Remember how totally tongue-tied you got every time your middle school crush came around? For whatever unsettling reason, the sensation’s not all that different from the what-do-I-say-and-how-do-I-handle-this feeling that arises when your kid does something especially, er, challenging. Here you’ll find thirty quick, useful phrases that will help you respond to common problems or defuse tough situations; some you’ll recognize from previous chapters, and some are brand spanking new. Commit them to memory and pull them out as needed.
FOR YOUR YOUNGER KID
“I hear you want to sit in the chair, but I’m sitting here. You can sit on my lap or on the couch.”
“I’ll be ready to listen as soon as you’re ready to use your nice voice.”
“You do not hurt me. It’s okay to be angry, but it is never okay to hurt me.”
“You are safe when I’m gone, and I will always come back.”
“I can see you don’t like what’s on your plate, but this is what we have to eat.”
“I know it’s hard to take turns, but sharing is the right thing to do.”
“Is your piece of cake too big or just right?”
“Do you want to leave the playground now or in five minutes?”
“Would you like help putting on your socks, yes, please, or no, thank you?”
“It’s someone else’s turn to talk.”
“As soon as you finish cleaning up your toys, we can watch Frozen.”
“No.”
FOR YOUR OLDER KID
“Sometimes people lie because they don’t want to get into trouble, but lying is worse than getting into trouble.”
“That is disrespectful, and you may not speak to me that way.”
“That sounds great, but we can’t afford it.”
“I support the things that are important to you, and I expect you to do the same.”
“I trust you to handle that yourself.”
“This is my decision to make.”
“I hear you’re mad/sad/frustrated/upset, and I’d love to talk about it when you’re ready.”
“I know you want to wear that, but the answer is no.”
“I love you too much to let you behave this way.”
“I’m all done talking about this.”
“Because I said so.”
“No.”
AND A FEW BONUS PHRASES TO HELP FOSTER POSITIVE INTERACTIONS AND HAPPY TIMES
“Let’s read a book/go to the park/watch a movie/play a game/grab coffee together.”
“I’m so glad to see you!”
“What do you think? I’d really like to hear your opinion.”
“Can you teach me how to do that?”
“I know we clash sometimes, but honestly, I could not ask for a better son/daughter.”
“I love you.”