Morgan had been holed up in her home since arriving on Thursday afternoon. It was now Sunday morning, and she was still wearing her pajamas for the third day in a row. The only thing she’d had any energy for was brushing her teeth. Her hair looked like a rat’s nest, she had dark circles under her eyes, and she was pale as a ghost. When her doorbell rang mid-morning, she was none too happy to have to answer the door. She’d thought about ignoring it, going back to bed, and crawling under the covers. The sound of the key unlocking her door demolished Morgan’s plans.
In walked Jane and Annie carrying a large paper bag and three paper cups with lids. Morgan could smell the hot bagels, but she had no appetite. Morgan didn’t greet her friends, just continued to sit in an oversized easy chair, pulling her legs under her.
“You look like shit. Here, eat this.” Jane placed a blueberry bagel smeared with cream cheese and a cup of hot coffee on the reading table next to her chair.
“I’m not hungry. What are you guys doing here?
Annie came into the living room with their bagels and coffee, and sat on the couch next to Jane.
“If I recall, you texted us Thursday night, telling us you’re home, and didn’t want to talk about it. About what? We have no idea because you didn’t tell us. We decided to give you a couple of days to calm down from whatever or whomever you’re pissed at, but today it stops.”
Annie took a bite of her bagel and nodded as Jane spoke. She wiped errant cream cheese off the corners of her mouth.
“Looking at you now, I’m guessing it has to do with Shawn.”
Morgan looked up from her lap and pointed at Jane. “Do not mention her name again.”
Jane and Annie looked at each other and took another bite of their respective bagels in unison.
“What did she do?”
“I told you, I don’t want to talk about it. Why won’t you listen to me?”
Annie took another bite so Jane continued. “Because we know you’ll want to talk about it eventually, so it might as well be now so you can move on.”
Morgan felt the tears sting her eyes, and she wiped them away, angry that she’d given so much power to Shawn to hurt her that way. She covered her face with her hands since the tears wouldn’t stop. She felt one of them sit on the chair arm, probably Jane since Annie was uncomfortable with girl stuff such as feelings except when it came to Jane.
“Oh, honey. What happened?” Morgan felt Jane’s arms wrap around her, and Morgan fell into her.
“She broke my heart,” Morgan managed to get out between sobs. When she calmed down, she explained what happened, how she overheard Shawn’s best friend and ex. “She had a girlfriend when we first met, and she didn’t tell me.”
“Was there any reason for her to tell you? I mean, you two had just met. You weren’t technically even friends yet.”
“She could’ve told me when I opened up to her about Jess. She could’ve told me when we kissed for the first time.”
“Seriously? Come on, Morgan. ‘Wow, that was a great kiss, but you should know I just broke up with someone.’ Talk about a lady boner shrinker.” Annie always had a way with being blunt. No holds barred. That was not what Morgan wanted right then.
Jane held her tighter as she told Annie to shush. “Tell me about your time there. Before you heard that conversation, how were you feeling?”
Morgan wiped away more tears and wiped her nose with her sleep shirt sleeve.
“Baby, can you get Morgan some tissue? That was disgusting.” That comment made Morgan huff out a chuckle.
Annie handed a few tissues to Morgan, and she thanked her.
“Prior to hearing that conversation, things were going really well. She was attentive, romantic, protective. We laughed a lot. When we agreed to start dating, we both promised we’d be honest with each other. She lied to me.”
“Well, not technically.” Annie was playing devil’s advocate. “It’s not like she was sneaking around with other women while you were there with her.”
Morgan threw her arms in the air and raised her voice. “She lied by omission!”
Jane rubbed Morgan’s back in an effort to calm her down. It wasn’t working. Well, maybe a little.
“Let me ask you something. If you hadn’t gone up to Tahoe for your self-care mission, if you hadn’t found Jess cheating on you, would you have told Shawn about her? Think about it. That’s not the kind of thing you bring to the table on a first date, even if that first date lasted a week.”
God, why couldn’t Jane and Annie just let her wallow in her pity party? She just wanted to mourn the loss of what could’ve been. Not only had she began falling for Shawn, but she loved Jameson, Shorty, Melvin, Kerrie, Jack, Bill, Dave, and Ernie. The thought of never seeing them again almost broke her heart as much as Shawn did.
“Listen, I know you’re hurting right now. But there was something special brewing between you and Shawn. Maybe if you give her the chance to explain, you might be able to work it out.” Jane kissed the top of Morgan’s head. “Damn, lady. How long has it been since you bathed or washed your hair? The stench is making my eyes water.”
Morgan laughed, which actually felt really good. “Fuck off. I didn’t invite you here to insult me.”
Annie took another bite of her bagel, shrugged, and spoke around the food in her mouth. “You didn’t invite us, we barged in, so I guess we deserve it. Now, eat your bagel, go take a very long shower, and get dressed. You don’t have to go anywhere, but it’s time to pick yourself up, put on your big girl panties, and raise your chin.”
Morgan looked up at Jane, appalled at how Annie just spoke to her.
Jane shrugged. “She’s right.”
“Fine.” Morgan pushed herself up and sent Jane flying onto the floor, laughing her ass off. Morgan pointed to Jane. “You deserved that.” Jane laughed harder. Morgan shot Annie a dirty look as she walked by her on her way to her room.
Morgan turned on the water for her shower, took off her clothes, and looked at herself in the mirror. Three days of barely eating made her gaunt and pale. She ran her hands down her naked chest and under her breasts, lifting them up. Doing that reminded her of how Shawn loved playing with her breasts—teasing them, squeezing, nibbling, pinching, and biting. It never took long for her to grow wet when Shawn played with them. She didn’t know if she’d ever feel as wonderful and sexy with another woman’s touch as she did with Shawn’s. At this point, she could never imagine being with another woman ever. Tears trickled down her cheeks.
Morgan stepped under the hot spray of her rain showerhead, letting the water soak her hair. She lathered the shampoo and scratched her scalp with all the soap. She squirted some Stress Relief shower gel on her loofa and took her time scrubbing the stink and bodily oils off her skin. Morgan had stayed in the shower for about twenty minutes, taking care of her body and soul, letting the tears flow, not trying to stop them. When they finally ceased, Morgan turned off the water and gently dried her skin with a soft bath sheet. She applied deodorant, face cream, and body lotion, then combed the tangles out of her hair before tying it up in a ponytail.
Morgan returned to the living room after dressing to find Jane and Annie watching a football game on the television and three Bloody Marys sitting on the coffee table in front of the couch. Jane patted the cushion next to her to invite Morgan to sit down and enjoy her nutritious breakfast drink decked with green olives, a pickle spear, and a celery stalk. Man, that hit the spot. Extra spicy too? Despite being peeved at her friends, they sure did know how to take care of her.
“So, Morgan, Annie and I are headed to Tahoe in a couple of weeks for the Thanksgiving weekend to ski. Would you like to join us? Maybe give Shawn a chance to explain?”
The question surprised Morgan in more ways than one. “Um, guys. There’s no snow up there.”
“Yet. They’re expecting a big storm next week and Homewood and Heavenly are opening up for Thanksgiving, either with fresh snow or man-made.”
Morgan was sure she wouldn’t be ready for that trip, to be within driving distance of Shawn.
“Thanks, but I’ll pass. You have fun though.”
They spent the rest of the day watching football, drinking all the Marys, and snacking on chips, dips, and salami and cheese. It turned out to be a pretty decent day for Morgan. She had her friends, she showered and got dressed, and she only thought of Shawn a hundred times that day instead of the thousands since she’d returned home. She’d be ready to jump back in the saddle and return to work tomorrow. What she needed was to stay busy. The busier she was, the less time she’d have to think of Shawn and all she’d left in Tahoe.
❖
Shawn had the past couple of days off from work since she’d planned on spending it with Morgan. Instead, she’d spent the days with her phone attached to her hand, hoping and praying that Morgan would contact her, but she was radio silent. There were so many times, hundreds, thousands that Shawn went to text or call Morgan, but her wishes were clear. She didn’t want to talk to Shawn. She needed to figure out how she’d get Morgan back. If only Morgan would talk to her and tell her what happened. Shawn would do anything to rectify it.
Sunday morning, Shawn began her day by willing her brain to tuck Morgan away into a corner so she could make it through her workday. She didn’t want to say anything to her friends because they’d ask the questions she didn’t have the answers to. When she got home from work, she could unpack thoughts of Morgan and cry if she had to.
As they were setting the tables for the upcoming breakfast rush, Kerrie had been the first to ask.
“How was your time with Morgan, boss?”
“Oh, good. She’s home now.” Shawn continued placing the coffee mugs on the tables.
“That’s it? That’s all you have?”
“Um, yep. That’s pretty much it.” Hold it together, Shawn. Now’s not the time to break down.
“When are you going to see her again?”
“Um, it might be a while. You know, returning to work after three weeks, I’m sure she’s going to be pretty busy.” Shawn kept busy herself, unwilling to look Kerrie in the eye. They’d known each other long enough that Kerrie would see Shawn was lying. “I’ll be right back.”
Shawn went into her office and shut the door behind her. When she sat in her chair, she felt the tears start to form, and she pressed her palms into her eyes to stop them from falling. She took a few deep breaths, rubbed her face vigorously with her hands, and applied some eyedrops to get rid of the redness she knew had colored her eyes.
When she returned, it was close enough to six a.m. that she unlocked the diner door and allowed the first customers in a few minutes early. The busier she got, the more likely she’d be able to hold her shit together. At least she knew her grandfathers wouldn’t be in until tomorrow. That gave her a whole day to get her emotions in check. No problem, right? She was tough, and if Morgan didn’t want her, that was Morgan’s loss. Shawn was a good person. She was ready to find someone to settle down with. She thought that maybe Morgan could’ve been that someone. Okay, that was enough of that. She couldn’t concentrate on work if she kept thinking about Morgan.
By the time Shawn got home from work, she was mentally exhausted. It was really hard work keeping Morgan out of her mind. What she needed was a good run to clear her head. She changed into her running clothes, leashed up Jameson, and off they ran. She headed toward the lake, crossed the street once it was safe, and continued on the pedestrian/bike path adjacent to the shore. The temperature was chilly, and she could see her breath. The smell of fall permeated the air. This was Shawn’s favorite time of the year. The smell of smoke coming from chimneys, the earthy aroma of the fallen leaves and cold dirt, the clean smell before the first major snowfall were all wonderful, but all she could think about was Morgan.
Shawn pictured them snuggled up on the couch wrapped in a wool blanket, watching the wood burn in the fireplace. They’d drink hot chocolate with whipped cream, maybe a splash of Baileys to increase the warmth as the hot liquid made its way from their mouths to their stomachs. Shawn could picture them taking walks, hand in hand, wearing flannel-lined jeans, parkas, sweaters, and wool caps to keep their heads and ears warm. Jameson would walk with them, occasionally darting into the woods and returning with a stick for Shawn to throw him. Of course, he’d run to it, smell it, then keep walking, quickly losing interest in his recently found bounty.
They would sleep in Shawn’s bed with the winter flannel sheets colored in greens and blues, a thermal blanket, and a down comforter draped over them. Morgan would sleep in Shawn’s arms with her head on Shawn’s shoulder. That wouldn’t be happening now. Shawn would walk alone with her dog, she’d sit on the couch with her dog, and she’d go to bed alone.
Shawn was so into her head that she didn’t notice Jameson step in front of her until it was too late. She twisted her ankle in trying to avoid falling on her dog and did a face-plant onto the black asphalt. Jameson whined and came back to her, licking the side of her face. She laid sprawled out for a few moments, wiggling her fingers and toes, making sure everything worked. As she tried to stand, her ankle gave out, unable to bear any weight. She rolled over and sat with her legs out in front of her, wondering how she was going to get home. She pulled her phone out of her pocket to discover her screen had cracked but thankfully still worked.
“Marcy, I need you to come get me. I hurt my ankle while on a run and I can’t stand on it.”
“Jesus, Shawn. Where are you?”
“I’m about two miles north of my dock. I’ll be the load sitting down with her dog next to her.”
“I’ll be right there. Don’t move.”
Shawn barked out a harsh laugh. Like she could go anywhere. Ten minutes later, Marcy pulled up next to her and rushed over to Shawn. She put Jameson into the back of her car then came back to help Shawn up.
“Put your arm around me.”
Shawn placed a little bit of weight on her ankle and yelped in pain.
“I’m going to need you to take me home to get my wallet then take me to the ER. I’m going to need X-rays.”
“No problem, honey.”
Marcy flipped a U-turn and when they arrived to Shawn’s, Marcy took Jameson in the house and grabbed Shawn’s wallet off the entryway table where Shawn told her it would be.
When they got back on the road, Marcy glanced at Shawn. “How did this happen?
Shawn shook her head and scrubbed her face with her scraped up hand. “I was thinking about Morgan and didn’t notice Jameson in front of me. I tripped over him.”
“Still haven’t heard from her?”
“No, and I have a feeling I won’t. I just wish I knew what happened, why she’s so mad at me.”
Marcy let out a deep breath. “I’ve been thinking, and I know it’s a long shot, but Paige came to my shop Thursday morning, bitching about seeing you with another woman, whom I’m guessing was Morgan. She said things that if Morgan was in the shop around the same time, she may have overheard.”
“What kind of things?” Shawn could feel her blood boil. She’d received numerous texts from Paige after she saw them in town on Wednesday, but Shawn hadn’t looked at them until Friday when Morgan was gone. Paige had sounded all kinds of batshit crazy with what she’d said to Shawn. She could only imagine what she said to Marcy.
“That right after you broke up with her, you started seeing this other woman. That you were never going to change, that you only wanted to have flings with tourists. I know I shouldn’t have, but I let her rant, hoping she’d run out of steam. I finally had to shut her down when she started saying if all you wanted was a fuck buddy, she could be that for you. You dodged a bullet with that one, buddy.”
Shawn tried to recall what Morgan’s texts said, and she scrolled through the messages. Save it, Shawn. You’ll forget all about me when the next notch on your bedpost arrives in town.
Shawn slammed her hand on the dashboard.
“Fuck! God dammit, Marcy, she probably overhead you. Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
“I didn’t know, Shawn. I had no idea that Morgan was there in the shop. Paige stopped by a little after ten a.m. What time did Morgan leave the diner?”
“A little before ten. Shit! I have to talk to her, explain that she wasn’t a fling with me. That I wanted a relationship with her and only her.”
“Well, it’s going to have to wait.” Marcy pulled into the parking lot of the hospital near the ER and went to find a wheelchair. Thankfully, X-rays were negative for fracture, but the doctor told her she had a bad sprain. She had to use crutches and a walking boot for the next couple of weeks. Shawn declined pain medication, intent to control the pain and swelling with ice and anti-inflammatories.
When Marcy got Shawn home, Shawn lay on the couch with her leg elevated, and Marcy placed an ice pack over her ankle. While Marcy was in the kitchen making soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, Shawn texted Kerrie, Melvin, and Shorty to let them know of her injury and that she wouldn’t be in for a couple of days. They replied that they’d come by tomorrow after work with some meals for her. She was really lucky to have such great friends, and she owed them big time with all of her absences lately.
When her phone rang a minute later, Shawn gasped when she saw Morgan’s name through the cracked screen.
“Morgan?”
“Hi, Shawn.” The sound of Morgan’s voice made Shawn want to weep. “I think we should talk.”
Shawn nodded as if Morgan could see her. “Yes, I want that so much.”
At the worst possible time, Marcy came into the room.
“Here ya go, babe. Gotta get some food in you to give you some energy for later.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? I’ve been gone for four days and you already have another woman in your home? Unfuckingbelievable.”
“No, Morgan. It’s not like that. I—”
“Stop. We’re done. I thought I’d made a mistake by not giving you a chance to explain things. The only mistake I seemed to have made was meeting you. We’re through.”
The click from Morgan hanging up sounded like a loud blast in Shawn’s ear.
“Morgan? Morgan? Fuck!” Shawn threw her phone into the stone hearth of the fireplace where it shattered into pieces. Shawn looked at Marcy standing still, eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights, holding the tray of food.
“I love you, Marce, but you have the worst fucking timing. That was Morgan. She heard you. Now she thinks you’re the next woman I’m sleeping with.”
“God, Shawn, I’m so sorry. Let me call her and explain.”
Shawn laughed mirthlessly. “That would be great, but I don’t know her number by heart. It was programmed into my phone.” Shawn pointed to the fireplace and the broken pieces that came from her hand.
Marcy placed the tray of food on the coffee table.
“I guess we’re going to have to get you a new phone.”
“Thanks for taking care of me tonight, but I really need to be alone right now. Could you lock the door behind you?”
Shawn knew she sounded harsh, and the evidence was clear by the look of Marcy’s fallen face and frown.
“I’ll come by to see you tomorrow morning, check to see if you need anything,” Marcy said before closing the door.
Once she was alone, she threw her arm over her eyes and finally allowed the tears to fall. For being one not to cry much, her tears sure had been overflowing the past few days. When the ice on her ankle started to melt and soak the couch cushion, she grabbed her crutches, threw the ice bag into the sink and hobbled her way to bed.