| |
I looked down at the email for the hundredth time that day. I couldn’t count how often I had allowed my eyes to drift to it, or how often I had thought about firing off a response at last. I had no idea what I was going to say to them, if I was going to take it or not, but I didn’t want to mess this up.
And I knew, whether I took the job or didn’t, I would lose something important to me. Whether it was the potential this position offered or the woman I would have to leave behind to do it.
Though she seemed to have made the call for me, and I didn’t know how I felt about that. Were we really over now? I wished I could talk to her, see if she’d had some more time to think about it and if she would reconsider what she had said to me. Yes, it wouldn’t have been easy, but I liked what we had started here, and I wasn’t sure I would be able to cut it off just like that. I wanted more. I wanted to see where we went, no matter where it ended up. I wanted to see it through.
The evening we’d spent at the fair with my friends, it had been so fun, so easy, as though the two of us had been made to fit together like that. Like we just made sense. I wanted a million more evenings like that one, but I wasn’t sure if she would even consider them after what had happened. She thought I had one foot out the door, and hell, maybe I did. I knew I couldn’t stay here forever.
Right?
Anyway. I had to finish up for the day; maybe I could speak to Ellie once I was all done and had some time to think. I was sure she would be feeling differently now that we’d had some time to ourselves, and I hoped she would be able to see how ridiculous it was to call things off just because I’d gotten a job offer. There was so much more in the way of possibility out there, we didn’t have to shut it all down right now. We were just getting started.
I went to check in Celeste before I left—and found she was gone. When I asked Rita at the desk, she told me Ellie had come by to check her out that morning, when I’d been with a patient. Oh, so she was taking her mom home now? I thought she wanted her in the rehab center, being taken care-of, so the two of us could continue working on the house. Maybe I’d misread it. Perhaps she was taking her out of my care to make sure she was being looked after in the best place she could be.
I decided it was worth stopping around to her house to make sure her mother had made the transition from the clinic to her newly renovated place without too much trouble. And if I got a chance to talk to Ellie in the process, all the better, right?
I packed up my stuff and shoved it in my bag, then headed out to my car to climb in and head across town to see her. I didn’t even know what I intended to say. I just wanted to see her again, to look her in the eyes and hopefully get it through to her that I really wanted to do everything I could to make us work. Yeah, she might have thought it was only a short-term thing, but I felt differently, and I didn’t want to throw it all away so soon. Who the hell else was I going to take to the Maple Valley fair, anyway?
I arrived at her place and gathered myself before I headed on in. Okay. Was I really doing this? I really was. I needed to see her. I couldn’t leave things the way I had last night, it would have been wrong. The two of us had been making something good, something solid, and there was no way I was going to lose it all so quickly. Not until we’d had a chance to talk it out, at least.
I climbed out of the car and headed to the door, knocked, and waited for a response. I didn’t even know if she would be here. Her car wasn’t in the driveway. Maybe she had already taken her mom to that rehab facility where they could take care of her, and I prayed she would be back soon. I didn’t know how much longer my nerves would hold out before I turned and left again. I could already feel my palms getting a little clammy, and I didn’t know if it was over what I wanted to say or how I thought she was going to react. I couldn’t take this. I needed to know what was going on inside her head, and I didn’t think I was going to be able to wait much longer to find out.
The door opened, and Celeste was waiting for me on the other side. Her face lit up when she saw me, and she gestured for me to come in.
“Oh, Nate, wonderful to see you!” she exclaimed. “I’ve been meaning to tell you how beautiful all the work you did for the house is...I can’t believe how different it looks. You really are handy!”
“Thanks, Celeste,” I replied, dipping my head and smiling. “Glad I was able to help. Hopefully it’ll make living here a bit easier once you’re back for good.”
“Yes, I know it will,” she agreed, a smile spreading out over her face—but there seemed to be something else to her expression, too, perhaps something she was trying to contain. I wanted to ask her what it was, but I doubted she would have told me so easily. She was a private woman, contained, and she didn’t like to give out information to just anyone.
“Could I talk to Ellie?” I asked her. I figured it made sense for me to get to the point, but I didn’t even know where to start. I wished I could just tell her how I felt about her, that her declaration of love—or at least, the start of it—made me feel alive in a way I hadn’t for a long time.
Her face dropped. Whatever I had just said, it had hurt her, and I instantly felt a wash of regret hit me hard. I didn’t want to upset her. I had just come here to make things right, but the longer I stayed, the more it looked like I had just been messing them up.
“She’s...not here right now,” she replied carefully. She didn’t want to give too much away, but I could see in her eyes how sad she was about it.
“She’s not? Where is she?”
“Gone.”
“Gone?” I repeated. “Gone where?”
“She’s out of town for the time being,” she continued. She sounded as though she was attempting to avoid my questions, and that just made me all the more nervous. What was she trying to keep from me? Had something awful happened to Ellie or something? I needed to know.
“And where exactly is she headed?” I asked. I realized I was starting to sound pushy, but I needed her to tell me Ellie was all right. Even if she didn’t want to see me, I needed to know she was okay.
“She’s going to...”
Her mother tried to reply, but the words seemed hard to get out, even for her. I was starting to get seriously worried now, and I needed to know I was overreacting.
“Celeste, can you please tell me what’s going on?” I asked her, doing my best to keep my voice level and steady and failing miserably. I didn’t want to spook her with too much emotion, but I needed to know what had happened to Ellie. She had only taken Celeste from the clinic this morning; surely, she wouldn’t have made any big decisions after that?
“She’s gone to Paris,” Celeste told me, finally, looking up and into my eyes with a grim expression on her face. “For work, she says.”
The words hung in the air between us as they sank into my brain, and I tried to make sense of what all of this actually meant. She was gone? She was...she was really gone? It couldn’t be real. I must have been mis-hearing her. There was no way Ellie went from talking to me about staying in this place long-term to just turning around and taking off for Paris the first chance she got.
“Oh,” I replied finally, once the words had finally sunk in a little more. “Paris.”
“Yes, Paris,” Celeste replied, and she looked as hurt as I felt right now. I was sad for her, too—she thought she had gotten her daughter back, and now she had shot off across the globe again. So much for her sticking around long enough to make a real difference. She had just been counting down until she could get out of there again, and it made me a little sick to think how easy it had been for her.
“Thanks for letting me know, Celeste,” I told her, keeping my voice as neutral as I could. “I’ll be around later in the week to check on the house, okay? Let me know if you need any help getting settled into the rehab facility...”
I managed to get a few more words out before I backed off and climbed into my car, but barely. I didn’t want to talk to her. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I wanted to try and make sense of what I had just heard. She’d gone to Paris? Without even so much as a goodbye?
I couldn’t believe it. It was like every time the information tried to sink in, it bounced off the surface of my mind once more, ricocheting around my consciousness as I tried to work out what the hell I was supposed to do now.
If I could do anything. Because she was gone. Gone about as far away as she could get from me.
It was clear she had made her choice, and I didn’t feel much like arguing with her. I just had one more thing to say. I pulled out my phone and started typing a message to her, to make sure she knew exactly what I thought of her.
