CHAPTER VI - HIM

 

 

 

The day was barely dawning when I left the palace the next morning, with the last of the snow from the night before still falling softly from the sky. I did not care; I was too anxious to check on Angel. I had spent all night in my bed, but I had barely slept, my mind preoccupied with Angel and whether the cave and duvets would be enough to keep him safe from the glacial storm. I had felt the chill of the night air under my one duvet, so I could only imagine how cold Angel must have been. I knew that I was frailer than he was, being used to London temperatures and not the freezing Hagal nights, but still… there was only so much a person could take.

As soon as I walked inside the cave, I knew that I had been right to be concerned. Angel was huddled in the left corner of the cave, almost hidden beneath my duvets, but his face was just about visible. His lips were a terrifying shade of blue; his skin was white as snow, and his hair glistened with water and ice. He was shivering uncontrollably, the sound of his teeth chattering sending waves of panic through my body.

I ran towards him, realising as I drew closer that the duvets had frozen solid, trapping him in an icy cocoon. I frantically touched his face. It was cold as ice, but my touch seemed to wake him from his unconsciousness. He raised his eyes without moving his head and his lips tried desperately to form words between shivers.

“F… Fada… I’m f… fine… don’t wor… worry…”

I did not answer, running my fingers over his face as my eyes brimmed with tears. It was unbearable to see him in such a state.

Slowly, my initial panic subsided, and was replaced by determination. He was still alive, just. I had to make sure he stayed that way. Pulling myself back to my feet, I ran towards the palace and sprinted straight into the kitchen. Trying to make the cooks understand what I wanted was a challenge, but after many repeated signs and hand gestures, they finally understood, and lit up a fire ready to warm some soup. I knew that soup alone would not be enough to warm him, but I needed to feel like I was doing something to help. I could not comprehend how this had happened to him; with the cave and the bedding I had given him, he should have been protected. I began to fear that I had yet to understand just how dreadful Hagalaz could be.

When the soup was finally warm, I grabbed a spoon and several towels and ran back outside towards the cave. The guardians of the palace stared at me with a black look; they clearly disapproved of me giving our soup to ‘a traitor’, but I did not care. I could not let Angel die.

“Eat this, Angel. It’s soup. It will warm you up…”

“This is… useless, F… Fada… tomorrow… it will… be the s… same…”

“No, it won’t be the same. I’m going to speak to Netis at once. He’ll take you back, I’ll make sure of it. I can’t let you die.”

“No, F… Fada… don’t. He could… harm you…”

Ignoring him, I left the soup beside him on the floor and ran back towards the guardians. Once I was close enough for them to hear me, I shouted ‘Netis’, hoping they would understand that I wanted to know where his palace was. They looked at each other, confused, then looked down. I shouted ‘Netis’ again, pointing in every direction to make them understand what I wanted. They stared at each other and exchanged a few words; it was frustrating not being able to understand what they were saying. After a minute or so, they finally looked back at me and pointed straight in front of them.

I nodded, grateful for their help, and began to run as fast as I could. I had been in such a hurry that morning that I had got dressed on my own, so my gown was not tied up properly and I had to keep pulling it up every so often. I should have felt cold, but I did not, my mind too preoccupied with running as fast as I could towards Netis’ palace. Angel’s frozen face haunted me and I knew that I had to find a solution, otherwise he would die. I could not beg Maheliah to host him in the cave every night, then spend every day trying to revive him. A temporary shelter was not enough in Hagalaz. Angel needed a home again.

Ten minutes later, I arrived in front of Netis’ palace, panting great clouds of frozen air. Slowing down to a walk, I tried to regain my breath, taking in my surroundings. I had left in such a hurry the day before that I had not realised how massive Netis’ palace was; I had never seen such a building. The palace was entirely white, and unlike Maheliah’s mountain palace, it was vast in width, not height, though I reasoned that high towers were probably impractical given the nightly snowstorms. The main structure was a long, narrow, rectangular building, surrounded by a wall which seemed to extend for miles, and at each corner of the rectangle was a short, stumpy tower. That was all I could see from where I stood, but I guessed that there were more buildings around the other side; there was no grand entrance as far as I could see, so I assumed that I must be at the back of the palace. The whole aesthetic was rather plain – a contrast to what I had expected Netis’ domain to look like – and the building looked undeniably practical, like a shelter rather than the home of a king or queen.

After walking for some time, I finally arrived in front of the only door I could see on this side of the palace; the same door that I had assumedly escaped through the previous day. I took a deep breath and pushed, hoping that the door would be unlocked. To my surprise, it was, which seemed rather careless considering that they were at war, but I was not going to complain. Behind the door, a long corridor stretched out in front of me, and to my right were a set of narrow, white stairs. I remembered running down them with Angel, so I reasoned that, if I was lucky, they would lead me to Netis; I just had to hope that I would not run into anyone on the way.

As I reached the top of the stairs, I looked around me. To my right was nothing but a wall, and to my left was yet another long, narrow corridor. A heavy-looking white door stood in front of me. Not wanting to risk the corridor, and hoping that this was the room I had fled from the previous day, I took a deep breath and knocked. I felt like such a fool, throwing myself into the lion’s mouth, but I had no choice. Angel would die if he had to stay another night inside the cave, I was sure of it. I had to convince Netis to take him back; I would endure a thousand painful things if it meant saving Angel.

A shout came from inside the room: Netis, speaking in the Hagal tongue. My heart was thumping fast in my chest, and I hesitated, the anger in his voice dissuading me for a moment. Then Angel’s icy face flashed through my mind, and my resolve hardened again. I had to do this.

Opening the door slowly, I found Netis sitting in front of his desk, holding some papers. When he saw me, his eyes widened in surprise.

“Sorry to bother you, but it’s important…” I murmured, before my courage left me again.

Netis stood and began to walk towards me.

“Why did you leave in such a hurry yesterday, if you intended to return so early in the morning?” he questioned.

“I’m not an object that you can steal, Netis. I will come to you if I want to. You can’t force me to stay here,” I answered in a grave voice, still trembling.

He came closer to me and looked at my arm, where my wound was.

“Hasn’t Angel given you the bracelet?”

“He has, but the wound is not yet healed, so I can’t put anything on it. I should thank you for the bracelet, but I’d rather say thank you for the burn. Surely you must know how thrilled I am to have such a beautiful scar on my arm that I will have to cover up for the rest of my life?” I answered in a sarcastic tone.

His eyes darkened; I had expected to see anger in his gaze, but the tortured look that flickered across his onyx eyes surprised me.

“Why are you here, Fada? Do you finally accept to be by my side?”

“You’re joking, right? You banished Angel.”

“Oh, that’s why you’re here. Did you find his body on the ground?”

I tried to stay calm. Shouting at him would only make him angry. I needed to remember why I was here. He would never take Angel back if I responded to him with bitterness and spite.

“No, Angel isn’t dead. Maheliah hosted him in a cave by the palace.”

“No matter. One more night and he’ll be gone forever.”

I tried to concentrate and not let my anger control me; I did not understand why Netis was being so unpleasant. Angel may have betrayed him, but he had been loyal to him for years, and was one of the kindest people I had ever known. I could not understand why anyone would want to harm him.

“That’s why I’m here. I was hoping that you would consider taking him back.”

Netis did not answer, scrutinising my eyes with his emotionless gaze.

“Who do you think I am?” His voice was calm but firm. “Did you really think that you could just walk in here and convince me to alter my decision? I raised that boy; I trained him; I made him the man he is today, and this is how he thanks me? Betrayal is not something I can tolerate.”

“But it wasn’t his fault. I made him take me to Maheliah’s palace; he brought me here from Earth, just like you asked him to. And can you blame him for wanting to help me when you hurt me? You were the one who told him to get close to me; it is only natural that he would want to help me.”

“He’s weak; he should have brought you straight here. Do you really expect me to feel pity for someone so pathetic as Angel?”

“You’re a monster!” I snapped, his words finally cracking my mask of calm. “You’re heartless and cruel; Angel was right to take me to Maheliah’s when I first came here. How dare you speak about Angel like that.”

Netis frowned and gritted his teeth.

“Is that so?” he growled, throwing his fist against the wall behind me.

I instinctively moved my body closer to the wall, flattening my back against it. My heart was thumping in my chest, and I felt tears coming to my eyes. I should have been afraid of what he might do to me; of being injured again, but I was more afraid of seeing him act this way. I knew that I had hurt his feelings, even though he pretended to have none, and much that I hated to admit this to myself, I felt sorry for him. Why was I thinking about his wellbeing when he could not care less about mine?

Confused by my feelings, I curled in on myself, ready for whatever damage Netis intended to inflict on me. But when I looked up at him, his reaction was unexpected. His face relaxed, little by little, and he slowly moved his hand down from the wall above my head. I could see pain in his eyes, but I did not understand why. He moved his body closer to mine, and I closed my eyes, turning my head to the side, thinking that he was about to hurt me. But he did not. Gently, ever so gently, he slid his fingers around my waist, taking my chin delicately in his other hand. Turning to face him, I opened my eyes, and stared directly into his. Pain. All I could see was pain and regret, as his two onyxes gazed into my soul.

“I’m sorry, Fada. I mean you no harm. Please, forgive me…” he murmured softly, without breaking our connection.

I did not know how to answer; I was too confused. Why was he suddenly acting like this?

His face slowly came closer to mine, and I could feel his hand on my waist, but I could not stop looking into his eyes. I did not understand what was happening to me. I hated this man, yet I could not leave his embrace; somehow, his arms felt safe, felt right. I should have been terrified, being so close to him, but his touch was soothing.

I felt his other hand move from my chin to my waist, and his gaze shifted down to my chest. I looked down too and realised that the top of my dress was gaping open, exposing a good portion of my breasts. I had forgotten that my dress was not tied up properly, but the panic I should have felt never came; I felt too content in Netis’ embrace.

After a few seconds, finally managed to convince myself to pull away, clearing my throat and pulling up my dress as I did so.

“Please, take Angel back. I don’t want him to die. I’m begging you, Netis. Don’t be heartless…” I murmured, trying hard to avoid his gaze in case I lost myself in his eyes again.

“I’m sorry, Fada. I won’t change my mind unless you accept to be by my side.”

“I can’t… I can’t betray Maheliah, and I don’t want to be used by anyone. I want to stay with her, and I know that you won’t keep me in your palace by force.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Maheliah would notice my absence if you kept me here, and she would come looking for me.”

“You think I’m scared of her?”

“No, but I know you don’t want to hurt me… not anymore.”

“How can you be sure?”

“It’s just the way I feel. Am I wrong?”

He looked down at me silently, a complex expression on his face. Then, finally, he closed his eyes, moving away from me.

“If you only came here to discuss Angel’s fate, then you can leave. This conversation is over.”

He turned around and walked towards his window, his silhouette outlined by the faint morning light coming through the glass.

I looked at him, confused, before turning back to the door and leaving him. I had failed. I had spoken to Netis in vain, and I had no idea what else I could do to convince him. I knew that I could have agreed to live with him, but it felt wrong to give up so easily, and I knew that it was not the right path. Besides, it would mean betraying Maheliah, and although I had only known her for a couple of days, I could not do that to her. She had shown me more kindness in those few days that most of my ‘friends’ on Earth put together. There was something more though, something I could not put my finger on. I could not explain it, but every inch of my body was telling me that I should not agree to live with Netis. It was the strangest sensation; it was as if a force was pushing me away from this decision.

Sighing, I tried to think of how else I could convince Netis to take Angel back. He did not seem like the kind of man who would care about how much I loved Angel, or how much he loved me, so bringing that into it would not help matters. I needed to remember that he was a warlord and a king. He had spent his whole life debating and making important decisions based on logic; my arguments on love would not make any difference to a man like him.

I arrived in front of Maheliah’s palace, lost in my thoughts. I wanted to see Angel and check on him, but I was distracted by Nalhya, who was standing outside next to the guardians. She walked fast to get close to me, her expression anxious.

“Fada, Maheliah orders you to come to the throne room at once. She seems quite furious.”

I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the royal telling-off I was about to receive, before following Nalhya inside. The faster I explained things to Maheliah, the sooner I could go and check on Angel.

Lilhya was standing beside the throne, while Maheliah paced up and down, her expression anxious and frustrated. As soon as she noticed me, she stopped, frowning.

“I can’t believe you went back to see Netis, especially on your own. How irresponsible of you.”

“I’m sorry Maheliah, but I had to speak to him. He needs to take Angel back. I don’t want him to die…”

“Did you speak to Netis, then? Did it work?”

I bowed my head in shame. She was right, speaking to Netis had been no use.

“That’s what I thought,” she concluded, her voice harsh.

She gestured for me to follow her upstairs, and as we walked into my room, we were met by the two healers from the previous day, who were standing waiting for me. They swiftly got to work, sitting me down and removing my bandage, wiping away all the ointment and plant material. I stared in amazement. All that was left of my wound was a fully healed, hand-shaped scar. How had it healed so quickly?

“I’ll get an arm bracelet made to cover that scar,” Maheliah insisted.

“Oh, it’s okay, I have one already. Angel gave it to me… from Netis.”

I opened one of the drawers and took out the bracelet, showing it to Maheliah.

“I’ve seen this bracelet before… I think Akaoh gave it to him, many years ago. I can’t believe he kept it all these years…”

This bracelet had been a present from Akaoh? I remembered what Maheliah had told me about him. He had been the High King of Hagalaz and had raised her and Netis. But why had he given Netis a bracelet? It seemed like such a bizarre gift.

Placing the bracelet over my scar, I looked at myself in the mirror. Though it was only there to hide a scar I could not help but admire how gorgeous it was. Such a bracelet must have cost a fortune to make… and as a gift from his mentor, surely it was precious to Netis? Why had he decided to give it to me? I could not imagine someone as insensitive as Netis being motivated by guilt alone, but then why else would he have given it to me?

Nalhya and Lilhya, who had followed us into my room, looked me up and down and laughed brightly.

“It seems you do need our help to get dressed in the morning…”

Maheliah smiled softly, her spirits lifted by the twins’ jibe, and promptly left the room, giving the twins a chance to fix my dress and hair.

While they were getting me ready, I tried to think of how else I might be able to persuade Netis to take Angel back. It was useless trying to speak to him; he would never back down, no matter how many times I begged. But he must have a weakness of some kind… nobody was flawless; not even the stoic king of Hagalaz could be that powerful. I tried to remember his behaviour during the time I had spent with him. He had been conceited, angry, but… there was something else. When he had held my waist in his hands and brought his face close to mine, he had looked at me, at my body, like he wanted me. Was that his aim? I had assumed from what Maheliah had told me that he had wanted me by his side to use as a weapon, but maybe he wanted more than that?

I did not know much about men, especially men on this planet, but I knew that they always seemed to be driven by sex, regardless of the situation. I had experienced my fair share of men staring at me like I was a piece of meat, and it was one of the reasons why I had never let a man touch me. I was afraid of them; the desire I saw in those men’s eyes was frightening, because I knew that they did not care about my own pleasure, or my wellbeing, or my feelings. They had a way of creasing their eyes slightly while looking up and down at me; it always felt like they were undressing me with their gaze, and in that gaze I could see all the things they were thinking of doing to me, and none of them were ever gentle or caring.

The way Netis had looked at me was different. There had been desire in his eyes, yes, but there had also been something else. He had looked at me, not just my body; he had stared deep into my eyes, scrutinising my soul. His gaze had been passionate, intoxicating, and I had not wanted him to stop. The way he had run his hand down from my chin to my waist; the way he had gently placed his hands on me; the way he had looked at my breasts… he may have wanted me by his side to fight, but he also desired me, that much was clear.

I began to tremble. Netis was drawn to me; he wanted to kiss me; to touch me. No matter how cruel Maheliah and Angel seemed to believe that he was, he was not one of those monsters who would touch a woman against her will. He could easily have taken advantage of me without my consent, but he had chosen not to. I knew it was stupid of me to put my trust in a man who had scarred me for life and cast out the man I loved, but I could not deny the sense of safety and security I had felt in Netis’ embrace. I knew that, deep down, Netis was a good man, and I trusted him not to hurt me.

Lilhya’s brush caught on a knot in my hair, and I was dragged back to the present. It was so strange: here I was, getting my hair done in Maheliah’s palace, whilst thinking over and over again about Netis’ behaviour towards me and how his desire might be the weakness I was looking for. I shivered. I had made a decision, an insane decision, but irrevocable. To save Angel, I would give myself to Netis.