Dear Natasha, my babe and truthfully simple girl,
I have recently felt nervous around you, and it is a part of the healing process.
I tremble on my words when I approach you; I tremble before speaking.
I want to take this opportunity to tell you from the heart how I feel.
My palms are sweating writing this because I am nervous as hell.
So here goes:
During the last seven weeks, I have been seeking help, and I have realized that my part in our relationship was unhealthy. My controlling acts and jealousy became toxic to our relationship. I understand why you left me, and I know why you couldn’t take it, and today, I have to say thank you for having the courage to stand up for yourself and make one of the most challenging choices there is to make.
Through this process and seeking help, I have realized that I have made many mistakes. I was utterly blind to my multitude of mistakes you spoke about and got wrapped up in the nuisances of trying to be in control, which led to your feelings of suffocation and being in an unhealthy relationship.
I am to blame; I am at fault, and I am ever so sorry for it.
I want to take this opportunity to say that I have recently had beautiful days with you, and I have sensed a feeling of momentary communication that has improved between us.
I want to understand the new you, I want to understand your unique needs, and I want to be there for it.
I have butterflies in my tummy, my knees go to jelly, my palms are sweaty when I try and face you; face to face. I am excited to see you, and I am excited to spend time with you!
I want to rebuild a healthy relationship with you; I want you to understand me; I want you to have freedom, have independence, and flourish as a person and an individual.
We made a huge mistake; we let the red and blue circles become one purple circle, which was not healthy! I know that today. I know that we have to have friends and spend time with them, and we have to experience things apart to have something to share with another.
I want to say that I want to fall in love with you all over again, and I will do the separation, repeatedly, endlessly, to have an opportunity to fall in love with you again.
I want you back; I wish not to fix things between us but slowly start on a new blank page.
Some mutual things I think we can agree we both need:
We both need space.
We both need independence.
We both need friends.
We both need a future.
We both need to voice when things are not okay.
We both need to say when something bothers us.
We both need to start a new life, with new excitement.
I love you, and although I know we cannot go back to the life we lived, we cannot go back to how things were; I don’t want to; I want things to be different.
With that said:
I know I want to be with you!
I am not ready to jump in, I don’t want to move in together again now, I am not prepared for any of that, but I want to learn to date you healthily, I want to meet you halfway and try the baby steps to build a healthy future for us.
You are gorgeous, and you are an amazing woman! Nothing in the world will make me prouder than being your partner.