I have to force myself to count to five and then let go when I drop Wyatt at daycare. If I don’t back away now, I know I’ll just sit here on the floor with him in my lap all day, and I can’t miss work. Not only are we preparing for the playoffs, I’m also meeting with Erika to review what’s going on with the custody case and she has a call in to the prosecutors for Nick’s criminal proceedings.
“God, I’m a mess,” I mutter as I make my way into my office, fumbling with papers and dropping my clipboard on the tile floor in the hall.
“I’d worry if you weren’t.” I look up to see Hawk, who squats down to help me pick up the papers. He taps the stack to neaten the pages and hands it to me, letting his fingers linger along mine as he releases the bundle.
I swallow back tears, remembering how kind he was yesterday, how committed he was to making sure Wyatt and I were safe. “Hawk, I don’t know how to thank you for getting me and Wyatt to Patty’s house.”
He nods toward my office, seeking permission to go inside, and I follow him, closing the door behind him. I’m not sure why I think he will sit in the chair at my desk, but I draw in a breath when he gathers me into his arms. “Lucy,” he says into my hair. “I want you and Wyatt to feel safe. Always.” He lifts my chin with one finger and meets my gaze. “Always.”
A tear slides down my cheek at his words, at the thought of a man who would say such a thing and really mean it. I close my eyes and take a breath. “I’m working on it.” I squeeze the bundle of papers tighter against my chest. I haven’t had a chance to read anything Erika sent. I’m not sure she expected me to. A lot of it is notes she’s putting together, collections of old text messages and social media posts from Nick, which got increasingly more disturbing after I left him. I was glad when I didn’t have to read over them. I just requested a paper record from my phone company and handed her the entire heap. I don’t want to read over them now.
Hawk cups my cheek with his hand. “Lucy, I know you don’t feel comfortable staying with me, but I want to make sure you understand that you and Wyatt are welcome. Always. My house will always be a safe place for you.” I swallow and nod. He takes a breath. “But I also don’t think you should stay where you are. You don’t have security there and there’s no easy way for you to escape if he manages to get in.” I see something pulse in Hawk’s throat as he clenches his jaw.
“I’m working on moving,” I tell him. “I’m close to where I need to be. I just have to keep shelling out more and more in legal fees to make sure he doesn’t get access to my son.” Hawk’s eyes flash at this, but he nods, silently. I shirk back from his arms and walk around to my desk chair. “Speaking of which, I have a lot I need to get done before training. I’m meeting my lawyer here while you guys are in film.”
He perks up when I say that. “Oh. Good. I’m glad. Do you need me to be a witness or anything? Tell them what I saw?”
I shake my head rapidly. “He’s on location monitoring. My lawyer says they can just check. We won’t need to testify or anything.”
He drags his fingers through his dark hair. “Jesus, Lucy, how do you just talk about all this so casually? You’ve got a criminal stalking you and you’re just calmly telling me your lawyer will run a report!”
I squeeze my lips together. “I told you, Hawk. I have fucking baggage. I don’t get to take time out to be enraged about this. I just pay the lawyers thousands and thousands of dollars to validate what I should have seen years ago. I let myself get fooled by his charms and I let him take over my life. Now I’m paying the price to get free.” I slap the desk. “And a huge part of that process is making sure you and your teammates are in top shape for the game this weekend.” His nostrils flare as he stands there listening to me rant. “So please go suit up and bring your best effort to the field today.”
“Lucy—“
I shake my head. “I’m done having a personal discussion. I need to focus.”
He steps toward the door and places a hand on the handle, turning over his shoulder to look at me. “Can you at least tell me where you’ll stay tonight?”
When I don’t answer him right away he heads back toward the desk and leans over it toward me. “Let me pay for you to get a hotel.”
I shake my head rapidly at this suggestion. “I don’t want to owe you anything.”
“Jesus, Lucy, it’s just money to me. It’s nothing. Stay at my house and I’ll go stay with my brothers. How about that?”
“I’ll ask someone from my soccer team,” I decide as I say it. Not Patty again. Not Tawnya. They’ve done too much for me already. Maybe our coach wouldn’t mind taking us in for one night…
“Lucy you are so fucking stubborn. Why won’t you let me help you?”
I throw a pen at him at those words. “Because,” I shriek, standing up so hard my chair flies back and bounces off the wall behind my desk. “The last time I trusted a man I almost got myself and my son killed.” I grab another pen and throw it. “This is why I didn’t want any strings. This is why I just wanted someone to make me feel good for five minutes so I could forget about the flaming bag of shit that is my life!”
Hawk leans a hand against the door and stoops to pick up the pens, which he puts on the desk. “I’m not afraid of flaming shit, Lucy. I’m going to let you get ready for practice, but I’m not going to stop making sure you’re safe.” I open my mouth to yell at him again but he spins on his heel and closes the door to my office behind him.