| |
I dreamed of a lost girl. One who was taken from her home. Beaten and cast out for who she was—what she was. She didn't understand. All she had were the precious memories she kept from her family before she got away and ran.
She wasn’t safe. She never had been.
I woke up with my heart racing, grasping at the fact it wasn't due to another nightmare but because of the emotional turmoil I felt from the dream. Tucked in between two bodies, a glow from the half open door of the bathroom lit a small path in the dark, letting me know where I was. I rose, adjusting myself away from the bodies that held me close, and scooted down the bed, hopefully not waking either of them. I needed to walk. Get the dream out of my system.
Once off the bed, I headed to the bedroom door and opened it, peeking out. The gentle glow of the hallway light allowed me to snoop around. I didn't know where I was going or even if it was okay to explore this place, but I would do it anyway. Stepping out and leaving the door open, not wanting to chance the click of the lock waking anybody, I moved down the carpeted hallway, passing several doors along the way until I reached a set of stairs that went down. But these stairs were more like home stairs than the lodge stairs I’d become used to.
I continued down them and searched until I found the kitchen. The clock on the microwave read early morning. Sighing, I shuffled back out of the space searching for the front door. I wasn’t running away, wasn’t sure if I even could, but I was hunting for air. And outside, there was plenty.
The front door didn't seem to have an alarm, and I remembered that at one point Justin had told me there were wards or protection on the house to keep unwanted people out. I didn’t know if I was at the same uncharted location where the lodge was or if I was back in the real world, but I chanced it anyway. The need to breathe overrode my concerns.
Carefully, I unlocked the door and twisted the knob before pulling it open. A soft creaking noise echoed throughout the hushed house, causing me to flinch. I hesitated. When nothing happened, I carried on and went out into the darkness.
The moon was high above the trees that edged the front of the property. I rubbed my arms at the chill in the air, scared that someone could come and take me, but time and time again the guys had told me I was safe here. I was trusting them, hoping they were right.
Noticing a porch swing, I went to it and sat down, thinking about all the questions I needed answered. The first one would be: how in the hell do I get my powers back? Second, how to control them. Third, I thought Naylor would show up with his parents. Didn’t he want me to talk with them?
I tensed when I felt a shift in the air as a shadowy figure appeared on the far side of the porch, hands tucked into their pants pockets. “Don’t be scared,” Nox’s voice floated through the air. “I just wanted to make sure you were safe.”
I relaxed.
He calmly made his way toward me. “Can I sit beside you?” Without responding, I made room for him. The porch swing jiggled as he sat. Then, he rocked us slowly back and forth. He didn't say much; he didn't have to, but I drifted to his side and he opened his arms, accepting my weight on his body.
“I'm sorry. I just need some air.”
He sighed, his chest moving me as he did. “Yeah, I figured that. How are you doing?” He rubbed my shoulder. “You know we're just trying to keep you safe.”
“It’s crazy. You guys parade me around or tell me what to do, and I’m not making any decisions on my own. I’m just struggling to get ahold of my own life again.” Swallowing hard, I admitted, “I was making a list.”
“Hmm.” The roughness of his voice caresses my skin and causes goosebumps to form. “What kind of list?”
“To get my life back together. I can't be in limbo anymore.” I straightened until he pressed my head back on his shoulder. “Thad told me today he wanted me.”
Nox stiffened beneath me. “Yeah? And?”
“He said he couldn't have me. Is that because of the tattoo on my foot? Am I going to have other offers on the table, or do I already have someone that has taken the spot?” I challenged him. “Is there someone that shares my tattoo?” He still hadn't relaxed, but I felt him give an abrupt nod.
I took in a shuddering breath. “Will you tell me who it is?”
He shook his head. “No, only they can do that.”
“So... it's not you?”
His arms squeezed me in tight as he kissed my forehead. "Sweetheart, sometimes it's not about the mark.” He tilted my chin up, his lips resting a breath away from my own. “Sometimes, it's all about the heart.” And then his lips touched mine slowly, giving me a chance to back away. When I didn’t, his hand moved from my chin to curve around the back of my head as he gave in and let go.
Maneuvering me onto his lap, his hands rested on my hips as mine curled around his shoulders. It was like he was marking my soul with his passion. Letting me know he wasn’t going to back down. I pushed against him, feeling his hardness and earning a moan from his lips. He kissed me harder, taking what I would give him. After a while, our kisses slowed and became sweet, tender. We broke apart and my head dropped into the crook of his shoulder.
He squeezed me tight against him and rubbed my back. “Sometimes, it's about the heart. Remember that I told you this. Remember that I care.”
I fisted a hand into his hair and turned my head into his neck so my nose touched the beat of his pulse. “If it's all about the heart... does that mean that your heart is mine?”
His head sank down to whisper his admission in my ear. “Sweetheart, first time I saw you, it was gone.”
I shivered at his words, feeling like they touched the very deepest part of me. “What does that mean for us? For the one whose mark matches mine?”
With another tight squeeze he told me, “You let me worry about that.”
“Nox, you bastard.”
I jumped and scrambled out of Nox’s lap, glancing to where the voice came from. The porch light came on and Justin was standing there, fists clenched at his sides. He looked like he was bracing for a fight. Cameron and Thad stood next to him.
That's when all hell broke loose.
I didn't understand what was going on or why Justin chose to bypass me as he went for Nox. But in the early hours of morning, they met one another on the porch and duked it out. Nox didn’t even shim away but matched him fist for fist. What was going on?
Thad grabbed me, tugging me back to where he and Cameron stood. “This isn’t going to be good,” Cameron muttered as he pushed his glasses up, shooting a glance my way.
Standing between Cameron and Thad watching the struggle move off the porch, I feared for Justin and Nox and their sanity. I take that back. I worried about if they would wake up anyone in the house. Those guys were loud.
Nox let Justin hit him initially, but after that, he seemed to anticipate wherever Justin would make his next move and avoided getting hit. It made Justin angrier.
I shivered between the other two. “What the hell is going on?”
Thad didn’t pull any punches as he growled at me, “It’s your fault.”
I whirled on him and Cameron got in the middle. “Whoa-whoa, it’s not her fault. She doesn’t understand. He hasn’t told her yet.”
My focus left Thad’s hardened gaze and honed in on Cameron. “What? What don’t I understand?”
I heard flesh hitting flesh and twisted round to see Nox holding his jaw.
“Oh shit,” Thad whispered. “He’s going off the deep end. That’s the only reason he could’ve got a hit in on Nox.”
Nox looked at me quickly before he swung at Justin. My heart hurt. I moved, but a hand caught my arm. “Stop!” I yelled, not bothering to look at who had me.
A light flickered in beside them. The Gen had arrived.
His voice boomed. “Enough!”
Nox paused, breathing heavily, as did Justin.
The Gen gestured to the two of them. “I bring you into my home and this is how you act? In my front yard? It’s fuckin’ sunrise.” His voice was low and threatening. “You boys take this to the fighting ring if you want to kill each other so bad, but not here.”
No one spoke. No one shimmed, but Justin backed away from them and shot a look toward me. My chin wobbled with what I saw. The man who’d comforted me when I was scared, fed me first, protected me, he wasn’t there at the moment. All I could see was anger, and I didn’t know why.
“She’s mine.” His voice broke as he stalked toward me. “Not his, not theirs. Mine. I don’t want to share. Not this time.”
With the rising sun, I saw Nox’s eyes flair. The hand that held me drew me backward into a warm chest, and Thad’s low voice broke through the haze. “She’s not just yours.” Justin froze mid-stride. “We may not have the mark, but I know she’s mine too. You knew this was going to happen.”
Cameron decided to jump in. “Thad-”
“No, Nox is right. He saw it, and I believe him.”
“Saw what exactly?” The Gen questioned, his gaze swinging to Nox. “You’re supposed to tell us when you get glimpses, damn it.”
In a rough voice, Nox answered, “But this one, it was mine.”
Justin shook his head, hurt eyes meeting mine before they turned to the man that held me. “I need time to think.” A brief white glow shined as he shimmed away from us. Away from me.
A gasp slipped from my lips as my chest burned like a part of it had been ripped out.
Nox followed his retreat and left too. My knees went weak as the burning continued. “I am no one’s!” I yelled to anybody who would hear and jerked myself out of Thad’s grip before pushing past Cameron into the house. When they followed, I growled, “Don’t. Find your own rooms. I need space.”
Processing this right now wasn’t something I could do. “You wanted a fuckin’ harem, Tracy, you got one,” I whispered to myself as I dashed up the stairs to my borrowed room on the second floor, closing the door behind me. I pressed my back against it and drew a shaky hand through my hair. Fuck. I needed to calm down.
Not knowing where my stuff was and feeling drained, my gaze went to the bed I had been in earlier. Why didn’t I just stay in it? Rumpled sheets gave the impression of a sordid affair when all it had been was me sleeping between two guys. Innocent enough, but not.
I moved over to the bed, removing the comforter, sheets, and as many pillows as I could and lugging it all into the bathroom for yet another night of sleeping in the hug of a tub.
A knock sounded at the bedroom door.
“Go. Away.”
“Can’t do that,” came the voice of the Gen. I dropped the blankets and pillows in the tub and rushed to open the door.
Their Gen stood tall with his previously braided hair hanging loose down his back and wearing only a pair of sweatpants and a gray shirt. If I hadn’t had four other guys pining for me, I would have given this man a chance, but for now my romance card was full. Meeting his eyes, I found his concerned gaze waiting. He didn’t speak, but I could tell he was waiting for something.
Becoming uncomfortable, I shuffled my feet and tugged nervously at the hem of my pajama shirt. “What do you want?”
He still said nothing, just waited. I didn’t feel like I could shut the door in his face like I had with Thad and Cameron, so I went on and ran my mouth.
“No one asked me if I was fuckin’ alright. I was out for five days! It’s shove-me-to-the-countertop-and-kiss-the-shit-out-of-me-Thad, then don’t-move-out-of-his-embrace-Justin, kiss-and-tell-confession-Nox. Then the fuckin’ fight? I’m like, ‘Dudes. Shit. Pull yourselves together.’ I’m the one who has a right to be angry. I’m taken from my home, controlled by an evil Lydent, told I’m going to die. Then told that I’m destined to be with one guy, but I have three more fighting over me? Don’t get me wrong, I love sex, but after all that’s happened, I can’t. Fuck. All this emotional stuff... it fuckin’ hurts too much.”
An unwelcomed tear trailed down my face. A laugh escaped when I saw the Gen shift awkwardly. I gestured to him. “You’re supposed to fuckin’ hug me or some shit. I’m crying, Gen.”
Stiffly, he gathered me into his arms and gave my back a pat. It wasn’t like Justin's hugs, or Cameron’s reassurances, or even Nox’s warm stare, not even Thad's amusing growly-growl mumbles, but it was something.
“There-there.” He patted some more. “It’s not all fucked up.”
I chuckled, drawing away. His hug just wasn’t what I wanted. “No, but it might be for awhile.”
He inclined his head in agreement. “Will you at least talk to one of them?”
Weakened and depressed, I shook my head, backing up into the room. “Tell them to get their asses together before they come and see me. I have enough on my plate at the moment. I’m not even sure what I’m doing.”
He sighed and ran a hand through his long hair before releasing it and addressing me. “Go to sleep. I think I have someone who can help with that in the morning. Good night, Tracy.”
My nose scrunched up. “It’s Trace.”
His keen gaze held my own. “Then why do you call yourself Tracy in your head?”
Not even asking how he knew that, I answered, “Because my mom used my whole name when I was in deep shit. Now I’m swimming in it. Good night, Gen.”
I shut the door, locked it, and went to the bathroom to set up my sleeping arrangement. Even though morning was rising, I was exhausted. My head was filled with thoughts about what I’d learned outside, and the tension in my body needed somewhere to go.
I sunk down in my resting spot and closed my eyes, trying to escape the aching mess that happened outside.
I groaned, turning to the side of the tub and cried. Because, I knew I was broken.
Evil Eric had ruined me.
Made me scared of the one thing I wanted.
Love.