CHAPTER 6

RUNNING AHEAD OF GOD

LIFE IS MESSY. No one likes it that way. We do our best to keep life tidy and organized, but as soon as we get everything in order, something happens to make it messy again. Sometimes those messes are the result of a predicament, a no-win scenario in which any choice we make will create a mess. In those situations, the only thing we can do is try to discern which choice will make the smallest mess.

Take, for example, an occupational dilemma. You have a job in Texas. You’re fairly well paid. Your family is settled and content. Then you’re offered another position that would pay a lot more money. It’s yours for the taking, except . . . the job requires that you relocate to Nome, Alaska. Now you have to decide between two extremes: –40-degree winters or 110-degree summer days. Does the increased income offset the difficulty of uprooting your family to start over in a new community? Will the new situation help or hinder your children? You’ve got yourself a dilemma.

Or what about an academic dilemma? You started a PhD program, and you’re excited about the opportunity to learn. But you have small children who need your attention—a lot of it. So what do you do? Pursue the degree knowing that if you postpone it, chances are slim you’ll get another chance? Yet you really want to spend time with your kids and be fully present during their formative years.

Or maybe you have faced a romantic dilemma. You’re single and not getting any younger. You’re dating an individual who would love to marry you, but there are some things about him or her that give you pause. Nothing huge, but significant enough factors to make you uneasy about taking the step of marriage. Should you continue despite your misgivings? Or do you put off an engagement and risk losing the relationship?

At some point almost everyone faces financial dilemmas too. You have a budget to work within. It’s tight, but it works. Then you find the perfect house or car or gift, but it’s much more expensive than your financial plan allows. Do you dip into your savings? Do you go into debt to buy the item? Or do you stick with that crummy budget and keep looking?

All of us face life dilemmas—and as believers we also face spiritual challenges. Do you keep on waiting and waiting for the Lord to move? Or do you embrace the questionable adage “God helps those who help themselves”? Why not jump in and take care of things myself? you think. After all, you’re reasonably bright. You’ve been around the block. You know how to solve this situation. Before long, you’re running ahead of God, hoping He’ll approve of what you do or at least help you clean up whatever unforeseen messes you encounter.

In a perfect world, no choice makes a mess. No decision has a drawback. We never experience dilemmas because, as the old expression goes, “We can have our cake and eat it too.” And it’s nonfattening! We wish we didn’t have to choose between the lesser of two evils. But we don’t live in a perfect world. God remains in control of our world, but life is far from ideal on planet Earth.

Abram’s Dilemma

Heroes of the Bible weren’t exempt from dilemmas. In fact, many seemed to move from one dilemma to the next. One of the more famous examples for Abram and Sarai was the difficult choice put to them concerning their childlessness. God had promised Abram that his heir would come from his body (see Genesis 15:4, NIV); the boy would carry his DNA. The Lord even sealed His promise with a solemn covenant ceremony (see Genesis 15). But Abram was now advanced in years, and his wife would soon pass through menopause, if she hadn’t already.

At this point in Abram’s faith journey, the couple had waited for years, but there was still no pregnancy. The predicament became increasingly embarrassing for Abram, because he had surely described his divine encounters to others. Most likely, his community knew about the promised heir. So with each passing day, the question “Any news?” grew tenser.

Finally Sarai got tired of waiting. The pressure to produce a child became too strong, so she devised a way to escape their predicament. Years ago, as you will recall, she and Abram had run to Egypt during a famine. Abram claimed Sarai was his sister to save his own skin, and Pharaoh proposed to marry her. To gain Abram’s favor as her supposed brother and guardian, the king gave him “sheep, goats, cattle, male and female donkeys, male and female servants, and camels” (Genesis 12:16). Among the Egyptian servants was a young woman named Hagar. Now, many years later, “Sarai said to Abram, ‘The LORD has prevented me from having children. Go and sleep with my servant. Perhaps I can have children through her’” (Genesis 16:2).

Take note of Sarai’s rationale. She couldn’t bear children, but Abram could still “father a nation,” regardless of his age. After all, God had said, “You will have a son of your own who will be your heir” (Genesis 15:4). He hadn’t stipulated that Sarai would necessarily be the mother. Perhaps waiting any longer wouldn’t be wise. If they waited until they were too old, they wouldn’t have the energy to rear the boy. Maybe God expected them to pursue His promise rather than wait for things to happen. What if this was some kind of test to see how much they wanted God’s promise?

Abram faced a major dilemma.

Today we have the benefit of knowing how history unfolded, so we can’t fully appreciate Abram’s dilemma. From our comfortable vantage point, it’s easy to see what he should have done. But before we cluck our tongues or deride Abram for trying to fulfill God’s promise for Him, think back to your last big blunder. Why did an irrational choice appear so rational in the moment? Think about some of the messes you’ve made because you allowed your emotions to do your thinking, or because you let your desires put your body on autopilot.

I think it’s good that Abram’s wife felt the freedom to suggest a creative solution. It says a lot about the closeness of their marriage. Her thinking isn’t really that far outside the box; a legal custom of that culture permitted the husband of a childless woman to take her servant as a second wife. One biblical scholar explains it this way: “The child born of that union was regarded as the first wife’s child. If the husband said to the slave-wife’s son, ‘You are my son,’ then he was the adopted son and heir.”[16]

The biggest problem is that throughout the discussion, no one sought the Lord’s input. Sarai didn’t pray. Abram didn’t sacrifice at one of the altars he’d built. How much better things would have been if Abram had gone out under the stars and said, “Lord, we’re getting old, and the wait gets harder with each passing year. Our longing has become almost unbearable. We thought of a way to have a child. We wonder if You approve.”

While the custom of the day might have been socially and legally acceptable, God often repudiates social traditions. Besides, this was to be no ordinary birth. This birth, this heir, would become the first step in unfolding a marvelous, divine plan for the world! This was not a time to cut corners or do something half right.

Abram could have responded to Sarai gently by saying, “You know, sweetheart, you get an A for creativity, but real low marks in theology. I appreciate your idea, and even though our community would encourage us to have a child this way, I know it’s not right. The Lord knows everything, and He gave me you before He gave me the promise.”

Tragically, however, “Abram heard the voice of Sarai” (Genesis 16:2, my translation). “Sarai, Abram’s wife, took Hagar the Egyptian servant and gave her to Abram as a wife. (This happened ten years after Abram had settled in the land of Canaan.) So Abram had sexual relations with Hagar, and she became pregnant” (verses 3-4).

The biblical record doesn’t preserve Abram and Sarai’s dinner conversation after Hagar showed signs of conceiving. But I know how rationalization can go. To rationalize is “to devise a self-satisfying but incorrect reason for one’s behavior.”[17] I imagine the old couple saying, “Isn’t it amazing, honey, how the Lord blessed our decision? He never would have allowed Hagar to conceive if He didn’t approve.” It’s easy to find signs of God’s approval in anything when we want it badly enough.

Truth and Consequences

The fallout of Abram and Sarai’s decision didn’t take long to kick in. Hagar’s bump hadn’t begun to show before she started treating Sarai with contempt (see Genesis 16:4). The Hebrew word for contempt means “small, insignificant, trifling, dishonorable.” People in the ancient Near East thought of barren women as worthless to society. By their reckoning, childless women consumed valuable resources and contributed nothing to justify their existence. So according to ancient standards, Hagar was worthy of a higher social caste than Sarai since she would bear Abram a son.

When the consequences of sin begin to fall, relationships always suffer.

When the consequences of sin begin to fall, relationships always suffer. And it can get ugly mighty fast! The plan to have Hagar bear a surrogate son backfired, and rather than bringing joy to the household at last, it caused everyone to start turning against one another.

Sarai said to Abram, “This is all your fault! I put my servant into your arms, but now that she’s pregnant she treats me with contempt. The LORD will show who’s wrong—you or me!” (Genesis 16:5). (So now Sarai appeals to the Lord!)

Abram replied, “Look, she is your servant, so deal with her as you see fit” (Genesis 16:6). This was his subtle way of saying, “You came up with the idea. This is the bed you made for yourself, so lie in it!”

All of a sudden, this once harmonious home had become a combat zone. People who once trusted God and waited on His blessing started using His name to call down curses upon one another. Hagar, who used to respect Sarai, began to feel superior and became insolent. Then, with Abram and Sarai at odds, Sarai found herself abruptly expendable. Hagar couldn’t stand the mounting pressure and fled into the wilderness alone. Life was certainly messy in that home!

Cynthia and I have a very dear friend whose daughter married against her parents’ advice. Not surprising to her folks, the new husband became abusive. She left to escape the violence, and when he showed signs of improvement, she returned. Eventually the abuse resumed, even worse than before. She left again, and now may have to remain in hiding. Reflecting on this situation prompted me to wonder, Just how bad does a situation have to be for a woman to risk dying in the wilderness rather than staying under her roof?

Apparently no one noticed Hagar was missing. Or if someone took notice, no one cared that a frightened, pregnant young woman faced the dangers of the wilderness alone, subject to predators and exposure. Fortunately, though, the Lord cared about her. In most ways, she had become the innocent victim of Abram and Sarai’s disobedience. She hadn’t asked for any of this. She’d simply been doing her work around the house, and the next thing she knew, she was wearing a wedding veil and marching off to the honeymoon tent of an eighty-five-year-old groom.

The angel of the LORD found Hagar beside a spring of water in the wilderness, along the road to Shur. The angel said to her, “Hagar, Sarai’s servant, where have you come from, and where are you going?”

“I’m running away from my mistress, Sarai,” she replied.

The angel of the LORD said to her, “Return to your mistress, and submit to her authority.” Then he added, “I will give you more descendants than you can count.”

GENESIS 16:7-10

The road to Shur was a caravan route used by merchants traveling from Canaan to Egypt. The original audience for this story would have recognized this wilderness region as the territory controlled by the descendants of Ishmael—the child Hagar carried (see Genesis 25:18). This helps explain the significance of the angel’s message from God. By encouraging Hagar to return to the household of Abram and Sarai, the angel implied, “God will watch over you and bless you.” And he conveyed to her a covenant similar to Abram’s: “I will give you more descendants than you can count” (Genesis 16:10).

The angel then expanded this blessing to reveal specific details, saying, “You are now pregnant and will give birth to a son. You are to name him Ishmael (which means ‘God hears’), for the LORD has heard your cry of distress. This son of yours will be a wild man, as untamed as a wild donkey!” (Genesis 16:11-12).

The image of a wild donkey is derogatory in our language and culture, but that was not the case in the ancient Near East. The expression “wild donkey” in Hebrew (pere) forms a clever wordplay with another area associated with the Ishmaelites: the wilderness of Paran. Furthermore, the image describes the free life of a tent-dwelling nomad. Sadly, the angel predicted perpetual strife for Hagar’s son. In this way, Ishmael’s life would reflect his origins: an aggressive man born in a hostile home.

Hagar blessed God, who had blessed her, saying, “You are the God who sees me” (Genesis 16:13). To memorialize her encounter with God, she named the spring Beer-lahai-roi, which means “well of the Living One who sees me” (verse 14). She then returned to Abram’s camp, where she gave birth to a son. Abram, having heard about her experience and the promise of God, named the boy Ishmael, as instructed.

Running Ahead

By the time Ishmael arrived, Abram had turned eighty-six. If we skip ahead to read about the birth of Isaac, the true son of Abram’s covenant with God, we’ll see he was one hundred years old then (see Genesis 21:5). Abram and Sarai tried to rush God, attempting to get the Lord on their timetable, but they didn’t receive their blessing for another fourteen long years. Our running ahead doesn’t pressure God to hurry His agenda. When we try to coerce the Lord into giving us what we want, when we want it, He responds, in effect, “You’re not ready. This blessing isn’t good for you right now. You have so much more to learn . . . so trust Me. And don’t expect Me to explain Myself.”

You might find yourself in Abram’s predicament right now, and you’re praying that great American prayer, “Lord, hurry up!” You want answers now; you want His blessing now. You’re convinced you’ve waited long enough. Waiting is difficult, and you want progress, so your great temptation when the Lord doesn’t appear to be doing anything is to get things going yourself. Your predicament has dragged on for too long, and you’re tired of it.

If that describes you (if it doesn’t now, it will soon!), I have a four-letter word for you: wait. The word forms an acrostic of four imperatives that you may find helpful.

Walk a little slower. When you feel the need to hurry God along or to make something happen to advance God’s agenda for your life, apply the brakes. It’s time to slow your pace, step away from the situation, and devote yourself to a time of solitude and prayer—and perhaps even fasting. Ask some trusted advisers to join you in seeking God’s mind—people who have the love and courage to say things you don’t like to hear. Then resolve not to hurry things along. More often than not, we regret the things we did, not the things we didn’t do.

Ask God for increased patience, wisdom, and self-control. No doubt you have already prayed for this, but the very fact that you’re agitated and itching for action says you need to continue asking. Your best decisions occur when your spirit is calm, when confidence in God’s sovereign control has displaced your worry, when you’re tuned in to the gentle prompting of the Holy Spirit. Use prayer as an opportunity to express yourself fully to the Lord. Describe your worry, your fear, your frustration. He already knows everything, of course, but it’s a great relationship builder—not to mention amazingly therapeutic.

Imagine the worst-case scenario that might happen if you waited. Instead of running ahead, stop and think ahead: What’s the worst possible outcome if I do nothing? When a situation truly demands action, this question can bring good ideas to the surface. Most often, however, the answer is disappointingly dull. In the case of Abram and Sarai, the worst possible outcome for waiting on pregnancy was more of the status quo.

Think of others who will be impacted by your decision. Running ahead of God’s timing always causes collateral damage. You hurt yourself, which is bad enough. You also cause harm to innocent bystanders. In Abram and Sarai’s case, their running ahead changed a young woman’s life forever, and a child was born into a tense, divided household.

If you’re moving your family for the wrong reasons, your spouse must make major life changes to support you, your children lose the stability of their community, you are all forced to start over. Yes, children are resilient, but uprooting and replanting doesn’t enhance development; it is traumatic for them. Yes, God can and will use the ordeal for their good, in spite of the upset, but that should be according to His design, not your own desires.

If you choose to marry for the wrong reasons—for example, because your biological clock is running down or because you’re determined to feel less lonely—your eventual heartache will affect everyone in your family. In the beginning, everything might seem great because your future partner wants a wedding, but there are few things in life that cause more collateral damage than a bad marriage.

Think of others who will be unfairly impacted by your decision. Make a list of names, and list beside each one the potential fallout if or when your decision implodes.

V. Raymond Edman, the president of Wheaton College for several decades, wrote a small but profound book titled The Disciplines of Life. In it he describes what he calls “the discipline of delay.”

We have been told that God’s disappointments are His appointments, that God’s delays are not His denials; but do we believe what we hear? Delay, with its apparent destruction of all hope, can be a deep discipline to the soul that would serve the Lord Jesus. We live in a restless, impatient day. We have little time for preparation, and less for meditation and worship. We feel we must be active, energetic, enthusiastic, and humanly effective; and we can’t understand why inactivity, weakness, weariness, and seeming uselessness should become our lot.

The discipline of delay is written large in the life of God’s people, as we could observe in Abraham’s long waiting for the son of promise.[18]

We like things to be fast. When we’re at a restaurant, we don’t want to wait for a table. When we order something online, we want overnight delivery or an instant download. We like the fast lane. We like the idea of bullet trains. We like fast food. We don’t even like missing one panel of a revolving door. Why? Because life is short, and we don’t want to waste time waiting. But it is usually in waiting that God does His best work in us. In that crucible of frustrated longings, the Holy Spirit confronts our darkest lusts, our most selfish cravings, bringing them out of the shadows and then releasing us from slavery to hidden idols.

When we’re forced to wait, the Lord helps us acquire an appetite for the blessing to come.

When we’re forced to wait, the Lord helps us acquire an appetite for the blessing to come. Meanwhile, He builds our maturity so that when the fulfillment finally arrives, we are prepared to enjoy His blessing to the fullest. For Abram, the blessing was a son at last. For others throughout history, the blessing was engaging in a calling. Edman explains how the discipline of delay prepared Hudson Taylor for the work that would define his life, the China Inland Mission.

Hudson Taylor knew the testing that tempers the steel of the soul. Invalided, home at twenty-nine after six years of intensive service in China, he settled with his little family in the east end of London. Outside interests lessened; friends began to forget; and five long hidden years were spent in the dreary street of a poor part of London, where the Taylors were “shut up to prayer and patience.” From the record of those years it has been written, “Yet, without those hidden years, with all their growth and testing, how could the vision and enthusiasm of youth have been matured for the leadership that was to be?” Faith, faithfulness, devotion, self-sacrifice, unremitting labor, patient, persevering prayer became their portion and power, but more, there is “the deep, prolonged exercise of a soul that is following hard after God . . . the gradual strengthening here, of a man called to walk by faith not by sight; the unutterable confidence of a heart cleaving to God and God alone, which pleases Him as nothing else can.” As the years of obscurity progressed, “prayer was the only way by which the burdened heart could obtain any relief”; and when the discipline was complete, there emerged the China Inland Mission, at first only a tiny root, but destined of God to fill the land of China with gospel fruit.[19]

If you’re on the cusp of making a decision that troubles your family or friends, stop. Wait. Consider the sovereign hand of God. He doesn’t need your help. Heaven is not waiting for you to act. God is able to move you when He’s ready.

In every life

There’s a pause that is better than onward rush,

Better than hewing or mightiest doing;

’Tis the standing still at Sovereign will.

There’s a hush that is better than ardent speech,

Better than sighing or wilderness crying;

’Tis the being still at Sovereign will.

The pause and the hush sing a double song

In unison low and for all time long.

O human soul, God’s working plan

Goes on, nor needs the aid of man!

Stand still, and see!

Be still, and know![20]