“I don’t understand why he’s sitting up in the box with us,” I hiss at Tawnya, trying not to look back at Hawk sitting beside Kioko in the owner’s box. Even though Hawk and Kioko are up in the second level of seats, I feel like Hawk’s sitting right behind me, peering into my soul.
She just shrugs and gestures at the field. “He probably hasn’t officially started yet or something. Honestly, you should go back and sit next to him and ask him that question.” She starts to elbow me until I squirm away from her and she cackles. It’s hard to concentrate on the game knowing Hawk is so close by. He’s so…smoldering. I’m sure he was just teasing with the autograph business, but I’d be a big liar if I pretended my mind isn’t drifting off into fantasyland about the possibilities there.
I might actually be his number one fan already. I laugh off the idea. I sometimes forget that I’m allowed to fantasize about men if I want to. Nobody’s going to scream at me for doing so. Remembering this makes me want to sit and imagine Hawk with no shirt on, just because I can, damn it. Obviously I’m not in a place in my life to pursue any sort of anything with anyone. But looking is just fine.
Looking is fine, I repeat before I glance over at Wyatt and grin. He and the twins are pointing at all the players and talking about which ones have good haircuts. They have no consensus on what constitutes a good haircut.
Tawnya elbows me again while the team captains are doing the coin toss before the match. “Lucy. Hawk-the-hottie is sitting right behind us. Ask him about moving here.” She is definitely not hitting a good balance between whispering and being heard above the stadium music.
I blush. “Pass”
Her eyes bug out, like she’s trying not to explode. “You should offer to give him a tour of the city.” I roll my eyes at her. “I’m serious,” she hisses. “No strings sexy times with a professional athlete who’s into you?”
I pat her hand. “I don’t need to tell you that my life is a shit show right now. But I appreciate your support of my fantasies.”
She rolls her eyes right back at me. “Oh, come on. The fact that your life is a shit show is exactly why you need to get plowed by a super fit athlete who isn’t interested in anything past that.” She turns around to face her husband. “Hey, Keeks, can you get us some soft pretzels? And some beer? None of the cheap stuff.” He gives her a thumbs up and she turns back to face me.
But I won’t turn around to look at Hawk. I will not. I keep my eyes on the field, where the players are taking their positions and jumping up and down to shake out the nerves before the kick-off. I miss that feeling. That moment in time before the kick-off was the most stressful part of the game—the anticipation, the not knowing. Once everyone is in motion, the nerves melt away for me.
A memory of my ex flaring his nostrils sneaks into my consciousness, and I remember feeling that same anticipation. Only it was mixed with terror. I didn’t know what he was going to do, but in the end I learned the wide range of what that could look like. The stakes were a lot higher than just wondering if the opposition would go right, left, or charge the center of the field.
I squeeze my hands into fists and release them, trying to shake the bad memories. But Tawnya notices. Her face turns from happiness into concern. “What’s up, Lucy?”
I wave a hand. I don’t know whether Patty told the team anything about Nick’s actions before I met the Phe-Moms, but I definitely don’t want to talk about it here where both my kid and Hawk can hear. On the field, the Forge steal the ball and charge up the pitch toward their goal. The energy in the stadium turns wild as the fans cheer on the team. I join in, and then groan along with them when Charlotte recovers the ball.
“Oh man,” I moan. “That would have been a perfect drive ball. Where was the support?”
Kioko clucks his tongue, leaning in to hand Tawnya the food. He’s got a strange expression on his face as he considers me. “You are not wrong! We are just not fast enough,” he says. “Mmm mmm mm we have got to find a replacement for that drug fiend fitness coach. Firing him left a huge hole in our staff.”
Hawk makes a grunting sound of agreement from behind me and my heart leaps a little in my chest. But then the Forge get the ball back and take a shot at the goal and the sound of the crowd distracts me from focusing any more on their conversation.
Through most of the second half, I feel the burn of Hawk’s eyes on the back of my neck. A few times, when I turned in my seat to grab a beer or check on the kids, he actually winks at me. Slow, deliberate winks like he fucking knows he is being sexy. After the third such display, Tawnya grabs my arm and drags me to the back of the executive box, where there’s a doorway into the club offices.
“Lucy,” she hisses. “You have to go out with him. Do it for all of us who are well past such opportunities.” She holds her hand over her heart and looks to the heavens.
I snort out a laugh. “It’s a lovely idea, Tawnya. But I’m going to have to remind you about the four year old boy currently high on cotton candy fumes, sitting out there with your kids.”
Tawnya cackles. “Don’t you dare use Wyatt as an excuse. I will take that child into my giant SUV and tuck him into bed between my kids and sit up all night waiting to hear the recap of your misadventures.”
I make a face at her. “Yeah, yeah.” I look at my reflection in the glass door and fluff my hair a little bit, straightening my shirt. In another lifetime, I imagined being the kind of mom whose kid had sleepovers. It’s been such a project disentangling myself from Nick that I’ve never actually managed to get a night away from Wyatt.
“Lucy, I’m serious. Kioko and I are happy to have Wyatt sleep over. Have you seen him with our boys? They’re best friends now. They told me.”
I bite my lip. “The boys do seem to get along.” The three of them crawl up the steps toward us and then back down again, making animal noises. I love that Tawnya brought us somewhere they can run around and be noisy. What would it even be like to get a quiet night all to myself?
Tawnya squeezes my shoulder. “Oh my gosh, I want to do this for you. I want you to have a night that’s just for you! Please let us take Wyatt overnight? He can share the boys’ clothes and we’ve got toothbrushes to spare.”
Wyatt must have heard the word “overnight” because he whips his head around and squeezes one of the twins’ arms. “Am I gonna have a sleepover? A slumber party?” His eyes are as round as soccer balls and the twins start babbling about how they love sleepovers with their cousins.
Tawnya drapes an arm around my shoulders and nods at Wyatt. “Your mom is just about to say yes and let you come home with us, bud! I’ll even make pancakes in the morning.”
I sigh and nod and Wyatt and the boys squeal. “Mmm,” I say, leaning back against the wall of the box. “This is going to be weird, though. Not worrying about him.”
“Gee,” Tawnya taps her chin. “What could you do with that spare energy and free time? Perhaps give the new soccer star a tour of our fine city…”
I roll my eyes at her. “I don’t even know if he’s into me. I haven’t been with anyone in years, Tawnya, years. And the last guy was my ex.” I groan. “I also don’t just go up to guys and ask them out. This isn’t…me.”
Now she crosses her arms over her chest and arches a brow at me. “Do you actually not want to even go out with him or is this about something else? Because I’m here to listen, while also gently encouraging you to hop on that joystick.”
I puff out a laugh. “What would he see in me? I haven’t exactly been taking care of myself the past few years.” I drop my voice to a whisper and take a quick peek down the stairs to verify that the men are still sitting near the front of the box.
Tawnya pats my arm. “The thing I know about professional athletes is that they don’t bother to hit on women they’re not interested in. Who better to try something casual with? I think you need this. And I think it’ll be fun.”
I sigh and start walking back to our seats. As we walk past Kioko, I hear him explaining to Hawk that the players will be hosting the opposition in the club bar after the match. I can’t help myself and I blurt out, “doesn’t your team nutritionist have thoughts about that idea?”
Hawk raises a brow and Kioko frowns. “Nutritionist?”
My eyes bulge out of my head. “Your team doesn’t have a nutritionist? Who makes the diet plans for the team?”
Kioko shakes his head and holds out his hands. “You see? This is what I am talking about. We need to replace that good-for-nothing pirate.” He looks at me hopefully. “You know about such things?”
“Well, I’m not a nutritionist. But—“ There’s a roar of celebration in the stands as the Forge sink a shot into the right corner of the net. Pittsburgh is up by two with minutes remaining. I smile, watching the team celebrate.
Then I feel a shiver as Hawk stands, leaning in close to talk to me. “You gonna stay for a drink, Lucy, to tell me what it is that you are?”