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We all shimmed outside of Warrior Camp to the guys’ apartment building, where we shoved into three older model cars the guys used from time to time and went to get ice cream. I didn't think the guys really wanted to do it, but they were just humoring Hannah and me.
Once there, Hannah chose a sorbet. I picked chocolate with peanut butter cup and fudge. I caught Nox watching me as one of the employees folded the peanut butter into the ice cream. "What?"
He just shook his head and let the other employee take his order.
Behind me Cameron leaned in and hinted, "I'd like peanut butter too."
I shivered, and my gaze darted to Justin. He was waiting at the end of the line to pay, holding his ice cream, and was in the middle of taking a bite off his spoon. He then slid the spoon out of his mouth in a sensuous way, letting the strawberry concoction peek through his lips as he savored it. That's when he noted my eyes were on him. He smirked cockily.
I shifted away as a delicate cluster of tingles filled my stomach. That was totally hot, but as quickly as the soft pleasing sensation appeared in my abdomen, it vanished when memories of an unwelcome touch filtered through my thoughts. My lips pressed as my hand clenched. I wondered how in the hell was I going to please four men when thoughts like that flew through my head. I did alright with Nox, but was that just a fluke?
Someone nudged me. I peeked up to find Nox tipping his head toward the lady holding out my ice cream. I reached for it and thanked her as I moved toward Justin, who was waiting right where my lustful thoughts left him.
I placed my cold treat on the counter and let the lady ring me up.
Justin curved a hand on my elbow, drawing be back from the counter and into a hug.
I let him.
"You okay?"
My throat cleared from the emotions that bubbled up. "Yeah, why?"
"It looked like you had an unpleasant thought."
"I did," I confessed, drawing away. "Just a slight one."
Not looking him in the eyes, I moved aside and went out to the patio where the others had settled. A crisp breeze rushed past when I shoved open the door and the noise of happy chatter greeted me.
"... I swear, Snowden. Trace did as much as I did when doing those stunts! She thinks I'm a total badass. You do, too. So, that makes me UTimes number one."
Hannah was up in bad boy’s face giving him slack. It amused me.
I grabbed an empty seat at the table where the tall one named Drex sat and asked him, "So she told you guys, huh?"
He twisted my way with a wide smile. "Oh yeah. She always gave him a hard time about being first. He thought she was a guy."
I drew back, confused, then peered over to them once again. "What do you mean Hannah always gave him a hard time? Did she know him before she moved?" Was Hannah keeping secrets from me?
Drex shook his head. "No. I thought with all your sleuthing ability you would have known."
Jeez man get to the point. "What?"
His grin curled up even more. "Snowden is M."
A snort of denial came out as Nox took a seat by my side. He gave me a funny glance. "What was that for?" he asked then pointed to my cup. "You better eat, your ice cream is melting."
I gestured to Drex. "He says Snowden is M on UTimes."
I turned to find Hannah not arguing with him anymore but nestled into the asshole's side.
"He's M," she confirmed with a smile.
My gaze narrowed on him. "You called my friend an asshole."
Hannah laughed, and the asshole's lips tilted up. "Fuck. I didn't know she was a girl."
The rest of my crew came out, and Drex got up, letting Thad take his place across from me. Cameron took my other side.
Justin came out last and stood beside me. "Quit jabbering and eat your ice cream, Trace."
I huffed, ready to dig into my treat when I realized I hadn't said 'thank you.'
I twisted around to where he stood at my back and crooked a finger at him. He bent down, and despite the nerves and uncertainty in my stomach, I grabbed a hold of his shirt and tugged his lips to mine. They were cold from his own treat and a burst of flavor met my taste buds as my tongue swept into his hot mouth. "Mm," I moaned, easing back.
Justin seemed dazed. Hoots and hollers could be heard around us, but my attention was solely on him.
"What was that for?"
"Thank you for the ice cream, " I answered and spun back around and dug into my treat, smug my attempt to stun him was successful.
"If that's how you say thank you," Cameron murmured from my side, "I want to buy you dinner."
After that comment, all my guys shifted at once to glance at their wrists.
Hannah's guys stared over to them, noticing what they were doing. "You guys getting called in?"
Cameron stood up first. "Yeah." Then he was followed by the rest.
"Is that the key thing you said you'd tell me about and never did?" Hannah questioned, peering over to Drex and Jamison. I guess it was a conversation they’d had.
Nox grabbed Cameron and Justin's cups since he was near the trash, and the rest waited for me to follow.
"Yeah, it's probably time for us to get back." Jamison spared a glance to Win and Quinn who both agreed.
Win stretched. "Since we ditched all day, we have some explaining to do."
"I think they'll be understanding," Quinn reasoned, grabbing a hold of my friend’s hand. "It's not like-" He drew up his hand while holding Hannah's and peered at his wrist. As did the others.
Hannah raised an eyebrow. "Don't tell me, you have to go in as well."
Snowden grunted, dropping his wrist.
I clapped once to get everyone's attention. "How about this? You guys leave Hannah and me at the apartment while you all go to find out what's going on. If you're not back by the time it's late, Hannah can shim home, and I can shim back to Warrior Camp. Deal?"
All the guys looked toward one another, not liking the idea one bit, but not having a better idea, they mumbled in reluctant agreement. "But," Nox added, his gaze softening. "Not at the apartment. At Warrior Camp. Just until we know it's safe."
"Agreed," the two of us answered before we shared a secret smile.
***
"So," Hannah started in as she collapsed on my bed. "Why do they think things aren't safe for you?" She stared at me hard. "Something I should know?"
I leaned against the far wall; I stared out the window where I could see warriors outside fighting against the backdrop of trees. I was deciding if I wanted her pity or not. She’d confided in me, why couldn't I do that with her? I wasn't in the wrong. I didn't let Evil Eric do those things to me. But no matter what I said, the doubts kept creeping back. We never kept secrets. I wasn't about to now. She'd understand. Tell me what I needed to hear and maybe... maybe I'd listen to her if my own self couldn't find a reason. Maybe I needed someone else to tell me it wasn't my fault.
"Trace?"
I turned her way, my chest tightening with shame, embarrassment, and hurt. "I wasn't totally honest before. I'm not fuckin' fine. My light, it was fuckin' gray, Hannah. It came from the man who planned the royal bombing. I got his light and his brother Eric, he... he fuckin' kidnapped me." Then I told her the whole story. The real one. The one in fuckin' detail. She listened, and when I got to the part where he’d controlled me, she didn't hesitate. She got up and wrapped her arms around my body, letting me bawl like the fuckin' mess I was, and it was bad, but it was also good to tell someone else.
"Holy shit, Tracy. How horrible!" She gave me a good, long squeeze, then pulled back when I was half-ass calm and held onto my shoulders. "You know it's not your fault. It was that bastard of a man. He did this to you, Trace. It wasn't your choice."
"I know, but I feel his hands sometimes, touching me. I have nightmares of him coming back and me being that powerless again. It's..."
"Scary," she said softly. "Like the world is ending, and you can't breathe."
"Fractured," I admitted. "Like a tree struck by fuckin' lighting that’s split in half, charred.”
"So, we'll bury you until you heal, and when you rise, you’ll be the beauty that comes after it—petrified wood."
Pulling away, I snorted. "You can't do that, I'm still alive."
She seemed thoughtful. "Well then, I want you to do something for me."
I gave her a curious glance, wondering what she had up her sleeve. "What's that?"
"What I want you to do tonight is find some color paper, three kinds, and pick one color for tonight."
What was she up to? "Okay?"
"Then I want you to cut them into seven squares, like the size of sticky notes, and write your name in one. In the remaining six, I want you to write things you like about your body."
My eyes went wide. "Are you trying to make me do some psychology thing?"
She shrugged. "Maybe, but I want you to do it. If not for you, then for me."
My lips twisted. I was pretty sure I knew what she was doing. "Is this what you did in your counselor session?"
Her gaze narrowed. "No, but you will do it, Trace. Tell me you will."
Closing my eyes and tipping my head back to groan, I knew I would do it. If she thought this would help me, I'd do it for her. "Damn it, yes." I blew out a breath and focused on her again. "I'll do it."
She was sporting a soft smile. "Now, is this the reason why you haven't jumped those guys who are solely focused on you? Because... you feel different about... sex now?"
I gave a half chuckle and wiped my tears away. The fuckin' buggers wouldn't stay dry. "Maybe."
"You didn't use 'fuck' in that sentence, so I don't think you're being honest. It's a 'yes' isn't it? No nitty-gritty for my Trace."
"Fine. I can't orgasm! There, you happy?"
She gave me a sad look. "No, but you're in denial. You did nothing wrong. That bastard did. I think you need to see someone."
Shaking my head, I answered her, "Nope. I'll do that thing you asked me to do, but I'm not seeing someone to do a mind fuck on me."
Her shoulders stiffened. "I'm seeing one and it's helped. I'm not saying it’s for everyone-"
I reached out to her, sorry that I’d said what I did. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. They do help people, but I think I can do this without that. You saw someone die. Two someones. You're more fucked up than I am."
She laughed, pulling me in for yet another hug. "I can always count on you to tell me like it is."
A grin tugged at my lips as I squeezed my best friend. "Blunt bitch, that's me."