CHAPTER
4
BLAM! BLAM!
The ground continued to shake as Darkseid’s deafening voice filled the room.
“Children should not meddle in the affairs of adults!” Darkseid bellowed, his eyes glowing red as he stepped closer to the Titans.
“That voice… so deep… so scary,” Robin said nervously.
“So gravelly, yo!” agreed Beast Boy.
Darkseid’s voice became even deeper and even more ominous as he thundered, “For your insolence, you will be cast into the fires of…”
Before he could finish his sentence, Starfire flew forward with a small throat lozenge in her hand. “Excuse me, Mr. Seid,” she said politely, “but would you care for a lozenge for the scratchies of your throat?”
Darkseid peered down at Starfire and boomed, “Uh, yes, actually, I would. I have been fighting this cold for the longest time.” He reached for the lozenge, popped it into his mouth, and spent a few minutes sucking on it. He then cleared his throat and spoke again.
“Mmm, oh wow! My throat feels so much better,” he said, his voice no longer dark and booming. In fact, his voice was pleasantly sweet and lyrical. “Thank you!” he chirped.
“My pleasure,” said Starfire with a smile.
“Now, where was I?” Darkseid said sweetly. “Oh, yes. You will be cast into the fires of Apokolips, where you will burn for eternity!”
The Titans smiled back at Darkseid. Beast Boy even started to giggle.
“Um, you’re not cowering in fear,” Darkseid observed.
“Your voice isn’t threatening anymore,” Robin said.
“Oh, c’mon! I’m still terrifying,” Darkseid said in a whiny, high-pitched voice. “You should be all trembling and stuff!”
“Maybe it’ll help if you tell us your evil plans?” offered Raven.
With an evil grin, Darkseid pointed to the pods containing the Justice League members. “Can’t you see that I have the lives the Justice League literally hanging in the balance?” he said. “I press a button and boom! They’re gone!”
“You do not sound like the kind of person who would do such a thing,” Starfire said.
“Well, I’m also going to use the Anti-Life Equation to destroy Earth!” Darkseid added.
Beast Boy laughed and said, “Equations? Are you a bad guy or a math nerd, bro?”
“You know, this dude totally sounds like someone else…” Cyborg said. “Oh! I know! He sounds like Odd Bob!”
The other Titans nodded in agreement.
A look of deep respect came into Darkseid’s eyes, as he said, “Ah, yes, Odd Bob. He is the great singer of song parodies. If only I was half as evil. To earn a living by making songwriters look like fools! Diabolical!”
“I don’t know,” Cyborg said doubtfully. “I think it’s all in good fun.”
Darkseid turned to glare at him and said, “What’s fun about undercutting musicians by subverting their words and compromising their artistic integrity? Odd Bob is a true monster!”
“You take that back!” Cyborg said with a growl. “He is a national treasure!”
“A monster, I say!” declared Darkseid.
“That tears it!” Cyborg shouted. “You’re going down, Darkseid! Justice League, GO!”
Cyborg turned around to see his teammates staring at him with blank looks on their faces.
“That’s you, guys!” Cyborg said with exasperation.
“Oh, right,” said Robin.
“Sorry, bro,” said Beast Boy.
The Titans quickly scattered to different corners of the room, hoping to divide Darkseid’s attention.
With a burst of Flash-like speed, Starfire charged directly at Darkseid.
Two fiery red Omega beams shot out of Darkseid’s eyes, toppling Starfire to the ground.
Robin fired a grapnel launcher and swung through the air on a borrowed Batcable. He quickly reached into his borrowed Utility Belt to grab three exploding Batarangs and tossed them at Darkseid. The villain merely smiled as each device exploded harmlessly at his feet.
Omega beams quickly shot out of Darkseid’s eyes, severing Robin’s Batcable and sending the young hero plummeting to the floor.
CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!
Darkseid blasted three Omega shots toward Raven, who bravely held up her Amazon bracelets to deflect the dangerous rays. With a chuckle, Darkseid watched as one ray bounced off a bracelet and crashed into the floor next to Raven, knocking her to the ground.
“I’m gonna hunt me some man!” yelled Beast Boy as he charged toward Darkseid. Beast Boy leapt and wrapped his arms around Darkseid’s leg and started vigorously chewing on his ankle. Beast Boy’s razor-sharp teeth seemed to have no effect on the villain.
Darkseid looked down to glance at his opponent, smiled for a second, and then shot an Omega blast that sent Beast Boy flying across the room.
Now only Cyborg was left standing. Holding his power ring aloft, Cyborg once again created the glowing green image of the mighty grandmother. The feisty lady put her arms on her hips and prepared to face Darkseid.
ZZZZZAPPPPPP!
Darkseid obliterated the golden oldie with a set of Omega beams.
Cyborg fell to his knees in anguish.
“Nooooo! You destroyed Bea! How will we ever learn to balance cutting humor and loving friendship without her?!”
Darkseid chuckled as he moved closer to Cyborg, towering over the sobbing hero.
“You failed,” said Darkseid. “The Justice League will soon be no more. Earth will be destroyed… along with your precious Odd Bob!”
Cyborg frowned and said, “I may have failed as Green Lantern… but I won’t fail as Cyborg!”
Cyborg jumped to his feet and removed the power ring from his finger. Instantly, his Green Lantern outfit disappeared. He was once again the hero Cyborg, and he stood defiantly in front of Darkseid.
“Do you really think—” Darkseid began.
But before the villain could finish his sentence, a giant cannon, easily twice the size of the villain, emerged from within Cyborg’s mechanical body. The cannon was pointed directly at Darkseid.
“Uh-oh,” muttered Darkseid.
KA-BOOOOOOM!
The blast from the cannon thoroughly defeated Darkseid, leaving just his purple boots standing on the edge of the chasm.
“Bull’s-eye!” Cyborg said triumphantly.