When I wrote to you in Daunting roads ahead, I wrote, “you never know until you try,” although what you actually said was, “you never know that you don’t want to be with anyone else unless you tried.”
I tried.
I tried.
But waking up to a warm body next to mine, perky and soft breast in my hand, smiling, being content as I woke up, just to remove my eye mask and the smile disappears faster than it came.
Day in and day out until I just couldn’t wake up to her being there anymore. She never came back again. I asked her not to, and it broke her heart, but I warned her that I was one hundred kinds of fucked up at the moment before she wanted to go for dinner on the first date.
I feel bad because of her experience, what she must have seen. She opened her eyes, saw me smile, saw me took off my eye mask, and saw my smile disappear with a “good morning.”
Being away from you and being shunned, cast aside, is a difficult pill to swallow.