The drive to his brother’s house gave Garrett a chance to think about the investigation, which seemed to be stalled. It wasn’t Kai. It wasn’t Grace. Nor was it even her soon-to-be ex-husband and his wealthy Wolfpack cronies in Midland-Odessa. Only thing that was certain was that the explosions were not accidents, as referenced by the first act of sabotage down in the Permian. Apparently, the missing lynchpin was narrowed down to some foreigner who’d fled the scene.
Baxter’s story about the other explosion in Reeves County had sparked Smitty’s recounting of his run-in with Frenchy out at the encampment. A quick call from Kai to his friends revealed that Simon Cloutier had left camp in his Jeep earlier and hadn’t been seen or heard from since. In a group of nomads that was hardly a crime, but it was certainly unusual and worth a follow-up.
It was especially interesting that the leadership of Cosmic Order had given Frenchy a ringing endorsement. According to Kai, their home office in Switzerland had given instructions to allow Cloutier some breathing room to come and go as he pleased. Which seemed a bit odd.
As Garrett turned off the highway and onto the county road leading up to Bridger’s ranch, he reached over to the passenger side and nudged Kai awake. “Almost there, man.”
Kai sat up stiffly and yawned. “How long was I out?”
“Half hour or so.” Garrett chuckled. “You were sawing logs the second your eyes closed.”
Kai smirked. “Funny thing is that I haven’t slept that good in years.”
Garrett turned fully to see if he was joking. “You serious?”
“Nighttime is the worst for me. Too quiet. Too much time to think.”
It wasn’t the first time Garrett had heard that from other veterans. Tony Sanchez had taken to the bottle for that very reason. “If you ever want to talk, you know I’ll understand.”
“What’s there to say?”
Garrett shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe a lot.”
Kai asked in a way that seemed genuinely curious, “Like what?”
The last thing Garrett wanted to do was rehash what happened in the Panjshir Valley, but there was a part of him that knew he had to. “Look, for a long time, I held you responsible for what happened over there. For the men who died. You know that, right?”
Garrett half-expected Kai to recoil in dispute and launch an argument. But he didn’t do any of that. He just gave a solemn nod.
“But I didn’t just blame you,” Garrett continued. “I blamed the squids hanging around Camp Lion, intel weenies at Bagram, and the damn brass sitting on their hands at Bragg. Hell, I even blamed God. Shook my fist at Heaven until my arm got tired and then pointed back at myself.”
Kai turned to Garrett looking shocked. “Why? You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Yeah, I know that now. And neither did the SEALS, MI, or leadership. And certainly not you. What happened, happened. And no amount of blame will bring anyone back.”
Kai looked reluctant to accept Garrett’s words. He turned forward, stared straight ahead, and got quiet. Only the howl of the wind and tick of icy snowflakes pecking at the roof filled the air.
Garrett went on. “The guys on that mountain don’t get a second chance but we do. And I plan to do something with it. Ride away from the past and keep on going.”
Kai looked as though he was contemplating those words hard. “You’re talking about your boy, right?” He slowly turned back. “Asadi is your do-over.”
“He’s a big part of it,” Garrett conceded. “But I’ve got a girl I plan to marry, and that’s a big part of it too. We’ve got a lot to live for, you and me, and there isn’t a friend of ours who’d want us to squander what we have. They’d want us to live life to the fullest. Every single moment.”
“Yeah, I left a lot unsaid with my family.” Kai looked a little more hopeful. “Wouldn’t mind going back to California and setting things right. Won’t be easy, but I’d like to try.”
“The key is to find common ground,” Garrett explained. “For me and my dad, it was saving the ranch. That it was our center of gravity. Something to fight for. To die for, if necessary.”
“You’re willing to die for a piece of land?” Kai smirked. “Always knew you were nuts.”
“Probably am,” Garrett agreed. “Hard to explain but it was like bringing a dying person back to life. And the land, the cattle, and those horses helped Asadi to heal in ways I never could.”
“I get it, I guess.” Kai smiled. “But I still think you’re crazy.”
“I’m sure a psychiatrist would have a field day. But the ranch is a tie to my past. Where my Comanche ancestors roamed. Hell, my own mother is buried on the place. It’s like a time machine for me. I can go back into the past and be with her again. Or I can look out and see the future. Imagine my grandkids riding those same trails that Bridger and I used to ride.”
“Worse goals in the world than saving the land you love. But the oil and gas stuff I don’t understand. Just doesn’t seem to fit you. Your vision for the future.”
Garrett gave a nod. “Yeah, well, there’s a story to that too. Less romantic. To keep the ranch afloat, I had to go into the hole. And after wildfire hit the place, I ended up near bankrupt. I made a deal with Vicky Kaiser to partner up on an energy venture and she paid off my debt.”
“So, that’s how you ended up working with her?” Kai’s face seemed to register an understanding. “Given what our bosses told us about her and Mescalero, the partnership between you two seemed a bit odd. Especially knowing your values. But now it all makes sense.”
“It was a deal with the devil,” Garrett conceded. “But I lived to fight another day.”
“If it was that or nothing, I get it. Did what you had to do to save the place.”
“Yeah . . . but if I’m being truthful, there was more to it than that. My pride got the better of me. I was tired of scraping by. Wanted to prove I could hack it in business with the big boys. Prove I wasn’t just some washed-up old gunslinger who had nothing else to do after the war.”
Kai turned to Garrett, looking a bit curious. “Prove it to who?”
“Don’t really know. My family. My girlfriend. Maybe even myself. But it doesn’t feel like me.” He turned to Kai and laughed. “Hell, I don’t sleep much either. Usually up all night, just wondering what I’m going to do next. This oil and gas business has been a blessing and a curse.”
Kai didn’t respond but looked like he understood. After a few seconds, he added. “It was my fault, you know.”
Dwelling on his own confession, that he’d mentioned to no one other than the man sitting in the passenger seat, Garrett was caught off guard by the comment. “What was your fault?”
“Panjshir Valley.” Kai wore a blank expression. “I made the wrong call.”
“A lot of bad calls were made that day,” Garrett assured. “Wasn’t just you.”
“None as bad as my own. Platoon leader wanted to take the route over the ridge you gave us. But I wanted to go around. I thought we could make better time skirting the mountain than going straight up. And it led right into an ambush that took us out of the fight.”
Garrett didn’t want to push the issue given Kai’s admission. But as long they were heading down this awful memory lane, then they might as well go all the way. “There was another QRF that could’ve come though, Kai. But they said you shut it down. Why? Why would you do that?”
“Battle of Mogadishu. Takur Ghar.” Kai shook his head. “I could go on and on with tragedies like that. To be honest, I thought you all were doomed. And I thought we were too. Just didn’t want to be the guy who made one horrible situation a whole lot worse.”
Garrett was tempted to keep pressing. He had a lot more questions than that. But what was the point? The Rangers had seen their share of battles gone wrong. And the Black Hawk Down incident in Mogadishu was one not easily forgotten. Kai’s call in the Panjshir Valley was a bad one. But it was an honest one. It was a decision that had crushed more souls than actual death.
Garrett sighed with his concession. “Well, nobody’s got a crystal ball. I’ve made my own bad choices. Can’t fault you for doing what you thought was right at the time.”
“Against the advice of others.” Kai stared out the window into the darkness. “Thought I knew better. Simple as that.”
Although it was Kai who was making the admission, Garrett felt as if the burden was lifted from him. “Don’t hold on to it anymore. If I can let it go, then so can you.”
“Not sure I know how to do that.” Kai turned back. “You found your new path. But I’m still looking for mine.”
“Not sure what that path is either.” Garrett smiled. “But I’m willing to help you find it.”
With a solid nod from Kai in return, Garrett decided he’d better change the subject, lest the conversation turn into a weepy full-on confessional. Fortunately, they had just arrived at his brother’s ranch. As they rumbled over the cattleguard, he pointed out ahead.
“This is Bridger’s house. Know I told you about him a time or two.”
Kai looked up as if digging back into the past. “Successful attorney brother who could do no wrong. Am I remembering it right?”
As it turns out, Bridger could do wrong. In fact, only three years before he had unwittingly gotten involved in a money-laundering scheme with Preston Kaiser and a drug cartel. But Garrett wouldn’t muddy the waters. For now, they’d use his brother’s analytical lawyer mind to help piece together whatever conspiracy the Order might be involved in with Simon Cloutier.