Kioko gives us all off on Mondays when the team plays a weekend match. I consider keeping Wyatt home with me, but then I imagine the luxury of doing our laundry and running errands by myself and I drop him at daycare. On my own, I finish all the boring chores before ten in the morning.
And then I have no idea what to do with myself. Truth be told, I really need the time alone to think. It’s very rare that I get a day off while he has daycare. I decide this is what people must be talking about when they say “self care.” I’m not really a bubble bath kind of person and I don’t yet have the spare funds for a massage or a pedicure. My paychecks from the Forge are significantly higher than they were from the gym, but I need to save up first month’s rent, last month, and a security deposit on a new place if I ever want to move Wyatt into a home that’s bigger than a few hundred square feet.
Right now, all my spare funds go toward Erika’s lawyer fees and all my spare energy is apparently reserved for trying to figure out my feelings for Hawk Moyer. I should probably use today to call one of the counselors Erika recommended.
I groan and change into workout clothes. I go for a run instead, enjoying the quiet of my neighborhood on a sunny day. Autumn is coming quickly, and I smile, thinking about how nice it was to bring Wyatt with me to the evening Forge game with the leaves changing colors. Mt. Washington is a beautiful backdrop for the Forge stadium.
Mt. Washington. God, what was that on Saturday night? I’ve spent way too many minutes staring at the picture Hawk texted me of our ride up for ice cream. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t shocked that he would rather spend time hanging out with us and sightseeing than going out with the guys.
I shouldn’t be enjoying spending time with Hawk at all. I don’t have time for this sort of thinking. I pick up my pace, running harder, jumping over the cracks in the uneven sidewalks. I remind myself that any second now, Erika could call with new information I have to combat from Nick or his parents. I’m sure it’s just a matter of time before they figure out a way to present this current job as unsuitable and try to finagle Wyatt away from me. Or weaponize this friendship I’m building with one of the players.
Because, even though I know it’s a bad idea, I enjoy spending time with Hawk. I enjoy his flirting, his innuendos, and the way he seems to want me. Feeling wanted that way thrills me. Maybe because I know it’s dangerous.
I remember how Hawk stripped off his shirt after Saturday’s goal and I pick up my pace again, trying to erase the fantasies of him naked. But the thoughts won’t leave.
I think about his hands on me the night I met him, as we kissed, how gentle he felt, but also assertive, hard, making me tingle with pleasure. With relaxation. I was relaxed on the Incline, too. Remember how he looked helping Wyatt choose an ice cream flavor? My thoughts are traitorous, taking me down a path I’m not ready for.
I shouldn’t be having lewd thoughts about one of the players on my team, or wistful thoughts, either. I head back to my apartment to clean up, my mind still lingering on Hawk. I take a deep breath as I turn on the hot water, tell myself it’s okay for me to want to be wanted. I just need to want someone not-from-work. Then I remember how devastating Hawk looks when he winks at me. And he always seems to be winking.
It feels like I’m crossing a line, but as the water from my shower hits my nipples and they strain painfully at the contact, I realize there’s no denying my attraction to him. What would it feel like to act on that? To seize a day of hot sex with no time constraints…for a few hours, anyway…
He called me a milf when he was drunk. I blush at the memory and then I think again about the first time, the night I met him. He would have taken me home that night, I know it. He would have fucked me, and it would have been amazing. Would I even know how to do it? How to seduce a man or respond to his advances? Only one way to find out. The thought makes me gasp, like half of my subconscious is challenging the other half. And damn it, I know which half I want to win.
I step out of the shower and towel off quickly, dripping on the rug in my studio apartment, biting my lip as I search for my phone. Logically, I know this is a terrible idea, scrolling through my contacts until I find his number. But I’m so attracted to him, and it doesn’t seem to be going away, no matter how often I tell myself I need to stay away from Hawk Moyer.
When was the last time someone else gave me an orgasm? Maybe not since I was pregnant with Wyatt. That’s pathetic, I decide, and I pick up the phone.
I pull up the contact for Hawk. Hey, I type.
Three dots appear on the screen almost immediately, and Hawk’s reply comes through. Lucy the task master? And just what might you want with me on my day off? I’m still sore from the last session you put us through.
I decide to just go for it. I’m in too deep now to go back so I might as well get some enjoyment. Something just for me. What if I want you to make me sore, too?
The phone rings in my hand. Hawk. “Hello?”
“Are you fucking with me, Lucy, or are you actually calling for sex?”
I shrug, then realize he can’t see me. I clear my throat. “I’m looking for something casual today,” I tell him. “I don’t want any complications.”
There’s a pause and I can hear him breathing. “So…you were bored and looking to fuck someone on your day off and you called me?”
“Yes,” I respond right away. “Are you interested or what?”
“Text me your address and I’ll be there in fifteen seconds,” he says, his breathing coming a little faster now.
“No, I can’t have you over here. I’ll be at your place soon.”
It takes me less than five minutes to drive to Hawk’s place. I park on the street and only pay the meter for two hours. If casual sex takes longer than that, I decide it’s worth the ticket.
I step up to the door to buzz for Hawk’s apartment, but someone coming out of the building holds the door open for me, so I step through. I bite my lip as I make my way up the steps and look for his door. My hand doesn’t shake as I knock.
He’s someone I work with, not just a random jock I met out with Tawnya. He’s also someone I’ve confided in, someone who’s shared a little of his own pain with me. And he’s hot as fuck and…I can’t help myself.
I straighten my spine and push back my shoulders. I try to find the confidence to be sexy and forget all of it when Hawk answers the door in gray sweats and nothing else. “Lucy Nelson,” he drawls, eying me up and down. “Here for casual sex.”
I nod. “That’s right. Still feeling up to it?” I arch a brow at him and he laughs.
“You gonna blow your whistle at me throughout?” He steps toward me, and gestures for me to walk into his apartment. As soon as I’m past the threshold, he leans past me to shut the door. He’s so close, and my heart starts racing. This is so outside my norm. I don’t even recognize myself as I reach out a hand to touch him. Not to squeeze his arm or smack him like I sometimes do if he’s being cheeky at practice.
I trace a finger along his pec, staring into his dark eyes as I feel the smooth heat of his skin beneath my hand. Suddenly, he grabs my wrist and leans close, his mouth a hair away from my ear. “What do you want, Lucy?”
I can feel his chest rise and fall with his breath under both our hands. I move to back away from him and he steps with me until I’m pressed against the door, his bare skin pressed against my t-shirt. I feel my nipples harden as he leans against me. “I don’t want to make any decisions,” I whisper. “I don’t want to have to think about anything.”
“Mmm,” he says, his voice low and deep, his mouth still a millimeter away from my skin but not touching me. He’s just holding me there against the door. “You want me to ravage you?”
“God, yes,” I moan, and then I yelp as he steps back, tugging me toward him and lifting me so that he’s carrying me through his apartment. Hawk kicks open his bedroom door and tosses me on the bed, where I bounce a few times before he’s on me like, well, a hawk.
My breath comes fast as he juts his hips against mine. He’s hard beneath the sweats and it feels so damn good against my needy core. Even if we just dry hump it will be worth the risk of texting him and driving over here.
But it’s not going to stop at this. Hawk’s mouth drops to my breast, sucking my nipple into his plump lips through the fabric of my bra and my shirt. When he moves to the other side, the wet cotton feels cool in the air conditioned room and my nipple tightens impossibly harder. I moan, digging my fingers into the muscles of his back.
He thrusts his hips again and I feel like I might come just from this touching, just from his mouth on my nipples and a few hip bumps. I start writhing on the sheets and Hawk pulls back, resting his weight on his straightened arms and smirking at me. “You need it bad, don’t you, Lucy?”
“God, yes, okay? Please quit dicking around and fuck me already.”