How often have I carried our family word | |
for the hot water bottle | |
to a strange bed, | |
as my father would juggle a red-hot half-brick | |
in an old sock | |
to his childhood settle. | |
I have taken it into so many lovely heads | |
or laid it between us like a sword. |
An hotel room in New York City | |
with a girl who spoke hardly any English, | |
my hand on her breast | |
like the smouldering one-off spoor of the yeti | |
or some other shy beast | |
that has yet to enter the language. |
Comes to mind as another small upheaval | |
amongst the rubble. | |
His eye matches exactly the bubble | |
in my spirit-level. | |
I set aside hammer and chisel | |
and take him on the trowel. |
The entire population of Ireland | |
springs from a pair left to stand | |
overnight in a pond | |
in the gardens of Trinity College, | |
two bottles of wine left there to chill | |
after the Act of Union. |
There is, surely, in this story | |
a moral. A moral for our times. | |
What if I put him to my head | |
and squeezed it out of him, | |
like the juice of freshly squeezed limes, | |
or a lemon sorbet? |
At noon, in the dead centre of a faith, | |
Between Draperstown and Magherafelt, | |
This bitter village shows the flag | |
In a baked absolute September light. | |
Here the Word has withered to a few | |
Parched certainties, and the charred stubble | |
Tightens like a black belt, a crop of Bibles. |
Because this is the territory of the Law | |
I drive across it with a powerless knowledge – | |
The owl of Minerva in a hired car. | |
A Jock squaddy glances down the street | |
And grins, happy and expendable, | |
Like a brass cartridge. He is a useful thing, | |
Almost at home, and yet not quite, not quite. |
It’s a limed nest, this place. I see a plain | |
Presbyterian grace sour, then harden, | |
As a free strenuous spirit changes | |
To a servile defiance that whines and shrieks | |
For the bondage of the letter: it shouts | |
For the Big Man to lead his wee people | |
To a clean white prison, their scorched tomorrow. |
Masculine Islam, the rule of the Just, | |
Egyptian sand dunes and geometry, | |
A theology of rifle-butts and executions: | |
These are the places where the spirit dies. | |
And now, in Desertmartin’s sandy light, | |
I see a culture of twigs and bird-shit | |
Waving a gaudy flag it loves and curses. |
for Paul Muldoon | |
It had been badly shot. | |
While he was plucking it | |
he found, he says, the voice box – |
like a flute stop | |
in the broken windpipe – |
and blew upon it | |
unexpectedly | |
his own small widgeon cries. |
VII | |
I had come to the edge of the water, | |
soothed by just looking, idling over it | |
as if it were a clear barometer |
or a mirror, when his reflection | |
did not appear but I sensed a presence | |
entering into my concentration |
on not being concentrated as he spoke | |
my name. And though I was reluctant | |
I turned to meet his face and the shock |
is still in me at what I saw. His brow | |
was blown open above the eye and blood | |
had dried on his neck and cheek. ‘Easy now,’ |
he said, ‘it’s only me. You’ve seen men as raw | |
after a football match… What time it was | |
when I was wakened up I still don’t know |
but I heard this knocking, knocking, and it | |
scared me, like the phone in the small hours, | |
so I had the sense not to put on the light |
but looked out from behind the curtain. | |
I saw two customers on the doorstep | |
and an old landrover with the doors open |
parked on the street so I let the curtain drop; | |
but they must have been waiting for it to move | |
for they shouted to come down into the shop. |
She started to cry then and roll round the bed, | |
lamenting and lamenting to herself, | |
not even asking who it was. “Is your head |
astray, or what’s come over you?” I roared, more | |
to bring myself to my senses | |
than out of any real anger at her |
for the knocking shook me, the way they kept it up, | |
and her whingeing and half-screeching made it worse. | |
All the time they were shouting, “Shop! |
Shop!” so I pulled on my shoes and a sportscoat | |
and went back to the window and called out, | |
“What do you want? Could you quieten the racket |
or I’ll not come down at all.” “There’s a child not well. | |
Open up and see what you have got – pills | |
or a powder or something in a bottle,” |
one of them said. He stepped back off the footpath | |
so I could see his face in the street lamp | |
and when the other moved I knew them both. |
But bad and all as the knocking was, the quiet | |
hit me worse. She was quiet herself now, | |
lying dead still, whispering to watch out. |
At the bedroom door I switched on the light. | |
“It’s odd they didn’t look for a chemist. | |
Who are they anyway at this time of the night?” |
she asked me, with the eyes standing in her head. | |
“I know them to see,” I said, but something | |
made me reach and squeeze her hand across the bed |
before I went downstairs into the aisle | |
of the shop. I stood there, going weak | |
in the legs. I remember the stale smell |
of cooked meat or something coming through | |
as I went to open up. From then on | |
you know as much about it as I do.’ |
‘Did they say nothing?’ ‘Nothing. What would they say?’ | |
‘Were they in uniform? Not masked in any way?’ | |
‘They were barefaced as they would be in the day, |
shites thinking they were the be-all and the end-all.’ | |
‘Not that it is any consolation | |
but they were caught,’ I told him, ‘and got jail.’ |
Big-limbed, decent, open-faced, he stood | |
forgetful of everything now except | |
whatever was welling up in his spoiled head, |
beginning to smile. ‘You’ve put on weight | |
since you did your courting in that big Austin | |
you got the loan of on a Sunday night.’ |
Through life and death he had hardly aged. | |
There always was an athlete’s cleanliness | |
shining off him and except for the ravaged |
forehead and the blood, he was still that same | |
rangy midfielder in a blue jersey | |
and starched pants, the one stylist on the team, |
the perfect, clean, unthinkable victim. | |
‘Forgive the way I have lived indifferent – | |
forgive my timid circumspect involvement,’ |
I surprised myself by saying. ‘Forgive | |
my eye,’ he said, ‘all that’s above my head.’ | |
And then a stun of pain seemed to go through him |
and he trembled like a heatwave and faded. |
The Sundial | |
You stood with your back to me. | |
By that crumbling sundial, | |
Leaving your book on it – | |
Time, love, and literature! | |
You shielded your eye from the sun | |
As a peacock strutted towards you. | |
You called it beautiful and touched its head, | |
Then turned around to me, eye-patched | |
And fastened to a mourning blink | |
Brought there by melanoma’s | |
Sun-coaxed horrific oncos, | |
Leaving me to guess at | |
What mysteries you knew | |
Foretold by love or creatures. |
‘I am just going outside and may be some time.’ | |
The others nod, pretending not to know. | |
At the heart of the ridiculous, the sublime. |
He leaves them reading and begins to climb, | |
Goading his ghost into the howling snow; | |
He is just going outside and may be some time. |
The tent recedes beneath its crust of rime | |
And frostbite is replaced by vertigo: | |
At the heart of the ridiculous, the sublime. |
Need we consider it some sort of crime, | |
This numb self-sacrifice of the weakest? No, | |
He is just going outside and may be some time – |
In fact, for ever. Solitary enzyme, | |
Though the night yield no glimmer there will glow, | |
At the heart of the ridiculous, the sublime. |
He takes leave of the earthly pantomime | |
Quietly, knowing it is time to go: | |
‘I am just going outside and may be some time.’ | |
At the heart of the ridiculous, the sublime. |
Me not no Oxford don | |
me a simple immigrant | |
from Clapham Common | |
I didn’t graduate | |
I immigrate |
But listen Mr Oxford don | |
I’m a man on de run | |
and a man on de run | |
is a dangerous one |
I ent have no gun | |
I ent have no knife | |
but mugging de Queen’s English | |
is the story of my life |
I dont need no axe | |
to split/ up yu syntax | |
I dont need no hammer | |
to mash/ up yu grammar |
I warning you Mr Oxford don | |
I’m a wanted man | |
and a wanted man | |
is a dangerous one |
Dem accuse me of assault | |
on de Oxford dictionary/ | |
imagine a concise peaceful man like me/ | |
dem want me serve time | |
for inciting rhyme to riot | |
but I tekking it quiet | |
down here in Clapham Common |
I’m not a violent man Mr Oxford don | |
I only armed wit mih human breath | |
but human breath | |
is a dangerous weapon |
So mek dem send one big word after me | |
I ent serving no jail sentence | |
I slashing suffix in self-defence | |
I bashing future wit present tense | |
and if necessary |
I making de Queen’s English accessory/to my offence |
Standing under the greengrocer’s awning | |
in the kind of rain we used to call a cloudburst, | |
getting home later with a single hailstone in my hair. | |
Ambition would have us die in thunderstorms | |
like Jung and Mahler. Five minutes now, | |
for all our sad and elemental loves. |
A woman sheltering inside the shop | |
had a frightened dog, | |
which she didn’t want us to touch. | |
It had something to do with class, | |
and the ownership of fear. Broken ceramic lightning | |
was ripping open the stitching in the sky. | |
The rain was ‘siling’ down, | |
the kind that comes bouncing back off the pavement, | |
heavy milk from the ancient skins | |
being poured through the primitive strainer. | |
Someone could have done us in flat colours, | |
formal and observant, all on one plane, | |
you and me outside and the grocer and the lady | |
behind the gunmetal glass, gazing out over our shoulders. | |
I can see the weave of the paper behind the smeared reflections, | |
some of the colour lifting as we started a sudden dash home. | |
We ran by the post office and I thought, ‘It is all still true, | |
a wooden drawer is full of postal orders, it is raining, | |
mothers and children are standing in their windows, | |
I am running through the rain past a shop which sells wool, | |
you take home fruit and veg in bags of brown paper, | |
we are getting wet, it is raining.’ | |
It was like being back | |
in the reign of George the Sixth, the kind of small town | |
which still lies stacked in the back of old storerooms in schools, | |
where plural roof and elf expect to get very wet | |
and the beasts deserve their nouns of congregation | |
as much as the postmistress, spinster, her title. | |
I imagine those boroughs as intimate with rain, | |
their ability to call on sentient functional downpours | |
for any picnic or trip to the German Butcher’s | |
one sign of a usable language getting used, | |
make of this what you will. The rain has moved on, | |
and half a moon in a darkening blue sky | |
silvers the shrinking puddles in the road: | |
moon that emptied the post office and grocer’s, | |
moon old kettle of rain and idiolect, | |
the moon the sump of the aproned pluvial towns, | |
cut moon as half a hailstone in the hair. |
When your lobster was lifted out of the tank | |
to be weighed | |
I thought of woad, | |
of madders, of fugitive, indigo inks, |
of how Nerval | |
was given to promenade | |
a lobster on a gossamer thread, | |
how, when a decent interval |
had passed | |
(son front rouge encor du baiser de la reine) | |
and his hopes of Adrienne |
proved false, | |
he hanged himself from a lamp-post | |
with a length of chain, which made me think |
of something else, then something else again. |
Horse Boyle was called Horse Boyle because of his brother Mule; | |
Though why Mule was called Mule is anybody’s guess. I stayed there once, | |
Or rather, I nearly stayed there once. But that’s another story. | |
At any rate they lived in this decrepit caravan, not two miles out of Carrick, | |
Encroached upon by baroque pyramids of empty baked bean tins, rusts | |
And ochres, hints of autumn merging into twilight. Horse believed | |
They were as good as a watchdog, and to tell you the truth | |
You couldn’t go near the place without something falling over: | |
A minor avalanche would ensue – more like a shop bell, really, |
The old-fashioned ones on string, connected to the latch, I think, | |
And as you entered in, the bell would tinkle in the empty shop, a musk | |
Of soap and turf and sweets would hit you from the gloom. Tobacco. | |
Baling wire. Twine. And, of course, shelves and pyramids of tins. | |
An old woman would appear from the back – there was a sizzling pan in there, | |
Somewhere, a whiff of eggs and bacon – and ask you what you wanted; | |
Or rather, she wouldn’t ask; she would talk about the weather. It had rained |
That day, but it was looking better. They had just put in the spuds. | |
I had only come to pass the time of day, so I bought a token packet of Gold Leaf. | |
All this time the fry was frying away. Maybe she’d a daughter in there | |
Somewhere, though I hadn’t heard the neighbours talk of it; if anybody knew, | |
It would be Horse. Horse kept his ears to the ground. | |
And he was a great man for current affairs; he owned the only TV in the place. | |
Come dusk he’d set off on his rounds, to tell the whole townland the latest | |
Situation in the Middle East, a mortar bomb attack in Mullaghbawn – | |
The damn things never worked, of course – and so he’d tell the story | |
How in his young day it was very different. Take young Flynn, for instance, | |
Who was ordered to take this bus and smuggle some sticks of gelignite |
Across the border, into Derry, when the RUC – or was it the RIC? – | |
Got wind of it. The bus was stopped, the peeler stepped on. Young Flynn | |
Took it like a man, of course: he owned up right away. He opened the bag | |
And produced the bomb, his rank and serial number. For all the world | |
Like a pound of sausages. Of course, the thing was, the peeler’s bike | |
Had got a puncture, and he didn’t know young Flynn from Adam. All he wanted | |
Was to get home for his tea. Flynn was in for seven years and learned to speak | |
The best of Irish. He had thirteen words for a cow in heat; | |
A word for the third thwart in a boat, the wake of a boat on the ebb tide. |
He knew the extinct names of insects, flowers, why this place was called | |
Whatever: Carrick, for example, was a rock. He was damn right there – | |
As the man said, When you buy meat you buy bones, when you buy land you buy stones. | |
You’d be hard put to find a square foot in the whole bloody parish | |
That wasn’t thick with flints and pebbles. To this day he could hear the grate | |
And scrape as the spade struck home, for it reminded him of broken bones: | |
Digging a graveyard, maybe – or better still, trying to dig a reclaimed tip | |
Of broken delph and crockery ware – you know that sound that sets your teeth on edge | |
When the chalk squeaks on the blackboard, or you shovel ashes from the stove? |
Master McGinty – he’d be on about McGinty then, and discipline, the capitals | |
Of South America, Moore’s Melodies, the Battle of Clontarf, and | |
Tell me this, an educated man like you: What goes on four legs when it’s young, | |
Two legs when it’s grown up, and three legs when it’s old? I’d pretend | |
I didn’t know. McGinty’s leather strap would come up then, stuffed | |
With threepenny bits to give it weight and sting. Of course, it never did him | |
Any harm: You could take a horse to water but you couldn’t make him drink. | |
He himself was nearly going on to be a priest. | |
And many’s the young cub left the school, as wise as when he came. |
Carrowkeel was where McGinty came from – Narrow Quarter, Flynn explained – | |
Back before the Troubles, a place that was so mean and crabbed, | |
Horse would have it, men were known to eat their dinner from a drawer. | |
Which they’d slide shut the minute you’d walk in. | |
He’d demonstrate this at the kitchen table, hunched and furtive, squinting | |
Out the window – past the teetering minarets of rust, down the hedge-dark aisle – | |
To where a stranger might appear, a passer-by, or what was maybe worse, | |
Someone he knew. Someone who wanted something. Someone who was hungry. | |
Of course who should come tottering up the lane that instant but his brother |
Mule. I forgot to mention they were twins. They were as like two – | |
No, not peas in a pod, for this is not the time nor the place to go into | |
Comparisons, and this is really Horse’s story, Horse who – now I’m getting | |
Round to it – flew over Dresden in the war. He’d emigrated first, to | |
Manchester. Something to do with scrap – redundant mill machinery, | |
Giant flywheels, broken looms that would, eventually, be ships, or aeroplanes. | |
He said he wore his fingers to the bone. | |
And so, on impulse, he had joined the RAF. He became a rear gunner. | |
Of all the missions, Dresden broke his heart. It reminded him of china. |
As he remembered it, long afterwards, he could hear, or almost hear | |
Between the rapid desultory thunderclaps, a thousand tinkling echoes – | |
All across the map of Dresden, store-rooms full of china shivered, teetered | |
And collapsed, an avalanche of porcelain, slushing and cascading: cherubs, | |
Shepherdesses, figurines of Hope and Peace and Victory, delicate bone fragments. | |
He recalled in particular a figure from his childhood, a milkmaid | |
Standing on the mantelpiece. Each night as they knelt down for the rosary, | |
His eyes would wander up to where she seemed to beckon to him, smiling, | |
Offering him, eternally, her pitcher of milk, her mouth of rose and cream. |
One day, reaching up to hold her yet again, his fingers stumbled, and she fell. | |
He lifted down a biscuit tin, and opened it. | |
It breathed an antique incense: things like pencils, snuff, tobacco. | |
His war medals. A broken rosary. And there, the milkmaid’s creamy hand, the outstretched | |
Pitcher of milk, all that survived. Outside, there was a scraping | |
And a tittering; I knew Mule’s step by now, his careful drunken weaving | |
Through the tin-stacks. I might have stayed the night, but there’s no time | |
To go back to that now; I could hardly, at any rate, pick up the thread. | |
I wandered out through the steeples of rust, the gate that was a broken bed. |
Jean-Baptiste Chardin | |
is painting a woman | |
in the last summer light. |
All summer long | |
he has been slighting her | |
in botched blues, tints, | |
half-tones, rinsed neutrals. |
What you are watching | |
is light unlearning itself, | |
an infinite unfrocking of the prism. |
Before your eyes | |
the ordinary life | |
is being glazed over: | |
pigments of the bibelot, | |
the cabochon, the water-opal | |
pearl to the intimate | |
simple colours of | |
her ankle-length summer skirt. |
Truth makes shift: | |
The triptych shrinks | |
to the cabinet picture. | |
Can’t you feel it? | |
Aren’t you chilled by it? | |
The way the late afternoon | |
is reduced to detail – |
the sky that odd shape of apron – |
opaque, scumbled – | |
the lazulis of the horizon becoming |
optical greys | |
before your eyes | |
before your eyes | |
in my ankle-length | |
summer skirt |
crossing between | |
the garden and the house, | |
under the whitebeam trees, | |
keeping an eye on | |
the length of the grass, | |
the height of the hedge, | |
the distance of the children |
I am Chardin’s woman |
edged in reflected light, | |
hardened by | |
the need to be ordinary. |
They are waiting for me somewhere beyond Eden Rock: | |
My father, twenty-five, in the same suit | |
Of Genuine Irish Tweed, his terrier Jack | |
Still two years old and trembling at his feet. |
My mother, twenty-three, in a sprigged dress | |
Drawn at the waist, ribbon in her straw hat, | |
Has spread the stiff white cloth over the grass. | |
Her hair, the colour of wheat, takes on the light. |
She pours tea from a Thermos, the milk straight | |
From an old H.P. sauce bottle, a screw | |
Of paper for a cork; slowly sets out | |
The same three plates, the tin cups painted blue. |
The sky whitens as if lit by three suns. | |
My mother shades her eyes and looks my way | |
Over the drifted stream. My father spins | |
A stone along the water. Leisurely, |
They beckon to me from the other bank. | |
I hear them call, ‘See where the stream-path is! | |
Crossing is not as hard as you might think.’ |
I had not thought that it would be like this. |
With my forked branch of Lebanese cedar | |
I quarter the dunes like downs and guide | |
an invisible plough far over the sand. | |
But how to quarter such shifting acres | |
when the wind melts their shapes, and shadows | |
mass where all was bright before, | |
and landmarks walk like wraiths at noon? | |
All I know is that underneath, | |
how many miles no one can say, | |
an unbroken water-table waits | |
like a lake; it has seen no bird or sail | |
in its long darkness, and no man; | |
not even pharaohs dug so far | |
for all their thirst, or thirst of glory, | |
or thrust-power of ten thousand slaves. | |
I tell you I can smell it though, | |
that water. I am old and black | |
and I know the manners of the sun | |
which makes me bend, not break. I lose | |
my ghostly footprints without complaint. | |
I put every mirage in its place. | |
I watch the lizard make its lace. | |
Like one not quite blind I go | |
feeling for the sunken face. | |
So hot the days, the nights so cold, | |
I gather my white rags and sigh | |
but sighing step so steadily | |
that any vibrance in so deep | |
a lake would never fail to rise | |
towards the snowy cedar’s bait. | |
Great desert, let your sweetness wake. |
In all the space of space | |
I have a little plot of ground | |
with part of an ocean in it | |
and many mountains |
It’s there I meet my friends | |
and multitudes of strangers. | |
Even my forebears dreamily visit me | |
and dreamily speak to me. |
Of the rest of space | |
I can say nothing | |
nor of the rest of time, the future | |
that dies the moment it happens. |
The little plot – do I belong to it | |
or it to me? No matter. | |
We share each other as I walk | |
amongst its flags and tombstones. |
Take telegraph wires, a lonely moor, | |
And fit them together. The thing comes alive in your ear. |
Towns whisper to towns over the heather. | |
But the wires cannot hide from the weather. |
So oddly, so daintily made | |
It is picked up and played. |
Such unearthly airs | |
The ear hears, and withers! |
In the revolving ballroom of space, | |
Bowed over the moor, a bright face |
Draws out of telegraph wires the tones | |
That empty human bones. |
Years ago I was a gardener. | |
I grew the flowers of my childhood, | |
lavender and wayside lilies | |
and my first love the cornflower. |
The wind on the summer wheat. | |
The blue glaze in the vanished woods. | |
In the space of my yard I glimpsed again | |
all the lost places of my life. |
I was remaking them. Here in a space | |
smaller still I make them again. |
Suddenly as the riot squad moved in, it was raining exclamation marks, | |
Nuts, bolts, nails, car-keys. A fount of broken type. And the explosion | |
Itself – an asterisk on the map. This hyphenated line, a burst of rapid fire… | |
I was trying to complete a sentence in my head, but it kept stuttering, | |
All the alleyways and side-streets blocked with stops and colons. |
I know this labyrinth so well – Balaclava, Raglan, Inkerman, Odessa Street – | |
Why can’t I escape? Every move is punctuated. Crimea Street. Dead end again. | |
A Saracen, Kremlin-2 mesh. Makrolon face-shields. Walkie-talkies. What is | |
My name? Where am I coming from? Where am I going? A fusillade of question-marks. |
I place my hope on the water | |
in this little boat | |
of the language, the way a body might put | |
an infant |
in a basket of intertwined | |
iris leaves, | |
its underside proofed | |
with bitumen and pitch, |
then set the whole thing down amidst | |
the sedge | |
and bulrushes by the edge | |
of a river |
only to have it borne hither and thither, | |
not knowing where it might end up; | |
in the lap, perhaps, | |
of some Pharaoh’s daughter. |
It was the first gift he ever gave her, | |
buying it for five francs in the Galeries | |
in pre-war Paris. It was stifling. | |
A starless drought made the nights stormy. |
They stayed in the city for the summer. | |
They met in cafés. She was always early. | |
He was late. That evening he was later. | |
They wrapped the fan. He looked at his watch. |
She looked down the Boulevard des Capucines. | |
She ordered more coffee. She stood up. | |
The streets were emptying. The heat was killing. | |
She thought the distance smelled of rain and lightning. |
These are wild roses, appliqued on silk by hand, | |
darkly picked, stitched boldly, quickly. | |
The rest is tortoiseshell and has the reticent, | |
clear patience of its element. It is |
a worn-out, underwater bullion and it keeps, | |
even now, an inference of its violation. | |
The lace is overcast as if the weather | |
it opened for and offset had entered it. |
The past is an empty café terrace. | |
An airless dusk before thunder. A man running. | |
And no way now to know what happened then – | |
none at all – unless, of course, you improvise: |
The blackbird on this first sultry morning, | |
in summer, finding buds, worms, fruit, | |
feels the heat. Suddenly she puts out her wing – | |
the whole, full, flirtatious span of it. |
VIII | |
The annals say: when the monks of Clonmacnoise | |
Were all at prayers inside the oratory | |
A ship appeared above them in the air. |
The anchor dragged along behind so deep | |
It hooked itself into the altar rails | |
And then, as the big hull rocked to a standstill, |
A crewman shinned and grappled down the rope | |
And struggled to release it. But in vain. | |
‘This man can’t bear our life here and will drown,’ |
The abbot said, ‘unless we help him.’ So | |
They did, the freed ship sailed, and the man climbed back | |
Out of the marvellous as he had known it. |
When he had made sure there were no survivors in his house | |
And that all the suitors were dead, heaped in blood and dust | |
Like fish that fishermen with fine-meshed nets have hauled | |
Up gasping for salt water, evaporating in the sunshine, | |
Odysseus, spattered with muck and like a lion dripping blood | |
From his chest and cheeks after devouring a farmer’s bullock, | |
Ordered the disloyal housemaids to sponge down the armchairs | |
And tables, while Telemachos, the oxherd and the swineherd | |
Scraped the floor with shovels, and then between the portico | |
And the roundhouse stretched a hawser and hanged the women | |
So none touched the ground with her toes, like long-winged thrushes | |
Or doves trapped in a mist-net across the thicket where they roost, | |
Their heads bobbing in a row, their feet twitching but not for long, | |
And when they had dragged Melanthios’s corpse into the haggard | |
And cut off his nose and ears and cock and balls, a dog’s dinner, | |
Odysseus, seeing the need for whitewash and disinfectant, | |
Fumigated the house and the outhouses, so that Hermes | |
Like a clergyman might wave the supernatural baton | |
With which he resurrects or hypnotises those he chooses, | |
And waken and round up the suitors’ souls, and the housemaids’, | |
Like bats gibbering in the nooks of their mysterious cave | |
When out of the clusters that dangle from the rocky ceiling | |
One of them drops and squeaks, so their souls were bat-squeaks | |
As they flittered after Hermes, their deliverer, who led them | |
Along the clammy sheughs, then past the oceanic streams | |
And the white rock, the sun’s gatepost in that dreamy region, | |
Until they came to a bog-meadow full of bog-asphodels | |
Where the residents are ghosts or images of the dead. |
A misremembered lyric: a soft catch of its song | |
whirrs in my throat. ‘Something’s gotta hold of my heart | |
tearing my’ soul and my conscience apart, long after | |
presence is clean gone and leaves unfurnished no | |
shadow. Rain lyrics. Yes, then the rain lyrics fall. | |
I don’t want absence to be this beautiful. | |
It shouldn’t be; in fact I know it wasn’t, while | |
‘everything that consoles is false’ is off the point – | |
you get no consolation anyway until your memory’s | |
dead: or something never had gotten hold of | |
your heart in the first place, and that’s the fear thought. | |
Do shrimps make good mothers? Yes they do. | |
There is no beauty out of loss; can’t do it – | |
and once the falling rain starts on the upturned | |
leaves, and I listen to the rhythm of unhappy pleasure | |
what I hear is bossy death telling me which way to | |
go, what I see is a pool with an eye in it. Still let | |
me know. Looking for a brand-new start. Oh and never | |
notice yourself ever. As in life you don’t. |
It was your birthday, we had drunk and dined | |
Half of the night with our old friend | |
Who’d showed us in the end | |
To a bed I reached in one drunk stride. | |
Already I lay snug, | |
And drowsy with the wine dozed on one side. |
I dozed, I slept. My sleep broke on a hug, | |
Suddenly, from behind, | |
In which the full lengths of our bodies pressed: | |
Your instep to my heel, | |
My shoulder-blades against your chest. | |
It was not sex, but I could feel | |
The whole strength of your body set, | |
Or braced, to mine, | |
And locking me to you | |
As if we were still twenty-two | |
When our grand passion had not yet | |
Become familial. | |
My quick sleep had deleted all | |
Of intervening time and place. | |
I only knew | |
The stay of your secure firm dry embrace. |
About ten days or so | |
After we saw you dead | |
You came back in a dream. | |
I’m all right now you said. |
And it was you, although | |
You were fleshed out again: | |
You hugged us all round then, | |
And gave your welcoming beam. |
How like you to be kind, | |
Seeking to reassure. | |
And, yes, how like my mind | |
To make itself secure. |
God give me strength to lead a double life. | |
Cut me in half. | |
Make each half happy in its own way | |
with what is left. Let me disobey | |
my own best instincts | |
and do what I want to do, whatever that may be, | |
without regretting it, or thinking I might. |
When I come home late at night from home, | |
saying I have to go away, | |
remind me to look out the window | |
to see which house I’m in. | |
Pin a smile on my face | |
when I turn up two weeks later with a tan | |
and presents for everyone. |
Teach me how to stand and where to look | |
when I say the words | |
about where I’ve been | |
and what sort of time I’ve had. | |
Was it good or bad or somewhere in between? | |
I’d like to know how I feel about these things, | |
perhaps you’d let me know? |
When it’s time to go to bed in one of my lives, | |
go ahead of me up the stairs, | |
shine a light in the corners of my room. | |
Tell me this: do I wear pyjamas here, | |
or sleep with nothing on? | |
If you can’t oblige by cutting me in half, | |
God give me strength to lead a double life. |
I have put on a grotesque mask | |
to write these lines. I sit | |
staring at myself | |
in a mirror propped on my desk. |
I hold up my head | |
like one of those Chinese lanterns | |
hollowed out of a pumpkin, | |
swinging from a broom. |
I peer through the eye-holes | |
into that little lighted room | |
where a candle burns, | |
making me feel drowsy. |
I must try not to spill the flame | |
wobbling in its pool of wax. | |
It sheds no light on the scene, | |
only shadows flickering up the walls. |
In the narrow slit of my mouth | |
my tongue appears, | |
darting back and forth | |
behind the bars of my teeth. |
I incline my head, | |
to try and catch what I am saying. | |
No sound emerges, only | |
the coming and going of my breath. |
On Sundays I watch the hermits coming out of their holes | |
Into the light. Their cliff is as full as a hive. | |
They crowd together on warm shoulders of rock | |
Where the sun has been shining, their joints crackle. | |
They begin to talk after a while. | |
I listen to their accents, they are not all | |
From this island, not all old, | |
Not even, I think, all masculine. |
They are so wise, they do not pretend to see me. | |
They drink from the scattered pools of melted snow: | |
I walk right by them and drink when they have done. | |
I can see the marks of chains around their feet. |
I call this my work, these decades and stations – | |
Because, without these, I would be a stranger here. |
SECOND GENESIS | |
‘inde genus durum sumus’ | |
Ovid: Metamorphoses, Book I |
Two survived the flood. | |
We are not of their blood, | |
springing instead from the bones | |
of the Great Mother – stones, | |
what have you, rocks, boulders – | |
hurled over their shoulders | |
by that pious pair | |
and becoming people, where | |
and as they hit the ground. | |
Since when, we have always found | |
something hard, ungracious, | |
obdurate in our natures, | |
a strain of the very earth | |
that gave us our abrupt birth; | |
but a pang, too, at the back | |
of the mind: a loss… a lack… |