Winter
Morgan had the bah humbugs. Thanksgiving came and went. She’d spent the holiday by herself watching holiday movies on the Hallmark Channel, scoffing at the happily ever afters celebrated around a Christmas tree. Her two dads had gone on holiday to Europe, she’d given her mother the obligatory holiday call that lasted less than five minutes, and her best friends spent the Thanksgiving holiday in Lake Tahoe. Morgan would never admit that she sat on the couch in her pajamas eating a whole pumpkin pie out of the tin.
She’d spent more than a few minutes wondering how Shawn was celebrating. Was she working hard in the diner? Was she having dinner with Jack and his wife? Or was she entertaining a fucking ski bunny in town for the weekend? The latter made Morgan want to throw up. Some blond-haired bimbo with big tits and even bigger lips in tight ski pants cuddling up to Shawn in front of a fire with hot toddies. She laughed evilly at the thought of Jameson baring his teeth at the bimbo.
Jane and Annie had only said they’d had pristine skiing conditions and that the weather was perfect. Good. Perfect skiing weather in Lake Tahoe. A place where just a month ago, Morgan imagined spending the weekend with Shawn. A mere four weeks ago, the thought of Lake Tahoe and Shawn brought a smile to Morgan’s face. Now it left a gaping hole in Morgan’s heart.
Work had been slow the past two weeks. Doctors were too busy getting in last-minute surgeries to meet one-on-one with her, but it wasn’t for her lack of trying. Morgan had delivered some massive Christmas baskets to her most revered doctors, making an effort to keep her name in their minds when it came to needing the latest and greatest products.
The microwave beeped when her dinner was done, and she poured herself a glass of wine after she plated her food. Just because she was eating a microwave dinner didn’t mean she had to eat like a savage out of the plastic tray. She carried her meal and her wine to the living room so she could watch that night’s Hallmark movie. She was only a little ashamed for scoffing at the movie. It wasn’t the screenwriter’s fault that her love life was at the bottom of pig slop.
It was only six o’clock in the evening, but she hadn’t done a thing that day. She hadn’t showered, her hair wasn’t brushed, and she was still in her flannel pajamas, the ones that kept her warm in the winter. The ones that reminded her of Shawn and her flannel shirts. She took a sip of wine after she’d finished her bite of food. The knock on her door interrupted her next sip. She’d considered not answering, but it was probably Jane and Annie. If she didn’t answer, they’d just use their key. She might have to get that back from them if they would abuse that privilege by barging in on her without notice. She shuffled her slippered feet to the door, looked through the peephole, and cursed. What was she doing here? She opened the door just a few inches.
“What do you want?”
“I want to talk to you. Can I please come in?”
Morgan opened the door and stepped aside, not happy at all to see Jess. And looking really good while Morgan looked a mess.
“What is it, Jess? What do you possibly have to say to me after all this time?”
“Morgan, please. Can we sit?”
Morgan couldn’t have a conversation with her ex looking the way she did.
“Go have a seat and I’ll be right back.”
Morgan went to her bedroom to change into something decent.
❖
Shawn checked the address one more time to be certain she had the right house. She’d been on the road for four hours, fighting the snow-covered highway and weekenders heading home from Tahoe. She should’ve taken the day off from the diner so she could have gotten an earlier start, but with winter here, the crowds picked up, especially on the weekends. She’d stopped to get flowers for Morgan, beautiful long-stemmed red roses that Shawn had hoped would help get her through the door. She exited her car, held her hand in front of her mouth to check her breath, then walked to the front door. When she knocked, she heard a woman’s voice.
“I’ll get it, baby.”
A woman who wasn’t Morgan opened the door.
“May I help you?”
Shawn peered around the woman’s shoulder looking for Morgan. She rechecked the address numbers on the front of the house.
“Is Morgan here?”
“Who are you?”
“I’m Shawn. Who are you?”
“I’m Jess, Morgan’s girlfriend. She’s busy but I can give her a message.”
So, this was the infamous ex. Or was it current now? Shawn hated that the woman was good-looking. She was shorter than Shawn by a few inches, athletic looking with red curly hair pulled back in a ponytail. The smug look on her face made her less attractive though. Shawn didn’t know what to do. Should she ask to wait? Or should she just tuck her tail between her legs and get the hell out of Dodge? The pain in her chest made it difficult to breathe.
“Uh, no. I was in town and just wanted to stop by and say hi. I guess I’ll just call her later.”
Jess leaned against the doorframe with her arms crossed over her chest and looked Shawn up and down from head to toe as if she was sizing up the competition.
“I’ll be sure to tell her you stopped by.” Jess pushed off the doorframe and closed the door in Shawn’s face. She threw the flowers under the hedge that lined Morgan’s walkway and headed back to her car with a heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach.
* * *
Morgan returned to the living room dressed in jeans, a cable-knit sweater, and her Ugg boots that kept her feet warm. While she’d been in the bedroom, she’d gone to the bathroom to wash her face and brush her hair, tying it up in a messy bun. At least she felt more human than before when she’d answered the door. She sat in her chair across the room from the couch Jess was sitting on.
“Okay, talk.”
“I miss you, Morgan. I miss us. And I miss the woman I was when we were together.”
“And what woman would that be? The cheater?” Morgan’s words hit the desired mark when Jess dropped her head. Good. After all this time, Morgan still was pissed that Jess had cheated on her.
“I have no excuse for what happened, and if I could do anything to change what happened, I would. I made a huge mistake, and I promise if you take me back, I swear it’ll never happen again.
Jess seemed sincere enough, but Morgan wouldn’t be easily swayed.
“I appreciate your apology, but we can never go back. You hurt me. You brought a woman into our home. Into our bed. Do you have any idea how humiliated I was? I won’t let you do that to me again. I won’t let anyone hurt me like that.” Morgan thought of Shawn and how quickly Shawn held that power. The grief she felt from Shawn hurting her was way more than she’d felt with Jess. Shawn hadn’t used that power as a weapon though, at least Morgan didn’t think so.
Morgan stood, done with this conversation, and done with Jess. “Thanks for coming over and apologizing, but we won’t be getting back together.”
Jess stood, her face red and stance aggressive, her fists clinched at her sides. “You think you can get better than me? Find someone who can give you what I can?”
Now Morgan was really pissed. How dare Jessica come in here to try and threaten her. “I know I can. I already did.” Shawn was so much better than Jess. She was kind, romantic, funny, handsome. Morgan had always felt cared for by Shawn, even when they had just been friends.
Jess laughed. “You mean that big butch? What can she give you that I can’t?”
What was Jess talking about? What big butch? The only one she could think of was Shawn, but how would Jess know about her?
“This is your last chance, Morgan. Once I walk out that door, I won’t come back.”
The relief Morgan felt from that statement was almost palpable, but she still wouldn’t get her hopes up. “Promise? In that case, don’t let the door hit you in the ass. Now get out of my house.”
The door slamming startled Morgan, practically shaking the tears out of her eyes. She sat on the couch, gulping the rest of the forgotten wine. She quickly retrieved the bottle from the kitchen and refilled her glass. She was too amped up to sit still, and at every turn of her pacing, she took another drink. What big butch was Jess talking about? It couldn’t be Shawn. Morgan hadn’t talked to her in almost a month, and the only people who knew about Shawn were Jane and Annie. They hated Jess so they never would have told her so. She picked up her phone and called Jane.
“I have a crazy question. Have you seen Jess lately, and if so, did you tell her about Shawn?”
“Well, hello, Morgan. So nice to hear from you.” Jane’s sarcastic tone wasn’t lost on Morgan.
“Yeah, yeah, hi. Now, answer the question.”
“No and no. Even if I did see her, I’d never tell her about Shawn. Why? What happened?”
Morgan finished off her wine and she wished she had something stronger.
“Jess came here to ask me to get back together with her.” Morgan told her the conversation they’d had. “She interrupted my lazy night, and I was pissed that she looked good.” Morgan laughed as she told Jane about cleaning up and getting dressed.
“I just don’t understand how she would know about Shawn, if she was even talking about her.”
“Speaking of, have you heard from her at all?”
“No. I told her I didn’t want to talk to her, so obviously she’s obeying my wishes.”
“Huh. Okay.”
“What was that ‘huh’ for?”
“Nothing. Listen, Annie and I are about to eat. I’ll talk to you later, okay? Love you.”
Morgan looked at her phone wondering why Jane was acting weird. That woman was crazy sometimes, but Morgan loved her. She went to the living room window and looked out to the street, mostly to make sure Jess had left. The streets were wet from the falling rain that she could see from the streetlamp. She’d caught sight of something under her hedge, and she went to go check it out. She pulled out a bouquet of roses that looked fresh, and droplets of water adhered to the red velvety petals.
“What in the world?” Morgan continued to look around and found a small card facedown in the mud. She turned it over and gasped once she’d wiped the mud away. She’d recognize the small, all caps print that Shawn used.
Jameson misses you. But I miss you more.
Morgan clapped her hand over her mouth to stifle her cry. She stood and looked around for Shawn’s Subaru. She hurried frantically up and down the block, desperate to see her, but Shawn was nowhere to be found. Her hair and clothes were soaked, her wet jeans weighing her down. Morgan went back inside and called Jane again, leaving a trail of water dripping from her clothes on the tile floor.
“She was here! Shawn was here!”
“What?”
“I was looking out the window to the street and I saw something, and I went to check and it turned out to be flowers. So, I looked some more, and I found a card in her writing.” Morgan’s words tumbled out of her mouth without taking a breath.
“What kind of flowers?”
Morgan squinted at her phone, wondering if her friend was some kind of stupid that night, then put it back to her ear.
“That’s what you came away with? You want to know what kind of flowers they were? Red roses, by the way, but that’s not the point.”
“It kind of is. Red roses signify love. It would have been insulting if she’d brought you carnations or daisies.”
“Jane! Listen to me. Shawn. Was. Here. Was that slow enough for you to understand? She was here. How did she get my address? Oh, shit! She must’ve come by when Jess was here and while I was changing. That’s how Jess knew about Shawn. I have to call you back.” Adrenaline coursed through Morgan’s body, and along with being cold and wet, her body shook violently.
Morgan hung up and called Jess, the very last person she wanted to talk to. It actually surprised her that Jess picked up. Morgan put her on speaker as she went to her bedroom and stripped out of her wet clothes.
“Ready to take me back?” The egotistical tone made Morgan want to hang up, but she needed answers.
“Did someone come to my door when I was changing?” Morgan pulled on fleece sweatpants, a hoodie sweatshirt, and her fuzzy slippers.
“Maybe. Maybe no.”
Fuck, she was infuriating. “Damn it, Jess. If you have a shred of decency left, tell me the truth.” Morgan went back out to the kitchen, grabbed her wine, and sat on the couch, ignoring the water on her tile floor. She’d clean it later.
Morgan heard her sigh. “Yes. Some woman named Shawn. Is that what you’re into now? Butch women?”
“Jess, focus. What did she say?”
“She just asked if you were home and I told her you were busy. She said she just stopped by to say hi then she left.” Jess let out a frustrated sound. “I may have told her I was your girlfriend.”
“You’re unfuckingbelievable. Don’t ever contact me again.”
She called Jane again, jumped up from the couch, and started pacing again. She was too wound up to sit still.
“She was here. Fucking Jess answered the door and told Shawn she was my girlfriend.”
“That bitch! Who the hell does she think she is?” Morgan couldn’t remember the last time she’d heard Jane that angry.
“How did she know where I lived?” Morgan wondered out loud. The silence on the other line was deafening and telling. “Jane, how did Shawn know where I lived?”
“Well, um, we may have gone to see her over Thanksgiving.”
“What? Are you serious right now?”
“Yep.”
“Well, go on. Tell me your whole sordid story.” Morgan emptied the rest of the wine into her glass and took a healthy swallow. The alcohol made her a little clumsy, and she used her hand to wipe some of the wine that dribbled to her chin.
Jane told her from beginning to end with Annie in the background confirming what Jane said.
“You’ve been so miserable, we just wanted to help. If it makes you feel any better, Shawn’s been miserable too. Please don’t be mad at us.”
“Honey, I’m not mad. Strike that. I’m mad at Jess for doing and saying what she said to Shawn.” Oh, God. Shawn came here looking for her, to tell her she missed her. “Are you telling me the truth about Paige, and that Shawn wasn’t interested in anyone but me?”
“On my marriage, I swear I’m telling the truth. Morgan, she’s been as miserable as you’ve been. She really cares for you and wants a relationship with you and only you. So, what are you going to do about it?”
What, indeed? Morgan had a lot to think about. That could be a life-changing decision, and she needed to figure out what was best for her.