“I think now is a very good time to tell me whatever it is.” Rains’s voice was calm, but Bett heard a note of steel in it. Her throat tightened.
“Uh, we should get going,” Whit said, and she and Kat both stood. Whit stopped by Rains and stage-whispered, “Remember, we won.”
Rains only grunted as she sat. Bett tried to tell herself that it was probably better to have this conversation in a public place. But then she saw the hurt in Rains’s eyes, pain she knew Rain was letting her see, and she realized that not being able to touch her wasn’t a very good idea after all. “Beloved, I’m sorry,” she began, but Rain held up her hand.
“I will say this first. I’m glad you have friends, people that you can talk to and share important things about your life. And I apologize if I’ve said or done something to make you feel there were things you couldn’t talk to me about.”
“Oh, Rain.” Bett hated crying in public, but she thought she might. “It’s not like that.”
Sure enough, she felt tears well up when Rain’s fingers gently stroked her hand. “Then tell me what it is like.”
Bett studied their hands and saw them as perfect likenesses of the people they were. Very different, yet so surely connected. Considering this, and trying to hold back her emotion, she caught a glimpse of her watch. “God, Rain. I’m late for a meeting. I totally lost track of time.” She started to stand but the look on Rain’s face made her sit back down. “I swear, Beloved. I’m not trying to get away from this conversation. I only came to meet Whit and Kathleen because I couldn’t wait until I saw you to find out what happened at the hearing.” A tear dropped onto her cheek. “Please believe me.”
Rain brushed the wetness away and helped Bett to her feet. “Of course I believe you. I know you. I love you.”
Bett embraced her right there in the restaurant. She didn’t care how it looked. “I won’t be late tonight, I promise. And we can talk about it then. All right?”
Rain nodded and they left together. At the car, Rain said, “I might be a little late. I’m going to see Boudreaux in the hospital after I get off this afternoon. I don’t want to leave things between us the way they are.”
Bett sighed. She reached into her purse and handed Rain an envelope. “If you’ll give her this, you’ll save me another trip over there.” She slid into the driver’s seat, but before closing the door, she added, “I’ll explain tonight, but please don’t look at it.”
Rain drew back slightly, and her face hardened. “If you think you have to tell me that, then perhaps you don’t know me.” She turned and walked away before Bett could say anything. She had just reached the cryptography building when an appalling thought occurred to her: Rain might be there when Boudreaux opens the envelope. And worse, she would then find out how much money was inside it.
* * *
When Lieutenant Rains walked into the hospital room, Miriam Boudreaux was sitting in a chair, trying to eat Jell-O, most of which was shaking off the spoon and into her lap.
“Maybe you should try using a fork,” Rains suggested from the doorway.
“Maybe you should kiss my big bayou butt,” Boudreaux replied, not looking away from her food.
“You seem to be feeling better, Boudreaux,” Rains answered.
“Why is it you here instead of one of the good-looking ones?”
Rains shook her head. “You’ll never change, will you?”
Miriam Boudreaux put down the spoon. “Something has changed, though. I can usually sleep at the drop of a hat, but not right now. And I feel kinda…uneasy all the time…though I don’t know why. The hearing is over so no sweat, right? And you saw how I’m shaking. Do you think I’m really sick?”
Rains had a vision of her father on one of the few times he had to do without the bottle—prowling the house at all hours, shaking and talking to people no one else could see. “How long has it been since you’ve had a drink?”
Miriam shrugged. “A couple of days, I guess.” She stared off into the distance. “I thought Whit was my friend when she was bringing me that hooch, but instead she was trying to kill me.”
“She wasn’t. She was only trying to keep you from testifying because she was worried about who you might name.”
Boudreaux turned back, glaring at her. “You would have been at the top of my list, but your rich little honey took care of that.”
Rains cleared her throat but was careful not to show any reaction. “That reminds me. She sent this for you.” She handed Boudreaux the envelope.
To her surprise, Boudreaux ripped open the seal and dumped its contents onto her bed covers. Money. Lots of money. More than Rains had ever seen in one place. Some big bills, some small. She blinked.
Boudreaux looked up from her counting and laughed at Rains’s expression. “You didn’t know about this, huh? I figured not. Bet you thought you’d be the one getting your hands on her dough.”
Rains stiffened. “I’m not interested in her money. I love her for who she is, not what she has.”
Miriam nodded admiringly. “That’s a great line. I’m gonna have to remember that.”
Rains started to object but stopped herself, realizing her protest would fall on deaf ears. She couldn’t believe that Bett had given Miriam Boudreaux so much money. It was clearly a bribe—the payoff that had kept her from naming anyone at the hearing—but from what she could tell, it was an extravagant amount to spend for Boudreaux’s silence. More importantly, they shouldn’t have to pay to keep their honor. Working not to show her outrage, she kept her tone casual. “So, now that you’re rich, I guess you can pay me back that five dollars you took.”
“What five dollars?” Miriam was just as indignant as she expected she’d be.
“The night of Kathleen and Whit’s party. I beat you at cutting cards, but you took my money. Come to think of it,” Rains acted thoughtful, “you owe me ten dollars.”
“Horseshit.” Boudreaux raised her voice. “You cheated.”
“I beat you fair and square and you know it. It was a new deck and Whit shuffled.” Rains held out her hand. “Pay up, loser.” Miriam’s face was turning red, and she clutched the bills tightly. “Unless…” Rains patted her pockets, finding the ten-dollar bill Bett routinely put there. Waving it in Miriam’s face, she taunted, “Unless you wanna play me for it.”
“I was drunk that night. You took advantage.”
“So? You’re not drunk now, are you?” Rains was busy calculating the money she had in the pouch she kept around her neck. She’d have to play it just right, but it could work, as long as the cards continued to favor her. She laid the bill across the bottom of Boudreaux’s bed.
Boudreaux stared at the money for a moment before going to her nightstand and ringing the little bell there. A few minutes later, a nurse appeared in the doorway.
“Yes, ma’am?” she asked, looking toward the bed. Then she caught sight of Rains and startled slightly. “Oh, I didn’t know you had company.” She took a second look and a smile lit up her face. “Why, Sergeant Rains. How nice to see you.”
Rains recognized the voice first—those softly drawled vowels that seemed to add an extra syllable or two into every word—and then the face. At least half the freckles had come from her time outdoors during basic training. “Hello, Matilda. I didn’t realize you’d gone into nursing.”
Matilda blushed, the way she often did when someone spoke to her directly. “I didn’t, at first. I’d planned to go into communications, you know, but it just wasn’t for me. I guess I like to see people directly, not just hear them on the radio or some such.”
Matilda had always been extremely personable—sweet tempered, friendly, and chatty. Rains smiled. “Yes, I can see how this would fit you much better.”
Matilda’s color deepened. “I’m sorry. I forgot you’d been promoted, Lieutenant. Congratulations.”
Rains nodded her head in acknowledgment as Boudreaux called out, “Hey, nursie, if you’re through having old home week, I need some playing cards.”
“Uh, I don’t think we—” Matilda began, but Rains said, “Just ask around, will you? Maybe even some of the other patients?”
After a moment’s hesitation, Matilda said, “All right, Lieutenant Rains. I’ll see what I can do.”
The door had barely closed when Boudreaux said, “You telling me you haven’t diddled her?”
Rains’s eyes narrowed. “Shut up, Boudreaux.”
“Come on. That little Georgia peach couldn’t even look at you without blushing. I know you had a little bite at least.”
Taking a step toward her, Rains dropped her voice, “Those who are guilty often accuse others of the same crimes, as if to justify their own wrongdoing. I assure you that is the case here.” She took another step, and Boudreaux backed into the nightstand. “If you want a chance to win my ten dollars rather than giving up yours, I suggest you not say another word until my former squad member returns.”
Miriam sat on the bed and Rains turned her back to watch the door. She worked to rid herself of emotions—the disgust she felt toward Boudreaux and the hurt from Bett’s unwillingness to discuss her plan beforehand. When Matilda returned with a worn deck she’d gotten from a wounded serviceman, Rains was as empty as she’d been in the days of playing cards with the Lost Boys. As she’d planned, Boudreaux won the first hand, raising her fist triumphantly at the seven she’d drawn to beat Rains’s five. Looking desperate, Rains brought the pouch out from under her shirt. “Double or nothing?” she asked.
By the time she left the hospital, her mind was already on the last task she needed to accomplish before this ordeal would truly be over.
* * *
That night, Kat was going all out for dinner, making all of Whit’s favorites and a special dessert that she found in an issue of the Ladies’ Home Journal. All through her preparations, things that she and Bett had talked about played in her mind. They’d both been exceptionally open with each other, other than Kathleen not admitting her crush on Gale Rains and Bett refusing to reveal what she’d done that she didn’t want to tell her lover. They were halfway through a bottle of wine when Kat remarked, “I gather there have been times that you and Gale disagreed.”
Bett laughed so hard she had to set her glass down for fear that the wine would spill. “That, my dear, is the understatement of the century. Gale is stubborn, excessively proud, and damn certain that she’s always right.”
“While you, of course, are none of those things,” Kathleen observed, unable to keep the smile off her face.
Bett seemed startled for a moment, and then laughed again. “Well, only sometimes.” She picked up her glass again and took a sip. “I think it’s unrealistic to hope that two people, especially two strong-minded people, could live together without some friction. But the most important thing is that I know she loves me and she knows I love her. Everything else just works itself out.”
Kathleen considered this for a few moments. “What would you do if she didn’t believe that you loved her?”
Bett’s focus became distant, and she smiled softly. “Touch her.” At Kathleen’s raised eyebrow, she explained, “Not sexually. Well, not at first. But warmly and with great tenderness. Gale lived much of her life without much physical affection from anyone who cared about her, so that kind of contact from someone she trusts has a profound effect on her.” After a few seconds, she looked at her hands. “It has a profound effect on me too. Being with Gale has taught me that true intimacy has a lot more to it than just sex.” Meeting Kat’s eyes again, she added, “Not that the sex isn’t wonderful too.”
Kat thought about how things were with Whit. Great sex, yes, though not lately, and she was to blame for that. But did they touch affectionately beyond the walls of the bedroom? Had they ever been truly intimate? Whit had helped make her comfortable with the practice of casual physical contact with friends, and she was now fine with hugging their guests and occasionally touching someone’s arm or squeezing a shoulder. Why couldn’t she be equally at ease doing the same things with Whit? “It’s a risk, though, isn’t it? Putting that much of yourself out there for someone else to see, letting them know you that fully.”
Bett nodded solemnly. “It is. And if you chose to fight against that possibility, you’ll think you’ve won. You can keep more of yourself to yourself, and think that you’re safe. But what you really are is detached and isolated, even while you’re pretending to have a relationship.” She must have seen the pain in Kat’s eyes, because she held out a hand. “Not you, personally, of course. I meant one, someone.”
No, Kat thought. You meant me, whether you know it or not.
Later, when they were on their second bottle of wine, the talk turned to families. “I don’t think my mother loves me,” Kat blurted out. “I don’t think she ever loved me. But at least now I think I understand why.”
Bett nodded matter-of-factly. “It’s the same with my father. Though I haven’t figured out the why part yet. But you know what? I don’t even care anymore. I don’t have to get my sense of worth from him. I try to be a good person, to do what’s right. And if someone as wonderful as Gale can love me, I must be okay.” She squeezed Kathleen’s arm. “So the same could be true for you and Whit, don’t you think?”
Kat had stared at her with her mouth open slightly. Could it really be that simple?
And now, with Whit back in their kitchen, eating like there was no tomorrow and complimenting her cooking with every other bite, she wondered about Bett’s words. Could she risk centering her life around Whit? Would she then find her true self in their love?
“There’s dessert,” she said, trying to find her way through. “But I thought we could have it later.”
“Later?” Whit asked, finishing off the last bite of her dinner.
“After we…”
Whit stopped chewing.
“After we…get reacquainted.”
Whit swallowed. “That sounds nice.”
Kathleen reached out and took her hand. “I think it will be very nice.”
They spent almost an hour lying on top of the bed covers, fully clothed, just talking. And, Kat made sure, touching each other with sweet, gentle caresses. As Kat ran her fingers across Whit’s cheek and up into her hair, Whit’s eyes fluttered in pleasure. Whit’s hand that had been resting on her waist began to make slow, random circles on her back. It felt good, but Kat was certain it would feel even better with her blouse off. Was it too soon? Was she rushing things?
“Is this going to happen?” Whit asked, her voice rough with emotion. “Are we really going to be back together? For keeps? Because I can’t just be your soft place to land when you’re done with your latest…whatever it is that you get into with someone else. I see you as the love of my life, and it tears me apart to think you don’t feel the same about me.”
And there it was. The moment of truth. Kathleen knew every word was from Whit’s heart. Her lover had always been the type to put her cards on the table when it mattered. Kat took in a breath, mustering the courage to play her own hand. Whit sat up, mistaking her hesitation. “I’m not trying to pressure you, Kitty. But that’s the way it is for me. I’m all in, and that’s what I need from you. So when you’ve made up your mind, you know where to find me.”
Kat grabbed her arm, overwhelmed with a deep sense of desperation, as if Whit’s presence was as essential as air. “No, Vic. Please. I want you to stay. I mean, I want you to come back home for good.” She could see Whit was waiting for the rest. She’d always been patient that way, just as she’d always been kind and caring and strong in ways that Kat hadn’t ever found in herself. But maybe that kind of love was trapped in the part of her that was still a forsaken little girl. Whit had freed her as a woman. Could she bet on her to do the same for the child she should have been?
“I know I’ll never meet anyone else as wonderful as you, Victoria Whitman. You’ve always been exactly what I needed, and I want to be the same for you. But to be the person I want to be, I need to wake up with you every morning and go to sleep with you every night. I love you with all my heart, and I don’t care how we make it happen, I only know I want us to grow old and gray together.”
She saw tears forming in Whit’s eyes. “God, you don’t know how much I’ve wanted to hear that from you, Kitty. But there’s something else I need to tell you.” At Kat’s quizzical look, she said, “I’m going to transfer from the Medical Corps.”
“But why, Vic? You love being a medic.”
Whit shook her head. “I did, but I broke my oath. I swore to help heal people, not make them sick. What I did to Miriam Boudreaux I did out of resentment and fear, and that’s not the way I’m supposed to act.” She wiped angrily at her eyes. “So if you still want me, knowing that, I’m all yours.”
Kathleen took Whit in her arms, and felt her trembling. “Yes, I still want you. I’ll always want you. But what are you going to do?”
“I’m not sure. I know I wouldn’t be any good at PR or protocol.” She pulled back slightly, managing a weak smile. “And cryptography? Forget it. Maybe Gale would take me on in the motor pool. I don’t know much about automotive stuff, but she might be willing to train me.”
Kat sighed. She didn’t want to think about what it would be like if Whit started working with Gale Rains on a daily basis. “Promise me you won’t do anything just yet. I need to think about this and you need to talk to Gale at some point and see what she says.” She undid one button on Whit’s shirt. “In the meantime, there’s some other repairing we need to do.”
Whit took hold of her hands. “I want you so much. But I’m not sure I have it in me right now to make up a story for you.”
Kat met her eyes. “I don’t want a story. I don’t want this to be about anything but just the two of us.”
And amazingly, it was. When they kissed, it was all Vic’s lips meeting hers, Vic’s tongue thrusting passionately into her mouth, making her want that same feeling down lower. She arched her back, loving the friction of her crotch against Vic’s leg. “May I undress you?” Vic murmured, the softness of her request seemingly at odds with everything she wanted. But Kat felt herself growing even more aroused, and a different kind of need surged through her. “No,” she panted. “You first.”
Whit’s face showed her surprise at this change in their well-established routine, but she swallowed and said, “Anything you want, baby.”
Kat took her time, revealing Whit’s lovely body and listening to her breathing growing increasingly ragged. When she put her mouth to Whit’s breast, her lover’s moan was like a plea for more. Unable to wait any longer for the feel of being touched, Kat stripped off her clothes and lay full length on top of Whit. When their arms wrapped around each other, Kathleen realized it wasn’t only desire she was feeling. It was love. And it wasn’t the least bit scary. It was simply wonderful.
* * *
It was fully dark as she followed him from the administration building to the nearby parking area. She hoped he and his friends in the screw-score club would face severe disciplinary action, but that would be secondary to the justice she intended to impart. Her knife already in her hand, she followed the one who wore his hat pulled low over his eyes, and when the rest of the group headed back to their quarters, she dug the blade into his passenger’s side tire and waited. He turned the key in the ignition and drove a few yards before the hissing sound combined with the flap of the punctured tire grew loud enough to get his attention. When he got out to look, she had him on the ground in seconds, sweeping his legs out from under him with one of the wrestling moves her brother had taught her. From atop him she covered his mouth and nicked a small piece of flesh from his left earlobe. His struggling stopped as she held the knife to his throat and growled, “You are marked now. From this, all women will see you have made one error against them, although they will deny this knowledge if you ask. You have the chance to start over, but if I hear of another evil you do against a woman, I will take both your ears and your eyes. Believe it. I represent a line of avengers that goes back generations.” She was gone before he could comprehend that the reason he couldn’t identify her was due to the charcoal she’d used to make her war paint. She’d covered her whole face with the black material and used Bett’s lipstick to draw two red streaks coming down from each eye to signify that she was a messenger. She knew he wouldn’t understand the significance of the marking, but she trusted he would get the message.
* * *
Rain was late. Much later than she’d expected. Miriam Boudreaux must have told her everything. Was Rain angry? Hurt? Was she not coming home at all? Bett could feel her anxiety rising as she debated, for the third time, whether or not to throw out Rain’s dinner. She’d put it in the refrigerator an hour ago, and now it was just a congealed reminder of what she’d done wrong. She should have told Rain her idea to offer Miriam Boudreaux a payoff, but it had come to her out of the blue and there’d been so little time. She paced another lap around the den, thinking, Who am I kidding? I didn’t say anything because I knew she’d disapprove. But the plan had worked. Surely that had to carry some weight.
Sighing, she flopped back onto the couch, knowing the worst of it was that she’d lied to avoid coming home all weekend, waiting for the arrangement to play out the way she’d wanted. Now she could see that had been a ridiculous overreaction. Even with Rain’s certain objections, she wouldn’t have done anything more than voice her concerns. She certainly wouldn’t have marched over to Boudreaux’s room and told her the deal was off. Bett could possibly have excused herself more easily for her behavior if she wasn’t in a relationship with a woman who never lied and who rarely—if ever—as far as she could see, held anything back from her.
The roar of Rain’s motorcycle had her back on her feet in seconds. Unsure of the reception she’d get, Bett the urge fought to run out to the street to greet her. Instead, she waited in the front hallway, certain she’d be able to detect Rain’s mood in a few seconds. But Rain’s eyes were distant as she came through the door and she paused, looking almost like she had forgotten why she was there. Bett couldn’t stand it another second, and she pressed herself against her lover, enfolding her in a tight embrace. As she’d feared, Rain stiffened as if she might try to pull away. But after a few seconds, her body relaxed and she let out a breath.
Bett thought she might cry when Rain murmured her name and stroked her hair. They stood there for a long moment until Bett said, “You must be hungry. Let me warm your dinner.”
“I need to cleanse myself before anything else,” Rain said, her voice sounding almost hoarse. It was unusual phrasing, and Bett also thought it odd that Rain already had the faint odor of a fire, but maybe she was only smelling the smoky blaze that she’d started.
They had just crossed into the den when Bett couldn’t stand it another minute. Eager to get everything off her chest, she declared, “I have to tell you something first. I offered Miriam Boudreaux one thousand dollars not to testify against any of us.”
Rain turned to face her. “That was your intention, but she’s now left with one hundred and forty-five dollars.” She began pulling bills out of every pocket, tossing them recklessly on the coffee table. “I might have gotten the rest, but the doctor came in.”
Bett stared at the money and then back at Rain. “What did the doctor say?” was all she could think of to ask.
“He said that if Miriam was well enough to play cards for money, then she was well enough to go home.” The corner of Rain’s mouth turned up. “He put her on a train tonight.”
Bett’s eyes went wide. “How did she take it?”
“I left before her actual departure, but as the door closed I heard her…I believe the phrase is ‘cussing a blue streak.’”
Bett giggled in spite of herself. Sometimes Rain’s straight-faced delivery could be quite amusing. But when Rain turned to go toward her bathroom, Bett saw what looked like a rag soiled with large swaths of black and a few smears of red dangling from her waistband.
“Rain, wait. There’s something hanging off—”
Sometimes she forgot how quickly Rain could move. Before she could even finish her sentence, her lover had passed her and was throwing the piece of material into the fire. It flamed almost immediately, and within a few seconds it was ashes.
“What was that?” she asked, but there was no answer. “Rain?” she asked again as Rain made her way back down the hall. When the bathroom door closed and the shower came on, she knew she wasn’t getting an answer. Obviously, they needed to talk through things. While Rain was eating her dinner might be the best time. She went to turn on the oven.