It happened to me. In my life, the lists took a slightly different form, and the texts existed as written notes, but they created the same feelings of pressure, confusion, and shame. Some of these characters’ experiences mirror mine quite literally: the water thrown on Eve’s chest, Principal Yu’s encounters with Wes, and the endless accusations of a stuffed bra, for example. In all honesty, some moments of harassment and sexism felt too painful to even include. Throughout the years, my strategies of handling such treatment shifted. At times, I felt like Eve—desperate to hide, to disappear into myself, to escape the outside gaze. In other moments, I lived as Sophie—playing the game, and working hard to reflect what I’d been told would help me conquer the system. I figured it was better to fit into what I felt I should be rather than discover my own truth. And, at times, I was Nessa. I ignored the prevailing power structure and understood my worth, even as I felt sorrow and rage that others couldn’t see it.
In some notable ways, I was Winston, too. I had moments in which I could have stood up for others, but the fear of being bullied myself took precedence. And, of course, like all the characters, I wasn’t immune to judging girls on their appearances, or letting that be the first thing I saw. In fact, to this day, I still have moments in which I struggle with all of this. In a world that too often presents “good looks” as girls’ and women’s central quality, and defines “good looks” in a very particular and narrow way, I continue to work on tuning out the noise. I try to remember the oft-shared wisdom that in a world that feeds on self-doubt, loving oneself is a revolutionary act. But it’s not easy.
I didn’t know it in middle school, but I know now that I’m not alone. In the end of this story, I wanted to give my characters a taste of that knowledge. They conclude their journey as a community of friends who value one another and stand proudly together against the pressures of the world.
They are not alone. I am not alone. You are not alone. We’ll find our way through it together.
Learn about your rights and how to take action against sexual harassment in schools here:
equalrights.org/legal-help/know-your-rights/sexual-harassment-at-school
nwlc.org/issue/sexual-harassment-assault-in-schools