INTRODUCTION

I hadn’t intended to write a book about sociopathic liars. But after I spent two years living in L.A. to get into the film business, I found myself drawn into the web of a woman I’ll call Sylvia who claimed she could produce and direct my script. She continually lied about it for five years, until I discovered the truth. At the same time, she victimized an associate, Rick, after she and her partner shot a film for him in another country and refused to give him the film. When he called me to declare Sylvia and her partner were criminals, she told me increasingly bizarre stories about Rick’s connections to a criminal underworld that were after her and her partner, so she feared for her life and put the film under lock and key.

At the time, I believed her. How could someone who presented herself as a successful producer invent such stories? But in time, as explanations and excuses mounted about the delay in editing my film, I began to question and finally doubt her. When I spoke to others from the cast and crew, I uncovered an extensive pattern of secrets and lies, and I realized I had missed many warning signs along the way. I had become the victim of a sociopathic liar, as had my business associate and many cast and crew members.

This experience inspired my research into sociopathic liars, who are at the extreme end of a continuum of liars, and according to varying research accounts represent about 1–4 percent of the population. A higher perspective of sociopaths may be in certain fields, where there is pressure to gain success, so deception and trickery may be part of one’s repertoire to achieve this end.

In 1994, I published a book called The Truth About Lying about how and why people lie and how to detect and deal with their lies. That book was inspired by several people lying to me in various business dealings, and in writing the book, I developed a Lie-Q Test to score people on the how much they lied. This led to a continuum of liars in four major categories—the self-proclaimed Model of Absolute Integrity who almost never lies, the Real Straight Shooter who normally doesn’t lie, and the Pragmatic Fibber and Real Pinocchio, with a greater aptitude for lying. These four categories included almost everyone—and everyone lies—and for most people, lying was largely a practical way to get along in the world and have better relationships with others. Virtually no one was a compulsive or sociopathic liar.

After my book published, lying became even more common and acceptable after President Clinton put the face of a popular politician on everyday lying due to accusations about the Monica Lewinsky affair in 1998. Initially he protested “I did not have sex with THAT woman,” though ultimately Clinton came clean and followed these revelations with an apology tour, which put him back in the nation’s good graces. In turn, this saga of lying and forgiveness increased public awareness about lying and led to a new interest in lying, generally from books and articles about detecting lies and those revealing the extent of lying in public and political life.

Later, reality TV and game shows like Survivor and Big Brother helped to make lying not only acceptable but a necessary strategy to win the game through manipulating others and lying when necessary to remain on the show. The winning approach was lying strategically to create alliances while betraying others and offending the least number of people who might vote against one in the end.

Yet, while everyday lying has become more common and acceptable, there is a great distinction between pragmatic, socially acceptable lies and the big lies which become a crime and result in deep public scorn—as in the Bernie Madoff case, or the frequent and guiltless lies of a sociopath, which harm others. Such a sociopath is commonly charming and articulate, so it can be hard to detect the lies, which makes it more devastating when the lies are uncovered, after a close personal or long-term business relationship. These lies can be especially harmful when they lead unaware victims to actions based on these lies, such as by investing or loaning large sums of money based on false assurances and promises.

After an introductory discussion on the research findings about sociopaths, the book features interviews with sociopaths and victims with a focus on sociopaths who have been successful in everyday life.

To this end, the book covers the following topics:

• my personal experiences with lying

• understanding the reasons for lying

• the lies sociopathic liars tell in different situations

• the relationship of victims and sociopaths

• the experiences of victims who have lived or worked with sociopathic liars

• recognizing when someone is lying

• determining how to deal with a suspected or unmasked sociopathic liar.