The next hours passed in a blur. Waiting for the ambulance.
Hurrying to purchase a ticket on the Star Line. Praying the ferry wouldn’t leave without her, while also praying it wouldn’t delay. Begging the ambulance driver for a ride. She could figure out how to get back to Mackinac later. For now she wanted to make sure hers was the first face Jonathan saw.
She’d sat in the waiting room outside surgery alone. Her phone in her hand, she couldn’t think of anyone to call. Certainly not anyone who could reach her while it mattered. Mom and Dad were in Grand Rapids, and she wasn’t sure where Trevor lived. Her few friends lived in Grand Rapids, too, and she didn’t know how to reach Jonathan’s family. She didn’t even know who to call to find out. She might have called Mr. Hoffmeister, and Mr. Tomkin had enough to deal with, though he and Jonathan didn’t seem that close.
Then she thought of Jaclyn. Surely she would want to know. And if not, she might know how to reach his parents.
What was her last name?
Reeder? No, Raeder.
Alanna dialed 411 then paused. Wasn’t there anyone else she could try? The thought that Jaclyn might come, and Jonathan might want her, pierced Alanna.
Could she handle the reality Jonathan might not choose her?
What her future would look like without him? A dismal reflection of the past?
She breathed deeply then hit Call. Her wants didn’t matter as much as getting Jonathan’s family here. A minute later, the automated system connected her to Jaclyn’s phone. As it rang, Alanna prayed for wisdom and peace.
“Hello?” Jaclyn’s voice sounded strained.
“Jaclyn? This is Alanna Stone.”
Silence lengthened. “What do you want?”
“Jonathan’s been shot. I don’t know how to reach his family. Do you have a number?”
“What happened?” Jaclyn’s voice rose. Alanna filled her in then asked for the number again. “I might have it.”
“Thank you.” Alanna waited as papers rustled.
“Try this.” Jaclyn listed a string of numbers. “Is he okay?”
“I don’t know. They haven’t let me see him since I’m not family.”
“Yet.”
“What?”
“Never mind.” The girl cleared her throat. “Tell him we’ll pray for him. Hope everything goes well.”
“You won’t come up?”
“Not unless he asks for me. I don’t want Dylan in that kind of environment. Too much like when his father died.”
She didn’t know as much about Jaclyn as she’d surmised. “Thanks for the number.”
A minute later, she dialed the number Jaclyn had given her and left a voice mail asking for a return call. Then she stood and walked to the window. It looked over the parking lot, gray and metallic, but all she saw was Jonathan at his dock. He shouldn’t be trapped in here. Instead, he should be outside bird watching or fishing. And if not that, then planning the most wonderful events for his clients. Would he do any of that again?
Or had he sacrificed himself so she could escape?
Darkness weighted him. Tugged him back. Cloaked him.
Jonathan tried to swim against its midnight pull but sagged against the heaviness.
He wanted to open his eyes but couldn’t. A knife of pain sliced through his torso. The darkness offered relief. Maybe he should succumb. Give up. Let the darkness win.
A cool hand touched his forehead. It felt good, like when his mother used to care for him.
“You may stay five minutes. Then he’ll need to rest.” The words sounded distant. Remote.
Why five minutes? Why rest? Would that relieve the searing pain?
Jonathan fought to crack his eyelids. The brightness blinded him, and they fell shut.
A soft hand touched his. Held it lightly. “Jonathan, you made it through surgery. The doctor says you’ll be okay. Really sore but okay. Your mom and dad are on the way.”
Silence settled as Alanna stroked his hand.
“I’m so glad you didn’t die. There’s been too much death, and I need you, Jonathan. So much. Get better.”
Something soft brushed his hand. Hair? Then he felt soft skin and dampness. Her cheek? A tear? He forced his eyes to open, and as they focused, he saw Alanna leaning against his hand. He licked his lips. So dry. So very dry. Tried to speak but croaked.
She sat up, studied him with large eyes. “Jonathan?”
He croaked again.
She pressed the nurse call button then jumped up and ran to the
door. “He’s awake. He’s awake!”
A moment later, a woman in scrubs entered the room. He tried to focus on her, but the more he tried, the less defined she was until he faded back to blackness.
Alanna left Jonathan’s side only when the nurse insisted. She wanted the rights of a wife to stay next to her man. To watch each time he inhaled. To assure herself he still lived.
Instead, she waited in the lobby for the occasional gift of a few minutes to watch his chest rise and fall. Other than those moments of awareness, Jonathan lay under a blanket of unconsciousness. The kind that held him tight in its grasp.
The day melted into night, and still she waited, unwilling to leave long enough to find a car. Nor willing to go back to the island and be separated from him by so many miles. Guess she’d sleep on the uncomfortable and overly firm couch, catnapping as best she could while she waited for his parents to arrive. They should be here anytime from their homes in Naubinway, Michigan. Until then she’d stay. Surely her motives had everything to do with helping them and nothing to do with her own need to see him five minutes every hour.
Her stomach growled, but she ignored it. The doors to the wing jolted open, and she glanced toward them. Patience and Earl Matthews strode through followed by Jaclyn without her small shadow.
Alanna swallowed. “What are you doing here?”
Patience reached her and pulled her into a motherly embrace. “We’re here to make sure you take care of yourself. And give you a ride back when you need one.”
Alanna let herself sink into Patience’s arms. “How did you know?”
“Jaclyn, of course. Once you called her, it didn’t take too much time before she found me. We had to get organized, but here we are now. Earl keeps a car in St. Ignace, and we can head back or get a hotel room here. Either works for us.”
“Jaclyn came with you?”
“Someone had to make sure she got here. She wanted to see Jonathan.”
Alanna had hoped she’d stay away. She’d wanted the other day to truly mark the end of Jonathan’s relationship with Jaclyn. Maybe she’d deluded herself. Maybe she and Jonathan were destined for nothing more than a friendship filled with enough attraction to drive any girl to distraction.
The kind of friendship she’d have to abandon again as soon as he was okay.
Staying and watching him with someone else would hurt too much. Especially now that she’d admitted she cared deeply for him.
“I’m glad she’s here then. Jonathan’s parents should arrive anytime, too.” Alanna tried to smile as she managed not to choke on the words. Someday she might believe herself. For now she’d try to welcome Jaclyn and support her friend as he chose the other woman. Being single wasn’t so bad. She’d done it a long time. Now that she’d remembered what could exist, she couldn’t imagine settling for someone less than Jonathan. Her eyes clouded at the thought. She’d learn to be content.
She had to since the alternative seemed terrible.
Patience eyed her with skepticism. “You’re just going to settle back?”
“What else can I do?”
“Fight for the man. He’s had several weeks to watch you side by side. At least make him choose. Don’t give up.”
“Then why bring her here?”
A slow smile spread across Patience’s cheeks. “Because you need to decide if you’re fighting. If you’re not, Jonathan needs someone. She’s the other contender.”
That sounded crass. Jonathan wasn’t a prize to fight over, yet in a way that’s how it felt.
“Miss Stone?”
Alanna looked up at the nurse who’d walked into the waiting area. “Yes?”
“Would you like five minutes?”
“Thank you.” Alanna shot to her feet before anyone else could say anything and followed the nurse back to Jonathan’s room. “Has there been any change?”
“No, but we don’t expect him to be too alert yet. He endured some major surgery on his shoulder.” The nurse glanced at her, calm exuding from her steady gaze. “He’ll recover barring any complications. Just talk to him. Often that pulls people from their haze.”
Alanna nodded then pushed into the room. It remained antiseptic and harsh. Her shoes squeaked against the linoleum, and she collapsed in the chair next to the sterile hospital bed. All the soft wall colors and paintings couldn’t change the fact he lay in a bed, IV tubes extending from his hands, and monitors strapped across him. The Jonathan she knew overflowed with vitality. This person formed a shell of that man.
She touched his fingers, trying to avoid the IV. “Hey, Jonathan. They’ve let me back in.”
No response, not even a twitch from his fingers.
Alanna sighed and stroked his knuckles. “Jaclyn’s here. Patience and Earl brought her so she could be here. Maybe I should have let her come in this time, but I’m selfish. I wanted this time with you. Depending on what happens when you wake up, I might not have more time like this.” Her voice hitched, and she forced herself to go
on. “I love you, Jonathan. I know you won’t remember this, but I had to tell you. I won’t watch if you choose Jaclyn, but I won’t get in your way. I don’t have that right after all this time.” She looked away, blinking back the tears flooding her vision. “Coming back wasn’t easy, but it reminded me how much you mean to me. I’ll always wonder what would have happened if I’d stayed. . .but I didn’t.”
She paused. Could she go on? Did it matter? He wouldn’t remember anything she said, but she’d know.
Glancing up, she startled. His green eyes locked on hers.
Maybe he’d remember everything she’d said after all.
She swallowed, unsure whether she wanted to retract the words or risk the outcome. The only way to know what the future held was to pray he’d heard and would say something, anything, in response.
The nurse knocked on the door, and Alanna saw his parents. Time to leave, but his gaze held her hostage. She liked it. Oh, how she liked it. What if he chose Jaclyn? She prayed that wouldn’t happen. That, instead, he’d hold her for life.