CHAPTER III - FAREWELL

 

 

 

Once I had dried my tears and collected myself, Maheliah offered to show me around the palace, and to introduce me to the rest of her people. I thanked her for her kindness but begged her to let me return to Earth first, so that I could collect some of my things and say goodbye to my family. She frowned, but after a moment of contemplative silence, she agreed to let me visit Earth one more time, understanding that leaving behind a world that had been mine for twenty years would not be easy.

Maheliah wanted to open a portal herself, but I asked her if Angel could take me back instead. She hesitated once again, but relented, understanding that my trust in this man would make me more inclined to return to Hagalaz with him afterwards. Unfortunately, neither of us knew how to contact Angel, or where he was, so we headed down to the palace entrance, hoping that he might be hiding somewhere nearby. Maheliah began to speak to the gate guards in a strange language, and they replied in kind, their gestures suggesting that they had not seen him. Then, one of the guards suddenly turned to the left and shouted.

All of us turned to see Angel approaching the palace. He looked different; I was used to seeing him in t-shirts and denim jeans, but the Angel walking towards us wore dark brown leather trousers with matching leather boots and was stripped to the waist. Seeing his naked torso did strange things to my body. I was already attracted to him, not only because of his beautiful aquamarine eyes but also because of his charisma and personality. But seeing his half-naked body made my heart beat rapidly in my chest. He was breathtakingly beautiful.

As he drew closer, I noticed that his lips were pursed in a thin line, and his jaw was tense. I could not see his eyes, for his gaze remained affixed to the ground as he walked towards us, but I could tell that he was anxious. Once he was within speaking distance, Maheliah ordered him to open a portal to take me to Earth, before turning to face me.

“I’m so glad that you are by my side now,” she said in her liquid silver voice. “I’m sure that you will be a wonderful queen. I know that I am just a stranger to you, but I really hope that you will be able to feel at home in my palace.”

She hugged me warmly before ushering me towards Angel. I was overjoyed to see him again, but he was still looking down at the ground, his muscles tense with stress.

“Angel, are you okay?” I asked softly.

“Yes, don’t worry about me, Fada. I’m fine,” he answered, even though I could see clearly that this was not true.

Once we had walked a little way from the palace entrance, Angel silently held out his hand, opening the portal. After a few seconds, the portal was as large as a gate, and hand in hand, we passed through it, returning to the place I had once called home.

 

The sun was setting over the London skyline as we walked through the city streets. Everything was the same, but the familiarity gave me no comfort. All too soon, I might never see these streets again. This morning, I had been sitting in a university lecture; now, I was about to say goodbye to the only family I had ever known, and embark on a new life in a strange, magical world. I would miss this city, and Earth too; I had never felt like I belonged but knowing that I would never see this world again made me realise that I should have appreciated it more when I was able to. Soon, it would be time to say farewell to my everyday life on Earth; a life that would no doubt rapidly become nothing more than a vague memory.

“You should call your brother now, so that he gets here sooner,” Angel advised me sorrowfully, as we approached my flat. “I’ll wait here so that you can spend some time alone with him.”

It was the first time that I ever heard sorrow in his voice, and it made me feel even sadder than I already was. I wanted to hug him tight, and tell him everything was going to be okay, but I had my own problems to worry about. Even though I wanted to make him feel better, I knew that I had to think about my own situation first. I took a deep breath, then called my brother, asking him to hurry back home but without giving him any details.

I walked up the stairs slowly. My flat seemed so dingy and commonplace now. I had lived here only a few months, yet it was strange to think that I would never see it again. I looked at my bed; my desk; my bedside lamp… all of these things that were not mine anymore. I could not take everything with me; I had to choose what was most important to me. It felt like no material thing could possibly help me to deal with this situation, but at the same time, I knew that I would regret not having anything from my past life.

As I searched through the drawer of my bedside table, I found exactly what I was looking for. Before I had left for university, my father had given me a pendant, shaped like a silver rose, and inside it, there was a photo of my father, my brother and me. I held it tightly to my chest, then fixed it around my neck, before looking back down at the open drawer. A warm wave of nostalgia hit me as I spotted my little music box: a birthday present from my brother. Even at a young age, I had expressed a passion for history, and so, for my eleventh birthday, my brother had gifted me a nineteenth century music box, which he had found in a charity shop. It played a beautiful, gentle melody, which always reminded me of him.

Looking around the rest of my bedroom, I pondered what else I should take. My clothes and shoes would stay here, as would my jewellery and electronics; I had no idea whether they even had electricity in Hagalaz, so it seemed pointless to take my mobile and laptop. Opening my desk draw, I found my sketchpad and pencils staring back at me. I wanted to take them all, but I doubted Maheliah would be happy if I turned up with a suitcase full of drawing materials, so I restrained myself, picking up only my most recent sketchbook and my two favourite pencils, reasoning that they probably had paper and pencils in Hagalaz anyway.

Finally, I turned to my bookshelf. This would be the most difficult decision of all. I adored books, and for many years, they had been my only source of companionship. But I knew that I could only take what I could carry, which meant choosing only a few. I gazed nostalgically at all the titles: The Dangerous Liaisons, Tess of the D’Urbervilles, Don Juan… all wonderful novels that I would never read again. Feeling so heartbroken about leaving my books behind felt foolish – more important things would soon be missing from my life – but the connection I felt with so many of these stories and characters made it difficult to imagine my life without them. I simply hoped that I would be able to speak and read the language of Hagalaz soon, for I knew that I would not be able to cope without having books in my life.

Choosing three of my all-time favourites, I packed them into my backpack and sat down on the bed, waiting for my brother to arrive home. As I sat there, staring at the whitewashed walls, I tried to rationalise everything in my mind. I had to admit that I was lucky: I was leaving behind my dad and brother, no one else. I would only miss those two people, and they would be the only people who would miss me. Things could have been much worse. My life on Earth had never felt right, and I had rarely felt happy. If I was to be realistic about this whole situation, it was a blessing that I had such a life; it made leaving and starting over so much easier. Still, I would miss my family desperately, and I could feel the tears beginning to well-up in my eyes at the thought of leaving them for good.

Wiping viciously at my eyes, I tried to stem the oncoming torrent; I did not want to be crying when my brother arrived home. Frantically, I tried to think of something else, and began to methodically go through everything I had learned today. Both Angel and Maheliah had mentioned Netis, and I had to admit, I was truly intrigued by him. He seemed magnetic and powerful, and part of me was eager to meet him and form my own opinion of this king. I needed to hear his version of Maheliah’s story and understand why he yearned for me to be by his side.

It was so strange, the way Maheliah had spoken about me… it was like I was a good that she and Netis were fighting over. I vowed to myself that I was going to show everyone in Hagalaz that I would never belong to anyone or listen to any of their stupid rules. I understood that I had to go and live in this new land, but that did not mean I would change who I was. I would not let anyone tell me what to do, and I was determined to make everyone understand that I was not to be manipulated. This king would be no different; he would soon learn that I would not be a pawn in whatever game he was playing.

I began to wonder what my life would be like, living in Hagalaz. I would have to learn how to live among them; learn a different culture and language, and most importantly, I would finally understand my purpose in life. I thought about Angel and what role he might play in this new life. I had grown incredibly fond of him, and I knew that I needed him in my life. Regardless of what type of relationship we ended up having, I needed him by my side, and I hoped that him living with Netis and me living with Maheliah would not make things difficult. It was insane to even think about. It felt like I was already making plans and adjusting to this new life all too quickly. I had been in Hagalaz for only a couple of hours, yet I had felt more alive there than during my entire life on Earth. Perhaps, deep inside, I was glad that something like this was happening to me. My life finally had meaning, and it was exciting to start from the beginning.

My thoughts immediately returned to my dad and my brother, and this time, I could not stop the tears. I realised I would not have time to say goodbye to my dad, and it struck me that I might never see him again. If I had known that last weekend, when we had gone to visit him, I would have hugged him tighter; told him I loved him over and over again; focused on his face and tried to remember every little detail. My heart felt like it was shattering into a million tiny pieces.

At that moment, I heard the door open. My brother stood in front of me, his eyes wide.

“Fada, are you okay? What’s going on?”

Seeing his face was so strange to me now; I knew that this might be the last time I would ever see him, and it hit me even harder than before. But I could not go back; I had to face him and say my farewell.

Breathing deeply, I mumbled in a tiny voice, “I have to go.”

“What? Where?”

“I can’t tell you. It’s just the way it is. I have to go.”

My brother did not answer. He just stared at me, frowning.

“Are you in trouble? Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, I’m not in trouble. I’m just leaving, that’s all…”

“That’s all? I don’t understand, Fada. Where are you going? For how long?”

I did not know what to say. I couldn’t very well tell him that I was leaving forever to live in some magical kingdom and would probably never see him again. My heart was broken. I hated having to leave him with such vague answers.

“I have to leave for… for some time,” I whispered.

“What for? What will you be doing?”

Learning to become the future queen of Hagalaz, but I can’t tell you that because you would never believe me, I thought bitterly. Then I remembered that he had seen Angel several times. I had to make use of that fact.

“I’m leaving with Angel, the guy I’ve been hanging out with recently. I’m going back to his country with him, but once I’m there, it might be hard for me to come back to London…”

It was the perfect excuse, and fairly close to the truth.

“Are you crazy? You can’t leave for a foreign country with a man that you’ve only known for a few months. You haven’t even finished your degree. Why the rush to leave now?”

“I won’t need a degree in his country. Angel is kind of a big deal over there. I’ll live like a real princess; you don’t need to worry about me.”

“You’ve changed, Fada. What’s happened to you? You were always so smart, so focused on your studies, and now you’re willing to throw it all away for a man you barely know…”

“But what if I’ve changed for the better? What if the life I was living before wasn’t a life at all? Now, with Angel, I finally feel like I belong somewhere. I have no choice; I have to go. Tell dad that I love him more than anything. I promise that you will both stay in my heart forever. I’ll never forget you…”

My voice broke. Tears were rolling down my cheeks now and I threw my arms around my brother’s neck, squeezing him tightly as I sobbed into his shirt. I could feel his heart racing in panic. I felt so cruel, leaving him like this. But what else could I do? Pulling away, I kissed his cheek tenderly, then grabbed my bag of memories and headed towards the door of the flat. As I opened the door, I turned back to my brother’s shocked, grief-stricken face.

“I will always love you and dad, and you will be in my heart, always. This is something I have to do; you have to trust me. I am doing this for a reason. You may not understand, but you have to believe me. I love you.”

I shut the door, leaving my brother, and my old life, behind.

As I ran down the stairs, blinded by my tears, I heard the door to my flat opening and my brother running after me, shouting my name. I had no choice but to launch myself down the stairs and race outside to where Angel was waiting for me. I could not believe that I was running away from my brother, but I knew that, if he caught me, he would never let me go, and Angel would be forced to hurt him. It was a situation that I wanted to avoid at all costs. Arriving in front of Angel, I broke down in his arms.

“Why me? I don’t want to leave my family. It’s not fair…”

Angel gripped me tightly and kissed my head softly. I could not see the expression on his face, but I could feel his heart beating fast and strong. Snuggling deeper into his chest, I shut out the outside world, consumed by my sorrow. I did not even notice that Angel had opened a portal until an icy breeze touched my face. Angel began to walk forwards, and without realising what I was doing, my body began to copy his movements, trudging slowly through the snow whilst still firmly attached to Angel.

I was so numb to my surroundings that I could not tell whether it took us days or minutes to reach Maheliah’s palace, not that I cared. My mind was too chaotic right now to care about such a trivial thing as time.

With the palace now in sight, Angel stopped, looking deep into my eyes.

“Fada, before I take you to the palace, there’s something I want to show you. There’s a place I always go to when I’m feeling at my lowest or when my mind is a mess. I know that what you’re going through right now feels like a nightmare, so if this place can offer you a moment of solace, even just a moment, then it will be worth the visit.”

I looked at him, sceptical. I could not concentrate on anything but my sorrow, how would visiting another strange, new place help me? But I reasoned that delaying my return to the palace was probably a good idea; I needed to gather my thoughts before meeting with Maheliah again. Wiping away my tears, I nodded, and we started walking again. I let Angel do most of the work; my mind was not in the right place to focus on the world around me, so I clung to Angel and trusted my body to place one foot in front of the other.

Eventually, we stopped, the sudden change in motion jolting me out of my thoughts. In front of me was a circular lake, about the size of a football field. A magnificent bridge rose above it, carved from shining white rock, and engraved with images of roses encircled by brambles. In front of the lake was a rock bench, featuring the same designs as the bridge. Combined with the glittering snow that coated the surrounding landscape, the vision before me was like nothing I had ever seen before.

“Do you like it?” Angel asked quietly, as we stood side by side, staring out at the lake.

“I can’t quite believe it’s real,” I whispered, my eyes wide in awe. I was bewitched by the place, and for an instant, I forgot my pain, my mind too focused on the mesmerising view before me.

“I know. It’s beautiful, isn’t it? I hope it helps you feel better—”

“Why does my happiness interest you so much?” I interrupted, not quite sure why I had asked the question.

Angel did not answer, turning his face aside and fixing his gaze on the snow beneath our feet. Suddenly overcome by an unfamiliar boldness, I took a step towards him, turning my body so that our chests were facing. A strange sensation had come over me. I wanted him to hold me. I needed to feel his body on mine. It was such an unusual feeling for me; I had never felt the need to be in the arms of a man. But when I was with Angel, the thought always burned its way into my mind, breaking through my defences like a battering ram of desire.

The entire day had been insane, and saying that I was not feeling like myself was an understatement. I was another person. This behaviour… this need to be in Angel’s arms… it was all so sudden and unusual. Perhaps this was growing up? Regardless, I was certain that I wanted to listen to my heart. Somehow, I knew that I was doing the right thing.

I drew closer to him and tentatively placed my left hand on his shoulder. He looked up instantly, his eyes like blue fire, both breath-taking and bewitching. I did not know where I was anymore; I barely knew who I was anymore. All I knew was that I was standing before this magnificent being, and I wanted him.

Absentmindedly dropping my bag to the ground, I placed my other hand on his other shoulder, trembling, before moving my fingers towards his neck, without stopping to look into his eyes. Slowly, I moved my face towards his, and unbeknownst to me, Angel was doing the same. Moments later, our lips touched. It was like someone had scorched my mouth with a delicious flame, and I ached for more, caressing his lips with mine until he grabbed my waist and drew me into him, his mouth pressing firmly down onto mine. Snowflakes began to fall all around us, but they did nothing to calm the fire raging through my body.

Eventually, Angel removed his lips, meeting my eyes with another burning stare. My whole body was on fire, and my heart felt like it was trying to leap out of my chest. I gazed back into Angel’s eyes, knowing that my desire must be painted on my face.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” Angel murmured softly. “You’re a princess, Fada. You deserve better…”

In response, I moved my face closer to his and whispered in his ear, “No, I’m not a princess. I’m just Fada. Nobody tells me what to do.”

Brushing my lips against his cheek, I found my way to his mouth again, kissing him softly. We stayed like that for some time, entwined in each other’s arms, savouring our moment of bliss in the knowledge that, all too soon, we would both have to return to our realities. It was a terrifying prospect, beginning a new life as a princess in a strange kingdom, but knowing that Angel would be close by soothed my anxiety. He would keep me safe, no matter what happened.