called my mother on it. Veronica said that blue eyes are the result of a genetic mutation, but she didn’t say anything about being part Native American. I wonder if she knows.”
Ben glanced at my hair and looked away. “It’s rare but not unheard of for Native Americans of mixed ancestry to have light coloring.”
After a short silence filled only by horses snorting, birds calling, and wind rustling brush and trees, Ben said, “Marianne’s hosting a western barbecue tonight at a winery close by. Care to go?”
“I’d love to, but I’m not too keen on driving an unfamiliar road after dark, especially after meeting two strangers at a nearby bar, who I’d prefer not to meet again.”
“Why not go from here, and I’ll follow you home? I can’t promise that you won’t run into those strangers, but with plenty of people around, including me, you’ll be safe enough. Did you happen to catch their names?”
“I heard one call the other Tommy Boy.”
Ben blew out his breath. “Then I know exactly who you’re talking about. Tommy’s sidekick is Jake. Veronica considers them friends.”
“You’ve got to be kidding.” No way could I see my exotic, larger-than-life sister associating with two guys who preferred brooding in dark bars to shaving or taking a bath.
“Can’t say your sister has good taste in who she hangs out with.”
“Will she be there tonight?”
“She wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
I looked down at my raggedy jeans and nylon jacket. “I’m dressed like a slob.”
“Believe me, you’d rather be comfortable than fashionable,” he said. “Unless” —the look he gave me made my face burn— “you’re in competition with your sister. She gets all decked out for these affairs. Part of her mask, I assume. Anyway, she’s got her eye on a new chap in town.”
I wondered if Ben was jealous. If so, I felt sorry for him.