CHAPTER II - HAGALAZ

 

 

 

After my morning lectures, I travelled to the museum to meet Angel. I liked that he was part of my routine now, and it felt like today would be another great day spent sitting on the bench by the museum and chatting. But when Angel arrived, he seemed lost in his thoughts, though as soon as his piercing, ice-blue eyes met mine, I forgot about his distractedness. He greeted me brightly and asked me if I fancied a change of scenery for once. I asked him what he meant, and he explained that he would like to spend some time in nature, since it was such a lovely day. He suggested that we go for a walk in Richmond Park, and I gladly agreed, happy to follow his lead.

We rode on the bus for just over an hour, chatting animatedly all the way, though I noticed, yet again, that Angel looked tense. Something was clearly troubling him; usually, he looked into my eyes when he spoke to me, but today, he seemed distant. Perhaps something had happened at home? He had never been especially forthcoming about his personal life, so I simply assumed that whatever had upset him must be something he did not want to talk about.

Once we arrived, Angel asked me if I was happy to walk around the wooded area of Richmond Park. It was thoughtful of him to ask for my permission every time he suggested something, but I did not understand why he always treated me with such care; there was no need. As per usual, I agreed with his suggestion, and we headed into the woods, walking until our surroundings felt nothing like London at all. The trees were densely packed, the light was dim, and there was no one else around. I looked at Angel to find him staring at the ground with empty eyes, grinding his teeth so much that his jaw never stopped moving.

“What’s wrong with you today?” I asked, positioning myself opposite him. Angel looked up and stopped walking.

“I don’t know what you mean,” he answered in a low voice, avoiding my gaze.

“Angel, please, don’t lie to me. I can tell that something is off with you today. What is it? It’s okay, you can talk to me.”

Angel did not answer immediately, fixing his gaze firmly back on the ground. Then, taking a deep breath, he looked up again, opening his mouth as if to speak. But he did not say anything. Instead, he looked behind me and stopped moving. I frowned, confused by his behaviour, and turned around to see what had captured his attention. A young fawn stood in our path, gazing curiously at us, its tiny head cocked to the side. The little creature was so beautiful that I promptly forgot my anger towards Angel. It was hard to stay upset when staring at something so sweet and innocent.

I moved towards it slowly, trying not to scare it, but a few seconds later, a doe, clearly the fawn’s mother, arrived. She did not seem happy to see a human standing so close to her baby, so I quickly stepped backwards, fearing that she might decide to attack us. The doe’s eyes grew fiercer as I moved away, and she began to kick her hind legs into the soil, a sign that she was about to charge.

As the deer began to run towards us, Angel appeared in front of me, and let out a guttural shout. The deer instantly stopped moving, its once strong legs trembling in fear. I looked at Angel, but he was standing between me and the deer, so I could not see his face. The deer was still looking at him, and I could see terror in the creature’s eyes as it lay on the ground, still trembling. I was shocked; I could not bear to see an animal suffer like that.

“Angel? What are you doing? Enough!” I shouted, pulling him closer to me.

Feeling my arms around him, he closed his eyes, and the doe immediately leapt to its feet and sprinted off into the forest with its baby by its side.

I had no idea what had just happened. What had Angel done to the deer to make it stop moving? I looked at him, frowning. He looked at me too, his face a mask of confusion. After a moment of tense silence, I snapped, breaking our eye contact and walking back towards the park entrance. I needed to leave this place. I had put my trust in this man from the day I first met him, but this was the first time I had doubted that trust; the first time I had considered that, maybe, he was not the man I thought he was. He looked dangerous to me now, and it angered me more than it scared me. Was I not allowed to have friends? Was a normal life too much to ask for?

Angel ran after me and grabbed my arm, begging me to stay.

“No! I won’t stay here with you. What just happened? How did you do that?” I shouted, looking at him with anger.

He did not answer, staring at me with confusion. This behaviour was so unlike him… perhaps this was who he truly was? I hated myself for thinking that I had finally met someone great, and I hated myself even more for feeling so deeply for a man I barely knew.

I pulled my arm away from his hand and walked briskly in the opposite direction, but Angel ran in front of me, gripping my shoulders to prevent me from walking any further.

“Why did you bring me here?” I spat.

“Fada, please calm down,” he stammered gently.

“Leave me alone, nobody tells me what I can or cannot do.”

“I’m sorry, but I have to.”

I opened my eyes wide in shock. His words froze me, and I was suddenly afraid.

“What do you mean, Angel?”

“Fada, you have to know who you really are. The time has come,” Angel murmured.

“What are you talking about?” I was trying to keep calm, but I could hear the tremors in my voice.

He did not answer; he simply held out his hand. Seconds later, a shimmering, orange-sized sphere appeared, which swiftly grew to the size of a doorway. It looked like a mirror made of water, but as I gazed upon it, I noticed that the shining doorway depicted a completely different landscape. My eyes grew wide with awe; what was happening? Was this a dream? Befuddled, I grasped Angel’s hand firmly and closed my eyes, waiting to see what would happen next.

 

I could barely believe that the whole episode in the forest had only just occurred; it had been such a confusing, complicated morning, yet now, here I was, walking through an unknown land towards the residence of a woman named Maheliah. Everything that had happened since entering the woods that morning seemed like something out of a folktale. I was still wondering why I had followed Angel through the portal. Part of me had been terrified by the impossible, shimmering doorway before me, but another part had been intrigued by it, and it was that curiosity that had compelled me to follow Angel blindly through the strange portal.

Sick of my own thoughts and confusion, I decided to quiz Angel some more.

“Angel, why was that deer so afraid of you? It looked like she had been paralysed or something.”

There was a moment of silence, broken only by the sound of our footsteps in the snow. Angel sighed.

“When I’m angry or stressed, the adrenaline coursing through my veins stimulates my optic nerve, causing my eyes to emit a sort of electric charge. As a result, people or animals within my immediate vicinity experience the sensation of being electrocuted. But this only happens when I am extremely on edge, or when something important to me is at risk.”

I stood there, gaping at him for a moment, before plucking up the courage to ask, “How did you get this… power?”

“Netis taught me, so that I could protect you if needed. It is an ancestral technique from another kingdom, so I’m not sure how, or when, Netis mastered it.”

Angel’s voice was calm throughout the whole explanation, seemingly unfazed by the absurdity of the topic we were discussing. The fact that he had this kind of power was incomprehensible, but then… he had said so many incomprehensible things today that I could only assume that I must be dreaming.

“What triggered your anger, Angel? What were you stressed about?”

Angel did not answer.

“Were you angry that I was asking you too many questions? Were you afraid that I would discover your… our secret too soon?” I asked.

“No, Fada, that’s not it. Don’t think about it anymore.”

Shrugging, I decided to move on to something else, asking if we were still far away from Maheliah’s. Angel informed me that we would be there soon, and the silence resumed. I was sick of it. I did not want to stay like this, walking without speaking. I had too many questions. Besides, if this world was real, if Angel was truly from this strange land, it meant that he had been lying to me this whole time. I had the right to know why.

“Why did you lie to me, Angel? Why didn’t you tell me about all this when we first met?” I murmured, tears threatening to spill from my eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Fada. I never wanted to hurt you. I wish I could have told you the truth from the beginning. But be honest with me, would you have spoken to me again if I had said that I was from another world and had come to take you home to your kingdom?”

He had a point. I would have assumed that he was a lunatic and would have run for the hills; I would probably have avoided the museum too for a while, just in case I bumped into him again.

“Pretending that you were writing an article was a good way to get close to me…”

“I wasn’t sure it would work, but I knew that you visited the museum almost every day, and when I watched you, you always studied the exhibits so carefully, reading everything. You seemed so interested… so passionate.”

“Wait, you spied on me? For how long?”

Angel bent his head in shame.

“About five years. But ever since your birth there have been spies watching you. Netis always ensured that his men were close by at all times, to protect you if necessary.”

“To protect me? Why?”

“Netis wants you alive; he wants to train you, so that you can help him bring peace to the kingdom. He made sure that you stayed alive and healthy, because he knew that he would one day find a way to bring you to Hagalaz. There have always been people watching you.”

I was astounded. He could not be speaking the truth… it was impossible. I had been spied on since my birth? People from another world had been watching me all my life? It was ridiculous, it had to be a lie. Or a dream… yes, this was a bad dream. I just needed to wake up.

“If what you say is true, how did they spy on me for so long without me noticing? Without my family noticing? And why? Why not just kidnap me when I was a baby? Why wait till now?”

Angel placed a finger over my lips, his eyes pleading.

“Slow down, Fada. Please. I don’t know exactly how the other spies alluded your notice. I assume they were well trained, like I was. And Netis did try to kidnap you when you were a baby, but a force stopped him; it was as if a magnetic field was protecting you. Then, when you were a child, too many humans knew you. If you had vanished without explanation, it would have alarmed those around you. They would have tried to find you and could have discovered us. We couldn’t take that risk, so Netis decided to wait for you to become an adult, so that your disappearance would look less suspicious. He told me to make sure I was seen with you by several people who know you, so that they would assume you had left to live with me in another country.”

My heart was thumping fast. Netis had planned everything from the beginning. I should have been angry with Angel for lying to me; for spying on me for so many years, but instead, I felt sorry for him. He had been a pawn in Netis’ game, and now, he was willing to risk everything, risk the wrath of his master, so that I could learn the truth. Angel was not to blame. It was Netis who deserved my anger and my hatred. He had forced others to do his dirty work for years, and if Angel’s apparent fear of him was anything to go by, he was a cruel, heartless, despicable creature. Part of me wanted to meet him, so that I could give him a piece of my mind. But Angel was right; there was no knowing what he might do to me. I was better off knowing the truth before I confronted him.

 

We continued to walk, both lost in our thoughts, until we reached an enormous mountain, surrounded and covered by snow.

“This is Maheliah’s palace,” Angel explained, as I stood there in awe, my mouth hanging open.

The mountain was not particularly wide, but it was tall. Just in front of me, I could see what looked to be the main entrance, or perhaps the only entrance. Two vast, white columns, set into colourful, gem-studded granite, stood on either side of a large, iron gate. Two women were stationed beside the gateway, dressed in long, black garments, the fabric billowing in the gentle wind. Each of them held a long, fearsome looking spear, and as we drew closer, I could see that they were both tall and strong.

Angel grabbed my arm, stopping me from walking any further.

“Fada, wait. I can’t go any closer. This is Maheliah’s part of the kingdom; no one associated with Netis is allowed here.”

“I can’t go there alone, Angel. Those guards look terrifying!”

“Don’t worry, they won’t hurt you. All you need to do is tell them your name; they will know who you are.”

I looked at him desperately, but he just smiled and squeezed my hand reassuringly.

“I know it’s hard, especially after everything that has happened today, but you need to trust me, Fada.”

I gazed up at him. There was only kindness in his deep blue eyes. I was certain that he cared for me, and despite everything that had happened, I trusted him still.

“When I have my answers, how will I find you?” I asked.

“I will find you, don’t worry. Now, go and speak to Maheliah. She will give you all the answers you need.”

I glanced up at him again as he released my hand, slowly turning me back to face the palace. Gently, he pushed me forward, and I hesitantly began to make my way towards the imposing gateway. I had never been so scared in my life. I was in the middle of an unknown world, all by myself, walking towards a place I knew nothing of, to speak to a woman I had never met before. It was a lot to come to terms with, and I wondered how I was still standing. But Angel had promised me that he would find me, and he had sacrificed enough to lead me here; I could not run from this now. I had to know the truth, and why, of all the girls Earth had to offer, Netis had chosen me.

When I arrived in front of the two women guarding the palace, I was rendered speechless. The two of them were identical; somehow both elegant and formidable, with hard features. But it was their eyes that had drawn my attention. Like Angel’s, they glittered like crystals, but instead of aquamarines, the twins eye sockets held amethysts, shimmering with so many shades of purple that it took me a moment to drag my own eyes away from their gaze. As I shook my head, gathering my thoughts, they looked at each other, then at me.

“Hello, I’m Fada,” I murmured, feeling ridiculous. How could they possibly know who I was?

They looked at each other once again, smiling, then bent their heads in reverence.

“Princess,” they uttered simultaneously, their voices deeper and more accented that I had expected.

Looking up, they forced their spears into the ground, opening the gates to the palace. I stared again, stunned, and more than a little confused by how they had addressed me. What did they mean, ‘princess’? The two women smiled again, ushering me inside, and though my entire body was trembling, I obeyed.

Inside, everything was magnificent. The main hall was carved from white marble, and stalagmites lined the walls, drawing a path which led to a grandiose staircase. At the top of the staircase was a raised platform, lined with great spears of ice that soared up to the ceiling, and ornamented with large, white feathers and hundreds of coloured gemstones. As I marvelled over this magnificence, my gaze fell onto the striking silver throne, positioned atop the raised platform, and the woman who sat upon it.

The woman’s elegance and confident gaze suggested that she was certainly older than me, though she was probably no older than thirty-five. She wore a white, flowing gown, the bodice of which was decorated with delicate silver ribbons, and dozens of silver bracelets encircled her wrists. Most of her wavy, bronze-tinted hair was gathered on top of her head, except for the few loose curls that hung around her face and her neck, bouncing around her long, silver yarn earrings. She was probably the most enchanting woman I had ever met, and I wondered how someone could possess such elegance and grace.

Her emerald eyes stared questioningly at me, her face an ever-changing canvas of confusion, disbelief, desperation and delight.

“Maheliah?” I asked shyly, hoping that this queenly figure was the person I was looking for.

The woman leapt to her feet.

“It’s impossible… are you…?” she asked in a melodic voice.

“Fada,” I answered.

She walked towards me slowly.

“Fada? Is it really you?” she asked again, gently cupping my cheek with her hand.

“I mean, I guess so? Fada is my name… why does everybody know me here? What is this place?”

She took my hand and began to lead me towards her throne, but I pulled away, suddenly frightened. The woman turned to face me again.

“Fada, I never imagined that you would come to me one day—”

“I don’t understand, how do you all know me? How do you even speak English? Can someone please explain to me what is going on here?”

“It’s okay, Fada, I’ll tell you everything. But before I do, tell me how you got here.”

“Angel brought me here. He said that he had to take me to Netis because it was his duty, but he decided not to. He said that I would be in danger if he took me there, so he showed me the way to you instead and told me that you would answer my questions.”

Maheliah smiled.

“Angel? I don’t know this man. But no matter. What he told you was the truth, Fada.”

“But I don’t get it. Who is Netis? What does he want from me? What is this place? Why does everybody seem to know me when I’ve never been here before? And how did I get here? One minute we were in Richmond Park, the next, Angel created some kind of portal and we found ourselves here. I’m so lost…”

My voice broke. I had tried for so long to control my emotions, but I was overcome with fear and confusion. I just wanted to go home to London, back to my normal life, and forget about this whole strange day forever.

Maheliah took my hand again and squeezed my palm reassuringly.

“Let me explain. First, you have to know that this man, Angel, took a great risk bringing you to me. If, as you say, he is in Netis’ service, then he has just betrayed him.”

I tried to concentrate on what Maheliah was saying. I wanted to remember every word.

“Fada, I’ve been waiting for you for twenty years, and so has Netis. We both tried to bring you here, but he seems to have done a better job. Though I’m sure he never intended for his servant to fall in love with you.”

My face flushed. Hearing that Angel could be in love with me warmed my heart.

“Thanks to Angel, you are by my side at last, and for that, I am grateful. But before I explain to you what your future role is here, I have to tell you the past… your past.”

Maheliah looked at me questioningly, as though asking me whether I was happy for her to continue. I nodded solemnly.

“Twenty-one years ago, Netis and I were on good terms; we were raised together, as siblings. We had always been close, and when another war against the kingdom of Othalaz started, our bond only grew stronger. There have been many wars between our kingdom and Othalaz over the years, for they envy our treasures and our wealth. You see, Hagalaz is the only place in our world where you can find Anam stones; when Hagal people die, their eyes mineralise, forming beautiful, coloured crystals, which we call Anam stones. Such gems fetch a high price when traded, so over the years, the Hagal people have gained great wealth from them. The people of Othalaz have always been jealous of this wealth and have tried to acquire some of it for themselves on many occasions, even resorting to killing our people and storing their corpses.

Luckily, during this particular war, we had Netis in our arsenal. At the time, he was the bravest and strongest warrior in the kingdom, and thanks to him, we won many battles. Women and men fought together, led by Akaoh, the king who raised Netis and I. During the war, his wife, the queen, died on the battlefield, and I became Queen of Hagalaz. Upon his wife’s death, Akaoh decided to become High King, leaving the throne to Netis so that he could rule by my side as king during this difficult time.

Akaoh trained Netis to become strong and pitiless, and as a result, he never stopped fighting for our kingdom. But the battles became bloodier and bloodier, and little by little, our side weakened, and Othalaz grew stronger. We lost too many warriors, and though we trained more as quickly as we could, eventually, there were too few of us to face up to the countless numbers of Othal warriors. Sadly, there were no opportunities for us to create more Hagal people—”

“What do you mean? How do you create other people?” I interrupted, fascinated.

“Oh, yes, sorry, let me explain. You see, the men and women of Hagalaz are infertile. I can’t tell you all the details of it now, it would take too long, but it is said that Hagalaz was cursed thousands of years ago, and for that reason, we cannot conceive. Back in the day, everybody thought that our people would be doomed, and that the Hagal people would soon be extinct. But one day, some of our more curiously minded discovered something. They found that each of us would occasionally hear a voice echoing in our minds; a tiny voice, calling out to us. After following these voices, they discovered that the voices were coming from within the bodies of human embryos, on Earth.

From then on, every Hagal who heard such a voice resonating in their mind would request for a portal to be opened, like the one Angel used to bring you here, and they would go down to Earth, following the call until they found the woman who was pregnant with their embryo. After the child was born, they would take the child, and bring it back to Hagalaz. After a while, the Hagal people realised that only women heard female souls, and only men heard male souls. From that day forward, our people decided that women should be raised by women, and men by men. That is how we conceive in Hagalaz. It has been this way for generations, and it will remain like this until the curse is broken. Do you understand, Fada?”

I nodded. I was unable to speak, too shocked by what she had just said. I began to feel afraid; could it be that I was one of those babies? Was I a Hagal woman? It made sense, based on what Maheliah had said about the Hagal people being infertile. I had never had my period, and it had always concerned me – on Earth, I knew that most women experienced menstruation at some point in their lives, even if they were infertile – but I had never spoken about it to anybody because I had been too afraid to say anything. I had always lived with my dad and my brother, and I had never felt like I could talk about it with them. But now, I had an explanation.

“As I was saying, we were fighting, losing many warriors, and we could not train more people. Then, one day, I heard a strange sound in my head. At first, I didn’t understand what it was, but eventually, I realised that a soul was calling for me: I had to go to Earth and find the baby. Wartime was not an ideal time to have a child, especially for me, as the Queen of Hagalaz. I had to fight and lead my people; fighting and raising a baby at the same time was not the idea of motherhood I had in mind. I did not know what to do, but this call resounded in my head so strongly that I struggled to walk.

I went straight to Netis and told him of the call, and he told me that the exact same thing had happened to him. A soul had called to us at the same time. Netis was absolutely bewitched by the soul’s call, and from that day forward, he stopped fighting, focusing entirely on the call. It haunted him, and he was desperate to find the soul.

A week later, Akaoh signed a peace treaty with the High King of Othalaz, and though it seemed strange that he would not tell us what this treaty was about, I was just happy that there was peace again, and that we would be able to raise our prince and princess properly. That day, Netis and I travelled to Earth, in search of our embryos. But when we reached the source, we discovered that the same soul was calling us both. We had both been drawn to the same woman, and she seemed to be pregnant with only one baby. Nothing like that had ever happened before; we did not understand what was going on.

We swiftly journeyed back to Hagalaz and proceeded to argue almost every day over who would keep the baby. Netis was obsessed with keeping the child; he insisted that this soul was different, that it was stronger than the other souls and should be trained to be a great warrior. Though I disagreed with his intentions for the child, he was certainly right about the power the soul seemed to possess; the force with which it called to us was immeasurable.

For nine months, the soul continued to call to us, and the bigger the baby grew, the stronger the sound became. After a few months, the call became so strong that I had no choice but to rest in bed until the baby’s birth. Netis, on the other hand, did not seem to suffer; he behaved as though the soul had stopped calling to him, yet he affirmed that the voice was still present, and suggested that I was only adversely affected because I was weak.

After nine painful months, the baby was born; the woman who gave birth to her sadly died in the process. I suppose I don’t need to tell you what the name of the baby girl was…”

I was staring at Maheliah, astounded. This was not my story. There was no way. She had the wrong person. I could not be the soul that had tortured her for so long.

“When you were born, both Netis and I ventured to Earth to visit you. I was delighted that you were a girl, so that I could keep you and raise you as my own, but when I told Netis that I would take you, he wouldn’t listen to me, arguing that you needed to be educated by someone who could give you a military education and turn you into a redoubtable warrior. He wanted you by his side and refused to compromise.

I tried to take you then, to save you from him, but a force stopped me from touching you, pushing me away. Netis tried to grab you, but he was forced back too, by the same force. You started crying then, and we heard the human who raised you walking towards the room, so we had to leave. I tried to take you many times following that day, but every time, the force stopped me. I could not understand what it was, though I supposed that you were protecting yourself, somehow.

As the years went by, I regularly sent people to check on you, to see that you were safe and well. I had to stay in Hagalaz to rule, so I could not go myself, however much I wanted to. We knew that we would find a way to get you to Hagalaz eventually, so Netis and I both agreed that we would pretend that I was raising you away from the Court, hence why nobody could meet you. Sadly, this agreement was our last. After spending nineteen years living with Netis’ anger and snide comments; living with him constantly telling me that you would never belong to me, I decided that I could not take it anymore. He had changed too much; our bond had broken, so I moved out of the palace, taking the people who wanted to follow me, and we came here, to the place where we had trained our warriors during the war with Othalaz.

Since that day, Netis and I have been at war, though we have yet to fight any battles. We never talk anymore, and over the past year, I have only seen him a couple of times…”

Maheliah paused and looked over at me. My mouth was agape.

“There are still many things I haven’t told you yet, but I sense that you have probably been given enough information for today.”

I stared at her, my mind a mess. This could not be my story. I was just an ordinary human, living in London, not a strange princess from another world. I felt confused and upset and angry. I did not want to be a strange being. I just wanted to go home and live my life.

“Fada, are you okay?”

“No…” I sobbed, tears threatening to spill from my eyes.

“Fada, I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to understand and accept all of this, but this is your story. This is who you are. You are a princess of Hagalaz.”

I looked up at her, desperate to cry but too angry to let the tears escape.

“No, I’m not a princess. I’m not one of you. I’m an ordinary human being, nothing else. I want to go home.”

“I’m sorry, my dear, but that’s impossible. You’re one of us. You can believe whatever you want, it won’t change anything. You are meant to live in Hagalaz. I know how much of a shock this must be for you, but it’s the truth. You can’t change that.”

I glared stubbornly at Maheliah. I was desperate to believe that she was lying to me; that this was all just some strange, made-up story, or a dream that I would soon wake up from. But I could not deny the sincerity in her voice; I knew that she was telling the truth. Her story explained so many things. I had always felt like I was different, and I had always struggled to connect with people, but then Angel had come along, and I had clicked with him instantly. It all made sense now. But a part of me still did not want to believe her; it was too painful to accept. I had lived for twenty years without knowing who I was, being spied on by people from Hagalaz, who had tried to kidnap me on multiple occasions.

“My whole life has been a lie,” I sobbed, the tears now freely flowing down my cheeks. “I struggled through life, never being understood; I have spent years feeling out of place… odd… different. And why? Because a queen and a king from another world couldn’t decide who I ‘belonged’ to, so instead of finding a solution, they just left me to live in a world which was not mine…”

I burst into tears as the realisation that I was from another planet and had never truly belonged finally hit me. I realised that I had to live here now, in Hagalaz, with these people that I did not know; I had to learn a new culture; a new language; how to fight… I had to leave my brother and my father forever. No. I could not live without them. They had raised me; loved me; cared for me for twenty years. I could not just walk away from the life they had built for me. Yet, from what Maheliah had said, it seemed that I was no longer in control of my own life. I had no choice but to follow the path before me. At this moment, I understood the words Angel had said to me, when we had first arrived in Hagalaz.

‘Soon, this will be your nightmare’.