Like many single people, you probably long to share your life with someone. Perhaps your heart jumps and you get all tingly when a prospect comes along. But what of your parental heart? As a single parent or the dating partner of a single parent you intuitively know that dating is different because someone else is involved—the kids. Dating isn’t just about the two of you, making dating and a potential marriage more complicated than ever. And because kids are involved and the stakes are higher this time around, I’m confident you want to make wise dating decisions.
As a parent, you may wonder how dating will affect your children. Are they ready? Are you ready? If you’re dating someone with kids, you wonder what to expect and how to tell if you can make a blended family work. This book will answer those questions and more.
Forty-two percent of adults in the U.S. have a step relationship. At FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember marriage getaways, we’ve found that up to 30 percent of couples who attend are in blended families. But sadly, two-thirds of marriages where one or both partners bring children into the relationship end in divorce. In view of this need, FamilyLife has been delighted to welcome Ron Deal to our ministry. A licensed marriage and family therapist who has over two decades of experience working with blended families, Ron will reveal why relationships with kids in the mix are so much more complex. And he’ll show you what you can do as you begin a relationship to navigate those difficulties and prepare for a successful marriage.
Ron shares that “coupleness” and “familyness” are not the same thing. As good as a dating relationship might feel, it’s nothing without familyness, and ultimately familyness is what creates a legacy. This book will help you see beyond the tingly feelings to determine if a dating partner will help you form a healthy family.
If you’re a single parent, Ron’s going to ask you practical questions to see if you’re emotionally and relationally ready to date. He will share with you conversations you need to have with your kids before you date and once the dating has started, and he will help you decide when and how to introduce kids to the person you may be more than just casually interested in.
If you’re dating someone with kids, Ron will prepare you for the unique family dynamics that might otherwise blindside you after the honeymoon’s over. He’ll explain why you can’t expect that marrying someone with kids will instantly give you the family you may have always wanted.
Ron will also discuss the yellow and red lights to watch out for in the relationship, and reveal the traps of online dating.
He has some hard truths to tell parents. For example, even though the person you’re dating may feel like your life partner, your children may not be ready to share you with them. He will also encourage you to consider whether dating is beneficial for you and the kids right now, and tell you why and when it might be better to wait.
For over thirty-six years my wife, Barbara, and I have been working with families, equipping people with the skills they need for marriage. We know storms are inevitable. It’s critical to determine whether the person you’re dating is someone who’s going to lay a firm foundation with you to withstand them. Ron can help you anticipate rough weather particular to blended families and give you wisdom on knowing if your dating partner will help you survive the turbulent storms that you will encounter. Ron will equip you with what you need to establish a solid foundation and build your house on The Rock of Jesus Christ (Matthew 7:24–27).
Proverbs says, “Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance” (1:5). In this book you’ll find invaluable spiritual guidance from one of America’s leading blended family experts. Listen to Ron’s advice and become wise.
Dr. Dennis Rainey
President, FamilyLife
April 2012