I didn’t think I’d ever sleep again after my nightmare with the arachnids, but that’s all I did. Sleep. Big time. For two whole days. I only woke up to stumble into the kitchen and grab a glass of water or a bite of bread. Mom came in and raised the lid of my sleep pod and placed a hand on my forehead. Sometimes Solar poked me in the arm and I murmured a curse and told her to go away.
I had a blurry memory of the older medic coming to check on my vital signs. She hovered over me as my sleep pod lay open. Her silhouette against the bright light of the sleep pod lid reminded me of the winged alien in the crystal chamber. I couldn’t tell if it was a routine checkup, or if Mom had called her in. Everything must have been fine, because she left soon after and I drifted back into a dreamless sleep.
I awoke with my stomach cramping from hunger. I walked into the kitchen, following the smell of scrambled eggs. Dad stood in front of the stove, cooking. Actually cooking.
“Morning, sleepyhead.”
“Geez, Nova, we thought you’d sleep all day again.” Solar sat at the kitchen table with Mom. They were going over her homework.
I rubbed my eyes. “No one has to work today?”
Mom pursed her lips. “The commander passed away last night, and we have today off in honor of him. For the rest of our history on this planet, this day will be an official holiday known as Astor Barliss Day.”
I stood in the doorframe, stunned. Corvus had mentioned the commander’s sickness in the corsair on the way home. He hadn’t been kidding. Poor Andromeda. I never thought I’d feel bad for her, but after all I’d been through, now I did. My great-grandparents and my grandparents passed away before I knew them. The medics didn’t take pains to preserve everyone past age sixty-five. In a way, Andromeda was lucky to have known him.
“Come on, honey. Sit down and have some eggs.” Mom pulled out a chair.
I had second thoughts about eating eggs cooked by someone who hadn’t touched a pan in years until I saw Dad bring the plate over. The fluffy yellow mounds stirred a growl from my stomach. I plopped into my seat, noticing a purple, orchid-like flower in a vase on the table with a note. “Who’s that from?”
Dad served me a whopping portion of eggs. “Sirius came by while you were sleeping yesterday.”
“He did?” I perked up and stared at the flower as it took on new meaning. A small white note card dangled from the stem, tied by a ribbon the dark color of his eyes. I reached across the table, trying to keep my hand from shaking.
Solar sang, “K-I-S-S-I-N-G.”
I shot her a glaring look and opened the card. Paper was almost never used, except for formal occasions. I ran my hands over the hard surface and opened the note.
To the Future. Get better soon. —Sirius
His words left me wanting more. Although he’d used formal paper and brought me a flower, he didn’t sign the note with love, or say anything remotely encouraging. Maybe he knew my whole family would read the letter?
I smelled the flower, and the sweet scent of Paradise 21 brought back so many memories of our first mission scouting the jungle. Not-so-happy memories. I put the flower back in the vase before the end dripped water on my eggs.
Mom gave me a sympathetic smile. “He seemed very concerned for you when he stopped by.”
“Oh.” I stabbed a forkful of eggs and tried to change the subject. “So, what else did I miss?”
Solar sighed. “Ms. Hoodcroft started us on trigonometry. Plus, I have a paper to write on the fall of Old Earth, due by Wednesday. Constella teased me about having such a famous sister who saved the colony. Oh, and the commander destroyed the pairing system before he died, renounced all pairings that had yet to be consummated.”
Eggs flew out of my mouth. “What?”
“Yeah, Constella is a whiny pod-head. I wish she’d just explode and be done with it.”
“Solar. Enough!” Mom pounded her fist on the table. “We don’t talk bad about people in this family cell.”
As Solar scowled at Mom, I reached across the table and tugged on her pajama sleeve. “What did you say about the pairings?”
Solar stuffed a forkful of eggs into her mouth and her words were jumbled. “It was his last act before he died. The commander sent a virus into the system with his mind. Creepy, if you ask me.”
“Why would he do such a thing?” I didn’t want to look too upset, so I stuffed eggs into my mouth and chewed, not tasting them, thinking about the thousands of ramifications of this new information. I eyed the flower Sirius had given me. Dad said he’d stopped by yesterday, and the commander passed away last night, which meant Sirius wrote the message before the announcement about the nullified pairings. Bile rose in my throat.
Mom waved my question away. “Probably went crazy up there all by himself, unable to move.”
“No.” Solar swallowed and took a gulp of juice. “I heard the commander bribed the system in the first place, and that’s why Aries Ryder escaped. She wasn’t supposed to be paired with him. After she left and the space pirate Tiff was taken prisoner, the commander asked her if she’d be his new lifemate. The key word here is asked. It was the first volunteer pairing in the history of the New Dawn. If you ask me, I think the commander did it to redeem himself and to give everyone here the chance to choose for ourselves. We’re not contained on the ship anymore, so we can have all the kids we want, and the genetic strands won’t intercross like they used to.”
I sat back, impressed. Someone had been paying attention in genetics class. That was the most eloquent and insightful speech I’d ever heard Solar give. Maybe I wasn’t the only one who obsessed about the pairings, after all.
“I’m going to choose the most handsome boy in school.”
Mom shook her head. “That’s not how it works, honey. You have to decide together.” She shot a glance over at Dad. “You have to like each other, or else it will never work.”
I stuffed the rest of my eggs in my mouth and asked to leave the table. I had too much to think about. When I got back to my room, I took a shower and changed into a clean civilian microfiber dress. I smoothed my hair around my cheeks. The bitter, self-conscious girl that used to frown back at me now smiled proudly. After crawling around in the arachnids’ ventilation tunnels, and tossing and turning in my sleep pod, it was the first time in a long time I felt pretty.
Be careful what you wish for.
Way back in the ship, I’d wanted to know if Sirius would have picked me had we not been paired. Now I’d find out. In fact, I didn’t have to be with him, either, if I didn’t want to. Deep down, I couldn’t deny the pull to be with him. The question was: would he want me?
I wasn’t going to wait around, or the question would eat away at me like poison. I wouldn’t be able to focus on anything for the rest of the day. I had to know what he felt about the new arrangement.
“Have a date?” Solar asked as I walked through the kitchen to the portal. Mom and Dad weren’t there, and I hoped they were somewhere together.
“No, I’m just going for a walk.”
“Right.” Solar seemed about as convinced as I was that she was actually doing her homework and not making more smiley faces with her orange peels. She grinned, looking like one of her artistic table creations. “Have fun.”
I slipped out of the portal and headed for Sirius’ family cell. Twice I almost turned around. The mood in the corridors was somber, and many colonists wore dark mourning colors for the commander. I felt foolish all dressed up. Here I was thinking about myself when the one man who gave his life for us lay dead. I promised to pay my respects later in the day.
I buzzed Sirius’ family cell, and his dad’s regal face came on the screen. Besides the gray stripes in his hair over his ears, he looked so much like his son, I stared at Sirius’ future.
“Nova. It’s great to see you. Hold on a sec, and I’ll get Sirius.”
I gave him a polite smile. “Thank you, sir.”
I wrapped a lock of hair around my finger and twirled until my fingertip turned red. Suddenly, visiting Sirius seemed like the worst idea in all the universe. What am I doing here?
Getting answers. That was what. Besides, I hadn’t seen him since our mission, and I wanted to see his face and hear his voice again. He was the only person, besides my family, I’d grown close to. He knew so much about me. I straightened my back and pulled my shoulders up, back, and down like the lieutenants trained us.
The panel dissolved and Sirius stood in the portal with a look of surprise on his face. “Nova, you’re awake.” He wore a white civilian microfiber shirt with the top button undone and loose pants low on his hips. His lean muscles curved perfectly under the top button. I was relieved he wasn’t wearing black like the other mourners.
The air seemed different between us: thicker, with more friction.
I felt closer to him on that awful alien ship. I tried to keep calm. “Yeah, I slept forever, huh?”
He stepped toward me and placed both hands on my shoulders. “How are you feeling?”
Nauseous. I wasn’t going to tell him that. “Fine. Good, actually. I ate some eggs this morning.”
A smile cracked. “That’s good. I came by yesterday to check on you.”
“Yeah, I know. I got your message.”
“Oh.” He seemed cautious, embarrassed. I wished I could read his mind.
Corvus had suggested not pushing him. Maybe visiting his family cell and asking flat out if he still wanted to be lifemates was too confrontational.
That’s if you want to wait for him, Corvus had said.
You know what? I did want to wait. I liked Sirius enough to give him his space. He accepted my acid tongue, so why not accept his mercurial nature?
“Well, I was just passing by and thought I’d say thanks for the flower and the note. I have to get going.” As much as it tore me apart, I turned around and started to walk down the hall. Way back in the biodome on our first “date”, I’d left him, wanting him to come after me. Now, here we were again; me walking away and him standing in silence, watching me leave.
I took two steps before I heard, “Nova, wait!”
Success! I turned around, trying not to look too overjoyed. “Yeah?”
“Can we go for a walk? I mean, if you’re too busy right now, we can go later.” He ran his hand through his wavy hair, looking so cute I almost melted.
“No, I think I can fit it in.” My voice squeaked.
“Great. Just gotta get something.” He disappeared into his family cell.
I stood like an awkward desert cow in the hallway, people shuffling around me.
A few minutes later, Sirius stepped out of the portal and pressed the panel. The door materialized behind him. “I know the perfect place.”
I hoped he wouldn’t take me back to the biodome.
Sirius slid his hand into mine and led me to the elevator. The portal dematerialized and we stepped in. He pressed the panel and we rushed upward. I breathed in relief. Definitely not the biodome.
“Where are we going?”
He winked and the old Sirius returned in a heartbeat. “You’ll see.”
I squeezed his hand and tried to enjoy the rush of adrenaline and the feeling of not knowing what was coming next. My stomach fluttered with anxiety, and I leaned against him. His strong arm rubbed against mine. The portal parted on the highest floor, a maintenance deck used for hull repairs. Sirius brought out his dad’s ID card and inserted the plastic strip into the access panel.
The portal dematerialized to a deck I’d never been before. A metal walkway hung suspended underneath curved-shaped rafters. The same dizzying vertigo I’d had over the crevice in the alien craft came back, and I clutched the railing.
“Don’t worry.” He pried my fingers off. “There’s a safety net below.”
We walked down the ramp and I marveled at the construction of the ship. Hundreds of years ago, humans on Old Earth had soldered these supports into the metal, hoping to make a break for a new future, and here we stood underneath their hard work, enjoying our new planet. If only I could go back through time and tell them they’d succeeded. If it were me, I’d want to know.
We walked along the metal grating and I tried not to look through the rafters below, where ventilation ducts intercrossed and multicolored wires ran in clumps. Sirius climbed a ladder on the far side of the ship and inserted the ID card into a panel in the ceiling. A hatch opened, and violet sunlight trickled down. Sirius gazed at me. “You’ll want to see this.”
I climbed the ladder into the brilliant morning and crested the hull, breathless. Sirius helped me up, and we stood atop the ship, with the rippling ocean of Paradise 21 spreading out around us and the jungle looming on the far shore. Wind whipped through me, and my hair fanned behind me in a cape. I spun around with my arms stretched to the sky, exhilaration charging my veins.
Sirius laughed as I caught myself in mid-spin. I bent down and touched the metal, thinking of how it used to separate us and the black void of deep space. “This is wonderful.”
“I know. That’s why I saved it for us.” My eyes darted to his. Us. So many implications rested in that one tiny word.
Sirius offered his hand. I slipped my fingers into his and he pulled me up against him. My hand rested on his chest. He touched my cheek gently. “I know you’ve probably heard about the lifemate pairing by now.”
I swallowed hard and nodded, afraid if I said something it would spoil the moment and I’d wake up from this marvelous dream.
Sirius gazed into my eyes as the ocean roared around us. “I’m hoping, even though you don’t have to, that you’ll stay with me.” He leaned in and his hand cupped the back of my neck. Our foreheads touched. “I feel like a leaf on the water, always moving with the tide, trying to find the right place to land but never coming close to shore. You bring me back when my mind races, when I’m not sure which direction to go.” He licked his lips. “I want to be with you, Nova. You’re my shore.”
I breathed deeply. My heart thumped a kilo a minute. “I want to be with you, too.” My voice shook with anticipation. No sarcastic edge this time. He brought out the truth in me.
Sirius leaned in farther and pressed his lips against mine. A primal urge surged through me and I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair, wanting more. So silky, so beautiful. He was mine. Not because some computer said so, because he chose to be with me. I closed my eyes and lost myself in the kiss and the world blurred away.