Chapter 14

 

Stupid Thoughts

 

Yip has lost all track of time. He doesn’t know if it’s night or day or even if he is still blind. The dark in the room is absolute. Again he curses at how different he is to the other Grotesques, curses whatever blunder Brother Westerman made during the ritual that gave him life.

To think—he’d once felt sorry for the priest. Prior Greyson had stopped his mentorship with a much younger priest after Yip was created.

Brother Westerman had given life to Yip against the express orders of the Prior. Young Westerman was proud and confident in his studies. He hadn’t believed Yip would be too small and weak to be of any use as a Guardian.

Maybe Prior Greyson was right, thought Yip. I am useless. The only thing I have ever been good at is causing trouble.

“You are always getting into mischief,” Cygnet would scold.

“You’re too interested in those human children,” Leonine, the sleek feline Guardian warned whenever he caught Yip peeking in through the windows of the darkened dormitory rooms.

Angel was the only one to ever stand up for him. She would frown at times and roll her eyes but she never gave voice to her thoughts if she felt the same as the others. In fact, during the early days after his creation, Angel had mothered him relentlessly. Yip couldn’t believe he had once hated Angel’s smothering attention.

What he wouldn’t give for her to be there now to comfort him.

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid, he silently shouts.

How long has it been?

It feels like he’s been statue-trapped for an eternity. It was never too bad, knowing he’d be free again when the moon rose. But the thought of being stuck like this forever is driving him over the edge. How much longer can he stand it?

No, I have to hold on. I have to find a way to get out of this mess, to put things right.

Somehow, Yip has to prove to himself that he isn’t as useless as everyone believes.

He has to make it NOT be his fault.

But it’s his fault. If he hadn’t fallen for the Trixie trap, the Guardians wouldn’t be in this predicament.

Yip wails inwardly. Stupid Grotesque creature, he chants in his mind. You should never have been created.

~~~

 

Olivia is late but she has a note from the office. She walks slowly along the corridor with her head down, watching her feet shuffle over the polished linoleum tiles. Ms. Hellings’ room is right at the end of the North Wing of the main building. An odd low-pitched buzz starts in Olivia’s head as she walks closer to the room. She shakes her head but the buzzing remains.

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! The buzz forms into distorted words, mocking her every step.

Olivia passes the stairs leading down to the basement storeroom and shivers. She looks into the dark recess at the shadowy door at the bottom. For some unknown reason, that doorway gives her the jitters. She hurries past.

When she opens the door to the classroom, Olivia freezes. Someone is sitting at her desk beside Kellyanne Kazek. Olivia feels a surge of anger and betrayal. She has only been away for two days and they have given her seat away to someone else.

The new girl has long hair that spills down her back in tight golden ringlets. Her skin is pale and clear, no freckles, no spots—not a single blemish to mar her model perfect complexion. The girl glances toward the door and smiles—her bright-blue eyes sparkling at Olivia.

Olivia lets her head drop forward so her hair hides the horrid scars and stony grey skin on her face.

Stupid Grotesque creature, the voice chants in her mind. You should never have been created.

Olivia bites hard on her bottom lip. She tastes coppery blood on her tongue.

“Olivia,” Ms. Hellings calls. “Don’t just stand there, come in and take a seat.”

Ms Hellings strides across the room and takes the note from Olivia’s hand. She glances briefly at it and tucks it into her pocket.

Olivia looks her desk where the new girl sits.

Ms Hellings follows her gaze. “You’ll have to sit at the front next to Hector.”

Olivia limps forward.

Hector sits, twisting a lump of plasticine into an intricate shape.

Glancing back once more toward her old seat, Olivia sees Kellyanne shrug.

The new girl looks smug.

As Olivia sits down Hector slides a plasticine figure across to her. He doesn’t look up.

The squeak of the whiteboard marker jolts Olivia out of her daze. Ms Hellings is copying math equations onto the whiteboard.

“Now, we’ve already done some of these together as a class,” she says. “So if you were listening…” She gives the four boys in the back row a hard look. “You shouldn’t have any problems with these.”

It’s all your fault, the voice sounds in Olivia’s head.

“Copy these into your workbooks. I want at least ten of them completed before you go to reading groups.”

“Ten?” The boys in the back row groan.

You stupid thing, the voice wails.

Olivia squeezes her eyes shut.

It’s your own silly fault.

Olivia clenches her right hand into a tight fist, bouncing it on the desk top. The injury to her head must be been worse than the doctors thought.

Always in the wrong place!

I’m going mad, she thinks.

I already said that. The voice in her head sounds confused. You are useless!

“Olivia?” Ms Hellings asks.

“Am not.”

Useless!

“Stop it, Olivia.” Ms Hellings moves to stand in front of Olivia’s desk.

It would be better for everyone if you were dead, the voice snaps coldly.

Ms Hellings raises her voice. “Olivia, you are disrupting the class.”

“Oh shut up. Shut up. Shut up!” Olivia shouts.

Ms. Hellings’ face turns a deep shade of purple-red. Her hand slams on the desktop. “How dare you!”

Olivia looks up. She hadn’t realised she’d shouted out loud.

Bother, she inwardly screams. See what you’ve done now!

“I will not have students talk to me in that manner, young lady.” Ms Hellings makes a scoffing sound. “And I’m using the term ‘young lady’ very loosely. Go to the principal’s office right this second.”

Olivia tips her chair over as she breaks into a shambling run for the door.

Wait, the voice calls.

Hector picks up the plasticine figure and tucks it carefully into his shirt pocket as the classroom door slams shut.