My new lawyer, Erika, isn’t supposed to call me until next week, so when I see her name come up on my phone, I know I’m not going to like what she has to say. “I’m just going to cut to the point,” she says, which…thank you. Because it costs me a few hundred dollars each time she calls. I sigh. “Nick is applying for partial custody again.”
I snort. “You’re joking, right?” After the hot car incident, my ex was released from the county lockup with an ankle monitoring bracelet, pending a psychological evaluation and a trial for child endangerment charges. As far as I know he is still living with his parents, and I’ve tried to explain to said parents that as long as they are supporting their son like this, I cannot let them see Wyatt, either. It’s not possible to both endorse Nick’s behaviors and support Wyatt.
Erika sighs. “I wish I were. I’m not sure what their end game is here, but the motion filed by the family claims you are alienating Nick and also leaving Wyatt unattended for your social activities.”
My blood stops moving in my veins. “Leaving Wyatt unattended?” This can only possibly refer to Wyatt watching from the sidelines while I play soccer, and the only possible way he can know that is if he is following us and spying at the field.
Nick has followed me places before, mostly at work before he got barred from the property. The idea of him coming to soccer fills me with a throbbing rage. “Erika, setting aside for a minute the fact that my son is playing with other kids in a park about fifty feet away from me during soccer…what are our legal next steps here if Nick is following me? How would he know about any of this otherwise?”
Erika makes a pained sound. “Have you noticed any activity in the park that might indicate your ex is in the vicinity for work?” As an electrician, Nick would be allowed to go to job sites. But Wyatt and I have protection from abuse orders against him for putting our son’s life in danger. He’s not supposed to be anywhere near us.
I take some deep breaths. “I’m pretty in tune with that stuff. I would have noticed.”
I hear Erika’s keyboard clacking in the background as she takes notes. “He could very easily have someone else spying on you. I’m sorry, Lucy, but until we know more I don’t think there is anything we can do about that issue. Let’s respond to this custody motion.”
She asks if anyone can vouch for me that the kids are well looked after during soccer, and I happily give her Tawnya’s name. “Oh, you know Tawnya? I’ll have to call her.” Erika sounds pleased. I actually knew they knew one another because I debriefed Tawnya about my baggage, and she asked me who my legal counsel is. “As for the alienation part, I’m just not even going to address it for now. Our response will focus on the facts, which are that Nick cannot possibly carry out the requirements for shared physical custody when he is currently forbidden from seeing him.”
My thoughts flash to the day I decided to leave Nick, when I realized I was utterly and totally under his control financially and socially. He left me at the apartment every day with no car, no money, no credit card, unless I told him in advance I would be buying groceries or clothing for Wyatt. Erika mentioning a medical emergency calls to mind the morning Wyatt sobbed in my arms. I was sure he had an ear infection but when I walked with him to the pediatrician, I didn’t have money for the co-pay. I realized both of us were in danger from Nick’s iron-fisted control.
Voice shaking, I ask Erika, “Why is he even pursuing this? It’s nonsensical to think someone facing child endangerment charges could get custody of that child, right?”
“Men do this shit all the time, Lucy. He doesn’t actually want custody of Wyatt. He wants to make your life hard.” She pauses. “Have you considered the counseling information I forwarded to you? I need you to understand that this is far from over and the mental toll these cases can take is…”
“I have the list,” I tell her, cutting her off. “I just haven’t had time to look into it.”
“That’s just it, Lucy. I know you don’t have time. You’re working full-time and parenting full-time and I’m sure you’re compartmentalizing the shit out of the stress of having to hire me to keep you and Wyatt safe. I want to make sure you are taking care of yourself. These counselors I recommended, they’re flexible. See if Naomi has openings. She offers virtual appointments.”
I promise her I’ll look into it and we get off the phone so she can email me the response to Nick’s motion. I stare at my computer monitor, where some slime ball lawyer agreed to take Nick’s money to file legal papers about this. Then I stare up at the white board, where the names of about 30 professional soccer players are staring at me, waiting for me to devise a workout plan to maximize their fitness and conditioning.
I’m sure Erika is right that I can’t keep suppressing my rage at the drama in my life, but I literally do not have time to think about that right now.
Hawk’s next on my list of players to plan for.
Hawk.
I also don’t have time to think about him, or his cocky mouth, or his innuendos. Or that I find it all thrilling. I used to love flirting. Apparently I still do. My cheeks heat when I remember how I felt when he was teasing me, making sexy jokes. I should nip all that in the bud, but he thinks I’m interesting enough to tease, and it’s been so damn long since I let myself be liked by a man. Add in a man with his perfect physique and phenomenal skill in the sport I love most in the world? I am tanning without sunscreen here.
Coach Todd asked me to go hard on Hawk. I guess he wants to try to break his spirit or something to help him fit in with the team. I can’t get involved in sports psychology. That’s not what I’m here for, not really. I’m also not here to moon over the star transfer like a jersey chasing fangirl.
I look down at my notes about Hawk. I’ve been struggling to identify a focus area for him. He has good acceleration, changes directions flawlessly, and has excellent stamina. Todd says on film, he’s great with footwork and all the technical aspects of soccer. He’s had a rocky first week with the Forge, but based on what I’ve seen, this is a hiccup. I mean, the man is here on a 7-figure contract in a sport where American players don’t typically get that kind of money.
I pull up a file on my computer, a video of his last game with Utah. Hawk looks distracted on the field before the kickoff, staring into the stands. But the second the ref blows the whistle, he’s all business. I relate to that mindset. I should tell Erika that soccer is my therapy right now. Like Hawk, I’m able to build tunnel vision on the field, focus on the job at hand.
I have to believe that’s at least helping to stave off a mental breakdown for a little while…gah. I’m not supposed to be thinking about me right now. I have to get these plans done before it’s time for me to go grab Wyatt. I take one last look at Hawk on the computer monitor as he paces backward, getting set to take a penalty kick. He’s left-footed like me, brutal to defend. I like this about him, too, his relentless precision in soccer and, apparently, in his flirting. He’s sort of infuriating.
That’s a lie, I think as I watch him aim his hips, plant his foot, and strike the ball, which flies into the corner of the net. The camera pans to Hawk, who doesn’t even seem out of breath. He’s like poetry in motion, and he likes me. It’s exhilarating. God, it’s totally wrong for me to savor his attention, especially given the complication of me being one of his coaches. Eventually, I write “TBD” on his training plan and decide I’ll come up with something he can do to loosen up his hips a bit more.
I move through the rest of the list of players with ease and finish up for the day, excited to come in tomorrow morning and put this work into action.