The next day I decide to come in a bit early and stop by Lucy’s office. I know her shit is complicated, but I also know that yesterday wasn’t a freak of nature sort of thing. We have a connection, damn it. I wasn’t alone in feeling that. I knock on her door frame and push the door open. “Hey, Lucy, can I talk to you—oh.”
She pops her head up from her desk and I see that she’s got her kid on her lap. “Hey, Hawk.”
“Hawk Moyerrrrrrrrrrr,” he shouts, imitating the stadium announcer when I scored a goal the other day.
I laugh. “Hey, bud. You joining the team?”
Lucy kisses the top of his head. “Today is the day Kioko takes the twins and Wyatt to the Science Center. Isn’t that so nice?”
I nod. “It’s amazing.”
She looks up at me and her face shifts. “Can I do anything for you? We’ve got a little time before practice so Wyatt is just hanging out.”
I bite my lip. “I, uh, wondered if you had my training plan for this week. For conditioning and weights and…”
She raises a brow at me. “Did you check your locker? I put everyone’s plan in their locker this morning.”
I nod. “Right. Sorry. I stopped here first. I’ll go check…” God, she’s really serious about shutting me out emotionally. She said no strings. She’s got a kid. What am I even doing?
I have no idea, but something takes over my body and causes my mouth to speak the words, “Wyatt, you want to come along and see the locker room?” She grimaces and I realize it’s a shitty ploy on my part so that I can see Lucy again when I bring Wyatt back. I groan inwardly at myself, but Wyatt springs up and reaches for my hand. “We’re holding hands?”
He nods his head and flexes his fingers. I give him one of my fingers to cling on to and walk down the hall with him, appreciating the sticky warmth of his hand wrapped around mine. He babbles on about some show he watched on TV, and all I can think is what sort of asshole gives up on their chance to be a dad?
Of course my training plan is sitting in my locker right on top of my folded uniform. I show Wyatt around the room and he asks me, “Are we gonna see any guys’ butts?”
A laugh bursts out of me. “I sure hope not! These guys have stinky, hairy butts.” He roars with laughter. “Let me walk you back to your mom, okay?”
“What if we run?”
I nod. “Get set…”
He dashes ahead of me down the hall, yelling, “Go!” And I pretend to hurry after him. He dives into Lucy’s office in a fit of giggles, saying he beat me. It feels good to be chill with this kid. He seems to like me, and I like that. I like how I can talk to him without thinking too hard about what I’m going to say. Like it’s natural to just joke around with Lucy’s son.
Kioko pokes his head in and asks if he’s ready to go, and he’s up like a flash. Lucy bends down to kiss him and thanks Kioko, smiling wistfully as they walk away. “You’re great with him,” I tell her, hoping the compliment sits well with her. I mean it. She seems at ease, like she has a really strong connection with him. And her love for him is obvious.
She turns to look at me and bites her lip. “You’re great with him, too. Which is super odd because you’re a prickly thorn to everyone else!”
I shrug. “What can I say? I like kids. I don’t like adults.” I grin at her.
She tilts her head, considering. “Why’s that?”
I lean back against her office door. “Kids are honest,” I tell her. “They tell it like it is. They usually do what they say they’re going to do.”
Lucy tugs on her ponytail, running her fingers through the chestnut strands, making me wish I could wrap that hair around my wrist and yank her head back and bite her throat again.
“Why’d you really stop by here, Hawk?”
I swallow. “I just…wanted to talk about yesterday.”
She nods slowly. “Yesterday was terrific. And now that’s done and we’re at work.”
I stare at her, trying to tell whether she’s being truthful. I don’t see any flicker of doubt in her expression, so I take a deep breath. “You’re joking, right?”
“Pardon me?”
“We’re well beyond just terrific, Lucy.”
“Hawk, this conversation cannot happen here and it shouldn’t happen at all.”
I take a step forward and put my hands on the desk. “It’s already happening. It was happening when you came over to check on me and it was happening when you called me to get fucked. We—“ I gesture between us. “We are happening, Lucy. What’s so wrong about that?”
Her eyes flash and her face turns red with emotion. She leans closer to me, her voice low. “I know you probably didn’t get a chance to look at your plan yet. This is probably a conversation best had with Todd, but here we are.”
I glare at her. “Out with it.”
She takes a deep breath. “Okay, well, everyone’s general consensus is that your current barriers to improvement are, well…” Lucy bites her lip, like she’s considering. “Mental.”
“Mental?”
She nods. “Yes.”
“Excuse me?”
Her eyes flash. “Your situation with your paternity is impacting your performance. You told Coach as much.”
“You’ve been discussing my personal life with Coach?” This is unreal. I told him that shit in confidence and I told her things in confidence. That doesn’t give either of them the right to sit and converse about me behind my back. “I didn’t hear Coach complaining after the Baltimore game. I think I’ve got my shit in check.” I stand and take a step back from her desk, crossing my arms over my chest. The woman who texted me for a booty call yesterday is sitting here talking to me about my mental health?
She closes her eyes, like she’s counting to ten. “Hawk, it is my job to analyze these aspects of your performance. Which is why it is inappropriate for us to engage in any sort of relationship outside of the team. Period.”
I shake my head. “No. This is bullshit. You like me, Lucy Nelson. You like spending time with me and you feel good when you tell me things. This isn’t about my ‘paternity situation’ at all.” I use finger quotes to emphasize her words right back to her. “This is 100% about you being afraid to trust anyone.”
She throws her hands in the air. “Hawk, I will own that it was inappropriate of me to call you yesterday. But you’ve been working pretty hard to get in my pants, too. We can both be grownups and move past casual sex.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean? I’ve been nothing but patient with you and you just want to keep me as some secret side piece you can fuck when you’re bored.” I shove my hands in my pockets so she won’t see me flexing and opening my fists in frustration.
She looks like she wants to slap me. “You understand that this job means everything to me, right? You know you’re not ever getting fired here and I’m the one with everything to lose? And I’ve got a child to feed? I know you understand that part, because you told me about your life as a teenaged roofer, Hawk.”
Shit. I forgot I told her about that when I got drunk. I stare at her and her eyelid tics. She’s right. I’ve got nothing to lose here and she’s risking her livelihood to get freaky with me. I should apologize, but I’m way too heated to be a good guy right now. I march out of her office before either one of us says anything else we might regret.